Tuesday, March 31, 2026

April Foolishness

Back in the last decade a friend called to tell me that a business associate had been trampled by a herd of deer on his Easthampton property. I didn't question the story and immediately phoned Billy O.

"Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay." Billy O was a realtor of moderate wealth. He was in love with his beautiful wife and two daughters. His voice was free of pain.

"No reason." I realized that my friend had played a practical joke for April Fool's Day. "Have a nice afternoon."

I hung up the phone and sat on my bed slightly angered by my friend's prank, but it was April Fool's Day and my landlord got a good chuckle upon bushwhacking about my gullibility. He was also friends with Billy O.

"It's an April Fool's tradition."

"And my brother's birthday." I had contacted Frank early to wish happy birthday. "The tradition comes from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales with merry-makers celebrating March 32th by sticking a paper fish on the backs of friends and family."

"That's silly," AP's son commented from the next room. James had good hearing.

"Yes, it is, but back in the Middle Ages the New Year was celebrated on March 25th to match the Spring Equinox, then the Pope changed it to January 1st by the Edict of Rousillon."

"You know a lot of stuff." James attended an expensive neighborhood school. His parents expected him to excel in his classes. He fulfilled their wishes every report card.

"I'm a vast abyss of useless knowledge. I read a lot." Not as much now as earlier in the year. The world was doomed to end on May 21, 2012 according to the Christians and they don't joke about the Apocalypse. "James, there's a dog on your head."

"No, there isn't." His hands went to his head.

"April Fool." Six year-old boys are easier targets, but so are fifty-nine year old men.

And that's no joke.

April Fool's Day 2022

My older brother was born on April 1. His profession is the Law.

Five years ago he told my sister, also an attorney, that he would have no problem defending Satan or any other client as long as they paid his fees. My nephew was in an Ivy League. His tuition cost more than I earned last year. My brother needed clients and a lot of them, including the Brockton Police, who were more wicked than Satan.

This morning I phoned his office to wish him 'happy birthday, but couldn't resist playing a prank.

"Can I speak with one of the partners? My name is James Steele and I represent Phillip Morris."

No one is more evil than the tobacco companies, except the CIA torturer Jame Steele and the Catholic Church.

The secretary transferred the call and my brother came on the line.

"Your brother lost a court case against our firm. He didn't even bother to show up for the trial."

"Trial for what?"

"Copyright infringement." My brother had no idea about my business in Thailand. "The judgment was $550,000."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"Well, it's your birthday and I thought I'd give you a scare."

"Being my age is scary enough." My brother recognized my voice and cursed me out. "Happy fucking April Fools Day."

Actually some of that story was true as are the best lies.

A little true and a little not and you have an April Fools prank, of course no one in America can explain why 4/1 was a day for stupid pranks. Some people theorized that after the adoption of the Gregorian Calendar May 1 was the day designated for planting your crops. Anyone doing so before that date was an 'April Fool'.

April 1 had also been the first day of the year in France.

Back in the past people had to depend on kings and priests for the right dates.

And there was no trusting those higher-class types in the Dark Ages.

Not now either, which is why each year I mark the calendar for my brother's birthday.

He's a year older too.

Thirteen months to be exact, but who's counting.

Certainly not this Irish twin.

April 1, 1980 Journal Entry East Village

April 1

My brother Frank's Birthday

April Fool's Day 1979

Yesterday Michael Selbach and I felt the urge for a short trip up the Hudson on his Kawasaki 650cc motorcycle. The day was sunny and I dressed in white denims; jacket and jeans, then rode the subway up to Times Square. The David's Pot Belly's cook waited on the corner of 42nd and Eighth. He handed me a Bell helmet and I climbed on the back.

"I never thought you'd be my bike bitch."

"Hey, this is only platonic."

He headed over to the semi-destructed West Side Highway and we cruised north along the Hudson.

"Shall we go to the Cloisters?" he shouted with his head slightly turned away from the wind.

"I went there two weeks ago. Have you ever been to West Point?" The famed military academy was about fifty miles away.

"No, I haven't."

"It's worth the ride, plus there's the Storm King Highway overlooking the Hudson. A must see." I had been there once with my family. Like me my father loved the road.

"Sounds good to me."

We crossed the Fiord on the GW Bridge to New Jersey and sped along the Palisades Parkway.

Far back in the Ice Age this falaise had guarded an extinct continent against the rising ocean, as the melt-off from the mile-high glacier carved through the tectonic plate to form the Hudson hundreds of feet below us. A fierce wind along the parkway buffered us from lane to lane. Thankfully traffic was light after the 9W exit and we soon sheltered by the bare branched trees.

The towns along the western bank were situated out of sight from the roadway. THe surrounding towns had outlived their original purpose to become suburbs for men and women commuting into Manhattan for work. We passed by the exit signs dentoing their existence without seeing their centers. After Nyack the land ruralized with farms spreading over the hills, until we reached a massive quarry shipping gravel to reconstruct New York City recovering slowly from the dereliction of the 1970s.

Michael topspeeded on the highway. 86 mph. Helmets restricted any conversation and I spoke within my mind to my minds.

After Haversack we entered the suburban sprawl of malls and little league fields. The station wagons were filled with young boys in baseball uniforms driven by well-coiffed mothers. The young boys studied our passage with a a sense of yearning. Some of them had to want to be us.

Michael and I had grown up in similar surroundings on the West and East Coasts. A life as a bum was preferable to their parents' enslavement to the 9 to 5. I had left behind the suburbs in 1974 and I harbored no urge of returning to the sprawl of my birth.

Lately Michael had been talking about moving to Hoboken, as if he was abandoning the city. I was bound to the East Village. I wasn't leaving until it was time to leave and today that felt like never.

Haverstack gave way to West Haversack without a struggle. George Washington might have retreated through these lands after the military debacle in New York over two centuries ago. The towns were replaced by farmland and then tenth-growth woodlands. Michael hit 80W for a few miles before we exited for West Point.

US 6 spanned the Hudson River on the Bear Mountain Bridge. In 1948 Jack Kerouac started his trip across America here. That trip inspired ON THE ROAD. I wanted Michael to stop, so I could stand where the Beat writer had stood thirty-two years ago. The bridge dated back to the 1930s. America really began here. I had last hitchhiked across the continent in the winter of 1975. I stood wishing I was on my way to the Coast, instead I sat back on the bike.

We descended into marshes. Railroad tracks were strapped to the western bank. A sign WEST POINT 10 MILES stood at attention by the roadside. My father had driven here on our Ford Station Wagon in 1966. I had been almost fourteen. My mother had wanted me to be a priest or a cadet.

Michael and I entered the academy by Thayer Gate. The graduates of the the 1960s and 1970s had served in Vietnam. The power of the world's strongest army. Defeated by rice farmers. Now five years after the Fall of Saigon the cadets of the 1980s in their dress uniforms showed no defeat. Their stiff posture marked their dreams of America's future glory. Vietnam wasn't their defeat, but it was our victory. Michael and I were both anti-war leather punks.

A sign announced NO PARADE TODAY.

"It's a good show." Back in my youth I had wanted to be a cadet. Anything to get out of my hometown on the South Shore of Boston. I would have looked good in the uniform.

We stopped at the military graveyard. Home eternal for thousands of officers. We stood at George Custer's grave.

"He's no hero."

"And neither are we."

We saddled up and the Kawasaki climbed the steep two-laner to the top of the Storm King Highway, 420 feet over the Hudson. We stopped at the precipitous vista point. The Hudson ran north between the Berkshires and Catskills. Both mountain ranges had been shorn of their height by the glaciers.

"You know I might have fallen in love with Vickie." Michael had been seeing the redheaded fashion student for a few months. I was still recovering from Lisa's desertion. My blonde girlfriend had disappeared into Europe to be a fashion model. I had seen her in a German lingerie ad. Michael had been a good friend. His wife had left him last summer.

That's a good thing for you."

"But not you?"

"It's was bound to happen. I'm happy you're in love. I know how to drink alone."

"Really?"

No, but better you than neither of us."

"What about you and Elizabeth?"

I had been seeing the lanky Virginian for a few months too. We had even met each other's parents.

"We're going nowhere."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm too haunted. I don't felt anything for anyone. Not even myself. It's better that I break up with her before I really hurt her."

"Or yourself." Michael straddled the Kawasaki. "Too bad, she's a great girl. By the way you should look at your jacket."

"Why?"

"Look."

I took off the Levi jacket. The back tire had thrown up a oily rooster tail to splatter the back of the white jacket.

"Damn. That ain't gonna come off."

"Your jeans match."

"Double damnit."

I got on the bike behind Michael. If I had a motorcycle, I wished we were bound for the West Coast and a sore ass, but we crossed the Hudson at Newburgh and drove south to New York and our lives.

