Wednesday, May 13, 2026

Shi Pei Pu RIP 2009


I could probably be tossed out of the business for telling you this — it violates every journalistic principle in the book — but once, long ago, in the course of my work as a reporter, an international man of mystery pressed upon me a gift of rare jewels, and to my shame, I accepted.


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Associated Press

MONSIEUR BUTTERFLY Shi Pei Pu, circa 1965.


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Shi Pei Pu, Singer, Spy and ‘M. Butterfly,’ Dies at 70 (July 2, 2009) The man’s name was Shi Pei Pu, the Beijing opera singer and spy who died in Paris last week. True, he was not out of the James Bond mold of international men of mystery or even the Austin Powers mold: He was a delicate, theatrical, otherworldly little man who beguiled an employee of the French Embassy in Beijing into espionage during the Cultural Revolution by claiming to be a woman. In the course of their affair, he even produced a child.


I was working as a reporter at People magazine, back in 1988, when I saw the Broadway show the case inspired, David Henry Hwang’s wonderful “M. Butterfly,” and it raised many questions: How could a guy make love to another guy for months and not know? Where had the kid come from? How could I get to Paris, where the two men were now living after spending time in prison, on somebody else’s dime?


There were also Shi Pei Pu’s own singular demands: He wished to promote himself as a Beijing opera star (though there was no evidence he had ever been one in China). He would do an interview only if the magazine arranged for him to perform on television. As luck would have it, People was about to launch a television show, so this was not a problem.


Also, this story happened long, long ago, at a time when there was money to be made in journalism. Especially at People magazine. Arriving at work, one had to wade through it in specially made money boots, so as not to stain the feet. In keeping with that spirit, the photographer and I checked into the Lancaster Hotel, on the Right Bank, where Richard Burton and Liz Taylor once shacked up. We were soon joined by a TV producer, TV reporter, interpreter and video crew. Even by People magazine standards this was getting to be a pricey enterprise. It got pricier as the days passed and we waited for Mr. Shi (pronounced Shuh) and his retinue to show up.


One hates to speak badly of the dead, but it has been now five, maybe six days, and I think I may be forgiven for saying Shi Pei Pu was one of the more maddening subjects I have ever met. It took him days to admit he had a physical affair with Bernard Boursicot, the embassy worker, and although police records showed otherwise, he denied that he had pretended to be a woman. He could, however, have taught a course on charming manipulation. Despite his ordinary masculine dress, the baggy turtleneck and blue trousers, he managed to convey the impression of a tragic, exiled and fragile porcelain princess who, pushed too hard, might shatter.


Also, he told great stories; flowery, Chinese-French bodice rippers. He and Bernard in the days of the Cultural Revolution, when it was forbidden for Chinese and foreigners to meet, sitting across Changan Avenue and staring at one another; or Bernard so in love with Pei Pu that he ran waving and yelling after his bus. Later, Bernard would tell the same story with Pei Pu running after him, but no matter.


Shi Pei Pu’s televised Beijing opera recital turned out to be a major production: The hotel rooms the magazine had arranged were deemed too small, new space had to be found and paid for, fittingly in the town of Versailles. Pei Pu’s musicians had to be paid. Finally, it was over. Pei Pu, in the manner of wanna-be divas to whom attention has finally been paid, was giddy with delight and appreciation.


Finding me in my room at the Lancaster later that day, Pei Pu told me, through the translator, that he wished to give me a gift; then, with a delicate but mesmerizing flourish, he presented me with a long string of pearls. They were his grandmother’s, Pei Pu said. He wished me to have them.


Reporters are forbidden to accept gifts; in extremis the general rule is that one can accept something if the worth is under $25. A 20-inch string of antique pearls was definitely out. I tried explaining this to the translator. There was a great deal of flowery back and forth which, with subtext, went something like this.


Me: “No, no, no, no, I could not possibly. Especially because you have not yet told me how you hid the fact you are man, you devious little snake.”


Shi: “Yes, yes, yes, you must. After all, it was you, cher Madame, who got me on American television. I guess it would be too much to hope you know an agent.”


Finally, the translator, in a private aside to me, said: “You must accept. If you do not, it will be a great insult.”


I saw no way around it. If this kept up much longer, the Lancaster would hit us up for another night. I accepted the pearls, thinking I would figure out a face-saving way to return them — maybe turn them into a bracelet and send it to Pei Pu’s son when he married. When I got home I put them in a drawer where they languished for years. I wrote a book about the case, but Shi Pei Pu wouldn’t speak to me for it because he hadn’t liked the People magazine story. Too much sex.


