Flee Flee Flee

In 2012 the preacher for Live For God's Kingdom had biblically deciphered the mysteries of the Mayan Apocalypse. Scoot Reeve advised his flock to flee in St. Joseph, Michigan to Jerusalem as a safe refuge for true believers. His sermons of the Last of Days had reinforced the doomsday convictions of my old friend, the ex-model from Paris and she had written me a warning.

"The Beast is a new world order and I think has tied to the International Monetary Fund--which will prevent those faithful to Christ from buying or selling because they will not bow down to this satanic world's demand of receiving its mark of 666 upon their forehead and hand. The love of God in Christ and His Word are eternal."

Normally I responded to her apocalyptical fears with sardonic derision, however the next day a friend had spotted a car caravan of doomsayers in the West Village. The loudspeakers chanting out the date, May 21, 2011, the new and revised End of Times. The religious were chomping at the bit for Armageddon, so their beloved Jesus will transport them into the Rapture. They have no sense of humor, but the beauty of humanity is that we see the funny side of tragedy.

And according to some pundit, here's how the media will report the End.

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN

Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE

Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE

Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER

Wired: THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest: 'BYE

Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!

Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!

America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.

Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

Bring it on and take all the Bible-Thumpers to wherever they want to go.

The sooner the better.

Just so you know 12/21/2012 passed with the slightest threat of human extinction.