All farangs residents of Thailand are experienced in visa matters, although most have to resort to a non-renewable O-visa to live year round in the country. Several years back I sought an artist's visa at the New York consulate which would have allowed me to stay in the country as a guest rather than an interloper. I was called into the office by the consulate head and she asked, "What kind of book are you writing?"

"It's titled THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE IN-BETWEEN." The storyline was to connect the disappearances of the silk merchant Jim Thompson, the Laos Royal Family, Khun Sha, the infmaous Shan State leader, and a friend who had overdosed in a Patpong bar.

"What do you want to write that's bad?" The woman bureaucrat demanded with a stern face. "Are you saying something bad about Thailand?"

"No, not at all, pom lak Thailand mak." I loved living in Thailand, however I belatedly realized my title cast doubt on my affinity for my adopted country.

"This is not good. You must be careful." She tore up my request. "Better no one see this or else you could be persona non grata."

I thank her profusely with a heart-felt wai and decided to get a good old tourist visa.

An Australian writer was unlucky enough to have cast aspersions on the Thai royal family and police in his book and was arrested upon his departure from the country on charges of a lese-majeste charge. He has been held for further questioning without bail. I bet he's doing a lot of wai-ing now.

As my mother used to tell me, if you don't have anything good to say, then don't say anything at all.

"Hoop barg." or shut up.

The offending farang will probably be released after a shirt stint in a Thai jail for behavior modification ie good manners.