Thursday, March 27, 2008

Love Advice in Pattaya


Spike is a Tasmanian demolition mining engineer. The way a man his age (59) drinks it's surprising he has lasted over 30 years on the job. Claims the drink calms his nerves.
Spike visits to Pattaya every year to Pattaya for a three-month holiday. Having been married once he doesn't get involved with Thai bargirls or 'sheilas', on this trip a one-night stand from Soi 8 unexpectedly lasted a week.
Some of his friends said he was getting serious, but the barkeep, who had been married to Spike's wife's sister, accepted all bets that Spike would be a bachelor again within three days. The odds were 10-1 and he had plenty of takers. After all Spike's short-times tend to be horror-shows and this girl was a beauty.
This evening I was sitting at the bar in Spike's hotel. The girl came out crying. Spike appeared five minutes later. "She complained she hurt from too much sex and couldn't do it again. All the girls say that after a few days."
I started poking him in the shoulder. "That hurt."
"No."
I jabbed him harder with two fingers. "What about that?"
"A little bit."
I knuckled him with three fingers and he flinched, "Watch it, mate."
"Just trying to prove a point." "Which is?"
"All women complain about men wanting sex all the time. Why? Because you would too, if you had a drunk ramming a sausage into you three times a day. Women are soft inside. Men are hard. Gotta hurt."
"So whatcha saying?"
"Just that you can't expect a woman, even a bargirl, to take a pounding and not hurt after a few days." "Hadn't thought of it that way."
"So you're gonna give the girl another chance?"
He wasn't going to find anyone prettier during his stay. Spike is short, fat, and has a face a father would own up to as his son. Then again this is Pattaya and Spike said, "Naw, my love days died a long time ago." He finished his beer and headed into the night.
The barkeep collected his bets. Even at 10-1 he made enough for a good meal at the Lobster Pot. Everyone bitched that they had been set up. The barkeep said, "I know Spike 25 years. He lasted nine years with his wife. He hasn't has a bird longer than a month since the divorce. He's no good. If you can't see that, then you're blind."
We heard shouting from the end of the street. It was Spike and the girl. She was hitting him with a shoe. He went down and took a beating. Everyone at the bar laughed and the barkeep said, "Look who's hurting now? Drinks on me."
"What about Spike?"
No one moved from their chair, but said in unison raising their beers.
"Som nam nah" which in Thai means SERVES YOU RIGHT.

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