The Hoax of Hypocrisy - 2011

Many years ago the BBC announced that the Vatican Library was publishing its collection of banned manuscripts and books online.

Fans of antique erotica, rejoice. The world's largest collection of pornography is about to be published on the web. Just make sure you have a credit card handy.

The Vatican Secret Archives announced yesterday plans to digitalize a previously unacknowledged collection of prohibited materials.

Kept hidden by an act of pontifical secrecy, the items, once decreed obscene, are being unveiled as part of a new papal directive on transparency. The collection includes tens of thousands of drawings, frescoes, engravings, artifacts, and ephemera dating from the Renaissance back to classical antiquity.

Included in the materials available for a free but censored preview are an illuminated manuscript depicting the Song of Solomon and several illustrations of Mary Magdalene.

Profits to Defray Bankrupt Dioceses.

Costs and pricing for full access to the online collection have not been finalized. Income generated from paying subscribers will be set aside in a special account administered by the Catholic Church.

The account will be used to reimburse losses by churches that have declared bankruptcy to eliminate their obligation to pay court judgments in sexual abuse cases.

Government, Industry Experts to Oversee Project

Funding for the collection's digitalization has been procured via an executive order from Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi, who has expressed a strong interest in "protecting our priceless cultural heritage." Berlusconi has appointed a confidential liaison to oversee the process.

Age verification, credit card processing, and account maintenance will be run by adult entertainment magnate Larry Flynnt."

The Vatican and BBC-News quickly disclaimed the announcement as a hoax, for despite constant rumors of the Secret Library within St Peter's Basilica the Papal Office has denied the existence of such a treasure trove of trash.

Of course it was an April Fool's Hoax, which comes from the pagan holiday of Hiking on Mount Rainer minutes before a snow storm 1999.

March 25 instead of April 1.

Next year I'll be ready for Hilaria as will the rest of the pagan nation.

Sunday, March 29, 2026

Palm Sunday History 2024

Palm Sunday traditionally celebrates the Passover donkey ride of Jesus Christ into Jerusalem. The Holy Day is so named, because the Messiah was greeted by followers with palms, signaling a triumph of the soul. There is no account from the Roman or Pharisee scribes of this event, although the literacy rate of Roman Palestine hs been estimated at 3%. Few people at that time never how to read or write. Stories were passed from people by word of mouth. The Gospel according to Mark written in Koine Greek originated in Roman Syria in 60 CE, although believers claimed that the New Testament came from a hypot The celebration of Palm Sunday first occured in the 4th Century CE at the Church of Jerusalem. The donkey symbolized peace as opposed to war by a horse and covering the path of someone was considered to the hgihest honor in the Eastern world.

It was a good day for the Messiah, who mythiclly wept upon seeing Jerusalem, knowing his ultimate fat.

This Palm Sunday was a very rainy day.

I went nowhere near a church.

I sat with the venerable Professor Bertell Ollman.

We ate lunch. Dessert was ice cream. Afterwards we watched a nature show about the Evolution of earth. There was no mention on God in the time of the dinosaurs. The Great Reptiles perished in the Great Extinction. Jesus understood that fate awaits us all sitting on a donkey overlooking Jerusalmen. Persons unknown passed that incident through a thousand mouths until reaching St. Mark, who wrote the earliest Gospel.

The Word of God.

Hearsay.

Standing as the truth through the millenia.

Friday, March 27, 2026

Times Square Swagger

good look for the strip. Wicked danger available at a price. That is not an actor. He has answers to the needs johns can answer by themselves.

Thursday, March 26, 2026

Impasse a la Hormuz

Weeks into the spread of the Eternal War to Iran and Lebanon by the Twins of Terror, the USA and Zion the price of fuel around the world has risen without any cessation, as billionaires, greed, and the financial market have forsaken all reason in order to steal trillions from the billions of underclass citizens of the world. Most recently Trump held phone conversations with a Truth Social AI Iran to claim a truce might be possible with the terrorist nation.

Those in charge of the Islamic Republic have claimed that no such talks had been initiated, as Israel targets anyone suspect of having any say in the matter. Someone rejected 47's 15-pont peace plan and their drones continue to strike Zion-USA-OPEC targets across the Levant. But not Saudi Arabia, America and Zion's other partner in the Menage-A-Trois of Lebensraum 2026. F35s are useless in this war, except to bomb civilians. Trump has called for Iran to open the Straits of Hormuz. First in five days and now in ten days__

Why?

Because our overseas arsenals are empty. The attacks from the US Navy has emptied the missile and jet fuel stocks across America's strategic bases in Europe, the Middle East, and the the Indian Ocean, if not also the Pacific and America. These current pauses in the senseless bombing of Iran are even more senseless in the sense that there is no intelligence to these attacks, since upon reoccupying the Oval Office Trump has eliminated the top ranks of the Pentagon just like Stalin had purged the officer corp of the USSR in the years before the Nazi's Operation Barbarosa. 47 replaced Joint Chiefs with gungho warriors and patriotic sychopants dedicated to the Chiristian crusade against Islam.

Peter Hesgeth.

I worked at the door in nightclubs around the world. We never let in his kind. Nazi racists who spat, "I can buy you."

"You can't even rent me."

And he on his knees to Jesus praying from the Second Coming of Christ.

Madmen in charge of an antiquated global military power.

Solutions - don't pay your taxes, stop using credit cards, stop paying your debt, be kind to people, stop walking in the streets with all your senses chained to the Meta-verse, stop buying the manna of the people, potato chips, and addictive sodas and favored waters. Recognize your chains. They don't belong to you and you don't belong to them.

Meanwhile at the very north of Oman on the Impasse de Hormuz the small fishing village of Kumzar lays safe so far from the conflict protected by steep cliffs and a narrow harbor. Probably not for long as the cocaine Trump has given control of the US military apparatus to a coke fiend ie Peter Hesgeth. How do I know he and Trump are coke fiends? Because I know, because I know.

Salaam Kumzar it has its own language.

To know more about the frontline to be please go to https://www.razanalzayani.co/home/kumzar

Wednesday, March 25, 2026

Emily D and Snow a poem

The storm's snow sweepd through the bare branches
Of the trees shivering outside my window
Wind-blown white flurries
A threat to blight out the shades of gray, brown, black
Not colors
Somber shades of winter in New England__
Swarms of snowflakes
Swirling
Before my window
My hand on the cold glass
My palm cold
The touch of winter___
In a room
Warmed by a wood fire
I press my lips to the glass
Not your kiss
The cold kiss of winter
With the warmth of summer
Months away__

The Rebbi of Bangkok 1999

In 1999 I sold a 5-carat diamond on 47th Street and moved the Thailand with enough money to start a small business. I had visited Bangkok often on yearly around-the-world trips during the slow season in the Diamond District. A religious diamond dealer gave me the telephone number of his uncle, the city's Hassidic Rebbi.

Upon arrival in Bangkok I called the Rebbi. He invited me to his schul. We met at the a little kosher diner near the Beth Elisheva synagogue, which was strangely located in Klong Toey slum on the Chao Phraya River. A kindly old man. After an introuction he asked, "So what are you here for?"

"I was thinking about going into the colored stone business. Sapphires. Rubies. I have connections in New York and Europe. Can you recommend any dealers."

"No, they are all thieves."

I thanked him for this advice and entered into the schmatztah trade selling F1 counterfeit copies on the internet. Criminal. But the Thais were all honest.

ps in 2009 I sold a 5-carat unheated Burma Ruby to a woman from Detroit. One of the msot beautiful stones I have ever seen in my many years as a gem dealer.

As for the counterfeit F1 business. That is another story entirely.

