Hotel Sòk-gà-bpròk

My friends in the finance sector travel 4-star. I once stayed at the Hotel Imperial in Biarritz with a French movie actress. The King Farouk suite was 5-star. I know the height of luxury. My travels around the world have been on a budget. Luckily my resources allow the minimum of comfort, however sometimes the best room in town is worst than a Bowery flophouse.

My good friend Dice and I exited the Langtang Glacier in Nepal dreaming of a good meal and a hot bath. Our Sherpa guide, Porterhouse, had been extolling the merits of the Yeti Lodge at the trail head. We trudged to the entrance, our eyes squinting in the Himalayan sunshine. I couldn't see through the dining room windows.

"It's moving." Dice whispered in disbelief.

"Not it. They." The interior of the glass was covered by a billion flies. I turned to our guide and said, "You said this place was clean. It's filthy. Not Yeti. Metoh Hotel."

"Before Metoh. Very Dirty." Porterhouse laughed at our sensitivity. "Now clean. Metoh too. But more clean than before."

Dice, Porterhouse, our porters, and I boarded the next bus to Kathmandu. An eight-hour ride on treacherous road. That evening we drank whiskey in a bar overlooking the parade of hippies. Porterhouse regarded them as metoh. Kathmandu was dirty too. Only the mountains were clean, whereas the Nepalese call the Sherpas 'thulo' or dirty. t Our two-week trek that the high mountain people struggle to keep clean in a very hostile environment more than an Englishman on holiday, so I remember the Yeti Lodge fondly, although dirty hotels abound all over the world and two resorts in Thailand top the 2010 edition of TripAdvisor's list of the dirtiest hotels in Asia; Phi Phi Don Chukit Resort and First Hotel Bangkok,

"Cockroaches...smelly.......yuk! Never ever stay here unless...well no...never ever stay here!!!" One disgruntled holiday-maker wrote of the former and another added, "Ruined our holidays, Disgusting place, terrible service".

First Hotel Bangkok was 2009's dirtiest hotel in Asia, but has dropped to # 8 on the strength of seven other hotel dropping below even their low standards of hospitality.

Better luck next year.

ps the Thai word for dirty is sòk-gà-bpròk.

And one more thing I doubt the staff of www.tripadvisor.com a branch of Expedia have ever stayed at the Grace Hotel.

That's gracious living at its worst.

And then there was Dirty Den's on Soi 6 in Pattaya.

Filthy and sordid.

I loved it.