Da 4th o July
2024
America____
Traffic jams
Flags waving
Nascar on the Chicago Streets
Cook-outs
Back yards, parks, beaches
The smoke of BBQS
Across the USA
Belly flops into pools
New flipflops on the beach
The memory of Evel Knieval___
A nation celebrating our freedom
From the tyranny of England
Life liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Now and forever____
Viva LA Revolucion
Sunday, July 5, 2026
Evel Knieval poem
Saturday, July 4, 2026
Erotic Hot Dog Contest - 2008
Several years ago America lost the Little League World series to Taiwan, Japan, and the Dominican Republic. NBA All-Stars were second-rate in the World Championships, however the USA was shocked by Takeru Kobayashi beating scores of heavyweight Yanks at Coney Island’s fabled hot dog eating contest and the diminutive Asian clung to his title like Michael Jordan and the Bulls, culminating with his 2006 feat, 53 3/4 frankfurters in 12 minutes.
Thankfully in 2008 an equally thin Joey Chestnut of San Jose, California regained the title with a record downing of 59 1/2 hot dogs and the world. This year the competition was open to all-comers and on the 4th of July I was sitting at Pattaya's Pigpen A Go-Go with Jamie Parker.
The New Yorker expat hadn't seen Ort in a long time and he had gained back a little weight since his Ice episode with the lithe go-go dancer. Neither of us mentioned her name, but she was still on his mind, even when he said, “This morning on TV I saw that Jap hot dog eater win his another title at Nathan's. All these fat American contestants upchucked hot dogs, while the damned foreigner calmly sucked down weiners like he was from Dusseldorf. Even weirder, his stomach showed no sign of expansion and the audience had no idea where they were going.”
“Very impressive.” I had watched the same TV show and attempted to imitate the Jap's style, only managing three in a minute. My stomach had yet to recover from the effort and I asked the bar owner, "Who here do you think would win?"
Jamie looked around the bar. His skinny farang clientele liked the fat dancers wobbling around the steel poles. I didn't understand the attraction.
"Ei-Yet." He pointed to the the ancient forty-kilo cashier. "I've seen her eat non-stop for hours."
"It's a Thai genetic trait. They eat as if there's not tomorrow." My wife was a very healthy eater. Mam could eat with the best of them.
More than me any day.
“Who in Pattaya wants to watch skinny farangs eat hot dogs?”
“Fat farangs looking for a free meal.”
Bars offering free food floated balloons and Pattaya's free food crowd were called balloon chasers.
“There’s enough of them here.”
"No, but there would be more if you held an erotic hot dog eating contest including bar girls. Remember how Kenny at Living Dolls had the girls fellate banana.”
“And how they carved them into penises with their teeth.” The British manager had revitalized showtime on Walking Street with his gift for the perverse.
“Sheer artistry.” Jamie also had a fine aesthetic for the erotic arts. “But I’ve always thought nothing was sexier than a girl eating a hot dog at a baseball game. Struggling to keep the relish and mustard from falling down her chest.”
“You do?” My extensive research into porno websites had never turned up this fetish.
“A lot of men do, but don’t realize it.”
“Really? I thought they were more burger fans.” Pattaya women don’t like sloppy.
“Doesn’t matter what they are. We can host a combined erotic hot dog eating contest with a hot dog championship. We could pack the bar with guys and also video the event for sale on the Internet.”
“I don’t know.”
“We’ll hold it at 12 noon Eastern Standard Time for the stockbrokers getting ready for lunch. Once a week. Different girls and you can vote online.” Jamie was breathing fast. "We make tee-shirts of the winner and then hold contests between different bars. Then it's on to TV. I'll be the Chuck Barris of Hot Dog Eating contests."
Jamie weaved on his stool.
“Are you all right?”
"No."
I signaled Ei-Yet for a glass of water. The forty year-old ex-stripper and I went back years. We had both seen countless farangs keel over at bars. The water came in seconds and Jamie sucked it down
“Fine, I just got a glimpse of the future.” He envisioned the money rolling into his PayPal account.
“And?”
“Better I leave erotic hot dog eating in my head, because the idea would become ruined by commercialism. All dreams are.” He settled down and drank his beer. “Maybe next year the world will be ready for it.”
Jamie was right.
We will be waiting, because eating hot dogs are sexy.
With mustard.
"Never ketchup, for as my grandfather said, "Never trust a man who puts ketchup on his hot dog."
Friday, July 3, 2026
Greatest of the Great - 2012
On my birthday several friends and I were having a conversation about the greatest athlete of our lifetime at Frank's Lounge. We were all in our 50s. Larry had seen Ali, Homer claimed for Magic Johnson, AP proposed Andre the Giant, then I said, "Evel Knievel." "No way." Larry shook his head. AP and Homer called me a fool, but I stood by my choice.
Evel Knievel broke over 400 bones broken in the pursuit of aerial excellence, but his most heroic leap was the attempt to clear the Caesar's Palace pool in Las Vegas.
That New Year's Eve in 1967 on New Evel dropped $100 at the blackjack table. He zeroed out his chips, then had one shot of Wild Turkey before exiting the casino to climb on his Triumph Bonneville 650 cc.
Linda Evans filmed the crash at Caesar's pool for the Wide World of Sports. His approach is perfect, but somehow the engine cut out on the ramp. The bike's rear tire caught the receiving ramp. Evel tumbles a football field into the casino. Linda Evans caught every agonizing second. Evel was comasized 29 days.
Next jump.
Houston Astrodome.
19 cars.
Harley 750.
Successful both times.
None better.
Evel Knieval. The Greatest of the Great.to seethis jump please go to this url
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYGGCVE2lKY&feature=relatedDiversity
My father's side of the family came over on the Mayflower. My Irish Nana sailed across the Atlantic on a cow boat from Ireland. My older sister's husband is Jewish. My younger sister is married to an African American with Indian blood. My next-door neighbors in my old hometown were Neapolitans who emigrated from Argentina. I have friends from every race, religion, and nation.
"Whence came all these people?" wrote J. Hector St. John de Crevecoeur, Letters from an American Farmer.
We came from everywhere and we still come from everywhere, because that is the American way.
Happy July 4th
July 2, 1776 - Declaration of Independence
After the completion of the Declaration of Independence on June 28, 1776, the writers submitted the hand-written statement to Second Continental Congress meeting at the Pennsylvania State House and Lee's Resolution for Independence was passed without a dissenting vote. John Adams of Massachusetts wrote his wife that "The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America."
The New Englander might have been one of the smartest men in the Colonies, however Adams was no seer, for July 2nd was overlooked in favor of July 4, which was when the Congress announced the official adoption of the Declaration of Independence from England to the public.
The second sentence foretold a promise.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
News of the Declaration spread from Philadelphia north, south, and west.
On July 9, 1776 General Washington had the words read to his troops in New York City. The British fleet rode at anchor in the harbor. The people of that city tore down King George III's equestrian statue and melted the lead into bullets. America has been independent since July 2, 1776, although the second sentence has yet to fulfill the challenge of equality and justice for all.
Maybe one day and maybe not.
Freedom doesn't mean the same to everyone.
Especially not these days.
But I believe.
E pluribus unum.
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