The price of gold has rocketed during the last year. The rise has been fueled by the drop in the dollar combined with tremendous demand from India and China. Sadly gold has been the staple gift for Thai girls from their farang boyfriends since the Vietnam War. 5 baht of gold on a bar girl’s neck or wrist is a dead give-away she has a love-struck sponsor in the closet. The girls love this show of wealth, for the sheer pleasure of rendering other bargirls green with Goldfingeresque envy or it-chaa.
“My boyfriend love me 5-baht.”
Jamie Parker, who’s a STAR TREK fan, once likened Thai bargirls to the unscrupulous Darbo girls hungry for gold-plated latinum.
”Thanks the stars they don’t know diamonds are a girl's best friend.”
His comment rang clear with truth. 5 baht of 24 Karat gold is a little more than $6000. A 2-carat diamond ring for a western woman, whose virginity is uncertified, can run $20,000, so the Thai mania for gold is a blessing in disguise.
If you want to make a Thai girl happy. Buy her some gold, but there are several standard rules of gold-buying to obey;
1.) If the girl already has gold, the odds are that she has a sponsor and you are being taken for a ride. Not that your generosity isn’t appreciated. You will be her darling until the guy who bought her the bigger hunk of gold comes into town, then she’ll have to leave to take care of a sick family member. The one week usually runs from Saturday to Saturday and she seems to have telephone problems during her absence.
“Signal no good. Too many buffalo farting.”
2.) You buy it, it’s hers.
A diamond engagement ring is a contract in NY State. No marriage, the ring goes back to the man. Not so in Thailand. A girlfriend or wife considers the gold a safeguard against a time of drought or a brother in the monkey house or a sick buffalo.
“Sick buffalo need glasses to see grass.”
Never question these problems too deeply since to question more means your obligation increases. Accept what you are told on face value and go out and get drunk. The drunker the better. At least the money is going into your gut instead of bunch of upcountry farmers who owe more money to the banks than their famrs are worth on the open market.
3.) If you’ve done something really wrong, gold will save face for your girlfriend.
You’ve disappeared into a k-hole for a week, had sex with ka-toeys or lady-boys, smashed the family car in an impromptu F1 race on Sukhumvit, and been seen with her best friend at a karaoke bar.
Unforgivable?
5 baht of gold will soothe her anger like a OD on Valium.
I used to work in a New York City diamond exchange. 47th street. One morning a man knocks on the window. We let him in thinking he’s a thief, until he hurriedly says, “Gimme something for $3000.”
I show him a gold/diamond necklace.
“Fine. I’ll take it.” He peels off 100s like he’s spent the last five days in a casino and needs a gift to show his wife, (who he hasn’t called in that time ) that he was thinking about her.
Same for you after this weekend from hell.
Buy the gold before you walk in the door.
Believe me, she’ll drop the carving knife on the floor and be on the phone the rest of the day happily bragging to her friends.
Lastly buying gold means that you have to go along.
If you give her the money, it will never make the distance to the gold counter.
“Sick buffalo rob me.”
Here’s a few facts to help you,
Caveat emptor which is Latin for ‘let the buyer beware’.
Som nam nah or ‘serves you right means the same in Thai.
Go to someplace where the people look more honest than a car salesman.
Check if the gold has a stamp.
Have them weigh it.
40 years ago Thai gold was 98% gold with a special alloy called nam prasam tong.
This gold was soft as putty and was replaced by the present melange of 96.5% gold and the rest silver and bronze. The basic measure is more than a half ounce or 31 grams. The price of gold is usually about $30 over the gold market price.
Gold in recent weeks has bounced to new heights.
21000 for one baht.
Yikes!
So if you’re thinking of doing something really wrong, make sure you do so in another town.
“Darling, I have to go to Bangkok to see a sick friend.”
“Who you go see.”
“Derek, you remember him.”
Five baht of gold now is a motorcycle or 50 short times at a go-go.
Five baht of gold or 50 short times?
Peace at home or paradise for 15-20 minutes.
Your choice.
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