Then one day, heading up to the Diamond District to have a bracelet repaired, I remembered the pearls in the drawer.


“Tell me these are under $25,” I told the man in the repair booth.


His examination barely required a glance.


“They’re not only fakes, they’re very bad fakes,” he said.


“Perfect,” I said.


I had them made into a three-strand bracelet: the Pei Pu pearls. I wear them sometimes to the theater. They’re very bad fakes, but for sure, one of a kind. Rest in peace, Shi Pei Pu. You told a helluva story.


By JOYCE WADLER


NY Times

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May 13, 1978 - East Village - Journal

Walking through Soho's deserted streets Ro asked what my intentions were.

"What you want me to do?"

I wanted to say nothing, because nothing is what I normally want to do other than to have sex with her in an alley, but she is not that kind of woman. My wanting to not doing anything is not apathty, just sloth. Sensing my silence she asked, "Name me five things you want me to do."

I couldn't answer that question right then. I wasn't going to bamboozled her with insane misinformation. She's too emotional be involved with the revolution.

Later

Political goals

First: A moneyless society. Money controls the slavery of man, except with the Eskimo or South Sea Society where money doesn't exist. There is no money on Star Trek.

Number Two: Going to the Stars. Too many people here are devoted to the collective human suicide. We will only live with the hope of going to the Stars. As the biker Eddie Mickee said, "When the shit gets a foot high, step a foot higher."

Three: Equality. For all races, ages, and sexes. The Founders of this nation declared, "All men are created equal." although a large percentage of the thirteen colonies' population were enslaved and the tribes had no rights at all otehr than extermination. No sense in freeing whites of theirtheir racism, unless we go for their children.

Four: The ennobling of Homo Sapiens To render us neanderthal and loving.

Speaking to Ro in the evening, she asked, "Are you going to wait for a revolution?"

"The revolution is now."

The Revolution will arise from obscurity without anyone ever know it's coming until it's there or else the government will squash the secret known only to those who believe. It's not a disco party or punk and we will promote life unlike the capitalists."

"You are not a dreamer. You are mad."

I pull her into a doorway.

I am not trapped by bankers enslaving people with mindless economic debt. I will never pay my college loans geared to back the war of the Pentagon. I will not vote for politicians who love racist societies to control the people. The people want the death of the human race a Nuclear Holocaust. The culling of billions zero population growth complimenting the Death Cult of Capitalism.

Later

I entered Alice's apartment quietly. She had said she wanted to be with me before she left for her grandmother's funeral. I spooked her and she shuddered with fear. She started crying and I held her in my arms. Tomorrow she will fly out of LaGuardia Airport. I have never flown out of New York. My trips home to Boston have been either by the bus, train, or hitchhiking.

Tomorrow should be gone I will miss her.

She's gained a little weight and has no appetite for sex. I hope she isn't be coming asexual or lesbian. Lately both practices of such an abnormal practice as asexuality bring up fearful memories of the Russian castration sects or Coptic monks two groups again be popular or even the Shakers

I asked her you want to marry me.

"I don't want to get married, do you?"

"Not really but it seems to be something was supposed to till death other than life."

I can't shake death's grip. I'm not looking forward to death. I want to live forever.

Television strangely is on the radio. I drink a watery bourbon hoping for more words get off of this pen. I should be grateful with what I'm writing, but it all seems so tedious.

Alice says she should go on the $20,000 Pyramid, then added, "My grandmother might have left me some money. I was her favorite. I never saw her in the her nursing home. My father said that was for the best"

Yesterday on 42nd Street my right thumb in my finger went numb. No feeling, then a throbbing pulse almost as if I was brought back to life.

Later

I'm concerned with time the passing of time. I don't want to get old. I don't want to be an adult. I want to be 15 again like Xcessive. The punk Peter Pan. I get to sleep just to be always awake. I want to fuck Alice, but not now

Liar.

I want to fuck her too now

Later

The Stanley Cup Bruins versus Canadiens

I'm only 26. I can still enlist in the Navy. I have no job. I have no future. My older brother Frank warned, "Don't be crazy."

At 16 I wanted to join the Marines to leave my hometown. Not to kill anyone. The only people I wanted to kill were the teens in my town. Not the Viet Cong. Back then I met someone at the Quincy Quarries just returned from Vietnam. He said it was all a lie.

May 13, 1990 - Langtang Trek, Nepal - Journal Entry

Previously published May 20, 2023

I wish my camera was functional. It had been smashed after a porter chucked my bag from the bus at the trailhead.

