May 13, 1978 - East Village - Journal

Walking through Soho's deserted streets Ro asked what my political intentions were.

"What you want me to do?"

I wanted to say nothing because nothing is what I normally want to do other than to have sex with her in an alley, but she is not that kind of woman. My wanting to not doing anything is not apathty, just sloth. Sensing my silence she asked, "Name me five things you want me to do."

I couldn't answer that question right then. I wasn't going to bamboozled her with insane misinformation. She's too emotional be involved with the revolution.

Later

Political goals

First: A moneyless society. Money controls the slavery of man, except with the Eskimo or South Sea Society where money doesn't exist. There is no money on Star Trek.

Number Two: Going to the Stars. Too many people here are devoted to the collective human suicide. We will only live with the hope of going to the Stars. As the biker Eddie Mickee said, "When the shit gets a foot high, step a foot higher."

Three: Equality. For all races, ages, and sexes. The Founders of this nation declared, "All men are created equal." although a large percentage of the thirteen colonies' population were enslaved and the tribes had no rights at all otehr than extermination. No sense in freeing whites of theirtheir racism, unless we go for their children.

Four: The ennobling of Homo Sapiens To render us neanderthal and loving.

Speaking to Ro in the evening, she asked, "Are you going to wait for a revolution?"

"The revolution is now."

The Revolution will arise from obscurity without anyone ever know it's coming until it's there or else the government will squash the secret known only to those who believe. It's not a disco party or punk adn we will promote life unlike the capitalists."

"You are not a dreamer. You are mad."

I pull her into a doorway.

I am not trapped by bankers enslaving people with mindless economic debt. I will never pay my college loans geared to back the war of the Pentagon. I will not vote for politicians who love racist societies to control the people. The people want the death of the human race a Nuclear Holocaust. The culling of billions zero population growth complimenting the Death Cult of Capitalism.

Later

I entered Alice's apartment quietly. She had said she wanted to be with me before she left for her grandmother's funeral. I spooked her and she shuddered with fear. She started crying and I held her in my arms. Tomorrow she will fly out of LaGuardia Airport. I have never flown out of New York. Boston is either by the bus, train, or hitchhiking.

Tomorrow should be gone I will miss her.

She's gained a little weight and has no appetite for sex I hope she isn't be coming asexual or lesbian. Lately both practices of such an abnormal practice as asexuality bring up fearful memories of the Russian castration sects or Coptic monks two groups again be popular or even the Shakers

I asked her you want to marry me

"I don't want to get married, do you?"

"Not really but it seems to be something was supposed to till death other than life."

I can't shake its grip. I'm not looking forward to death. I want to live forever.

Television strangely is on the radio. I drink a watery bourbon hoping for more words get off of this pen. I should be grateful with what I'm writing, but it all seems so tedious.

Alice says she should go on the $20,000 Pyramid, then added, "My grandmother might have left me some money. I was her favorite. I never saw her in the her nursing home. My father said that was for the best"

Yesterday on 42nd Street my right thumb in my finger went numb. No feeling, then a throbbing pulse almost as if I was brought back to life.

Later

I'm concerned with time the passing of time. I don't want to get old. I don't want to be an adult. I want to be 15 again like Xcessive. I get to sleep just to be always awake. I want to fuck Alice you, but not now

Liar.

I want to fuck her too now

Later

The Stanley Cup Bruins versus Canadiens

I'm only 26. I can enlist in the Navy. I have no job. I have no future. My older brother Frank warned, "Don't be crazy. At 16 I wanted to join the Marines to leave my hometown. Not to kill anyone. The only people I wanted to kill were teens in my town. Not the Viet Cong. I met someone at the Quincy Quarries just returned from Vietnam. He said it was all a lie.