Tuesday, July 23, 2013

25 Ways To Know You're From Boston When You....

# 1.) ....name your son 'Fenway'. 2.) ....you move to another city, but continue to support the Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins, and Patriots, even if Tom Brady married a Victoria Secrets' model. 3.) ...recognize that fried clams are only fried clams, if they have bellies and I mean big bellies like they serve at Tony's on Wollaston Beach, Woodman's in Essex, and Jake's in Wolverham. Unless you're were getting fried clams strips from Hojos on Rte. 3 before the 128 split-off. 4.) ...are asked what is your favorite New England beer and you answer without a pause, "Naragansetts." With Honor. The rest are wannabes. 5.) ...cry hearing Teddy Kennedy quote RFK during the eulogy. "There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?" 6.) ...leap out of your chair and dance with Carlton Fisk watching a rerun of 1975 Game Six against the Cincinnati Reds. 7.) ...wish the State of Massachusetts had given 40,000 Bostonians each $500,000 to stay at home rather than build the Big Dig. 8.) ...vote for ROADRUNNER by the Modern Lovers as the State Song. Anyone suggesting DREAM ON should move back to New Hampshire. 9.) ...wished you went to Beaver Country Day School, since they had more snow days than any other school in Boston. 10.) ...recognize that Boston is a racist city. The city's reporters treated Bill Russell and Jim Rice. I taught at South Boston High School during the riots. It was a time of shame, because the judges from the suburbs set poor against poor without ever suggesting that they bus the poor to the rich school. 11.) ...never put a foot on Harvard Yard or parked your car there. 12.) ...would rather have a burger at Brighams than Mickey Ds. 13.) ... have heard the 1812 OVERTURE at the Hatch Shell. 14.) have drank 50% of the beers at Jacob Wirth's, although not necessarily at one sitting. 15.) ...realize that James Brown saved Boston from burning on the night of Martin Luther King's assassination. 16.) ...consider Boston City Hall the most aesthetically beautiful building in the city. Bullfinch's State House is elegant, but nothing usual. 17.) ...actually are scared walking across Copps Hill Cemetery. Read HP Lovercraft's PICKMAN'S MODEL. 18.) ...appreciate the lost wickedness of the Combat Zone. See the photos of Roswell Angier, Jerry Berndt and John Goodman. 19.) ...understand your accent is something special. One night in Bangkok circa 1990 I overheard someone with a Southie accent. We shook hands and drank to Bobby Orr. "We must be the only two guy from Boston in Thailand." "Nope, those two guys over there are from Dorchester." We joined forces and spoke in the only tongue known to our kind. Wicked Bostonian. 20.) ...headed to the Quincy Quarries for a swim. Sorry, they are a thing of the past, but they were the best. 21.) ...know that family is everything, because after the Red Sox family is everything. 22.) ...appreciate the true beauty of the Mattapan - Ashmont trolley line. It's free and the view of the Neponset River marshes are sublime no matter what the season. 23.) ...are proud that Marky Mark is one of us. Even if he shouldn't have been wed by an ex-Jets player in the movie TED. THE JETS SUCK AND RANGER FANS TOO. 24.) ...accept the reality of the Giselle Bundchen Curse on the Patriots. 25.) ...realize that you love Boston, even if you're someplace else.

No comments: