Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Five Things I Love About America

I was born in the USA. Bruce Springsteen sings the line in his hit BORN IN THE USA about fifty times. The Thai go-go girls at Tahitian Queen 1 dance to that song every day. None of them join in the chorus, but the ex-pats on the bar stools chant every word of the refrain to their teary compatriots so far from the Land of the Free.

“Born in the USA.”

While there is a lot I like about the USA, this song is not one of them. I mean Bruce keeps going on and on like he has an early case of Alzheimer’s Disease or that people are so stupid that he had to sing 400 times so they got what he was saying.

Anyway here are the five things I love about the USA.

1.) Road trips.

Several years back a friend and I were discussing why he liked his Ferrari. He said it was for the freedom. At the time we were sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on the Verrazano Bridge. The open road is for fast cars and just cruising.

Route 100 in Vermont. Route 25 to 113 in Maine. Route 1 beyond Ellsworth Maine and south of Homestead FLA. The PCH anyway there isn’t a city. Las Vegas-Grand Canyon-Monument Valley-Arches-Capitol Reef-Bryce Canyon-Zion Canyon-Vegas. The Jones Beach Parkway. Anyplace in Montana. In fact I like these trips because they remind me of being free.

In Montana the speed limit used to be ‘WHATEVER IS REASONABLE AND PROPER’.

I was zooming on Interstate 90 outside of Billings at 110mph. Passed a semi-trailer and spotted a state trooper. Two choices. Put on the brakes or else keep up to speed. I chose the latter, because the former was an admission of guilt.

Montana recently changed that speed limit due to a class action suit by motorists with shitty cars who said the speed limit was prejudiced against them.

Freedom of expression challenged by those too slow to care.

It’s unAmerican, but then what isn’t these days?

Not #2

2.) Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

I was once asked for my philosophy of life.

The question stumped me.

Zen, Nihilism, Materialism?

Not a chance.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Especially the latter.

Fun fun fun.

3.) Baseball.

Baseball has been the great American pastime since before the Civil War. The game is played all around the world no matter what the teabags (Brits) think about it. Baseball isn’t half as boring as Cricket although I appreciate the bravery of the infielders’ barehanding the hard-hit ball.


Unfortunately baseball doesn’t get played as much as before. Americans are too fat to round the bases, parents are too scared of weirdos to let their kids out of the house, not that they aren’t a lot of weirdoes in the house too, and lastly people work too much to take off two hours when they could be watching TV.

Not baseball on TV.

Just TV.

I have a baseball glove here in Pattaya.

I throw the ball against the garage wall.

I’ve broken every window within 15 feet of the strike zone.

My arm is getting stronger.

In August I’m heading to the States and I’m challenging anyone to play.

Batter up and wear your helmet.

4.) Speaking freely.

The First Amendment protects the freedom of speech.

You can say whatever you want in America and this goes against the grain of Fox News who consider the 1st Amendment to mean that you are free to say whatever you want as long as it’s doesn’t mean anything. To do otherwise is treason.

Impeach the president.

“Weakens the troops’ resolve.”

Pull out of Iraq.

“Cut and run.”

Free Sex.

“What about the children?”

The Freedom of Speech deserves to be practiced even if the speaker is talking shit.

So what?

In Germany you can be arrested for flipping the bird.

Not in America.

It’s the national highway salute to bad drivers.

5.) Amnesia.

Americans forget their mistakes faster than any other nation.

Most don’t think we’re in Iraq anymore.

Of course a die-hard group will carry a grudge forever, but most Americans will move on. Life’s too short to worry about bad things.
Let’s have a BBQ.

So enjoy the fireworks and have a real beer.

Not Budweiser.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. abandoned the proud maker of panther piss.

Hopefully it’s be replaced by Stella Artois.

It ain’t American and neither is Heineken, but it don’t matter, because you’re American as long as you’re in America. You might be illegal. You might be foreign born. You might be a 10 generation Yankee like me.

But it’s star and stripes forever no matter what # 45 says.

Even for anarchists like me.

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