The River Is Wide - 2009

The River Is Wide image.jpeg In August 2009, I took first wife and our daughter Angie to the highest point in Thailand. Doi Inthaton was wraithed by fog and I lent her my jacket, even though I had bought her a bright pink poncho in Chiang Mai. She liked anything to do with me. Angie is my daughter. She and I climbed to the highest pagoda and there she asked if i still loved her. "Pon lak kunh mak." She was my first child. We spent most of her first five years together, until her mother deserted me for an up-country lover. I have almost recovered from the pain thanks to my new wife, Mam, and our son Fenway, but my love for Angie remained strong, despite her mother's betrayal. I had to ask, "Why?" Angie explained that she opened my computer and saw pictures of another baby, Fenway, and none of her. I felt her hurt and held her in my arms. "I will always love you forever," I told her this in Thai with a Boston accent. She made a face like I was speaking Klingon, but then buried her face in my chest. I felt her heartbeat. My daughter said nothing. She has never told me that she loves me. Angie is a funny girl that way. Her mother waited at the car. We had a serious conversation about Fenway. I had kept him a secret. He was no secret now. "Angie has a brother." We drove to Sukhothai in long silence ripped to shreds thirty minutes later by angry accusations. "You left me. You had a boyfriend. You made your bed. You keep up this shit and I'll get out of the car now and you'll never see me again.Is that what you want for Angie." My anger was verging on cold blood. "I love her 100%" “And me?” “Not a 100%.” She sat in the back. Nu shut up. I never wanted this. No one was right, but Angie came first. Night came fast. The road was difficult. Nu took over the driving. My eyesight wasn’t the best in the dark. My phone rang. It was Mam. I spoke with her and explained that Nu knew everything now. No one was happy, although I had Nu stop at a gas station, so I could buy snacks for Angie and Leo beer for me. Nu got a Pepsi. Sukhothai seemed father away every time I looked at the Nelles Map of Thailand, but at 9 pm it was only 30 klicks away. The radio warned of flooding. The Yom River was running over its banks. A flood. Nam tuam.

Sukhothai was the ancient Thai capitol. The Burmese had burnt it to the ground on several occasions. There was nothing in the history of the Rough Guide for Thailand about flooding, but as we reached the city proper, the water rose higher and higher, until it was up to the doors.

"This is fucked up." I kept driving towards the muang bulan. The ancient city was on higher ground.

"Jam dai 5 pii gon. Anthong mii nam tuam." Nu was referring to high waters in Anthong 5 years before.

"Jam dai." Sandbags lined the Asia Highway. Water on tge other side gleamed an inch below the rim. I had never seen flooding like this. It was like New Orleans a day before Hurricane Katrina submerged the Pearl City.

We reached dry road and found an open hotel on raised land. Sukhothai is a town, that closed early. We ate a late dinner, and I had Angie sit on my lap. She was scared of the racing waters in the street. The care was safe. We were safe.

"Mai huang." I told her not to worry. "I will be there always."

I'm certain she didn't believe. And the same goes for Fenway.

We are family and I leave no one.

ps I will always be there for them. Then now forever___