I GRANT YOU REFUGE Hiba Abu Nada (trans. Huda Fakhreddine)

I grant you refuge
in invocation and prayer.
I bless the neighborhood and the minaret
to guard them
from the rocket
from the moment
it is a general’s command
until it becomes
a raid.
I grant you and the little ones refuge,
the little ones who change the rocket’s course before it lands with their smiles. 2. I grant you and the little ones refuge, the little ones now asleep like chicks in a nest. They don’t walk in their sleep toward dreams. They know death lurks outside the house. Their mothers’ tears are now doves following them, trailing behind every coffin. 3. I grant the father refuge, the little ones’ father who holds the house upright when it tilts after the bombs. He implores the moment of death: “Have mercy. Spare me a little while. For their sake, I’ve learned to love my life. Grant them a death as beautiful as they are.” 4. I grant you refuge from hurt and death, refuge in the glory of our siege, here in the belly of the whale. Our streets exalt God with every bomb. They pray for the mosques and the houses. And every time the bombing begins in the North, our supplications rise in the South. 5. I grant you refuge from hurt and suffering. With words of sacred scripture I shield the oranges from the sting of phosphorous and the shades of cloud from the smog. I grant you refuge in knowing that the dust will clear, and they who fell in love and died together will one day laugh. Hiba Abu Nada is a novelist, poet, and educator. Her novel Oxygen is Not for the Dead won the Sharjah Award for Arab Creativity in 2017. She wrote this poem on Oct. 10th, 2023. She died a martyr, killed in her home in south Gaza by an Israeli raid on Oct. 20th, 2023. She was 32 years old. Huda Fakhreddine is Associate Professor of Arabic literature at the University of Pennsylvania. She is a writer, a translator, and the author of several scholarly books. https://proteanmag.com/2023/11/03/i-grant-you-refuge/

Monday, March 23, 2026

Spring 2010 - BET ON CRAZY NYC


JoJo, the security guard at the diamond exchange, was a betting man. He gambled the left-overs from his monthly NYPD pension on baseball, basketball, and football. His losses outweighed his wins. JoJo also wagered on odd parlays and on March 1st in 2010 I said that there wouldn't be another snowstorm. Two days ago the city had been buried by a blizzard. It was raining outside on West 47th Street.

A hard rain.

The sleety wind peeled ferules from cheap umbrellas like bananas. The piles of snow were slush in the gutter.

"It ain't gonna snow." The big Pole/Mick was a native of the Bronx. The weather was colder up in that northern borough than Manhattan and the retired cop was certain of his prediction.

"I say that we get one more dusting." I was counting on 'global weirding'. The last decade had seen three snows in April, TS Eliot' 'cruelest month of all. March offered an even better chance for a blizzard.

"Dusting is bullshit. It snowed a little last year." JoJo was a knowledgeable gambler.

"Okay, 2 to 1 odds that New York gets another four inches of snow before the end of April."

"In Central Park." JoJo was fixing the wager. Manhattan is 5 degrees warmer than the outer boroughs thanks to a micro-climate created by concrete, steel, and carbon emissions along with the body temperatures of fat people. JoJo had lost fifteen pounds in the last month by ending a BId Lite drinking binge.

"Okay." I had a good hunch. Cops like hunches too. His was a sure thing. Mine was more a feeling and I started singing the Arrowsmith hit MORE THAN A FEELING.

"Hey, no fair." JoJo was a rock fan. Red Sox too. "Keep that Boston stuff out of the bet. This is New York."

We grasped hands. A bet was a bet. JoJo went downstairs to the vault. It was lunch time. Manny my boss shook his head.

"What?"

"That was a stupid bet." Manny had lost every wager on the Superbowl since 1967 or so he told his son, Richie Boy, who always bet the toher way. We all did. Manny was an expert at stupid bets.

"It's only ten dollars. Plus you never know."

Like the lottery you can't win unless you play.

"No way it'll snow in the next two months." Manny returned to his paperwork. A purgatory of bills and invoices. I pulled out the job box. Not a single envelope was from my sales. Money was tight same as last year. There was no recovery for the middle-class from the 2008 bank collapse, although Manny's son was selling fast and furious to his rich friends. Their sins had been forgiven by the Fed buy forcing the peopple to pay off their losses.

March passed with the temperature rising every day. On March 14 the thermometer hit 70. I studied the meteorological map of the USA. Snow in the Rockies. Canada nothing. The Red River was cresting with ice floes in the Dakotas. The trees in Fort Greene Park showed red buds on the equinox. The planet was on an even keel. I wore shorts. This weather is no good.

"Looks like I've lose my bet," I said at the breakfast table to AP, my landlord.

"It was a stupid bet." He had won a bet on St. Patrick's Day for when our party of four would see a green plastic hat. $5 from each of his three friends. Another $5 for one plastic har worn by a female.

"It might snow in April." His wife was from San Diego. Coronado Beach had never experienced a snowfall.

"Thanks for the optimism." Snow crowned the thrones of the mountains east of San Diego. I was positive too. Ten more days of March and another 30 in April. The odds are heavily in JoJo's favor, then again he had bet that the Red Sox would sweep the Yankees in 2004. $100. He was right the first three games of the playoffs and dead wrong the last four games. That was a bet I loved seeing him lose. The Curse of the Bambino no more in 2004. My snow bet was a goof, but neither of us were welshers and $10 will buy three beers in the East Village bar on May 1.

They will taste good.

Win or lose.

Spring Equinox 2021

This year was a so-so winter.

Snow came late in March and bitter cold was a rare visitor to the City That Never Sleeps.

On several occasions I exited from the 387 Commune in my ski gear, which was good for -20 Fahrenheit.

Today the thermometer hit 60 and I celebrated the Spring Equinox by packing away my parkas, fleeces, gloves, scarves, sweaters et al.

Flowers should blossom in Fort Greene; magnolias and tulips.

This day was as long as the night.

The equinox or Alban Eiler in Celtic commemorates the equality between night and day and my tribe regards the 'Light of the Earth' with great veneration, since the feast signaled the time to sow crops with the sun high over the equator.

I honored Alban Eiler with sobriety, having drank more than my share of beer and whiskey on St. Padraic's Day.

It will be good to be warm again.

It Was The Worst Of Times

It Was The Worst Of Times

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..."

This sentence famously opened Charles Dickens' epic novel of the French Revolution, THE TALE OF TWO CITIES. The end of the 18th Century. The Terror in France. Heads lopped off by the guilotine. Royal heasds, aristocratic heads, few if any priests, beaucoup des citoyens. And there was more to come, as the king and emperors and all royalty from the ancien regime sought to overthrow the Republic, then came Napoleon. Victories, victories, adventure. An emperor. And then defeat. An exile.

We the world presently live in a time of chaos birthed by Donald Trump and every morning and afternoon and even before I go to bed I read about the evil of this man and ask, "Does he ever sleep?"

I've come to understand that 47 has been on drugs to keep Him going, but even He has to crash, the valium made that fast, then His AI persona takes the reins, driving his message from His CHAPgbt clone to complete a 24/7/365. There is no rest for the wicked. 47 eternal for this moment and the next and the next, but one day we will wake and say good riddance. And I thought to paraphrase THE TALE OF TWO CITIES.

"It was the worst of times with even worstest to come. It was an age of ignorance and religious fanatics. People believed what they had been told to believe and some believed in the beauty of nothingness. In the beginning there was the horseshoe crab.

And of course the words of Sydney Carton ascending the stairs to sacrifice himself to satisfy the thirst of La Veuve or The Widow or guillotine to save the life of his beloved's lover.

"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known." One of the greatest fare-wells from a ne'er-do-well ever, but we all not ready to go. Never without a fight.

Communality of Minds

There is no problem that doesn't have a solution. Most people are fighting to make enough money to provide for themselves and their family. They have a thirty second window to get the message and sometimes even that is too long.

Between work and home their heads are bowed to the phone. I walk without the phone in my hand. I see instead of look. I hear instead of listen. I smell instead of breathe. I feel when I touch. As for eating, I taste.

In live in Brooklyn I speak with people on the streets and avenues. I am trapped here for medical reasons, but I make the effort to be human. I say hello. Maybe the next time we speak. Never if 'they' are on a phone.

I don't talk to people about quantum physics, but do tell them about eternity. About the color of the sky. The breeze on my face. To create a communality to bridge the gap. We exchange names. I ask if they want to hear a poem.

For the most part and surprisingly they say yes. And they enjoy interaction with someone who isn't trying to sell them something. As for my friends. My smart friends. Their minds are also closed to ideas by the day to day worries.

"So what about you?"

Everyone's minds think all the time. Usually a looping of worries regrets and hopes and dreams and a slice of pizza too in NYC. With pepperoni. AS for intellectualism. I prefer Communality. 137 is just a number. A prime number. 1/137 is something altogether different and is the answer to nothingness. 137 is the odds that an electron will absorb a single photon.

Gimme Shelter

Listen to it loud

Foto Angkor Wat 1999 PNS

Saturday, March 21, 2026

The Quiet of the Equinox - 2025

This afternoon I will travel up to the Cloisters to visit Professor Ollman at his rest home. to the hospital for my monthly blood work. Afterwards I take the M4 bus to the Explorers Club and while away the afternoon in the members lounge. Quiet, dark, and warm. Reading the Zen poems of Ryokan.

When asked to live at the temple of a nobleman, Ryokan sat before his humble Hermitage and wrote for the lord. "The wind gives me enough leaves to make a fire."

Hopefully before the cool climes cease a blaze burns bright at the club___a spring equinox haiku

Twelve hours of sunlight.

Twelve hours of night.

Dark Thoughts

A friend has been in distress. Overwhelmed by the darkness. I have called without his answering the phone. I understand the need to not need to speak with anyone as well as the darkness. Earlier this month I had mentioned to my therapist that I had been experiencing dark thoughts.

