Saturday, September 30, 2023

Plastic Ocean

Plastic
Everywhere
Fort Greene Park
Farmers' Market
On a rainy Saturday Morning
After Friday's Noahic rains.

People shopping for the vegetables
Artesian breads and meats
Fruits.

At a stand
A middle-aged progressive
Blissfully packs
Apples into Plastic bags


"Do you where that goes?" I ask.

Stumped by the unexpected question, I answered for him,

"To the sea, but you know that."

His eyes narrowed and brow goes eleven.
He hates me.
He hates my speaking to him.
I don't blame him.
I am a hypocrite.

"I don't want to get my bread wet."
Artesian bread.
"Would you want to eat wet bread?"

"Sure, may I have a hunk?

I like artesian bread.
I walk away
Happy to have upset him
Happy to be a hypocrite.

My fish is in a plastic bag.

Deconsume

Friday, September 29, 2023

Day Five of Forty Days of Rain

In Genesis 7:4 Yahweh said four thousand years ago, "For in seven days I will send rain on the earth forty days and forty nights, and every living thing that I have made I will blot out from the face of the ground.”

In early September the Eastern Seaboard had been torched by a heat wave. Day after day of 90 plus temperatures. I wanted to go to beach, but it was too hot for a stroll across the hot sands. A week ago the weather broke and the temperature dropped into the 70s then the 60s. A tropical storm struck New York dumping rain for three days. As much as 2 inches in a twelve hur period. Today we topped that with a torrential five inches of rain. I had been trapped in a car for any hour waiting for a break. This storm flooded the streets of New York, although not Clinton Hill, althugh on my bock long walk back to 387 I noted that several gutters were overflowing with water and the storm drains were overwhelmed by the deluge.

Still I had to admire that this drainage system was built over a century ago by hard labor from emigrants wanting an honest day's pay for an honest day's work. Like the aquaducts of Eternal Rome their work stand the test of time and climate change ie speicies extinction.

I'm heading down to the street.

I would take a trip to the Rockaways, but the Mayor has warned for the city's citizens to stay home and as much as I want to be free, sometimes it's best not to do anything.

Tomorrow is meant to be sunny.

So this Flood was short by thirty-five days. Maybe Next time.

October 7, 2023

I stand corrected.

Clinton Hill being on a hill was saved from the intense flooding in the lowlying neighborhoods. The sewers magnificiant as they are were not constructed for Global Extinction rains. Instagram featured a VDO of a New Yorker waddling waist-deep to catch a train. What the fuck are you thinking?

Never Saying Sorry

More than three thousand years ago the Israelites emerged from their nomadic existence and established the Kingdoms of Judah and Israel. The Asssyrians and later the Babylonians depopulated the lands west of the River Jordan and the Romans completed the destruction of the Kingdom of Judah in two devastating wars and the Jews were set out across the world throughout the centuries until after the fall of the Ottoman Empire in 1918, when the British sought to create a Jewish homeland, disregarding the local Arab, Christian, and Jewish inhabitants. The Zionist were granted two-thirds on the land with the 1948 UN approval of a Jewish State.

Since then the apartheid nation has seized more and more land from the Palestinians without ever apologizing or atoning for this crime against a people. Not a single Arab served in the concentration camps. Israelis proudly declared their victories as acts of Yaweh, instead of crediting the West for distablishing a region to creat havoc in the Middle East.

Yom Kippur is one of the holiest days in the Jewish religious calendar.

The day of atonement.

The only Jew I know who is penitant for his tribe's neo-Nazi treatment of the original inhabitants of the Levant is Professor Berthell Ollman, who once wrote a brilliant letter of resignation from the Jewish people for their Zionist policies.Shamen on their tribe.

One day peace, same for Ireland, Tibet, and so many people across this world.

Fuck your Shalom.

Injustice for one is injustice for all.

I don't ever expect the Jews to ever say their sorry.

So feh to Yom Jippur and shamen to the people of Yshim.

Thursday, September 28, 2023

Kibera The Slum of Hope - 2019

Kibera
The Forest in Nubian
Nairobi
Kenya
A million souls
Living by the Nairobi Lake
On $2 a day
A slum
Bigger than Boston
Filled with every tribe in Kenya, Uganda, the Sudan, Nubia, Somalia
Living together
On $2 a day
Never giving up
Kibera is the slum of hope.

I have walked through the paths
Between the colonies of mud shacks.
With young friends
On a sunny winter day.
Banda likikushinda, jenga kibanda.
An oldiu Swahili saying.

'If you can't build a hut, build a shack."

There are hundreds of thousands
Of huts and shacks
In Kibera.
We go inside Steve's shack
Pop posters
A single overhead bulb
Dirt floor
Clean
$20 a month
It is home.
He lives the same as we all do
From past to present to future

I am a mazungoo.
A white man
I am here thanks to Tim
We met in Tibet
He was shot in Nairobi
By slum criminals

His revenge was to help Kiberans

Why am I here?

