Pattaya is a city not well-known for monogamy. Promises of fidelity last until you leave the room, because this city has temptations by the thousands and those temptations rarely say no.
Bar girls, rent boys, ka-toeys, booze, and drugs add up to damnation according to Reverend Joe Stannis of the Holy Revival Church located down the street from my soi. He preaches in a black suit to passing motorists. "You are all going to hell."
And attached to his concrete chapel is a sign pointing the way to the nearest 'love hotel'.
Pattaya's motto is written on tee-shirts.
"Good men go to heaven. Bad men go to Pattaya."
This quip is stolen from Mae West's epithet. "Good girls go to heaven. bad girls go anywhere they want."
Nevertheless this doesn't mean we are all sinners.
Even Sodom had one good man.
Charlton Heston would roll in his grave to know that people today can remember which commandment is 'thou shalt not commit adultery', especially since he played 'god' in the burning bush.
My friend Richard has never cheated on his wife. "I'm too lazy to be unfaithful and it's not in my nature."
His wife sleeps with another man. His freinds never tell Richard, because he feels good about himself for being good.
His friend Nick sleeps with another man's girlfriend, while he's back in the UK. She doesn't ask for any money and considers herself true to Nick, because she only has sex with two men.
"So is she your mia noi?" Richard asked at the Buffalo.
"No, she not mia noi. She geek." his girlfriend explained waving for another gin-tonic.
"What's the difference?" Richard was clearly confused.
"A mia noi you take care of along with having a mia leung or frist wife. A geek is someone you have sex with and care about but only a little. You see her when you can and it's no big deal." Nick obviously had been educated in the difference.
"But you're girlfriend doesn't think she's your geek?"
"No, I wouldn't say that." Nick was hardly defensive with this answer. "She is what she is."
"So you never say the love word?"
"No." Nick shook his head. "It's a sex thing."
"So she's a geek?" Richard couldn't fathom why people sleeping together for purely sex.
"No, not geek. Not mia noi. Not friend." Richard's girlfriend was exasperated by the his husband's density, but he only wanted to know where Nick's girl stood in the scheme of things. Nick like this girl, but he wasn't in love. He had told me many times and he wasn't faithful to her. Not like she was to him or Richard was to his wife. I got up and left to avoid any examination of my situation.
Jamie Parker was sitting at the other end of the bar.
When I told my friend about the discussion, he smiled slyly and said, "This is not a town for the pure of heart. Some women here regard their husbands as faithful if they don't bring anyone home or are seen with another women by their friends. Other women think you're cheating if you look at another woman or think of one. Men will believe any story by these bar girls to grant them immunity from a life of sleeping with complete strangers. I call it the Eliza Doolittle syndrome. I can rescue her from this life of sin. Ha, but it's not the farang boyfriend most men have to worry about. It's the Thai ex-. they never die, even if the girl says his husband was killed in a motorcycle accident."
"I'd heard that story twice."
"Bet every man in Pattaya has heard it at least once." Jamie had little use for stories. His girlfriend had been working at the Welkom Inn three years. She liked being a bad girl and so did Jamie. "Everyone has been unfaithful in either thought or deed and I don't know what's worse. Thinking about it and doing it."
"Doing it."
"Yeah, but at the end of your life are you going to be sorry about not doing it or doing it?"
"Regrets I have a few but then again too few to mention." There had been twins at the old Black-Out a Go-go. I had been faithful to my previous girlfriend. She left me for an Italian.
"Sinatra the Philosopher."
"Aristotle to be is to do. Kant to do is to be."
"And Sinatra do-be-do-be-do." Jamie crooned off-key and several bar girls stared his way, as if he was a dog with his paw stuck in a door. "Why you thinking about going home with someone from here?"
"No way." I only lived two minutes from the Buffalo. "I feel like watching up with my penis attached."
"Is your old lady that jealous?"
"She'd cut it off and feed it to the ducks." Castration was a favorite punishment Thai women inflict on philandering males. So much so that Thai doctors had become the world's premier saviours of amputated penises. Accordingly Thai women cast the severed member to the duck pen, since quackers, unlike pigs, eat anything. Even cock.
"Better to keep your sins in thoughts." Jamie advised, for his girlfriend was equally vicious when it came to his roaming eye.
"Deeds we can save for the after-life."
"Or secrets we never tell anyone else. Is it a sin if no one knows?"
In this town everyone knows sooner or later. My wife also knows that once I've had two drinks all I really want is a couple more drinks. She accepts this fallibility as the least of all evils and I went home to surf through the ennuidom of international TV while my wife and daughter slept in the bedroom.
Three days into 2007 and I'm still a saint.
