Slow Tongue

I have a stutter. I have it since childhood. My teacher at Pine Grove Elementary School feared that I might be retarded and strongly suggested to my parents that I visit a speech expert in Portland. It was the biggest city in Maine. My grandfather had taught at Maine Medical. I was thought to be retarded as a child. The doctor gave me a series of test to divine my IQ. I scored above average and he determined that my tongue was too big for my mouth.

"You son can't say what he wants to say fast enough."

His cure consisted strictly of slicing my palate to speed my tongue.

With a razor.

I was five years old.

My father was the son of a country doctor. He refused to submit his second son to this treatment and to this day I have retained my stutter.

It works wonders with impatient police officers. They have no patience for stutterers.