To help the team walk through the Masaii Plains
And climb Kilimanjaro

I know nothing
Of Kibera
But
I live in a ghetto
Clinton Hill
I have lived in others
In Thailand
In Indonesia
In the East Village
The poor there are poor
Same as the poor here
Same as everyone
Seeking an end to greed
And happiness.
Furaha

My friends are young Kiberans
Felix, Slow Steve, Vanessa, Maureen, Ubah, and Jackmon.
This is their home.
My friends are young New Yorkers too
Larry, Laikyn, Nathalia
Red Hook and Queens
I am a mazungoo
But here my name is not my mazoongoo name.
My name in Kibera is Mzee
Old man.
I was once young like them.
Not today.

We walk through the paths
Of Kibera.
Mud and tin shacks rise two-storys
Over paths of compressed garbage and mud.
Children play
They smile
Kibera all they know
Their world.
Gunmen roam Kibera
I'm not scared
I'm only scared of my wives.
Steve knows everyone
Everyone knows everyone
Now they know Mzee.

A dirty stream trickles along the path.
No running water
In Kibera.
Only these streams.

Vanessa's eight year old sister recites SLUM GIRL
"I am a slum girl "
Proudly defiant a slum superstar.

Hope

We walk more.
I buy watermelons at the shops
For the children
They smile with delight
They follow Mzee
Throwing gnawed rinds
On the ground to join
Dried mud and garbage
Further on
I buy another watermelon
More kids
More smiles
Old toothless women
Eat watermelon
Toothless smiles
Gunmen eat watermelon too
Fast Steve, Maureen, Ubah, Jackmon, Young Steve, Larry, Laikyn, Vanessa and Mzee smiles too u
We all love watermelon.
It offers happiness
For Mzee
For the young and old
For Kibera
The slum of hope
For the world
We are us
We are family

Today Shannon and Charlotta walk Kibera
With Steve and other Kiberans
I cannot fly yet
u They are my eyes and ears
They saved my life
Steve knows that
2024
I will be in Kibera
I will walk the paths
I will buy more watermelon
Mzee is coming
Nakuja 2024
https://youtu.be/eBpYgpF1bqQ?si=D7jlEpaAsjah_sX4

Tuesday, September 26, 2023

ESSENCE

Essence

Last year I died three times.
Once on an airplane
Coming from Bangkok
Twice on an Operating table.

Passing from this life
To white oblivion
Not heaven
Not hell
Merely a white oblivion

Coming back
Not as a reincarnation
But
To this life
To this body
To the meaninglessness
Of the Now.

My body healed
Skin and bones
Looking like Willem Dafoe
My soul
Joyless
Still in limbo
Of a world Not of my making

Months pass
Healing
Winter to Spring
Healing
Alone
Spring to summer
Alive
No longer barely

Alive
Not looking like the before me
Not looking like Willem Dafoe either.
Halfway between the old me
And the new me

In June
Stronger and I went to the Rockaways
My friend FX
My lifeguard
A better than good swimmer.

The Atlantic shore break was dangerous
I stripped off my clothes
Naked to the elements
A long scar across my abdomen

FX looks at me
I at him.

I am not alone
I am with him
The wind
jThe earth
Water
Sky

The ocean calls

I race through the waves
Dive into the sea
Surface
The sun to the west

The glow of life
Surges
Through my veins
Duck under a wave
Surface
Alive
Filled with the memory
Of hundreds of beaches
Around the world

Higgins Beach Maine
My mother reaching down to pull me up
Nantasket Beach
A drowned man
Wollaston
Swimming around the sewer
The water warm
Moonlight Beach
California
LSD with seals
Mazatlan
Waikiki
Bingin Beach Bali
Nice, Cannes, Biarritz
Koh Phi Phi
I lose count

FX shouts
I shout back
The waves washing away the tears of joy

I am alive
And I no longer look like Willem Dafoe
Just another version of me.
Lazurus II

Monday, September 25, 2023

The Saddle - Kilimanjaro 2019 - Kili Initiative

Morning borke easrly and cold, but sunny. The porters are break camp, while we gather our belongings from the tnets to asssemble in kitchen tent for a breakfast of eggs, toast, and always Kigali, the Kenyan staple. Bad news.

Larry Fishbourne, my New York compatriot, and Jackmon, probably the most athletic of us, have to bail from from the next stage. Larry is dizzy as is Jackmon, who comes from Lake Victoria. Acclimating to the altitude is never 100% successful of these treks. Mawee is guiding them over the Saddle down the slope to Marangu. I'm feeling good, despite my stomach woes.

Snow topped Kilimanjaro. I could see my breath. It wouls be colder at Kibo Hut. I walked over to Larry.

Yom Kippur Humor

Yom Yippur 1972. Syrian and Egyptian tanks swarm over Israeli defenses on the Golan Heights and the Suez Canal. The Arab Forces initial successes are reversed by strategic blunders and Israeli air cover, however the losses to the IDF are catastrophic for the small nation. If a country the size of the USA had suffered the same casualties, the deaths would have mounted into the 100s of 1000s. Russian intervention was stopped by a stern warning from President Nixon.

DefCon 4 to DefCon 3.

Nuclear war.

Cooler heads prevailed over spreading the conflict to other parts of the world and Yom Kippur has resumed its position as a day of atonement for the Jewish People.

Not without humor.

