Banned At JFK

Several years ago a rash of drunken passenger incident forced the airlines to review their policy about serving alcohol in-flight and reaction to inebriated customers. The worst episode occurred on a trans-Atlantic flight during which a first-class passenger stripped naked and defecated on the serving cart. A disgusting act, although I admire his acrobatic skill. Unfortunately post-9/11 flight attendants tolerate no bad behavior and Homeland Security has given stewards and stewardesses near-Nazi powers on who flies and who does not, as I learned this past Monday on a JetBlue flight out of JFK.

We arrived late at the gate for our first flight and the ground crew scheduled us for a later flight to Chicago. My friend was suffering from a hang-over and sought comfort in the hair-of-the-dog. I refrained from such medicine and the Irish bartender at Deep Blue said, "You get drunk and they won't let you fly."

"I'm English." He believed that the Brits were the exact opposite of the Native American with an ability to withstand the scourge of drink. "I'll be fine."

My friend had two hours to recover his wits. I went to the gate to rest, then got him for the flight. His eyes were swimming in the back of his head and his lower lip was black as a buried mummy from red wine.

"Are you OK?"

"I'm better."

We made out way to the gate and entered the plane without any troubles, until a tattooed steward complained about my friend's slowness in putting his bag in the overhead bin.

"I have sensitive camera equipment." My friend slurred with a Scottish accent.

"You're delaying the flight." The steward wasn't taking lip from anyone and told my friend to accompany him to the front of the plane. Everyone watched his departure. The pilot spoke to my friend and the steward came back to my seat.

"Your friend won't be flying with us. Do you want to continue to Chicago?"

"Not with you." I picked up my bag and walked up to the exit. The pilot was waiting for me. He explained the situation and I countered, "My friend might be drunk, but your steward slammed the overhead bin on his hand. He's very rude and I'm writing a complaint about his behavior. Thank you."

The plane took off with our luggage.

We were left with two options.

Wait for the 9pm flight or let my friend sleep it off at an airport hotel.

He was paying so it was off to the Ramada Hotel.

Exiled from the skies by the Homeland Security Auxiliary.

"Was I wrong?" My friend was having a JD and Coke.

"No, but you were drunk." I order a rum and coke. "You're not allowed near heavy machinery in that condition."

We flew the next morning.

Hang-overs are acceptable to the FAA.