Sex Show Pattaya

Thailand was once famous for the sex shows of Pattaya and Patpong. Naked girls were trained to propel banana through the air by the strength of their vagina. Ping-pong balls rocketed across the car via the magic of this female pneumatic gun and razor blades were withdrawn from private parts without any harm to the performers or customers. These 'sex' shows were a true wonder, especially if you weren't trapped in the bar by bouncers looking to hit you up for a 1000 baht bar bill for one beer, which was an old Patpong trick.

The shows died out during the first years of the 21st century thanks to the natural prudishness of Thai authorities. Any attempts to revitalize this genre was stamped out by a police raid and I thought I had seen the last of them, until wandering into a bar off Pattaya's Walking Street with Sam Royalle.

The place catered to overweight Russian couples with deviant sex tastes and even more perverted Hindu bachelors. The show was a step back into the illustrious past of the Last Babylon.

Cigarette smoking and the old razor blades.

The performer sat next to me and asked if I wanted to take her to a hotel for a brief encounter. She was fat, but said she would do anything. I was scared of 'anything' and paid for my beer and gave her a 100 baht tip. After all I am a patron of the arts.

I won't tell you where this bar is, because do-gooders would shut it down and I'd hate to put my 100-baht protege out of work.

After all I'm a patron of Pattaya's art scene.