A small town had two churches, Presbyterian and Methodist, and a Synagogue. All three had a serious problem with squirrels in their building. Each in its own fashion had a meeting to deal with the problem.

The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and that they would just have to live with them.

The Methodists decided they should deal with the squirrels lovingly in the style of Charles Wesley. They humanely trapped them and released them in a park at the edge of town. Within 3 days, they were all back in the church.

The Jews simply voted the squirrels in as members. Now they only see them at Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur.

Of course my father hates squirrels. Not so much hates them, but curses them during his drives to my mother's grave. The town cemetery is overrun with the tree rodents. They scramble into the paved roads before cars. A game. My father swerved away from one and crashed into a gravestone. Almost 100 feet from the road.

"Damn Squirrels."

And he's a Convert to Catholicism.

No Yom Kippur for him.

"G'MAR CHATIMA TOVA" by Peter Nolan Smith

Yom Kippur is the Jewish day of atonement on which the tribe fasts and goes to temple to privately confess your evil deed, thus earning a tabla rasa for another year to repeat the ways of the flesh in violation of the Ten Commandments. Personally I wouldn't go to temple, since attendance is the surest sign of guilt, then again we are all guilty of something, which is how the police justify arresting the wrong person.

"He committed a crime. The question is only what crime."

Last year I lied, denied the existence of God, and nearly killed the driver of an oncoming car, when I fell asleep at the wheel. I did not cheat on my wives, I honored my father, and I worshipped no false god. No true god either.

This omission could endanger my immortal soul. The only remedy would be an act of contrition via the sacrament of confession.

"Bless me father for I have sinned. It's been a long time since my last confession."

I can't remember how long.

Two decades? Three?

Twenty-four years ago I swam in the Ganges at Varanasi. That feat expiated all my previous sins. So I only have twenty-four years of sins to negate somehow.

Good deeds?

I've done a few of those on occasion, but while the road to Hell is paved by good intentions, the surface is greased by bad ones.

I am sorry for a lot, but then again too little to mention, because I did it my way.

When in doubt, quote Frank Sinatra.

Old Blue Eyes won't steer you wrong.

Sunday, September 24, 2023

KOSHER PIG - BET ON CRAZY by Peter Nolan Smith

In 2013 business in the Diamond District was spotty during the high holidays of Rosh Shananah and Yom Kippur. The Hassidim disappeared to the various shetls scattered around New York and tourists entered our diamond exchange to gawk at the diamonds and jewelry. At least twice a day out-of-towners asked in complete seriousness, "Are they real?"

"Everything is real," I answered the visitors before launching into a short spiel about the value of diamonds and gold. "Years ago we told the customers that diamonds were a good investment. It was sort of true then, but now diamonds appreciate in value better than houses plus they're easier to convert into cash at times of need."

The tourists nodded with understanding. Their homes had lost value three years in a row. My boss Richie Boy doesn't have the patience for these rubes, but occasionally they were buyers.

I sold an Italian diamond bracelet to a Vermont couple celebrating their 60th anniversary. They lived a short distance from Richie Boy's ski shack and he warmed up to them. Selling turned him on like a drag racer on nitro and the Thursday after Yom Kippur he delivered a 31-inch diamond necklace set with GIA-certified .40 ct. diamonds to a hedge fund investor.

The piece was a magnificent blaze of reflected light set in platinum. His customer coined millions every day. He could have shopped at Harry Winston, but Richie Boy and he went back to the 80s. Both were loyal to each other. Richie Boy returned to the store after closing and said, "That's it. I’ve had enough of Yom Kippur. I'm headed out to my surf shack."

“What about tomorrow?” his father asked from his desk. Manny would have remained open 24/7, if the exchange didn’t close at 6.

“Fridays are dead and nothing is deader than a Yom Kippur Friday.” Richie Boy needed his rest. He had rescued the firm through a series of near-miraculous sales. I had helped with a few deals out of the blue and neither of us were broke.

“What about trying to run this store like a business?” Manny was frustrated by his son’s laissez-faire attitude.

“There’s more to life than work.”

“Like what?” Manny lived for his work. His father had been the same. Somehow that relentless devotion to the grindstone had skipped a generation with Richie Boy.

“Surfing.” Richie Boy had a place on the beach out in Montauk. He could walk to Ditch Plains.

"What are you doing this weekend?" asked Marvin, the newly-married diamond dealer across the aisle.

"I'm having a kosher pig BBQ."

"How can pig be kosher?" The balding 50 year-old didn't follow the dictates of glatt kosher, but Marvin wasn't a bacon Jew.

“How?”

“Yes, how?” Marvin was a shrewd diamond buyer. He figured everything for a third of its value. He had been the president of the glee club of a summer camp in the Jewish Alps and was as gullible as a cheerleader on quaaludes.

Richie Boy wickedly went for the complete wind-up.

"A special rabbi consecrates the pig before killing it according to an ancient Hebrew tradition. It predates the Torah." Richie Boy is a great salesman and Marvin admired his chutzpah as well as his ability to thrive amongst the goyim.

"Really?" Marvin was swallowing the possibility of kosher bacon with a kvelling smile.

