CULTURE QUIZ
Who are you?
Take this fun “cultural” quiz to determine whether you can morally qualify for Thai citizenship. You may be more Thai than you realized. If you are Thai, you may find that you are more westernized than you thought.
1. You need change for your sky-train ticket. There are some people standing in a line in front of the ticket window. Do you:
a) walk straight to the window and ask for change
b) look around aimlessly wondering who you can ask for help
c) never take the sky-train because you always travel by tuk-tuk
d) join the back of the line and wait your turn
2. You are about to pass through the turnstiles in the sky-train station. There are several people behind you. Do you:
a) stop at the turnstile and start looking for your ticket in your bags and pockets while continuing to talk on your mobile phone
b) look around aimlessly wondering who you can ask for help
c) never take the sky-train because you always travel by tuk-tuk
d) have your ticket ready in your hand
3. You are waiting to board a sky-train. The station announcer keeps telling everyone to let the alighting passengers get out first and to stand to the side of the doors. There are yellow arrows on the platform showing you where to stand. The train pulls in. Do you:
a) stand in front of the door and try to push your way through the hoards of irritating people trying to get off the train
b) look around aimlessly wondering who you can ask for help
c) never take the sky-train because you always travel by tuk-tuk
d) stand to the side and wait for the passengers to get out before you enter
4. You have entered the sky-train. It is rush hour and there are several people behind you. Do you:
a) stop immediately after entering the door and wonder why irritating people are pushing you from behind
b) look around aimlessly wondering who you can ask for help
c) never take the sky-train because you always travel by tuk-tuk
d) walk as far into the carriage as possible to allow others behind you to enter
5. You are at an intersection and you want to cross the road to buy some food. Do you:
a) walk straight across the road with your eyes transfixed on the food stall and talking on your mobile phone, oblivious to the traffic
b) stand at the side of the road for 10 minutes and then give up and go back to the hotel
c) get a tuk-tuk
d) look both ways and then cross the road while still checking for motorbikes
6. You are exiting an office building. It is lunch time and you have a one hour break. In front of the building, there are some pretty girls in short skirts. One of them is talking endlessly on a microphone. There is also a kiosk and they appear to be giving something away for free. There is a long line of people waiting in the queue. You can’t see what they are giving away. Do you:
a) join the queue and spend your entire lunch hour waiting to get your free sachet of dog shampoo
b) stand there for 10 minutes and then give up and go back to the hotel
c) get a tuk-tuk
d) go for lunch
7. You are entering an office building. It is still lunch time and very crowded. There are four glass doors, but only one of them is open. Hundreds of people are squeezing in and out through the open door. Do you:
a) try to squeeze through the open door
b) stand there for 10 minutes and then give up and go back to the hotel
c) get a tuk-tuk
d) walk towards one of the other doors, open it, and walk through
8. You are late for an important job interview. Do you:
a) go to Central Department store and look at the latest mobile phones and then get something to eat
b) try to remember why you were going to a job interview while you are on holiday and already retired
c) get a tuk-tuk
d) call the company and explain your situation
9. You are now walking towards the building where the interview will be held. Do you:
a) amble along, meandering across the pavement and scraping your soles on the ground whilst talking on your mobile phone
b) try to remember why you were going to a job interview while you are on holiday and already retired
c) get a tuk-tuk
d) walk briskly and purposefully towards the building
10. You have now entered the building and are approaching the escalator. No-one else is on the escalator, but there is a farang walking briskly behind you. You are both going to arrive at the escalator at the same time. Do you:
a) get on the escalator in front of the farang, stand in the middle and stop
b) try to remember why you were going to a job interview while you are on holiday and already retired
c) get a tuk-tuk
d) walk briskly and purposefully up the escalator
For each answer, give yourself the following scores and then see how you rated below:
a) 1 point
b) 2 points
c) 3 points
d) 4 points
0-9 points: you are mentally retarded and unable to either do simple arithmetic or answer basic questions. Either way, you are socially inept and should seek therapy and/or re-education. In the meantime, avoid sharp objects and, for safe keeping, send all your money to the naked farang.
10-15 points: you are Thai and have an affable disposition, smiling a lot. You smile when you are happy, confused, angry, embarrassed, guilty, gloating or nervous. Your favourite pastimes are sleeping and shopping. Even though you have never tried it, you hate Indian food because it smells bad. Paradoxically, you can not eat Thai food unless it is flavoured with industrial strength fish sauce. You believe that corruption is the blight of Thailand, although your cheating on exams or bribing traffic cops doesn’t constitute corruption because everyone does it.
16-25 points: you are an elderly farang tourist with limited experience of Thailand. You wear sandals with socks, and you don’t think that’s odd. You wai everyone and love to visit temples, taking pictures of everything. You think that Thai people are wonderful and friendly, and you think the culture is charming. You find Bangkok intimidating, but you enjoyed seeing an elephant and paid 100 baht to buy bananas off the owner to feed to the elephant.
26-35 points: you are a young farang traveller and you know everything because you read it in the Lonely Planet guidebook. In Bangkok, you stay on Khao San Road, although you haven’t learnt how to pronounce it yet. Your favourite destinations are the very popular and crowded unspoilt beaches. You hate tourists because they want to go to the same places as you. You are a free spirit and you are totally unique because you have (delete as appropriate) dreadlocks / Celtic tattoos / beads / a didgeridoo / fisherman’s trousers / a tie-dyed t-shirt.
36-40 points: you are an expat living in Thailand. You love the country, the culture and the people, although you still find some of the local customs and habits to be a bit odd and, at times, infuriating. Nevertheless, you embrace everything that Thailand has to offer, while still retaining your own cultural identity. You have built up an immunity to chilli peppers and a mild tolerance to traffic jams. You no longer become angry when people arrive late for appointments and have accepted that you probably walk too fast.
41 - 100 points: you are a cheat and are probably involved in politics. You may well be a former Prime Minister currently living in exile.
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