The GOP presidential candidates are threatening the country with a refusal to fund the government, however their love of partisan anarchy is not the end of the world.
In November 1995 a conservative GOP-controlled Congress shut down America and that weekend a blizzard further isolated the President in the Oval Office. Bill Clinton faced down this crisis by ordering a take-out pizza and thirty minutes later a buxom 21 year-old intern delivered the pizza to the Oral Office.
Her name was Monica Lewinsky.
As I said many time the worst thing to happen to America without a federal government was that the President got head and a pizza or a reality version of the XXX classic THE PIZZA GIRL COMETH.
Their affair lasted eighteen month until on January 17, 1998 Matt Drudge broke the news that President Clinton had asked Newsweek to kill a story about his affair with said intern and other women.
The Big Press ignored the scoop from an Internet free-lancer, however sex in high office gave the story legs and Kenneth Starr, the GOP's Congress' independent counsel, conducted a three year investigation into a crooked Arkansas land deal, the death of White House counsel, Vince Foster, and the Lewinsky sexual scandal.
Bill's wife stood by him throughout the tears, pain, and humiliation of believing the lies until they became the truth.
During an interrogation by Mr. Bittman, a lawyer for Kenneth Starr demanded, “Mr. President, if there is a semen stain belonging to you on a dress of Ms Lewinsky’s, how would you explain that?”
No other president has been asked that question for the simple reason that none of the recent White House presidents have had sex while in office.
GW BUSH was too Christian to have sex. His father had been CIA director and hid his afternoon designation with his mistress thanks to well-honed spycraft. Ronald Reagan allowed Nancy to have sex with Frank Sinatra, but the Great Communicator never got any in the White House from his 2nd wife. Jimmy Carter merely entertained impure thoughts and Gerald Ford’s wife suffered from the wasting disease of alcoholism. Richard Nixon only masturbated to nude photos of Jackie O and LBJ arranged his dalliances to occur in Texas.
JFK had scores of women in the White House and confided to British Prime Minister Harold Macmillan that he suffered migraines, if he went three days without sex. At state dinners the president would disappear with women into the recesses of the White House. His paramours included Angie Dickinson, Inga Arvad, a Danish journalist, the stripper, Blaze Starr, Pamela Turnure, Jackie's press secretary; Mary Pinchot Meyer, Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee's sister-in-law; two secretaries nicknamed Fiddle and Faddle, and mob moll Judith Campbell Exner. Marilyn Monroe was a beard for his conquests and JFK was too cool to get caught.
Despite being called America's first black president, Bill Clinton was not so cool, however he survived the interrogation and impeachment proceedings to serve out his term, because he had committed no crime.
Clinton denied having sex with Monica by stating that oral sex wasn't really sex as long you are receiving the oral sex.
The American public accepted his definition, because millions of American men realized that they might be faithful to their waves according the Clinton Doctrine and he was re-elected for a second term by a landslide.
His wife supported him to the hilt.
Monica Lewinsky barely survived the maelstrom of media abuse and the former intern graduated in December 2006 with a Masters in Social Psychology.
At present she stays out the public eye and I hope that Miss Lewinsky is faring well, for at a time of crisis she helped a president by heeding the words of the immortal JFK.
“Ask not what your country can give, but what you can give to your country.”
Hopefully Barack Obama has a happy ending this weekend.
He most certainly could use one.
As for the GOP, who gives a fuck about them?
America wants universal health care, good roads, and a nice home.
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