"100%. Come out to my BBQ and I'll introduce to the delight of kosher pork."

Marvin promised to show up at the beach BBQ. We laughed at his schmielism and Richie Boy prepared for his early departure from New York. His father continued to kvetch like an old yenta. At 83 the only choice were work or death. Manny and I fought every day. Our arguments flushed the blood through his body. I hoped that he lived to 103.

At 59 I had more in common with him than most of the people on the planet.

"You know the reason why pork is tref?"

"It caused people to have worms in the old days." Richie Boy checked the exchange. The religious don’t have a funny bone over pig’s feet. "And don't tell me that it's because Yahweh ordered the Jews give up pork as the ultimate sacrifice."

"Little tastes better than bacon." Richie Boy and I knew each other over 30 years. We had heard enough of our stories enough to give them numbers. I was still capable of catching him off-guard. "Pork is tref no matter what. Leviticus condemned pig for its cloven food, but there is such a thing as kosher pork chops. Not for the Hassidim, but it's cooked with pickle juice and kosher salt."

"Sounds as dry as an old shoe." Richie Boy possessed a better than average epicurean palate.

"Not something I'd eat, but maybe scientists can genetically modify a pig to have feet instead of hooves." I had eaten pigs' foot in Berlin. It was considered the city's signature dish. "Pigs with little toes."

"Stop. That's sacrilege." Manny hadn’t been to the temple in years, but once a Jew always a Jew.

"Sacrilege and heresy are my specialties." I set the alarm and I wished Richie boy a good weekend.

"You can come out on Saturday."

"Thanks, but I got to get ready for my trip." I was heading out to Thailand for a month. It would be the longest that I had spend with since 2008. "If there really was kosher pig I might change my mind."

"You never know."

"I know." Richie Boy and I had spent too much time together over the past years. It was time for a break.

Kosher pig or not.

MEA CULPA OI VEY by Peter Nolan Smith

Several years ago I rode my bike down Kent Street to Williamsburg. Scores of Hassidim were flocking out of the Brooklyn shtel. They congregated by the East River to atone for their sins and the Expulsion from Eden. Men and women were separated by a fence and I thought about taking a photo, but realized this was a private moment and continued my trip to the metal shop, where a check was waiting for me.

After all 'nimmt geld' was one of the most important tenets of 47th Street.

On the way back the gathering by the small inlet next to old Brooklyn Navy Yard had grown by the hundreds. Police were setting up barricades in expectation of a larger throng in the early evening.

Today I called up Manny to wish him 'Gmar chatimah tovah'.

My old boss answered the phone and asked who was this.

"Your shabbas goy and not someone you owe money."

"Thank the stars for that."

"Are you open tomorrow?" I had some gold to sell as scrap.

"No, but only because the religious people closed the exchange, but if it was up to me, I'd be open all day." The ancient Brownsville native lived to work as many hours as there were left in his waking days.

"Aren't you going to temple tomorrow?"

"Feh, I'm going to Hudson's Bar." It was his local.

"What about a fast?"

"Not a chance. At my age I don't give up any meals, plus I have a medical condition. I need a drink to keep sane." Business in the Diamond District was brutal these days.

"What about a mitveh?" A ritual bath was a purification rite for the Hassidim.

"I'll take a shower and don't even ask me to apologize to 'God'. He ain't done nothing for me this year other than give me more problems than Job. He should be saying sorry to me and everyone else in this economy." Manny was a little bit of a commie. His son was the complete opposite. Richie Boy still believed in the trickle-down theory. "What do you care? You're a goy. You do anything wrong last year?"

"A couple of things."

As a boy I had been an altar boy.

We struck our chest saying 'mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa'.

None of us meant a word of it.

"Then you have nothing to say to God either. Forget all that Moses shit from the Old Testament. How Yom Kippur was the day he got the second set of the Ten Commandments. Moses was the same as all men. Only sorry if they got caught fucking around." Manny was an expert at that.

"No, I guess I don't have to offer any apologies to God." I was a content atheist. "I'll see you Thursday."

"I should be so lucky."

I hung up the phone and thought about the lack of religion in my life.

LA Dodger Sandy Koufax had refused to pitch the first game of the 1965 World Series because it fell on Yom Kippur. His replacement Don Drysdale gave up seven runs in less than three innings and told his manager, "I bet right now you wish I was Jewish, too."

Not me, I was going to Mullane's to have a beer and I don't have to wish I was a goy to do that.

As for Yom Kippur.

Have a happy day of saying you're sorry.

I believe you, but all my friends think you're lying.

Yom Kippur Ahead

A priest and a rabbi are discussing the pros and cons of their various religions, and inevitably the discussion turns to repentance.

Rabbi Shimon Ben Gamliel explains Yom Kippur, the solemn Day of Atonement, a day of fasting and penitence, while the Father John tells him all about Lent, and its 40 days of self-denial and absolution from sins.

After the discussion ends, the rabbi goes home to tell his wife, Deborah, about the conversation, and they discuss the merits of Lent versus Yom Kippur.

Deborah turns her head and laughs.
The rabbi says, 'What's so funny, dear?'