"Not overwhelming dark thoughts. Just recurrent. They come and they go. They don't stay and I'm free of them for extended periods of time."

To most mental aid worers 'dark thoughts' mean one of two things. Suicided or harming other. I was more of the former.

"Do you want to see a psychiatrist?"

I understood the question. Psychiatrist are doctors. They will interview patients and prescribed appropriate drugs to deal with the specific mental condition. I hadn't seen one since my admission to the hospital for cancer four years ago. Prior to my illness I had self-medicated myself with alcohol. It had been a near-fatal cure and no longer viable post-transplant.

"Sure, I'll see a psychiatrist," I sadi, resisting the urge to call them a shrink.

Two days later I had a Zoom meeting with a woman doctor. I prefer a women. Male doctors tend to think that no one is their equal. We spoke for an hour. We covered all the bases. Thoughts of hurting myself. Thought of hurting others. I spoke. She lsitened and asked questions. I answer as truthfully as possible. Her assessment was that I was not in neeed of drugs to to continue with my group meetings for my alcoholism and speakining with my therapist every two weeks. I was in accord with her suggestions and wished her the best.

Thedark thoughts. They are still there. Lurking. I am better armed with tools to fight off depression. I have weathered the storms of the last years. Recreating this me from the ashes of the previous mes knowing I'm not not and never will be a me to satisfy the others. That's okay. The Mes and me know how to deal with that now.

I wrote to my friend.

It's not easy to go it alone when you think you are all alone and the fears prevent you seeing a path out of the wilderness. Why fucking bother? Day by day by day and then fuck it I can't stay here in a room no matter where I go. I'm in a room in Brooklym overlooking the backyards of Clinton Hill. All bearing the scars of a long winter. In the small room most of the time. I don't even know the names of the walls. Escape, a breakout, caught in the wires, breaking not free, but dragging away the fears like the piano in Bunuel's Le Chien Andalou. Always good to have Bunuel as not a friend, but a guide not telling you where to go, but just that there is a path out just like there was a path in.

Alone In My Bed

I wake on this gray morning
Alone in my bed
The sky outside
A light gray
Not cold outside
Winter no more
No need to get of bed__
Pull up the duvet
Not for warmth
But comfort
I feel the urge
To look at the news on my cell
To see the horror of this world
Not a first hand witness or bystander__
Everything bad
Distant
Far from my bed
And its warmth__
At one point
I will break out this cocoon of comfort
Knowing what to expect
America joining the genocide
No longer just arming Zion
Dropping bombs
Everywhere
Killing Iran's leaders and people
Tens and thousands to appease Zion's blood lust
To divert any need to answer
Questions about pedophilia
To protect a corrupt president
And his pedophile clan__
I would rather lie in bed
Hoping it and they all went away
But not today and not tomorrow
But one the sun will shine again
And 'they' will be gone
Dead in prison or in exile
Good riddance__
Time to rise
The revolution does sleep
It does so awake
Dreaming the dream
Of freedom__

Friday, March 20, 2026

Unnative Son

Barack Obama was attacked by birthers claiming the President had been born in Africa or Indonesia. Even after he provided his birth documents from the state of Hawaii, the GOP accused Obama of forging his papers. This campaign of defamation never ceased with President-elect Trump leading the charge, however recent reports from the Sub-continent have spread rumors of Trump's birth to Nazi exiles in Pakistan and his adoption by a KKK sympathizer from New York.

The likeness of the young boy is uncanny.

Another alien at the helm.

A third generation Nazi at the helm of America.

Hitler's greatest triumph.

Thursday, March 19, 2026

May 24, 1978 - Kiev Diner - Journal

Alice woke up screaming. She had been dreaming a horrifying remake of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. Awake she shuddered in my arms. Poor darling.

THE KIEV DINER

A Ukrainian diner
Sitting with Clover
A blonde runaway
Only sixteen
A little more than a friend.
4:28 AM
The after-hours crowd from CBGBs
Mindless
No one caring about the mindlessness
Rejects from destiny
Cups of coffee In their pale hands
Not wanting to be junkie zombies
But Vampires
To live forever
All victims exiled to the suburbs.
Rock and roll, sex, drugs.
Trapped by the will be
That never will be.
And living in the dreams of 1978.
Free stoned and punks.
Especially Clover
Sixteen
Free
From nothing and everything.

Wednesday, March 18, 2026

Jamais Seule Avec Angus

Sur l'Ile Saint-Louis
Sous la gris pluie
Seule,
Mais pas 100%

J'ai mon chien
Angus
Avec moi__
Sur le Rue des Deux-Ponts
Sans toi,
Notre menage a trois
Deux__
Il y a une semaine
Tu a me dire
« Adieu »
Non à bientôt
Simplement adieu __
Aujourd'hui, avec Angus
Sous la gris pluie
La Seine gris
Paris gris
Et Angus noir
Comme mon couer__
Il y a une semaine
Angus et moi te suivre
Sans espoir
A le Pont Louis-Phillipe
Toi a volte a face
Cinq mots tes tout derniers mots :
"Tu peux garder le chien."__
Mantenant
Sur le Pont Louis-Phillipe
Paris et le Seine si gris
Nous sommes deux
Angus et moi
"Angus, viens, on va prendre un verre.
"A le Louis 9."
Comme moi, Angue n'est pas seule__

In English although somehow I wrote the French version first thanks to my French lovers or 'les dictionaires couchant'. Thanks to those and alos the subtitles in the French cinemas. If it weren't for them I would have never leasrned 'quelgues-choses' meant something.

NEVER ALONE en Snglais

Beneath the gray rain
Alone,
But not entirely—
I have my dog,
Angus,
With me__
On the Rue des Deux-Ponts
Without you,
Our 'ménage à trois'
Now just a menage a two___
A week ago,
You said to me,
"Goodbye."
Not "See you soon,"
Simply, "Goodbye"—
Today, with Angus,
Beneath the gray rain—
The Seine gray,
Paris so gray,
And Angus is black—
Like my heart—
A week ago,
Angus and I followed you—
Hopelessly—
To the Pont Louis-Philippe.
You turned to face us—
Five words—your very last words:
"You can keep the dog."—
Now,
On the Pont Louis-Philippe,
With Paris and the Seine so gray,
There are just two of us—
Angus and me.
"Angus, come on, let's go get a drink."
"At the Louis IX."
Like me, Angus isn't alone—

ps this poem was recorded for a scene in Jack Haven's WAITING FOR BROOKIE in which I have a role. Mina Walker engineered the track for background music for a early scene with Alex McVickers in Paris. Only my voice as James Steele, French Pop Star

I'll add the song at a later date

Angus et moi - Rue de Basfroi chez Alan Vaughan - Paris 1984

Tuesday, March 17, 2026

Sonny by The Rubber Bandits - 2017

The Rubber Bandits came to my attention with "Horse Outside" in 2011. They have been a constant comfort to the revolution for the Irish and all of us.

Sonny attacks the staggering stagnation due to the criminalization of the mentally ill and addicted.

According to Wikiepedia Blindboy Boatclub has criticised the art establishment in Ireland, saying that: "[Galleries and museums] preach only to the converted. They remind us of churches, pure solemn and inhabited by very silent people who don't open their mouths, for fear that someone else might find out that they don't fully understand the art that's on display. Art galleries in Ireland are like big vegan churches, and the curator always wears black, like a priest, and the visitors are there for the free wine. Most people who attend Irish galleries are other artists, and they all whisper to each other about commissioning opportunities inside imaginary confessional boxes."

Hell yeah.

QUEEN OF THE PLAZA by Peter Nolan Smith

St. Patrick’s Day promised to be another disaster for the Retail Collection of the Plaza Hotel. Hordes of green-clad spectators streamed down the escalator into the basement. Their eyes averted the luxury goods on offer, as their destination was the hotel’s public bathroom. Within the first hour I had given directions to the toilet over a hundred times.

Most of the visitors said ‘thank you’.

“Why don’t you just print out directions?”

My co-worker pulled off her glasses. Janet's eyes were out of focus like someone waiting to be informed by a doctor that they were blind. Most people with reading glasses had that look.

“Firstly, because Americans can’t read maps and secondly we might get lucky.” I was wearing a leprechaun tie and a forest-green Donegal Tweed suit jacket.

“Lucky how?” Janet refocused her eyes on the parade-goers.

“Someone might buy something.” My mother’s Irish mother  came to America at the age of fourteen. Nana said that she was lucky and I bet on the survival of the luckiest over the fittest every day of the year.

Today was no exception.

“Buy what?” Janet put down her People magazine. She would take most of the week to read it. “We have no crosses, no NYC charms, no Claddad rings. That’s all these people buy besides beer and something green.”