The scenery and people are amazing. I speak with two German trekkers. Dieter is in his 40s. Thin and fit. His hiking partner is Miriam. She has decided to not wear boots and go barefoot like some of our Sherpas. She attacks me for hiring them as slaves. Lance says, "We pay them so they can put food on their families' tables."

"I've seen where they live. They don't have tables."

Lance shook his heads.

Our first stop was a little tea shop with a Coca-Cola flag flying on a pole. Lance and I bought Cokes for everyone. The porters happily thanked us, then lit up cigarettes, inhaling deeply. Lance and I were still huffing from the lack of oxygen. The trail climbed along a savage torrent of glacier melt.

This morning Lance and I were passing through a forest of tall plants. The porters were way ahead of us. I stared closer at some flowers. They looked familiar, because they were marijuana. Lance asked if we should take some and I shook my head. The families of this valley lived on less than a $1 a day. When we emerged from the reefer forest, a young boy ran down the slope, shouting, "Hash, hash, hash."

I was glad to have brought small bills and bought an ounce for $20.

His eyes were crusted due to an infection.

I pulled out my medicine kit. He seemed wary until seeing the Red Cross. I washed away the crud with antiseptic eyedrops. He smiled with gratitude and I filled a small vial for his future use.

"I'm impressed," said Lance.

My grandfather was a surgeon for the Royal Canadian Medical expedition in World War I." I doubted any of his knowledge had been passed through two generations, but I was a severe hypochondriac. My paranoia had killed me many time. Never with success. So I possessed a good sense of preservation for myself and others.

At the next stop I showed the other two trekkers the hashish. Ty Spaulding and I smoke some at lunch. Lance refused, saying he needed his lungs for the next stage.He wasn't a smoker and neither was Ty's partner.

The hashish was fresh off the bud and strong, but probably not the best idea, since Dorge warned us that we were crossing a landslide after this.

I'm sure he's right.

He always is so far and I wonder how many times he has trekked this trail.

Tuesday, May 12, 2026

May 13, 1990 - Langtang Trek, Nepal - 1990 - Journal Entry

Published May 29, 2023The passing clouds obscure the 6000-meter snow-tipped peaks towering over the Langtang Valley, but the 5000-meter ragged summits cut through the mist. The tea house serves a good cup of yak butter tea. I'm not liking the salty brew, but it does provide warmth and nourishment. Dorzee our guide is inside the teahouse speaking with a female Sherpa guide and an Austrian woman fluent in Tuchin and Tibetan. I can only speak English, French, and German. I learned a little Bahasa Indonesian in Biak, Bali, and Sumatra. No Thai, Sherpa or Nepali.

Dorzee has been kind enough to translate for us.

He emerges from the tea house and bids good-bye, "Chag-po nang."

We proceed up the steep trail passing head-high prayer walls.

Garz-bo is steep in Tibetan.

I'm sure like the Eskimos they have other words for steep.

I have three.

Steep, very steep, and very fucking steep.

Monday, May 11, 2026

May 11, 1978 III - East Village - Journal

Last night Alice and I smoked opium in my SRO on East 11th an 5th. I had scored the O from Fred, my neighbor, a queen who collects Nazi memorabilia. He even has a human skin lamp and a SS female uniform whihc fits his girth. Fat she was no ELSA SHEWOLF OF THE SS. A total slave in the Toilet by the Hudson.

In my room with a wndow on the airshaft ee got undressed into our underwear. Alice taking off her bra and slipping into a small wife beater teeshirt. We chase the dragon on tinfoil. She was wasted after a single huff. It was strong. This was my third time. It wasn't hashish,

"I love the smell. Like we were lost in Hong Kong. Smoke some more."

I played a match under the foil. the brown tar bubbled spewing white smoke. I exhaled in Alice's face. She moaned and said, "Fuck me."

I didn't think she knew where she was or who I was. Lost in a narcotic dream. She passed out a minute later, my hard cock inside her. I masturbated without cumming and joined her in lotus land naked, our limbs intertwined.

Dreams melted through the stupor. Naked with John Holmes trying to push his cock in my ass. And Alice trying to help him. I woke and pushed Alice away from me, her finger in my anus. I liked it. She sniffed her finger without making a face.

"What is it?"

I had a bad dream. I told her about getting fucke up the ass.

"You poor darling."

She fingered my ass.