Deborah's response, '40 days of Lent - one day of Yom Kippur...so, even when it comes to sin, the goyyim still pay retail.....'

A Day Of No Atonement

Yom Kippur has long been the holiest holiday for Jews around the world. The period of fasting lasts twenty-five hours and eating and drinking, anointing the body with moisturizer or oil, bathing, sexual relations, and wearing leather shoes number the prime rules for atonement for the year's sins, however Israeli will never atone for the theft of Palestine.

Threatened by the Nazis thousands of Jews fled Europe for the British Mandate.

In 1922 the Jewish inhabitants comprised of 11% of the population. Throughout the 1930s the British waged war against the Palestinians and the refugees from the Holocaust comprised 30.9% of the populations in 1944 setting the stage for the UN Mandate for the existence of a Jewish nation since the the Roman conquest of Judah in 40 AD and the 1948 War in which the Zionists seized most of the land sending millions of Palestinians into exile.

Not once has the Zionist state offered a sorry or a chance for return, adding another prohibition to Yom Kippur, because stealing land is not a sin in the eyes of Zion.

Never to say sorry.

Not once.

KILIMANJARO 2019 - HOROMBO HUTS

Night falls fast on the Equatar and even faster at the 4000 meter plus altitude of Mawenzi Huts. I have been sick the entire trek. I should have listened to Tim's advice and not eatne any of the goat entrail stew at Kibo Slopes Lodge. I haven't slept soundly on the entire trip and the porters have set my tent away from the others, becausse of my frequent visists to the bushes to vomit. At least I can keep down my food during dinners.

Mawee and JR have led the climbers up a route to the cliffs of Mount Mawenzi. THe jagged peaks have rarely been climbed, as the fissile rocks present an unsurmountable danger. Tim and I have opted to rest in this break. Strangely I can get phone reception atop a hilllock and called Thailand to speak with Nu and Mem. Everyone in my family is good. I'm hoping to return to the states and then slip over to there, once Charlotta pays me what she owes me.

It's cold up here. Snow flurries on a stiff wind. I wonder how the climbed are doing in this cold. Only the New York contingent have experienced winter. The Nairobi gang complain about the cold. The only warmth comes from hot tea. There are no trees. There are no fires.. Only our parkas and sleeping bags protect us from the increasing cold.

The Kibo Huts under Kilimanjaro are only six miles away across the saddle between these two mountains. A ascent of 3000 feet, which will take five to six hours.

Breathe that's all I have to do.

That and stay warm.

It's only going to get colder.

Saturday, September 23, 2023

Thai Perfection or Lak-sa-na-tee-dee

The Standard English joke about the perfect girlfriend is that her father owned a pub, she’s 3′4″ with a flat head so you can put your beer on her.

Simple needs, but in Thailand more than likely your girlfriend’s father is distilling moonshine lao khao or rice whiskey, she’s 5-3, and there is no way any Thai will let you mess with their head even if it’s flat.

I’ve had several Thai girlfriends.

Vee was one-eyed and beautiful in sunglasses. My friends thought she was money-hungry. They were right, but at least she bought me a cake for my birthday.

Mem won the 2001 worst girlfriend award in voting from a UN of Western and Thai men. Even her brother thought she was wicked to the core.

Twice burned I came up with a list for the perfect Thai girlfriend.

So what qualities make for the perfect Thai girlfriend?

I googled ‘perfect thai girlfriend’ and the search engine came up with over 870,000 results.

The late Mangosauce’s contribution was his reverse alchemy factor where a Thai girlfriend can turn gold into Khorat dust. Funny, but more a warning shot over the bow than a helpful hint as to what pluses might answer a farang’s fondest desires.

Thailovelinks.com offered contact with the perfect Thai girlfriend.

The girl on the home page seemed right for me, but she was nowhere to be found within their promo pages, plus my attraction was only physical. Being near-sighted I don’t need a beauty queen. Pretty yes, but I don’t want to fight duels over the perfect Thai girlfriend with every other farang on Walking Street.

The next website was asiastreetmeat.com.

No one is looking for girlfriends on this XXX offering.

Only girlfiends who serve their sordid yearnings well.

I’ve had several Thai girlfriends. Nice everyone of them, until they weren't nice. I had my own list for the perfect Thai girlfriend.

No tattoos / Especially if it’s a heart with a name scratched out.

Minimal to zero English / Not long on the bar scene.

No cigarettes or drinking / nasty habits in a woman and especially English men cunts.

Dead Thai boyfriend / hopefully by a meteorite to the head so everyone would be scare shitless at the mention of his name.

No children / Mam and I have four. Pen Pen Fenway, Fluke, and Noi. Angie from Nu. I can deal with that number. Seven too. But I'm very happy with my two grandsons.

No internet skills / Dead give-away of a foreign boyfriend, who strangely shows up when you are leaving town. “Not worry, he only friend.”

No Gold necklaces / Another indication of sucker boyfriend, although we have to defer to Mangosauce’s theory of a Thai woman anti-Midas touch on how to turn 22K Gold into Khorat dust. elements.

Your first date should be a short-time from Soi 6 although no more is stronger than blinding passion than lust at first sight.