“Nothing wrong with drinking beer.” My grandmother had brewed beer in her Jamaica Plains cellar during the Prohibition. I celebrated Beermas at least once a week and Guinness was good for pregnant moms.

“My father said whiskey was invented to keep the Irish from ruling the world.” Her prejudice against Spirits was distorted by her tribe’s love of God. Jews weren't known for aspiring to shitzkahdom.

“We ruled the world long before your Yahweh wrote the Ten Commandments of Don’t.” Moses’ tablets had created a land of No and I lived in more of a yes world. 

“Stop being so negative, Janet.”

“Not so negative? Our store is in a basement. Only three things function in a basement; bar, a brothel or a boiler.” Janet’s morning Valium was wearing off faster than mascara on a crying whore. Her hands shook with desperation and she pointed a long fingernail to the bathroom for the benefit of an older lady in distress. “Plus our merchandise is dreck. Who staying at the Plaza would buy this crap?”

“A blind man might.” My friend Richie Boy had partnered up with two losers. One was a thief and the other was broke. Janet and I hadn’t made a sale this month and only two in February, but I had a shot at selling a million-dollar ruby to a Detroit schmatta businessman. The commish would pay off my debts and buy a plane ticket to Thailand, so I could see my kids. 

“We might get lucky.”

“2009 is not a year for luck.” Janet's hair had been blown-dried so many times that her coif resembled a thatched peasant hut. One session at the upstairs beauty salon to repair the damage was out of her price range.

Last year she grossed $200,000. 

This year she’d be lucky to hit 50K. 

2009 was not 2005.

“It could be worse.” Rain was the norm for most St. Patrick’s Day. The Neponset River in Boston had flooded its bank on Evacuation Day 1968. In Lower Mills Station only the tops of the trolley cars had been visible. Today's forecast was blue skies and fleecy clouds. It was a good day to be Irish.

“That’s what’s scaring me.” Janet plucked a Valium from within her purse. A doctor friend had put her on the suicide watch. I made sure she only ate one.

Within ten minutes she achieved her desired level of apathy and stared at People Magazine’s photos, as if the young girls in pretty clothes mirrored her present.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” I left the store and signaled the security guard to keep an eye on Janet, because while there might not be customers, however the previous week two thieves had clipped three store with bad credit cards.

I had a coffee at the Austrian pastry shop and then made the rounds of the Retail Collection.

Every salesperson had the same story. Not a single one of the day’s walk-ins had purchased a gift from the luxury stores.

No musk-ox sweater, no Sea Island cotton shirts, no imported alpaca blankets.

St. Patrick’s day was shaping up to be another goose egg and I returned to our store infected by Janet’s pessimism,

“It’s your friend, Richard.” Janet handed over the phone and buried her face in the magazine.

“How’s it going?” Richie Boy was in his store on 47th Street.

“Lots of green going for a pee. It's as if someone was handing out flyers on 5th Avenue advertising PEE IN THE PLAZA."

“Any sign of Arabs?” St. Patrick’s Day on 47th Street was as dead as the Plaza.

“None.”

Several hundred Saudis were encamped at the Plaza.

Yesterday one came down to the Retail Collection and looked at an emerald ring belonging to Richie Boy’s partner. The asking price was way off base for a stone filled with resin. Hopping for a second shot I had memoed two exquisite emeralds from an Afghani color stone dealer. Both were gems and locked in our safe.

"Maybe they'll show in the afternoon."

"I'll be waiting." Be-backs’ were rare at the Plaza.

“Is anything ever going to happen there?” Richie Boy was losing sleep over this store.

“I’d like to say yes.” It had taken four-hundred years for Ireland to free most of the island from the British, but the prospects for Retail Collection were worst.

"It is the Plaza."

The Plaza had been a destination for over a hundred years, however the new Israeli new owners had trashed the legendary hotel to sell condos and they had invested nothing in advertising for the Retail Collection, plus the sound system was stuck on same nine insipid world songs. Sometimes I felt like working here was like being subjected to monotony torture at Guantanamo Bay Lite and I said to Richie Boy, “This place is a lost cause.”

“I’m going to give it another couple of weeks and then pull the plug.” Richie Boy’s father had been against the deal from the start. Closing would prove him right and the old man never liked being in the wrong.

“Just keep my partners from ripping me off.”

“You got it.” I hung up the phone.

Janet’s eyes were stuck on the same page. Many bosses would have fired someone in her condition.

Victor McLaughlin’s stunning performance of betrayal in THE INFORMER had forever prejudiced me against snitches.

Her mental condition was our secret.

The five hours to closing threatened to stretch their length beyond three-hundred minutes, until an elegant woman in her early 40s descended on the escalator.

Cherry-red hair framed a face as white as an equinox moon. Her slender body had never borne an extra ounce of weight and her sophistication was derived from life and not designer clothing. The woman stepped off the escalator and the salespeople snapped to attention, as her stiletto heels clicked on the tiled floor.

Janet put down her magazine, took off her reading glasses, and rose from her chair. Years of experience had honed her radar for a potential customer. Her eager smile was a masterpiece of Park Avenue dentistry and I hated telling her, “Janet, she’s coming to see me.”

“You?” Disappointment tremored on her face.

“Dove’s an old friend.”

I left the store to embrace the redhead. Her taut body was a testament to good living and her face retained the youngfulness of a thirty year-old, except for the world-weary grey eyes. The injections of her Swiss rejuvenation clinics bordered on magic.

I released Dove and introduced her to Janet.

“You two are friends?” Janet couldn’t believe that someone so ‘fabulous’ was my friend.

“We've known each other since CBGBs.” Dove and I had met at the bar during a Ramones concert. She had been a rail-thin blonde desperate to become the second coming of Nico. Several punk groups promoted her as tomorrow’s darling.

Back then Dove lived too much for today to be anyone’s tomorrow and opted for a career as a Senator’s mistress. She had been a woman so long that most people had forgotten her life had begun as Dave.

“Over thirty years ago. I once saved his life.”

Dove’s husky voice recounted her revenge on a thug from New Jersey who had beaten me with a baseball bat outside of a Paloma Picasso party. He had acquired a permanent squint after she stuck a cigarette in his eye. Janet watched intently, as Dove surveyed the jewelry under glass.

“If you see anything you like, I’ll be happy to show it to you.” Janet had a tendency to step other salespeople’s toes. This practice was considered bad form and I admired her lack of shame. I wasn’t much better at starving my fellow workers.

“When your friend Richie Boy told me that he had opened a store in the Plaza, I had expected South Sea pearls, Burma rubies, and pink diamonds.” Dove wrinkled the delicate cartilage of her nose. Her taste ran toward Madison Avenue and Place Vendome.

“We have some pretty crappy stuff.” Richie Boy’s busted partner had loaded the cases with second-hand merchandise from Iowa pawn shops and out-of-style closeouts from bankrupt jewelers. Subsequently our inventory was an unavoidable embarrassment, but I had two aces in the hole.

“I have something in the safe that might interest you. Emerald green for St. Patrick’s Day.”

One emerald cost about $200,000, but the other was in her price range and I held up a 5-carat Sea-Green Emerald surrounded by a micro-pavee of diamonds in an 18K gold and platinum ring.

"Very nice." I slipped it onto her finger. She was a size 6 same as the ring.

"The color reminds me of the Connemara Hills after an afternoon rain." I had spent the wet autumn of 1997 within sight of the Seven Pins.

“Nothing greener than Ireland where it’s either raining, stopped raining, or about to rain. Wetter than a bucket of beer.”

Hearing Dove laugh made me realize how much I missed her, although not enough to give her the ring for free.

We haggled on the price like two old nuns over the baptismal name of an abandoned baby.

“$32,000 and not a dollar more.” I whispered into her ear. This was my sale.

"I love it when you play tough." Dove dipped into her pocketbook and withdrew a clutch of c-notes. “Green good?”

“Even better on St. Patricks’ Day.” I eyed Janet. This was 100% my sale. I wasn't giving the loser a dime. It was bad luck.

I called the emerald's owner and beat him down an extra $1000, insuring Richie Boy got his cut. His partners got nothing and at the end of the day I had have almost enough to get out of town.

I counted out the money. It was about an inch thick and stuck $4000 in my pocket.

“So now that’s out of the way.” Dove glanced at her delicate Audemar-Picat watch. I had seen an identical model on 47th street for $120,000. “I think it’s time for a drink.”

“Drink?”

"You haven't stopped?"

"I'm no quitter." I liked drinking in the afternoon. The bars were empty then.

“It’s St. Patrick’s Day. You’re Irish. I’m Irish.” Dove turned to Janet. “You don’t mind if I steal your partner for a few minutes. We have a little catching up to do. How’s the Oak Bar these days?”

