How to Swear in Thailand

Like most farangs I had a hard time learning Thai and only those Thais close to me can decipher what I’m trying to say with a Bostonian accent.

Conversely most of what is said to me is too fast for my ears to catch the meaning, but one day I was arguing with a woman from whom I rented a motorcycle. I had slightly scratched the front fender. Earlier scraps graced the bike. She wanted 1000 baht to replace the fender. I knew that was too much and countered with 200. We couldn’t meet in the middle and she spat, “Yet mung.”

I’ve been called many things in many languages.

Thanks to Hollywood most nationalities know how to say ‘Fuck you’.

But every language has its own lexicon of sharp phrases.

I instantly realized she had the Thai version of the f-word, although when I asked anyone what this meant, they all said, “You can not say that.”

“You can, why can’t I?”

“Can not.” Was the only explanation.

Anytime I have since asked about swears, the Thais mostly smile and say they don’t know any bad words. I think they are lying since most swearing occurs behind the wheel of a vehicle and judging from the faces of drivers I have cut off, there seems to be a broad vocabulary for slagging off both farangs and their own countrymen.

My wife’s favorite Ngao or idiot.

Mine tends to be hua-kee or shithead, which my Thai friends say doesn’t really get anyone worked up, but was one of my hometown favorites.

In really it’s better to keep it simple and stay with what the locals use.

I advise you not to use them too often.

And be very careful no one can catch you either.

Back in the 90s a German gave a finger to a local in Chiang Mai. A year goes by and the Thai shoots the German dead. Like an elephant he had a memory. Better to use the following words against farangs. Always makes the Thais smile.

Farang ba = Stupid foreigner (we’ve all been called this).

* Yet = Fuck
* Kuay = Cock (banana also. Amazing how some words have different meanings)
* Ai sat = Twat
* Kwai = Buffalo (we all know what this means ‘MOOOOO’)
* Hoop baak = Shut up (my wife’s favorite expression when I’m talking about $)
* Orn kuay = Suck cock
* I hayer = Son of a bitch
* Gengri = Whore
* Farang keenohk = Birdshit foreigner (Actually said because you’re cheap)
* Chong mang = I don’t give a fuck
* Ga-ree = Whore, Slut
* Dollair = Bullshitter ( sort of the bad version of barg wan or sweet mouth)
* Sudd-Na-Rok = Damned Devil
* Tood-Muek = Asshole
* Gook Kuay = Damned Penis
* Na-Hee = Cuntface
* Ai Na Dad = Clit face (Very vulgar)
* Hee mah = Dog pussy
* Gratoey = Homosexual
* Yet ped = Duck fucker
* Hee = Pussy
* Baan poh mung = Bullshit (lit. your father’s house)
* Naa maw = Flirt (vulgar)
* Laew = Evil (vulgar)
* Baa = Crazy (vulgar)
* Chuk wow = (male) Masturbate (lit. fly kite) (this I understand very well)
* Tob bed = (female) Masturbate (lit. fishing) (no woman will admit to doing this)
* Kun Heeat = A lizard that eats garbage (quite vulgar!)
* Mai chawp khun, dag ling = I don’t like you, monkey arse.
* Som nam nah! = In your face! (probably the #2 Thai expression used by farangs)
* Nah peeh = Ghost face
* Hua kuai = Dickhead
* Heeh men = Smelly pussy

Caution
Don’t ever use the next eight.

I only added these so you understand what is being said to you.<

* Mung = Highly derogative form of ‘you’
* Goo = Highly arrogant form of ‘me’
* Loog-Ga-Ree = Son of the bitch
* Por Mung Tai = Wish your father dead
* Mae-Mung-Tai = Wish your mother dead
* Yed Por = Fuck your father
* Hee mae mang = Fuck your mother
* Mae mung = Your mom (yo mamma)

I only use about 4-5 of them a day unless I’m driving and then I use them all, but only with the windows shut. It’s one thing to use bad language and it’s quite although to have people hear you swear.

ps I waive all responsibility for any beatings you may receive for usage of these words.