And penultimately of all no slash marks across the wrists / the warning sign of a true dangerous maniac. Also great sex.

Lastly she also has to be funny and loving.

Needless to say no such creature exists in Thailand or America or the rest of the world, because no one is perfect.

Charles de Talleyrand manipulated kings, emperors, and statesmen during the 18th Century. This eminence gris had been in love with the most beautiful and erudite woman of the Paris salons. The starlette ditched him for a captain in the Swiss Guards, who was supposedly gay. Being smart she needed a challenge. His marriage to the daughter of country gentry astounded his friends, until he confessed, “One must have loved a genius to appreciate the love of a fool.”

And I’m no different.

No matter what qualities I admire in a woman they will be never enough to satisfy my dreams, because as the the great philosopher MICK JAGGER said, “You can always get what you want, but if you try some time you might end up with what you need.”

Nowadays deviant Londoners would love to meet Mr. Jimmy, except the Chelsea Drugstore is a Mickey D. fast food chain instead of a nihilistic heroin connection featured in CLOCKWORK ORANGE.

Nothing is sacred anymore, except the profane.

Thankfully some wickedness exists, because sometimes you don’t need nothing if you’ve been to the Chelsea Hotel, where Sid Vicious the Sex Pistols bass player was found in bed with Nancy Spungen, his girlfriend. She had been stabbed dead. Room #100.

Sid and Nancy.

Now that’s perfect love.

Lak-sa-na-tee-dee.

Thai Tattoos Too

Pattaya must be the per capita capitol of farangs with tattoos. Shirtless westerners parade the streets to exhibit the beauty of their body art, despite the collateral damage to the colored flesh from the tropical sun. Most tattoos are eagles, dragons, and declarations of never-ending love to go-go girls festooned with vows of fidelity to previous girlfriends. Occasionally you come across tattoos of incredible stupidity.

Several years ago I spotted a twenty year-old with the name DAVID tattooed down his spine.

"Why David?" I asked him.

“So people know who they just saw.”

"You're David?" Conventioneers wear a simple name tag to say hello.

"The one and only." A name tag through his pierced nipple would have been a more effective form of introduction.

"If you say so." David is the second most common name in America. The same has to be true for Britain.

Later I mentioned the stupidity of this particular David to my friend, Jamie Parker. We were sitting at the Buffalo Bar. More than a few of the girls had tattoos and a trio of British lager louts bore years of blue ink on their forearms, necks, and faces.

"Can't you imagine Michelangelo's Statue of David with a tattoo?"

"Good if it wasn't on that little acorn of a penis." Jamie hated male nude statues and their mini-cocks. "You know that I don't have any tattoos."

"Me neither." The nuns at Our Lady of the Foothills warned their students that any skin art banned them from heaven. I had none, even though my faith was atheism. The sisters were excellent teachers.

"Last thing I needed as a kid was an identification scar or body marking." Jamie had been a criminal in his younger years. "In prison cons tattoo to their bodies out of boredom or rebellion. I was always thinking that one day I'd be on the outside and I intended to stay on the outside, but a couple of months ago I was taking a whitewater rafting trip at the Sabaii Massage."

"I know the place." Whitewater rafting was the local euphemism for a soapie with a naked girl or two.

"This one spinner had the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE to the American flag tattooed on her back. Being with her made me feel a little patriotic."

"I can imagine the feeling." Neither of us had been back in the USA for years. "I have a friend who had MADE IN THE UK tattooed on his forehead."

"Stupid place for a tattoo."

"Even worse his mother told him he had been born in Poland."

"Dumb Polack."

"What about Thai tattoos?"

"I don't talk about that. I'm a guest of this country and those tattoos are magic." Jamie had a healthy fear of red-lom.

"Traditional Thai tattoos or 'sakyant' are supposed to protect the wearers from misfortune and evil spirits and anyone getting men tattooed are asked to obey the five following rules; honor your parents, be faithful to your wife, no drugs, don't eat any fruit from off the ground, and no oral sex with women."

"I'm good with honoring my parents, faithful to my wife, and fruit off the trees, unless you're hungry."

"I'm good with most of them too." The oral sex was impossible. "But my real problem with tattoos is finding one I could live with the rest of my life. 69, Born to be Wild, Mom, the name of my son or daughter might have fit the bill."

"But not the Pledge of Allegiance."

"Not a chance." I don't need to prove my allegiance to the USA. "I doubt that poor girl knows what she’s wearing."

"Probably true, but America salutes her patriotism."

We lifted our beer glasses to toast her.

"USA USA USA."

The Brits at the bar glared at us. Jamie glared right back. We weren't going to heaven, but we were in Pattaya and as anyone knows who has lived in the Last Babylon for more than two weeks it's paradise on earth.

ODE TO LOUIE LOUIE - 1980

ODE TO LOUIE LOUIE

Louie Louie Oh No we gotta go
1963
Eleven years old
A Boy Scout at the Hyde Park YMCA
Looking to get my Swimming Merit Badge
Scared of Polio in the pool
Scared of the chlorine
Scared of drowning
The Scout instructor shouting,
"Twenty laps."
"One lap underwater."
"Rescue your buddy."