“It isn’t what it used to be.” Janet had stuck her head in the famed bar once.

$16 glasses of wine were beyond her means.

Mine too, but $9 Stellas were affordable and we went upstairs. The Oak Room was packed with businessmen at table. We sat at two stools at the bar. The bartender remembered Dove from long ago. She ordered two Jamesons from Orlando.

“A little heavy for the early afternoon.”

“It’s St. Patrick’s Day. It’s never too early.” Dove clinked my glass.

She held her drink like a woman, but drank like a man. Some masculine traits were harder to lose than others.

“Never too late either.” We hadn’t seen each other in eight years. Holding her hand bridged that chasm of time. Her model's life revolved around the fashion seasons in Paris. I amused her with my tales of Thailand, my two wives, four children, an arrest for copyright infringement, coming back to take care of a crazed dog in Palm Beach and finally opening the store in the Plaza.

“I thought the Plaza would generate big sales. I’d work four years and retire again. I couldn’t have been more wrong. We’ll be lucky to last out the month.”

“These are tough times bound to get tougher." Dove eyed a table of politicians in the corner. One nodded to her with respect. Her US senator had been dead for more than twenty years, but his power remained on her skin. “You could go back in Ballyconeeley. Your mother wanted you to find someone like your aunts and sisters to marry, so you rent a house from Sir Robert Guinness. Not cheap either for off-season and you end up in a haunted cottage.”

“It used to be a schoolhouse.” The cold house was situated on edge of the Ice Age bogs. The winds off that primitive plain wrapped the walls with dying voices. "There was something there."

“The ghosts of the beaten boys.” Dove signaled Orlando for two more Jamesons. “And the only women you found out there were knocked-up teenagers and lesbians.”

“I’m glad you find it so humorous.”

“No one really laughs at their successes. Failures alone are funny.”

The veneer of elegance slid off her skin after the third whiskey and she laughed with the haughtiness of a whore regaining the best corner at the Holland Tunnel.

“Are you staying at the Plaza?”

“Not a chance.” She admired the emerald in the early afternoon light filtering through the Oak Bar’s wide windows. “I’m strictly a St. Regis girl.”

“I like the King Cole Bar.” I hadn’t had anything to eat today and the whiskey was rotting my belly. I slid off the stool. “Dove, I have to get back to work.”

“Not before we see the parade.” Dove hooked her arm over my elbow. She had always been stronger than me. “You worried that that girl working with you is going to steal the store?”

“No, more like she’ll have a nervous breakdown. Janet lost her money with Bernie Madoff." The sixty year-old Jerseyite had no idea how to pay for her next Botox payment, but Janet was no thief.

"She's not the only one."

"You?"

"I don't travel in that circle. Now don't worry about Janet. She’ll survive without you for another thirty minutes.” Dove had just bought an expensive ring and the customer was always right. “You’re seeing the parade whether you like it or not.”

“I don’t like the parade.”

“Everyone loves a parade.” Dove led us down the marbled hallway to the foyer.

Muted drums muttered louder with every step. A high school band performed Michael Jackson’s BEAT IT. The playlist had expanded during my absence from America, but I had other reasons for shunning the parade than music.

“I’m from Boston. This parade has nothing to do with me.” The march through Southie had been a riot waiting to catch fire at the end of Broadway. Marchers had congregated at the dozen bars in that odd intersection. By mid-afternoon the orderly procession had devolved into a milling donnybrook. Fisticuffs had been the rule and a plastic shillelagh filled with sand had finished most fights. Broken noses and black eyes had marked a man's honor for days, but that pugilistic mirth had soured after the Bussing Riots of 1975 and I had left my hometown for New York in 1976.

“Are you talking about gay people not being allowed to march?” Dove checked our reflection in the mirror.

Other eyes were on us.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about?"

The security man at the hotel entrance sensed something amiss with my partner, but Dove passed for a woman, because she had been just that gender for most of her life.

"Hard changing the way the Church tells people to think." Dove ignored the guard’s scrutiny. There was nothing left of the boy from Queens. She was 100% upper-class and a lady to boot.

“Don't I know it.” I pushed my way through the revolving door. A high school band was stalled in front of the Sherry-Netherlands. 5th Avenue was packed twenty deep. The sky was blue to heaven and the temperature was a balmy 50 for March.

“Are you coming out of the closet?”

Standing on the steps, Dove's mouth softened to a smile. Twenty years in Europe would never change her being a New Yorker.

"I’m a sexuak adventurer. Straight sort of, but I don’t like exclusion in the Land of the Free.” Gays and Lesbians have fought for the right to express their Gaelic spirit without success.

“Land of the Freaked is more like it and especially with our brethren."

"Yes, Sex is a taboo subject. No one talks about knocked-up teenage girls or predatory priests."

“Because we’re all Irish.”

"I'm half."

"You love touting that thin Yankee bloodline, but you're as green as a four-leaf clover."

"Doesn't mean I have to support the ban on gays or lesbians marching in the parade." My younger brother's radio show in Boston had crusaded for acceptance by the straight world. He died of AIDS without the battle won and I carried on his struggle in my own way.

I don’t understand why anyone gay would want to associate themselves with this crowd?”

"Because you're straight so you say."

“Most gays think everyone is gay.” The crowd applauded a troupe of prancing Irish dancers. We walked off the steps. The senior doorman greeted Dove. She had been a guest at the Plaza many times with the Senator.

“They’re not 100% wrong. You're a little twisted in your own way."

"Not really." I wasn’t gay. I wasn’t bi. Outlaws had no sexual designation.

"Never?"

“Except with you.”

Dove had attempted to seduce me many times and she had succeeded the night she stuck the cigarette in my attacker’s eye.

“I wanted you so much. Still do.”

“I’m an old man now.” I was flattered by her desire, but I was faithful to my Thai wife. “And I'm set in my ways.”

“The parade is over a hundred years old. It’s set in its way too.”

No woman liked ‘no’ for an answer and she strode into the crowd.

“It’s the only parade to march up 5th Avenue. The others head downtown.” I held Dove’s hand. Her fingers and palm were teenage soft. I regretted my stubborn ways. I hadn’t been with a woman for months.

“And that too will never change.” Her words rang hard. She was a mean drunk.

“And neither will I or how I feel toward you.” I pulled her closer.

We made a good couple by the admiring looks from the crowd. They actually envied us. I peered over their heads at the marchers. The mayor waved to his constituents. A few drunks cursed him for tearing down Yankee Stadium. Coming from Boston I had been glad to see the House that Ruth Built in ruins, but the mayor was not a man of the people. His soul belong to those like himself. Billionaires.

The older man next to him swung his eyes in our direction, then narrowed, as if he recognized Dove. He waved to her, as the parade halted for another his photo-op on 5th Avenue.

”You want me to ask the mayor about including gays in the parade?”

“He’s looking for a third term not political suicide.” He was a mayor of the rich. Not the “There’ll never be a gay contingent in this parade. The Ancient Order of Hibernians are scared, if they let in the gays and lesbians that there’ll be a float dedicated to Ireland’s most famous homosexual, Oscar Wilde.”

“Or banners honoring Roger Casement.” The revolutionary had been martyred for his politics by the British not his homosexuality.

“Or bands playing songs of Sinead O’Connor.”

“That might be too much to ask.” The singer had told the Pope to fuck off on TV and her statement had branded her as dangerous to the Church, but they were a greater threat to the young than a shaved-head pop star, who had suffered from the abuse of the vicious nuns at an infamous laundry school of Dublin. “Although I wouldn’t mind hearing JUMP AROUND by House of Pain.”

The video had featured New York’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

Bands, politicians, majorettes, the crowds.

Cops, drunks, and fights.

The latter was another reason to avoid the parade. The brawls turned very ugly fast and the cops rarely intervened before someone got bloodied.

“It could be arranged. After all I know people.”

Female parade-goers gazed at her forest green Armani suit cut two inches over her knees with envy.

The outfit cost more than most of them earned in a year. I could live off the price of her high heels for a month. Several pedestrians whispered to each other, thinking that she was famous without realizing the source of that fame.

“I think they want your autograph.” In my clothes I looked like her driver.

“I’m not famous.” 

Dove posed for her admirers, as if she were a French actress or a retired ballerina. Her poise had been perfected after years of practice.

“You were always famous for me.”

“More infamous than famous.”

“Less of either than you could imagine. Paris is such a small town for the wicked; same faces, same stories. All the time thinking of New York.”

“You could have stayed here.” Her senator died in her arms during sex. His family hadn’t contested the will to avoid a scandal. The deal had been for Dove to stay out of the limelight. The dead man had had to raise money for build a memorial library in the Deep South.

“Things would have been bad for me here. Too much money and too many bad friends.” She basked in the detoured memory of that path. “It would have been glorious.”

