Yankee Stadium is coming down after this season. The seats, the field, the hot dogs stands, and men's rooms will become dust under the rubble of that exalted playing field, but one fact shall remain forever sacrosanct, for a recent survey revealed that less than 1% of men at Yankee Stadium washed their hands after using the urinal. Even scarier was that less than 2% did so after squatting on the porcelain throne. Thankfully more than 20% did so after puking cheap hot dogs and worthless Bud beer.
I decided to conduct an informal survey at the go-go bars in lower Manhattan, only to discover they had vanished in my absence. No more Baby Doll Lounge or Billy's Topless. There were only Gentlemen's Clubs and I'm not going to any strip club catering to gentlemen, so I went to the Patriot Bar on Chambers Street. The PBR beers are $2. I asked the men coming back from the bahtroom, if they washed their hands. They looked at me strangely until I disclosed my mission.
None of them had washed their hands.
"Why should I wash my hands? I don't pee on them." One bearded boozer said with a frown.
I don't either, but I wash my hands to make me different from the rest of Mankind.
Still a one-percenter, mostly because I’m such a bad shot.
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