Scared of the cold polio water
Scared of after lesson showers
The Scout instructors liked young boys.
Not me.
No Village People in the YMCA
Not in 1963.


Only naked men and boys in the steamy showers
I saw nothing
Eyes shut
I felt nothing
Only my hands and the steam
I heard moans
Of boys and men
I knew nothing
Not the word 'fuck'.
I was pure
Audio pure of curse words and their meanings
Singing Louie Louie in the shower.

Another boy liked Louie Louie too
John
A normal name
His left leg was missing
Cancer.
John was from Readville
My age
He knew more than me
Maybe because he had less life ahead
We sang Louie Louie together

In the locker room
Not the showers
The Kingsmen song was a hit
A hit banned by the radio.
A hit Arnie Ginsberg played twice a night.
On WMEX
50000 watts of power

At the end of the AM dial
Next to WILD
The black station
They played LOUIE LOUIE too

John told me why
"Someone says fuck in it."
"Fuck?"
Catholic altar boy ignorance.
John taught the meaning.
"People in and out."
He rubbed his stump.
He told me more.
There was no 'fuck' in the Mass
Or the Bible.
Only fuck in LOUIE LOUIE
Fuck on 50000 watts
Fuck across the USA
FUCK FUCK FUCK
"Yeah fuck."

It was the youth of America's secret
From coast to coast
A cool secret on the night airwaves
One-legged John hummed the opening
I hummed too

Only one problem

What was fuck?
I knew nothing
I could ask no one
Maybe it was what I did with my sister's Barbie and Ken
Naked dolls
Fuck
LOUIE LOUIE
"I gotta ta go, yeah yeah yeah."
Repeat
"Louie Louie I got ta go
Yeah yeah yeah
Fuck

ps I only knew One Leg John from the swimming lessons
pps LOUIE LOUIE was originally at 1956 hit by Richard Berry

According to Wikipedia just prior to the song's release, Berry sold his portion of the publishing and songwriting rights for "Louie Louie" and four other songs for $750 to Max Feirtag, the head of Flip Records, to raise cash for his upcoming wedding.

In the mid-1980s, Berry was living on welfare. Drinks company California Cooler wanted to use "Louie Louie" in a commercial, but discovered it needed Berry's consent because he still owned the radio and television performance rights. The company asked the Artists Rights Society to locate him which led to Berry's taking legal action to regain his rights to the song. The settlement made Berry a millionaire.

Yeah Louie Louie.

Pattaya's 2nd World Tattoo Festival

Written May 23, 2008

My 5th Grade teacher, a nun, instructed her students that any souls arriving at the Pearly Gates with a tattoo on their deceased body would be dispatched immediately to Hell. Tattoos were a mortal sin for Catholics and despite having abandoned my Catholic faith I have retained the fear that a simple tattoo threatens my immortal soul.

Not so for the tattoo enthusiasts congregating in Pattaya this weekend.

It's tattoos away for the 2nd World Tattoo Arts Festival this weekend.

Tattooing is an ancient art dating back to Neolithic times as evinced by skin art on several Ice Age corpses, however the word tattoo comes from the Samoan syllables for striking twice. This Polynesian tradition spread around the world on the backs, forearms, and faces of whalers and naval sailors. The Thais have been tattooing their flesh to ward off evil spirits for centuries, however it is only recently that the art has achieved semi-mainstream attention.

My niece got one for Christmas. A butterfly on her ankle.

Those tattoo fans gathering in Pattaya will be a little more decorated than my niece and thanks to the over 200 tattoo parlors in Pattaya they will be able to add to their living museum at a price far more affordable than in the West, although any drunks seeking to brand their face with the name of the nearest bar girl will be surprised to be discover that most tattoo artists will refuse their business, since alcohol thins the blood, making for a less than desirable image of their host.

This festival is the brainchild of Joy Wong, daughter of Pattaya's first tattoo specialist, who is attempting to raise the ethical consciousness of both tattoo affecionados and artists.

She stresses three main rules.

Tattoo no one under twenty, use clean instruments, and never give a tattoo to a drunk or someone loaded on drugs, the last rule difficult considering there are over 6000 bars in Pattaya. 200 tattoo parlor, 6000 bars, 100,000 drunks.

Accidents are sure to happen, but this weekend is all good clean fun.

For a history of tattoos go to this URL

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tattoo

Friday, September 22, 2023

Neolithic Equinox

Written 2011

I first visited London in the fall of 1978.

My girlfriend Lisa was a model for Elite. The New York owner John Casablancas thought her beauty might sell better in Europe. The blonde from Buffalo was only 5-7.

We lived next to the Chelsea Football Stadium and had never left the apartment on match days.

Chelsea supporters fought before, during, and after the game outside the Butcher's Hook.

Lisa watched the brawl from our window and said, "I have to go to work."

"There's no walking through that mob."

"Maybe not for you, but I can walk anywhere. This casting is important."

She pulled on a white leather coat over her mini dress and hurried out the door. I tried to follow her, but she was swallowed by the fracas. I returned inside the apartment and waited for her call.

The phone never rang and after the mob dispersed I ate at workers' cafe.

