Hi-Lo Season 2009

The airport opening on Bangkok created a surge of departures from Pattaya. Everyone was going and no one was coming since the flights had been cancelled and travelers were still being counseled by their embassies to avoid Thailand. The result was that for the first time in years Jamie Parker could drive his 400cc Yamaha SR down Beach Road at sunset without having to brake once. All the bars were empty. The restaurants had a few diners. None of the stores looked busy and some were closed for good.

Business was bad, but not for Jamie.

He hadn't worked in years. At least not for a salary. He parked his motorcycle with the attendant in the alley closest to What's Up. He noticed immediately that there was room to park his bike anywhere.

"Mai mii khon?" He tipped the older attendant 20 baht.

"Mai mii toog wan." The 50 year-old explained that he hadn't ever seen things this bad. Every day was worse too. "Go-go bars mai mii farang. Girls sell sex 500 baht. No business no money. Now Thailand has a problem -- no customers."

"You know many sex tourists go to Brazil now." Jamie had read that Rio had beaten out Bangkok as the #1 destination for the loveless of the West.

"They have ladyboys?"

"Yeah." Jamie had never been to Brazil, but the Brazilian shemale sites were in direct competition with Ladyboy sites. Personally he preferred Asians, but there was no accounting for taste. "I like it here better."

"But no have people. No sanuk." Thais love money even if only to spend it as fast as it fills their pockets. "Airport open. Maybe 15 days for everything normal."

"Chok dii." Jamie had heard enough bad luck stories. His cellphone rang in his pocket. It was Ort. She had been calling all day. She had no money too. Jamie had enough for a night of sin. Ort was always good for that and even more with high season so low. Good luck might be 95% showing up on time, but the other 5% had to be connected to being in the right place at the wrong time and nowhere was more right than Pattaya in late-2008.

Thai Fidelity Test

Farang men actually hire detectives to follow their Thai girlfriends when all they have to do is follow the advice of Cennn3 on www.pattayaaddicts.com

Is your Thai girlfriend bullshitting you?

Ask yourself these questions.

1. Has she lost and asked you to replace more phones than you have owned in your life?

2. Do her relatives become sick and need hospital treatment every couple of weeks?

3. Does it always sound like she is in someone else's bathroom when you phone her?

4.Have you been forced to check the real price for a new Buffalo more than 2 times in the last year?

6.Do you feel her Pussy and Anus have become looser since you last saw her?

7.When you are in Thailand does it seem her brother hangs around a lot?

I thought her brother was a cousin.

From www.2bangkok.com

Greetings from your US government.

Message to the Americans in Thailand - December 3, 2008

The Department of State is evaluating whether to charter aircraft to facilitate the onward travel of American citizens seeking to depart Thailand. Americans who would like to take a U.S. government chartered flight from Bangkok to another airport in the region, such as Singapore,where they would then make their own arrangements to connect to onward flights, are requested to read through this message and respond as noted below.

Under U.S. law, an American citizen receiving U.S. government transportation assistance
is required to pay for the cost of travel at the rate of the most recently available full fare economy ticket. Therefore, American citizens who choose to fly on this charter must either pay prior to departure with a personal check or sign a promissory note (an Emergency Loan Application and Evacuation document ) for the amount stated and reimburse the U.S. government for the flight within sixty days.

Cash and credit payments can not be handled by staff for these flights.

When I read this I wondered whether I could get them to fly me from the USA to Bangkok on the cuff. I'm good for the money. Really.

Soup Kitchen 2009

Not all financial news is bad this December.

Sales at MacDonald's rose nearly 7% after Americans finally got sick of eating their own cooking to conserve their cash. Mickie D's might not be 5-star dining, however their $1 food offerings has people queuing in their fast-food chain like they were the new soup kitchen for the Crash of 2009.

"Buddy, can you spare me a buck for a Big Mac."

The Assassin's Song

Some Americans considered the offerings of cable TV indispensable to their daily lives, however I have abandoned my old friend since my departure from Thailand. I had no TV in Palm Beach and none at my present digs on Graham Avenue in Brooklyn. I don't watch ENTOURAGE, THE SIMPSONS, or sporting events. I do surf the Internet for porno, however my main form of diversion comes from books, both fiction and non-fiction, and my most recent conquest was THE ASSASSIN'S SONG by M.G. Vassanji.

Random House acclaims their in-house writer as a profound genius and I have to admit his tale about a semi-divine Indian's rejection of his birthright. To be the high priest of a temple dedicated to a long-dead Sufi wanderer with a murderous past. Peace, love, and understanding in times of turmoil set in Gujarat explain the most recent madness in Bombay in that killers kill because they are called to the killing by an ancient song.

Basically it's a novel about a young boy, then a man who decides he doesn't want to be his father and in the end surrenders to the inevitable.

I got the book from the library. It cost nothing. The only energy consumed was that of the subway taking me back and forth from the library. I supposed if I had walked, then my ecological footprint would have been nothing. Still reading THE ASSASSIN'S SONG was a better waste of time than watching TV.

I love reading.

CBGBs Schism

I hung out at CBGBs from 1976-1981 as a regular. Lisa Krystal waved persona gratis past the paying customers. Her brother wandered through the club in a daze. He liked playing chess. His mother acted like a vicious den mother, while Hilly dominated the scene from bookings to managing some of punk's top groups such as the Dead Boys. Those were the good old days, however with Hilly's death and the closure of CBGBs the surviving family members are suing each other for control of the CBGBs name and trademark. This week the court decided to award control of the $3,000,000 estate to the daughter, Lisa, instead of the mother and brother

The mother got 'butkis' or nothing while Dana will receive a chunk of change.

I have to back the judge's decision since Lisa worked his ass off at CBGBs for the years it was my second home, and this is even in consideration that you should never take sides in the family fight, especially if you aren't family.

Gabba-Gabba-Hey.

We'll always have those memories.

Phentermine for the Masses

China might have 700 million more people than America, however the Land of the Free and the Brave outweighs the Celestial Kingdom by a whopping 40% thanks to the obesity fad hitting America. The Communist Politiburo frustrated by the USA’s superiority in this department have launched a massive online campaign to sell Phentermine to the plumb imperialist couch potatoes. Spam is not as harmless as you think and I researched Phentermine through the power of Wikpedia.

“Phentermine is an appetite suppressant of the amphetamine and phenethylamine class.”

SPEED.

The goddamn Chinese don’t realize The stateside factories are working overtime to handle the ennui of teenagers born to fat parents, then again their target market are those overweight SUV-loving moms and dads.

“My SUV makes me look thin.”

But nothing takes off weight like a good speed binge.

“Would you like a Happy Meal?” the lady of the Mickie D counter will ask and you can answer with confidence, “I’ll have a crisp leaf of lettuce. No salt.”

Of course drugs are bad in America unless sold by Merck or Bayer or the CIA, hence the appeal of Phentermine.

“It’s a pharmaceutical.”

Not Ice, not crack, not coke.

FDA approved with these common symptoms

Insomnia
Increased blood pressure
Irritability
Nervousness
Sense of well-being

I like the sense of well-being.

Nirvana online.

Despite the drug being a schedule IV drug under the Convention on Psychotropic Substances.

Skinny American thanks to the Commies.

The future will be ours.

For a related article click on this URL

http://www.mangozeen.com/fields-of-dreams.htm