Pattaya Manifesto

Pattaya has metamorphorsized from a neglected backwater to a premier destination for lager louts around the world. The green coconut farms have been replaced by sardine-can condos, traffic jams on 2nd Road, and the bars are filled with assholes. There were always assholes here, but not in these numbers

Nowadays I hang out with Thais drinking bee or drink where I'm the only asshole at the bar.

Sam Royalle thinks the city has worsened and has proposed a manifesto to rectify the situation.

Firstly UK government should stop issuing passports to UK citizens to they can't travel anywhere. Other Euro nations should follow suit.

Secondly a world wide ban on travel would be good for the environment. Everyone stays in the country they are in as from today perfect answer to the world's problems. Only travel allowed is on wooden ships.

Most farangs would have to leave Thailand. Sam figures that he could run a lao khao or rice whiskey factory. In absence of other farangs Pattaya city council would enforce certain rules.

Paying a bar fine becomes illegal, all bar girls get a minimum government wage of 20k a month as long as they sleep with us. Beer is free. All pussies must be shaved, virgins must be initiated by a farang, all girls over 25 must be 3 holers, complaining is a capital offence, toilet paper and bum sprays are banned instead we each have our own arse licker / cleaner that lives in the bathroom.

I mentioned to him that this seemed a little misognistic.

"I don't know what that word means, but it's banned from my vision of Babylon on Earth."

He looked at me with an evangelical beam in his eyes.

Babylon on Earth.

One man's vision.

So far away from reality, but only a gas crisis away in the future.