She pulled me forward to the police barricade. Two officers turned to stop her forward progress. Dove whispered to one. The young cop glanced over his shoulder to the distinguished-looking man in his 70s. The man motioned the policeman to open the barrier for Dove.

“You want to come?” This was her show, but it was nice of her to ask.

“No, I’m going back to work.” I pointed to her ring finger. The stack of hundreds filled my jacket pocket. Some of it would go to my wife. “Thanks for everything.”

“My pleasure.” She held up her hand. The emerald shone in the afternoon sun like a pagan god’s eye. It was that good.

“Call me at the St. Regis tomorrow. We’ll have drinks.”

“Consider it a date.”

She blew a kiss and approached the older man, who greeted Dove with a kiss on the cheek and linked his arm with hers. He was her yes-man for the day. They made a nice couple too.

I returned to the Plaza, planning to close the shop, send Janet home, pay the dealer for the emerald ring, pass by 47th Street to drop off Richie Boy’s share, and then go to drink in the East Village with friends at a small Irish bar. I’d buy a few rounds and we’d tell stories about haunted schoolhouses and kissing Catholic girls. Most of them would be true.

I stopped at the top of the steps of the Plaza.

The parade had resumed its uptown progress and Dove had disappeared from sight.

I smiled to myself thinking that there were gays in the parade. Not just Dove, but men and women from all walks of life. We were all Irish or wanting to be, because on St. Patrick’s Day everyone loved the Irish.

My Loved Nana

My Nana came off the boat from Ireland at the age of 14.

She broke her heel coming down the gangway.

Somehow everything turned out all right in that Year of the Crow.

The native of the West refused to pinpoint the date.

We thought the Year of the Crow had something to do with Chinese Astrology.

Nana loved us more than the moon and the stars.

All of the thirteen cousins.

We were her family.

We still are__

Anne Walsh Nolan 1954

My Nana left County Mayo and came off the boat from Ireland at the age of 14. Boston. She broke the heel of her right shoe coming down the gangway. Her only pair. Her Uncle Father Mike was waiting to take her into servitude for a rich family in Salem. She spoke no English.

Somehow everything turned out all right in that Year of the Crow. The native of Western Ireland refused to pinpoint the date. We thought the Year of the Crow had something to do with Chinese Astrology. A friend from Florida thought she might have native Crow in her blood. To this day we know nothing.

Nana loved us more than the moon and the stars.

All of the thirteen cousins.

We were her family.

We still are and will be as are was and will be all our generation.

Slainte

ps my older brother Frank on her left. I'm on her right. Foto taken in the backyard of our house in Falmouth Foresides, Maine

pps Her marriage license from 1919 to Peter Nolan, my namesake, in Boston notes her age as 26. He was a trainman and she was a housewife. Twenty-six years from 1919 pushes her date of birth into the 19th Century. 1883 in County Mayo if family legend is correct.

AI Overview

Based on the search results, there is no direct reference to a specific event named "Year of the Crow" in Ireland in 1883

ERIN GO BALI 1990

My first trip to Bali was in 1990. Kuta Beach was the island's most popular tourist destination for sea, sun, and fun. Being a pseudo-intellectual I opted for Ubud, an idyllic village reknown for Legong dancers, ornate temples, and non-disco evenings in bamboo cafes playing Balinese trance music.

I rented a small house off the Monkey Forest Road surrounded by verdant rice paddies. My bedroom overlooked a ravine whose fragile stream served the village's bathing needs. Ketut the house boy served breakfast and instant coffee in the morning. I wrote on a Brother Electric Typewriter. At night croaking frogs accompanied the gamelan music from the Pura Dalem temple. There was no international phone service other than at the post office. Traveler’s checks and cash were the sole forms of monetary transactions.

At night I listened to the BBC World News on a Sony World Radio and read tattered used books. Dragonflies buzzed through the room and the stars tolerated no earthly rival. I loved Ubud and stayed in the town for months.

Nearing March 17th I suggested to several westerners or ‘mistahs’ that we should staged a St. Patrick’s Day parade. None of them had Hibernian roots. My Balinese friends were enthused at the idea of celebrating Ireland's patron saint by drinking beer.

"And we wear green."

My house servant Ketut shook his head.

“Can not wear green. This unlucky color.”

“Unlucky.” He had used the Bahasa word ‘blog’. I had never heard it before.

"Yes, my uncle he have green car have many accidents.”

"Green is good luck in Ireland and Ireland is the European Bali."

"Ireland tidak Bali. No green and you not wear green too." Tuut was adamant about this edict, but said, "We drink beer and make music."

"That is good luck?"

"Drink beer always good luck."

Especially if a 'mistah' paid for it. I didn't argue with tradition and adjusted St. Patrick's Day in accordance with local customs.

On March 17th Ketut, his friend, and I drank Bintang beer at the Cafe Bali. They brought drums. I sang Irish ballads of British oppression and at sunset we marched down Monkey Forest Road with me singing BY THE RISING OF THE MOON. I adlibed the words.

Ketut said it was a sweet song.

“By the rising of the moon, by the rising of the moon, the pikes must be together at the rising of the moon."

Other Balinese joined the march. No one wore green. We trooped back to the Cafe Bali and switched from beer to 'arak', a strong palm wine. It wasn't as strong as Jamison's Whiskey, but it was a good drink for the first St. Patrick's Day in Ubud and I told Tuut, "Maybe one day you will wear green."

"Maybe a long time away from today."

"But not as far as never. Semoga Beruntung."

I thought that meant good luck and replied, "Go n-éirí an bóthar leat!"

At least I thought I said that.

Everyone clinked beer glasses.

I hadn't worn green either. It was bad luck in Bali and Indonesia in general since the color signified exorcism and infidelity. Satan was not in my soul and I was faithful to the world. The Wearing of the Green had to wait to someplace else.

It's a color close to my heart. Erin go bagh.

ps this was originally written in 2013

Roger Casement Martyr

Once a Knight of the British Empire Roger Casement was led to his death before a firing squad.

His crime was treason.

He had plotted to have weapons delivered to the IRA to fight against the English during WWI.

The Germans had failed to supply the arms.

A lover sold him out to the Brits.

His friends rejected the revolutionary after the English published his Black Diaries professing his homosexuality.

He was hung dead and thrown naked into a grave to be covered with limestone.

A traitor and a queer.

In 1965 his remains were returned to Free Ireland and according to Wikipedia after a state funeral the corpse was buried with full military honors in the Republican plot in Glasnevin Cemetery in Dublin. An estimated half a million people filed past his coffin. The President of Ireland, Éamon de Valera, who in his mid-eighties was the last surviving leader of the Easter Rising, defied the advice of his doctors and attended the ceremony, along with an estimated 30,000 Irish citizens.

Casement's last wish, to be buried at Murlough Bay on the North Antrim coast has yet to be fulfilled as Harold Wilson's government released the remains only on condition that they not be brought into Northern Ireland.

The BBC reported on his death. They tried to debunk his struggles against oppression in Brazil, the Congo, and Ireland. One thing remains true.

Free the world.

Roger Casement would have waned it that way.

Traitor, but only to end injustice.

Monday, March 16, 2026

A MOTHER'S LAST WISH by Peter Nolan Smith

After Christmas 1997 my mother entered the final stages of her battle with cancer. These last rounds were not a pretty site, but her beauty remained intact to the end. Several days after the New Year my mother held my hand and said, "I'm so happy I made Christmas."

"Me too." I thought about John Wayne at the end of THE SEARCHERS and forced back my tears.

"You've been everywhere in the world. You've never been to Ireland. I'm leaving you a little money. I want you to go to Ireland and find a girl like your aunts or sisters to marry. Will you do that for me?" Her grip tightened to crack my knuckles. She knew her own strength to the measure. Her grandmother had fled the Aran Isles as a girl of twelve. Nana never went back home. The one boat trip was enough for her.

"Yes, I will." There was no refusing here, despite the incestuous nature of her last wish for her second son.

"You're a good boy." She released my hand with a sigh. "Help me with the medicine."

By medicine my mother meant her morphine drip. I hit her up good. Her tender eyes rolled into heaven and I kissed her forehead. Three weeks later she passed from this life. No one in my family contested her will and in August I received enough money to survive four months in Ireland. I had a new computer and the germ of an idea I wanted to nurture into a gem of a book. The west coast of Ireland

My good friend Camp arranged a rental in the far west of Galway beneath the Seven Pins of the Connemarra.

"That would be great." My Nana came from that part of the West. "What kind of house?"

"It belongs to a very aristocratic family."

"So it has to be grand?"

"How grand couldn't it be?" Camp was English. He lived north of New York in a valley dedicated to the pleasures of the wealthy. I trusted his taste, even if the Brit had never been to Ballyconeeley. Camp was an interior designer. Straight, but still an interior designer. They had style. "Are you in or are you out?"