At least in deed.
Thought?
We're all going to hell.
Bar girls, rent boys, ka-toeys, booze, and drugs add up to damnation according to Reverend Joe Stannis of the Holy Revival Church located down the street from my soi. He preaches in a black suit to passing motorists. "You are all going to hell."
And attached to his concrete chapel is a sign pointing the way to the nearest 'love hotel'.
Pattaya's motto is written on tee-shirts.
"Good men go to heaven. Bad men go to Pattaya."
This quip is stolen from Mae West's epithet. "Good girls go to heaven. bad girls go anywhere they want."
Nevertheless this doesn't mean we are all sinners.
Even Sodom had one good man.
Charlton Heston would roll in his grave to know that people today can remember which commandment is 'thou shalt not commit adultery', especially since he played 'god' in the burning bush.
My friend Richard has never cheated on his wife. "I'm too lazy to be unfaithful and it's not in my nature."
His wife sleeps with another man. His freinds never tell Richard, because he feels good about himself for being good.
His friend Nick sleeps with another man's girlfriend, while he's back in the UK. She doesn't ask for any money and considers herself true to Nick, because she only has sex with two men.
"So is she your mia noi?" Richard asked at the Buffalo.
"No, she not mia noi. She geek." his girlfriend explained waving for another gin-tonic.
"What's the difference?" Richard was clearly confused.
"A mia noi you take care of along with having a mia leung or frist wife. A geek is someone you have sex with and care about but only a little. You see her when you can and it's no big deal." Nick obviously had been educated in the difference.
"But you're girlfriend doesn't think she's your geek?"
"No, I wouldn't say that." Nick was hardly defensive with this answer. "She is what she is."
"So you never say the love word?"
"No." Nick shook his head. "It's a sex thing."
"So she's a geek?" Richard couldn't fathom why people sleeping together for purely sex.
"No, not geek. Not mia noi. Not friend." Richard's girlfriend was exasperated by the his husband's density, but he only wanted to know where Nick's girl stood in the scheme of things. Nick like this girl, but he wasn't in love. He had told me many times and he wasn't faithful to her. Not like she was to him or Richard was to his wife. I got up and left to avoid any examination of my situation.
Jamie Parker was sitting at the other end of the bar.
When I told my friend about the discussion, he smiled slyly and said, "This is not a town for the pure of heart. Some women here regard their husbands as faithful if they don't bring anyone home or are seen with another women by their friends. Other women think you're cheating if you look at another woman or think of one. Men will believe any story by these bar girls to grant them immunity from a life of sleeping with complete strangers. I call it the Eliza Doolittle syndrome. I can rescue her from this life of sin. Ha, but it's not the farang boyfriend most men have to worry about. It's the Thai ex-. they never die, even if the girl says his husband was killed in a motorcycle accident."
"I'd heard that story twice."
"Bet every man in Pattaya has heard it at least once." Jamie had little use for stories. His girlfriend had been working at the Welkom Inn three years. She liked being a bad girl and so did Jamie. "Everyone has been unfaithful in either thought or deed and I don't know what's worse. Thinking about it and doing it."
"Doing it."
"Yeah, but at the end of your life are you going to be sorry about not doing it or doing it?"
"Regrets I have a few but then again too few to mention." There had been twins at the old Black-Out a Go-go. I had been faithful to my previous girlfriend. She left me for an Italian.
"Sinatra the Philosopher."
"Aristotle to be is to do. Kant to do is to be."
"And Sinatra do-be-do-be-do." Jamie crooned off-key and several bar girls stared his way, as if he was a dog with his paw stuck in a door. "Why you thinking about going home with someone from here?"
"No way." I only lived two minutes from the Buffalo. "I feel like watching up with my penis attached."
"Is your old lady that jealous?"
"She'd cut it off and feed it to the ducks." Castration was a favorite punishment Thai women inflict on philandering males. So much so that Thai doctors had become the world's premier saviours of amputated penises. Accordingly Thai women cast the severed member to the duck pen, since quackers, unlike pigs, eat anything. Even cock.
"Better to keep your sins in thoughts." Jamie advised, for his girlfriend was equally vicious when it came to his roaming eye.
"Deeds we can save for the after-life."
"Or secrets we never tell anyone else. Is it a sin if no one knows?"
In this town everyone knows sooner or later. My wife also knows that once I've had two drinks all I really want is a couple more drinks. She accepts this fallibility as the least of all evils and I went home to surf through the ennuidom of international TV while my wife and daughter slept in the bedroom.
Three days into 2007 and I'm still a saint.
At least in deed.
Thought?
We're all going to hell.
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