Presidential Peeing

The Plaza Hotel in New York is a world-famous destination and every day I see people whose faces adorn the celebrity pages of the newspapers and magazines. Yesterday Susan Lucci entered our jewelry store. My young work wife asked the diminutive TV actress, "Does anyone tell you that you look like Susan Lucci?"

"All the time." Her mouth expressed a sweet smirk at my work-wife's innocence.

"Are you Susan Lucci?" My work-wife was close to hyperventilating. She had been watching ALL OF OUR LIVES since she was 13.

"Most of the time." Susan Lucci's beauty emanates from within.

"Congratulations." My work-wife didn't know what else to say. We had a good laugh about this chance encounter and told the story to the other people working in the Plaza Collection. They all laughed at my work-wife's offering 'congratulations'. Others mentioned having seen David Beckham and his wife Posh earlier in the day. The paparazzi went wild outside the hotel. Fans screamed out his name. It was a madhouse, but the Secret Service locked down the hotel for the arrival of Bill Clinton, the 42nd president.

Agents in black suits roamed the hallway to prevent a prospective assassin. They didn't give me a glance. I'm harmless these days as are most people. Mr. Clinton was dining in the Oak Room with friends. I thought about going up to see him, but customers kept me busy during his visit, but the owner of Leather Spa, the best shoe shine shop in the city, had shook hands with the ex-president.

"He walked out of the bathroom talking on the cellphone. He shook our hands without looking at us."

"I hope he washed his hands." 99% of men at Yankee Stadium don't wash their hands.

"I don't know, but later a customer came out and said he had peed right next to Clinton."

"Did he look at his penis?" It was an honest question.

"No." The customer's answer wasn't so honest. Most guys would have checked out Bill's rig. And it isn't a gay thing either. At least that's what guys think. Of course gays think all men are part gay. So you never know.