"Count me in." I had read about the nearest town. Clifden had fifteen pubs. The guide books mentioned nothing about women.

"One more thing. Buy yourself some Wellingtons."

"Wellingtons?" I knew that the Irish-born Duke had defeated Napoleon at Waterloo. "Are they cookies?"

"Nope, rubber boots. You'll be needing them."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Good luck with your writing and with your finding a bride."

"Thanks." I'd be happy with one out of two.

At summer's end I sublet my apartment and my boss at the diamond exchange wished me luck with my wife hunt.

"May you make your mother happy." Manny was a mother's boy. We all are in the end.

"I'm doing this for her. I doubt there will be any women." Most Irish women like women everywhere else left their hicktowns for big cities and the guide book had indicated that a small village could get more hickster than Ballyconeeley, which was renown for its cows and windy moors.

"Better you than me." The seventy year-old jeweler was in the first stages of divorcing his second wife. "I'm done with women. But you're still a young man."

"43." My father had six kids at this age. I had none.

"43. I would cut off your right ball to be 43 again." Manny slipped me a c-note. "Save it until you find a girl to take out to dinner. A yard has to go a long way with a girl from the sticks."

"Thanks." I stuck the hundred dollars deep in my wallet. It had to be good luck.

The next days's flight to Dublin took six hours. Customs and immigration went quickly and I caught a taxi from the airport into the city. The sky was crowded with low clouds trailing veils of rain. There was little threat of sun.

"Ah, so this is your first time to Ireland?"

"Yes."

"Well, get used to the weather. It's either raining, just rained, or about to rain. You got a good pair of shoes?"

"Yes." Heavy boots and also green Wellingtons."The driver recommended a cheap bed and breakfast on the other side of the Penny Bridge. The room was clean with a window overlooking an alley of brick walls. I didn't bother to unpack my bag and went to the front desk to I phoned my new landlord.

"So you made the flight over here okay."

"Yes, sir." I was respectful to my betters and elders.

"Why don't you come out here to pick up the keys for the house in the West. The taxi driver will know the way."

"I'll leave now."

I pulled on my cap and buttoned I caught a taxi outside on the street. The drive on the motorway was a short one. Upon arrival at the landlord's address the red-headed driver whistled in appreciation. The gravel driveway led through a quiet park to a large Georgian mansion with a nearby Victorian shed housing a steam museum. The only word for the estate was grand.

"What's this man do?" He impressed by my destination.

"I think he sells beer."

"A lot of beers from the looks of it. Me and mine must have helped pay for this with all the Arthurs I bought."

"Arthurs?" My ear was adjusting to the accent.

"Pints. The founder of brewery name was Arthur."

"So you know the family?" I had never met them.

"There's only the one, but I only know them from the glass in my hand. Good beer. Good people."

"Right." I stored this tidbit of local lore for use at a later time and tipped the driver.

He drove off and I walked up to the front door." Selling beer was a good business and I thought to myself, "If the cottage is a hundredth of this barrack, then I will be living in the lap of luxury."

The door opened before I had a chance to ring the bell.

"Welcome." A silver-haired gentleman greeted me with a handshake and ushered me inside the house. "See you had no trouble find the place."

"None at all, sir." It was a palace complete with medieval tapestries and 16th Century paintings. I tried not to stare. This much wealth was usually reserved for museums.

"Call me Robert." He was tall and slender. His clothing suggested a life of grace.

"Yes, sir." Shaking off my place in the world was not easy, despite Robert's bonhomie.

The two of us sat in the kitchen and conducted the business of exchanging money and keys. The big room was colder than the outside. We drank a glass of an excellent St. Emillion to seal our verbal agreement.

"You'll find the house easy enough. It's the first one on the right before Ballyconneely. There's peat for the fireplace, but I suggest getting a hot water bottle for bed. Houses out that way are not centrally heated like back in the States."

"Thanks for the advice." A light rain pattered against the lead window. I was glad to have my cap.

"One more thing. The phone is on, but only for incoming calls. You want to use it for calls?"

"No." I knew no one in Ireland and international calls were expensive.

"Okay, smart thing. You're writing a book, so I hear?"

"Yes." It was about a black pimp in Hamburg. The subject matter seemed out of place in this house and I closed the subject by saying, "A quiet place without any interference from the modern world should be great for writing."

"The old schoolhouse is quiet."

"Glad to hear it." I also wasn't telling him about my mother's last wish.

"Let me drive you back to Dublin. We can go for a drink at the Shelbourne. It's the best bar in town."

"I'd like that."

Robert's ride was a gray Ferrari from the 60s. The 250 GTE hit 120 mph on the rainy motorway. The windshield wipers worked over-time. A mansion and an Italian sports car were good omen for the cottage in the West.

"I love this car, but I'm getting too old to drive it." Nearing Dublin he slowed down to 60.

"I know what you mean." Getting in was easy. Getting out required a man-servant.

We stopped at the hotel on Stephen's Green for drinks. In the bar my landlord was greeted by several of the men. He ordered the finest whiskey at the bar. My rent money paid for both rounds. It was an early night for both of us. He dropped me at my bed and breakfast and I bid him fare-well.

"Enjoy yourself. My friends have spend many summers in that house."

"You don't stay there?"

"Oh no, we stay at the family house."

Oh." I entered the B and B thinking how bad could the guest house be. The man had a Ferrari.

The next morning I rode the train to Galway. A bus brought me to Clifden. The town was small, but five bars crowded the main square. The rain fell with ease. A taxi was at the curb. A beer could wait.I got in the back.

"Where you going?" The fortyish woman's accent was thick than a slab of breakfast toast. Her face was worn from hard work. Gold glinted on her left hand. Her married status eliminated the driver from my list of eligible.

"The old school house in Ballyconeely."

"Right, it is." She stepped on the gas and we traveled down a two-laner too narrow for the passage of two cars. The sea was to the right on occasion and small farms rolled over the small inland hills. To the north mountains fought for my attention. Their summits were blunted by clouds. Not a single person was working the fields. They belonged to the cows.

"Here we are." We were passing the ruins of a church.

"There?" My great expectations diminished to utter disappointment. I had been scammed by his Lordship.

"No, that's the old Protestant church. It burned down unexpectedly in 1920. Stayed burned too. The schoolhouse is that one."

"Oh." A squat white house lay across a gully from the ghostly church.

"Ah, yes, it's a fine building." The turn indicator presaged our entering a dirt track. The uneven surface would have broken the axel of the 250 GTE. "This is it."

"I guess it is." I got out of the car and shivered in my light jacket.

The lawn was overrun by thistles and the tufts of grass wavering in a wet wind. The whitewashed house was devoid of any modern design or ancient practicality. The tall walls stood facing the west. The Atlantic lay beyond the field. The color blue matched the shreds of sky visible through the tattered clouds.

"You'll be wanting to wear a few more sweaters in the house. It's cold inside." She joined my shiver. "I went to school here. The teacher lived in the upstairs. Some people say the house is haunted. What do they know. You have a good day now?"

"Thanks."

"You need a ride, call me. The name's Peg."

"I will." I watched, as she drove away in the direction of Clifden, then turned to examine my home for the next three months.

The old schoolhouse was not a mansion. Part of the roof was in need of repair. A neglected graveyard lay in the bog separating the schoolhouse and the burnt church. The wan sun slipped into a cloud bank and the rain beat on the hard dirt. I ran inside the house. Peg had been right, It was colder within the old schoolhouse than outside.

The simple decor of sitting room reflected its use as a summer house and the well-used furniture have been rummaged from the local dump. I lifted the phone. There was a connection. I blew in my hands and bent over to pile peat in the small fireplace. The prehistoric carbon lit fast and generated a soft heat, although smoke was curling into the room. Something was wrong with the flue. The old schoolhouse was no mansion. A nearly empty bottle of whiskey was on the desk.

The view out the window was bleak. The wet grass gave way to savage gorse. The sky was descending to the earth. No houses were in sight. Finding a woman here was going to be a challenge.

I poured two measures of Paddy into a fruit glass grimy with fingerprints. I downed the fiery antithesis of Jamison's Malted Whiskey in one go. My body shook with displeasure.

"Cheap whiskey."

I had a second glass and sat by the fire. The glow within matching the glow from the peat.

All and all the old schoolhouse wasn't bad, because this was where my mother wanted me to be and wherever she was in the afterlife, she knew that I had obeyed the first part of her wish.

Getting to Ireland was easy.

Meeting a girl like my sisters or aunt was the hard part.

There was only one way to make it easy and I finished off the bottle. It went down a little smoother than before and I wouldn't have expected anything different from the old schoolhouse.