Bangers, bacon, eggs, beans, and toast.

My day was free and I wandered around the city.

King's Road.

The British Museum.

I had read about a tunnel under the Thames to Greenwich linking the Isle of Dogs shipyards to the grounds of the Royal Observatory. Mostly for the dockworkers. Workers of the world unite.

Few people trod through the tunnel. Even fewer were on the grounds of the Royal Observatory. The upper-classes on England were at war with the workers in the late-70s and the battles were for the hearts of the young.

I emerged from the depth to the center of all time.

The clock here governed all time across the globe.

The BBC World Radio Service announced the hour according to Greenwich Mean Time.

In the early 1970s I had studied math at university. In Multi-variable Calculus I argued against the value of the speed of light. Everyone chorused Einstein's calculation was a constant.

I had argued that while the speed limit in America was 55 and none of us drove that slow. My professors, except for Rene Marcus, considered me a simpleton and I dropped LSD to divine the turn of time.

The clock ticked slow and I thanked the stars the speed limit was not 45.

Four years later I stood at the center of time for Earth and watched my watch's third hand tick off every second.

My Texas Instrument Chronograph was on the same beat.

I was in synch with the planet.

At least for humans.

Universal time was no longer the sole possession of the Royal Observatory, but that day I was seduced by the International Terrestrial Reference Frame and fell into a standing coma. A man in a white coat asked, "Are you all right?"

At first I thought he was a Bedlam intern coming to take me away, but he was a groundskeeper and I said, "Just struck with awe."

"As well you should be."

"Tempus fugit."

I returned to the tunnel and walked its length in silence. My feet measured time. I was 28.

Throughout the 80s I lived in Paris.

The City of Light.

I ran nightclub doors.

Also in Hamburg, Nice, and London.

I was the toughest man in all those cities.

Mostly because the Bufalos had my back.

And I had theirs.

We didn't look at clocks or watches. Our time was determined by the end of the night and in those years no one wanted to end the night young.

But I hadn't forgotten math, because I was now 32.

Candia was younger than that.

Nothing stalled the clock ticking like a younger woman. She was crazy and I was crazy in love. I wrote down the measures of time we spent together. Numerology was a refuge for the mad and no one was more mad than an older man in love with a young woman. She was seeing someone else. Maybe two someones. I had to get away for the moments between her going and coming, because math had no control over love.

In September of 1985 I fled Paris for England by hydrofoil.

The Prince Of Wales traversed the Channel in forty minutes.

I rode from Dover to London on an ancient train, eating a bacon sandwich in the cafe car.

I didn't give a shit about gaining an hour of time.

I stayed with my old friend AJ in Queen's Park and tai chi teachers never graded you for tardiness.

We drank at his house. A bottle of vodka. Sleep. Oblivion.

In the morning AJ proposed a trip to Stonehenge.

"It is the equinox."

"The autumnal equinox?" The equinoxes are the only times when the edge between night and day is perpendicular to the equator. They along with the solstices set the season. The passage of the moon determined the months and the passing of blood for women.

We were of the stars and I still didn't believe 186,000 miles per second was the fastest speed in the universe.


"Even Captain Kirk knew there was no speed limit, but on Earth the seasons have forever been bound by the moon and stars.

AJ and I drove west out of London.

The city had existed before the Romans over 750,000 days ago, however today mattered only for today and today was a beautiful fall day.

Especially in a burgundy Rover

The Avesbury Circle was one of the greatest works by our neolithic ancestors.

The Picts.

They understood the passage of the stars, moon, and sun.

And they created beer five thousand years ago.

They spoke an extinct language, but I remained a Pict.

Lords of time.

We walked the northern avenue.

The light was golden.

I touched the stones and was transported back thousands of years.

Everything in me said, "Get naked. Understand time with the wind on your flesh."

Time flowed through my skin.

AJ slapped my shoulder and said, "Snap out of it. We have a lot of ground to cover."

At the next stop a mist rose over the burrows.

I stood by the mound.

I saw my dead grandmother.

And all time before.

E=MC2.

Time is not constant and out the corners of my eyes peeked the past.

And then we reached Stonehenge.

The sun pierced the stones.

I cried on my knees.

AJ lifted me to my feet.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No, five thousand years ago I was here."

"And we're here today." I started to take off my clothes for the sun and the cosmos.

"Not now." AJ bought me back to the Rover. "I know someplace better."

We headed east.

A great mound lifted from the Wilshire plain to the height of the pyramids.

"Silbury."

"One thousand men worked ten years to build it." AJ sounded like an expert. "It's over a hundred feet tall."

"Can we climb it?"

"By the ancient route? Of course. But no photos."

We climbed to the top. I stripped naked. AJ joined me. We spread out arms to the sun. Time passed through me from a billion miles away from the solar system's course across the edge of the Milky Way.

I was one with all the elements

The evening was getting cold. I looked at AJ. He was crying too.

And like that we were lost to the eternity of an autumn sunset.

As we all are.

E=MC2 does not apply to me or mine.

Not in this world's time.


I didn't care. Oceans measure time and the movement through the cosmos.

I am 69 now.

In 1960 I was so much younger then and still am now.

No matter what my age.