We lay together the thigh between mine her stomach pressed him on we went back to sleep

Right before noon I woke and we fucked. I came. Alice did not.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. When I was young, one of my boyfriends left me, because all I wanted was sex. Sorry, now I'm not even interested. I don't mind you fucking me. I don't know why I don't want to come. Sometimes I just want you to fuck me."

When she does, she lies like a dead person or a starfish and I fake cumming. I want to say it's because she's so worried about her school about graduation her play her weight these worries prevent her from enjoying herself, uncomfortable with who she is and sometimes she asks for advice with her play, but when I try and say something she shuts me down, saying that's stupid or I can't work with you just huffing.

Later she left for the theater. That evening we were on the phone about how spending too much time together it spoils our appetite for each other

"I have to finish my school work. I like waking up with you at your place. It leaves me feeling that I have abandone everything. I'm so disorganized this time of year and I have to finish so much."

I agreed, but suggesting we spend less time together. Usually the sign breaking up.

Later that night in an elevator in my building after I push the fifth floor button she asked, "This is a hypothetical question but how would you feel if I left you."

"I wouldn't do anything drastic."

So it seems as if the wait for her departure has been paved. Alice only needs me as a friend and protector and fucker, until she leaves for Appalachia, but I thought, "You'll be back."

However I'm beginning to doubt that one must be prepared to soften the shock of an amputation of a romance. A nice affair, but nothing's really occurred besides my falling in Love. Funny how life slips between highs and lows without any advanced notice, but then we would be no better than a pet dog knowing what time we're going to be fed or petted or killed. The unexpectancy of life has meant leaving so many people.

The high school quarterback, the cheerleaders, the student presidents, College big men on campus, all of them mean nothing now in New York City. I was nothing to them, when I was young. Think to them now too. I doubt any of them remember me. I was always alone. I feel strong. No threats no fears being scared will never come back. Never having to worry about how people see me or when Alice ask me, "Why don't you smile?"

True, I grin, instead of laugh. Smiling? I wish I could, but smiling feels too much like accepting them world around me. Satisfied as I leave childhood and become an adult unlike Peter Pan

I will never grow up.

I have no innocence . I will not regain virginity. To have no creative skills. Writing in this journal delaying realization that an artist cannot be swayed desires to be somebody.

Later

I was in Cornelius Street Cafe with Alice, Kim, Amos, and Serena, Sean's wannabe girlfriend. We are planning the four Gemini party. Amos, Kim, Serena, and me. Atkins Bleecker Street apartment. We have given out over 100 invitations at CBGB's and Easats Village bars and restaurants.

My back was to the door, which I never like. Always worried that someone with whom I had a fight they hit me in the back of the head like Jack McCall shooting Wild Bill Hitchcock in Deadwood, while he was holding the dead man's hand.

Two fingers poke me in the back in the mystery voice said, "What are you doing here?"

It was Ro and I wanted to protect myself look and she looked very vulnerable since coming back from Paris. Our past barely crossed with chance meetings rarely lasting more than a minute.

Alice scolded me, "You never introduced me to anyone."

"Ro, this is Alice."

I said without explaining who was who. Basically wanted to shield her from knowing that I had been in love with Ro. Maybe even not now but maybe yes.

"We're planning a birthday Party."

"Am I invited?"

"Of course/ I'll call you later. You have the same telephone number right. 255-3035.

An old man pulled on her jacket. The two of them left. They didn't look like lovers. I said nothing and then Alice leaned over and asked, "Are you thinking of fucking her?"

"No, I have you."

Kim ever mischievous asked, "Who was that? The next fuck of yours."

"Who isn't?"

Chemistry more than a few alliances set a word to Alice. I've never said a word about hers. In many ways they only exist for sex to be shared fucking someone else.

Marooned in the city Seeking exits Once disguised As walls To stand on the shore of an Eastern ocean Seeing Atlantis Beneath the waves He deserts the city To wade in the tide.

Later

Raphaela, the owner's wife blows me in the bathroom.

Peter Nolan Smith by Nussy Andrew

Peter is far from a saint But he knows just what he ain’t He read my palms down on Avenue A And all the lines in my hand Read by this seventy something or other man He claims, revealed more than the stars He had the balls to ever say We got a couples massage A cigarette down by the park He tells me smoking always Makes him feel young He read a poem to the wind As we discussed our Former sins And we forgave each other for every single one He told me if I were 10 years younger how good we Would be And I neglected to inform him That would make me 13 He said “Agree to disagree” Peter is far from a saint He makes a lovely teammate And all my wiseacre ways Never rub him wrong He told me “Being apart is fine As long as you find the art” So I gave him my heart With this song