Phineas Beardsley's I-Pad 2

Apple announced the release of iPad1 on April 2120. 3 million were sold in less than 3 months. 15 billion dollars in sales. A year later over 15 million iPad1 had hit the market. Immense profits for Apple and the West Coast company stroked the desires of high-techophiles with the debut of iPad2 on March 2, 2011.

Launch date March 11, 2011.

PDQ, a friend from DC, offered to buy me a iPad2. I had done him some favors. Our business conversation were indecipherable to others. PDO spoke in mumbles and my speech was interrupted by stutters. Richie Boy, my boss on 47th Street, had introduced us. He was ever-vigilant to protect his interests. PDQ and I were forthcoming with the truth.

"I can't understand a word you two say." Richie Boy had ADD, the attention span of a gnat. Neither PDQ not I would do anything to hurt him. Richie Boy was our friend. None of our fathers had raised their sons to be fall guys.

"I'm getting an iPad2 because I solved a problem."

"Which was?"

I really wasn't sure what I had done for PDQ. A signature on a paper. No money exchanged hands.

"It doesn't concern you."

"Everything that happens in this store concerns me."

"This is out of store, so it doesn't concern you."

Richie Boy didn't like the answer. He is a boss. Bosses hate lips as much as the KKK hate an upppity black man.

I ordered 2 iPad2 through my landlord's MacMall connection, Rod. 32GB. Apple Care. 3G AT&T. Rod threw in free shipping and names on the cases. PDQ gave his card and I asked Rod, "How long?"

"You have a priority status. It's 3/9. My computer is linked to the warehouse. You're fast-tracked for immediate delivery." Rod spoke with the authority of an oracle. he was providing me with the future. It might only last a half-year, but the doomsayers were predicting the end of the world by October 21, 2011.

PDQ was satisfied with the time-frame. He was heading off to Europe. His fiancee was taking off time from her job to see Paris for the first time. Lovers didn't need an iPad2 in the City of Light. PDQ and the love of his life flew first-class to London. I was stuck in New York with Richie Boy. His father was in the Promised Land with his mistress. Maria was taking good care of him. Manny deserved the best.

Two days after placing my order a Fed-Ex employee arrived at the diamond exchange with two boxes. MacMall to PDQ. I signed for the packages. Richie Boy glared at me. As a boss he counted the seconds his employees detoured from his game plan like Scrooge with his coins. I smiled back with revolution in my heart, until I lifted the boxes. They were light. A razor sliced the protective tape. I pulled out two pleather case protectors and two Apple Care cards.

"Where is your iPad?" Richie Boy needed glasses to read the menu, but his vision was good enough to discern the disappointment on my grill.

I called Rod. He answered the phone with an apology.

"Some Chinese guy hit every store in the USA with his gang. They bought every iPad2 in stock and then some. He's now selling them online for twice the price, but don't worry yours are coming."

I hate when anyone tells me to 'not worry'. PDQ called from the Hotel Athenee for an update. He could buy the 16G version on the Champs-Elysees.

"Do what you think is best." It's the advice I give everyone when I don't want to tell them what they want to hear.

A week went by without any sing of an iPad2. I called Rod. He said they were coming on Monday or Tuesday this week. 2 weeks late. I sort of believed him with the resignation of impending disappointment in my soul.

Monday nothing other than a call from Rod.

"Tomorrow 100% guaranteed delivery."

"Really?"

"Really."

That night I drank a little moonshine. The corn mash burned inside my stomach like a napalm explosion. Three sips were my limit and I drifted to sleep dreaming about my iPad2, but strangely my name on the tablet had been replaced by 'Phineas Beardsley'. The next morning I woke and went to my iBook G4. A Google search found the name. Phineas Beardsley had been a soldier during the Revolutionary War. He had served in Valley Forge.

Even ghosts wanted an iPad2 and Phineas Beardsley wanted mine badly enough to come back from the grave.

As promised the Fed-Ex agent delivered two boxes on Tuesday morning. They were heavy. Both contained iPad2. One for PDQ and the other for me. It's amazing cutting edge technology, but I'm more than willing to share it with a ghost. That's what's life all about and so is death.

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