NYSCA/NYFA Artist Fellowship - Artist Statement

This week I applied for a New York Fine Arts fellowship after fifty years of writing. This step was long overdue, but two requirements were for artistic and cultural statements. Inhad never considered those necessary for writing for my pleasure. Undaunted by these requests I wrote the following

At the age of 24 I was asked by a young women what was philosophy of life. I had taken Philosophy 101 at university. I faintly recalled the professors' teaching, but I was stumped to find an answer. Nothing? Then I said, "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

The woman shook her head and said, "So you have none."

"No, I also believe in Live for Today," quoting the the 1968 title of the Grassroots hit.

Was I troubled by my shallow replies? Yes, but throughout the years I strove for more understanding through Rilke, Taigu Ryokan, but not Joyce's Ulysses, although I carried a hardback edition during my numerous travels through Asia. I finally abandoned it in Bali. At my favorite homestay. When I returned the following year, it was serving as a door stop and I realized that even the greatest meaning is irrelevant in the right circumstances. I took it to my room, planning to read the first page. It sat on my desk overlooking the Ubud River and the emerald rice fields stretching to a volcano. I laid my hands on the book. Osmosis failed to penetrate Joyce and I realized that I was traveling the world to open my senses.

To see, not look. To listen and not just hear. To feel to taste to breathe every fragrance and smells and nothing.

Always back to nothing, because it is everything.

ps I have dyslexia

Cultural Statement

Wherever I have gone far from New England, my Yankee and Irish roots have followed me. Rebellion against injustice. The thirst for knowledge not to know, but to understand that knowing is not enough. I realize that not matter how long you live in another land, you remain a stranger to the culture. A stranger to yourself as well, but not if one creates a commonality with those around you. Listen to people. See the way they live. Change all about you necessary to stand welcome thanks to your knowing you don't know everything.

Friends and agents have asked, "Why don't you write something people want?"

I have no choice to write other than what I write.

The words control my thoughts or lack of thought.

Several years ago I was walking in the Masai plains. Alone. My team of young Kenyan adults were standing on a cliff's edge. Dust rose from my footsteps. I was in Africa. Happy and I heard the team singing. A song we all knew, Bob Marley's BUFFALO SOLDIERS. Tears wet my eyes. I was so happy. So apart from all I knew, but so close to this moment to want time to stop. It didn't, and later I explained that moment to the team and I sang the song alone and then they joined me. And then like now I realize that I have had a good life. ps I described my gender identity as a gender unknown to others and my sexual identity as sexual, my