Tuesday, May 27, 2008
US Trade Deficit Solution
I care about apple pie especially since no one can make it like my mother.
I also believe in life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, which is why I live in Thailand.
The life is good under the mango tree in my front yard. I'm free to say whatever I want, because no one understands what I say. And I can pursue happiness without anyone saying, "No."
With the exception of my wife.
I'm going back to see family and friends. It's been two years. My visit is already being called 'the return of the prodigal son, uncle, friend, or reprobate'.
My people know me well. Another reason I'm returning is to find some work. Nothing to serious. A quick score which will both help America and finance my pursuit of more happiness in SE Asia.
It has come to my attention that the USA has piled up a tremendous trade deficit with China. Billions and billions. And the Chinese don't want to buy anything from us. the situation reminds me of the British before the Opium Wars. The Celestial Kingdom had no use for anything from Manchester or London, while the teabags couldn't live without a 'cuppa'. Some bright Limey tai-pans decided to deal opium to the Chinese. Its popularity was instantaneous. End of trade problems and China was thrown into the gutter.
I have shaken hands with GW Bush's father and intend of meeting the president this next month. I saw how he grabbed the Chinese Prime Minster on his last visit. He wanted to talk trade. The Commie wanted to hear nothing about buying baseball bats, since they are made in China.
My proposal will call for the legalization of cocaine everywhere in the world but white suburbs. That way we can declare the 'war on drugs' won and start dealing blow to the Chinese.
Should only take a year before the trade balance is back to zero.
I know it's a radical idea, but if i get the contract, then I'm franchising Carlos Blow Emporiums.
1-800-blowjob
If MacDonalds can sell crap, I don't see why I can't deal zoot.
Long live Tony Montana.
Mile High Club
Such as joining the 'Mile-High Club'.
This society is open to those passengers who have experienced sex on an airplane.
I surveyed twenty male friends. Five professed to be members. Three were lying for sure. One of the remaining members said his girlfriend satisfied him manually under a blanket, which I don't consider sex according to the President Clinton Rules of Engagement. My friend Dean explained that his moment of glory came in university. "I was young and agile, which are required skills for accomplishing this deed in a tiny bathroom. It was sort of like having sex in the back of a VW Bug, but those diaper changing tables are much stronger than they look. At the moment of truth I flushed the toilet which caused atmospheric havoc and gave my companion a thrill."
I joined the club as an honorary member, having abused myself during a trans-Pacific flight.
I know it's not the same thing, but it's not like the airlines have a go-go bar in the cargo hold, which isn't such a bad idea, unless you're traveling on an Islamic airline.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Thai Lease Laws up for Review
200px-Pattaya_sunset-KayEss-1.jpeg200px-Pattaya_sunset-KayEss-1.jpeg200px-Pattaya_sunset-KayEss-1.jpeg
These new zones will first be initiated on Bangkok's Sathon Road and then reportedly spread out to include the resort areas desperate for new residents in those thousands of empty housing estates in Phuket and Pattaya. China already has a 50 year lease and Singapore offers 99 years. This new proposal doesn't please everyone, for some Thais feel the land will be speculated out of the range of most Thais other than those speculating of rising property prices, so that Thailand will be bought by farangs.
Most Thais already think that foreigners own 74% of the nation.
Not my father-in-law.
Den knows his land is 100% his, although he would sell out in a heartbeat for the right price.
As for the 49% foreign quota for condominiums, the government will be checking to see in all condos are actually condos and not villas.
Overall this sounds like good news, but the process will take three sittings of Parliament, so don't hold your breath.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/pattaya-beach-scam.htm
Man Refused Sex 5 Times in Pattaya
"Yeah, I don't know how to say it, but I was blown off five times last night?" Convict admitted without any shame.
"Five times?" Convict was in his late-30s. His beer gut wouldn't win any prizes at the Wet Tee-shirt Beer Belly contest, however Pattaya offers almost 100% success ratio with women and I had to ask. "Were you drunk?'
"Not in the beginning." He ordered a whiskey from the skinny girl behind the bar.
"Once or twice I can see, but five times." I had recently been told in Phnom Penh by a woman with whom I had a number of drinks that she didn't go with men. I accepted her excuse with disbelief, since she had visited the upstairs recreation room with another gent earlier in the evening. But I respected her prerogative to go with whomever she wanted, because it's not like she was the only girl in Phnom Penh.
"The first rejection was on Soi Eight. I bought the girl a couple of drinks and then invited her back to my place. She said she had a sick aunt in town and couldn't go." He sipped at his whiskey with a wounded expression.
"At least she lied to make you feel better." I'd been fed the same excuse a year ago.
"I figured I could right this situation by going to a go-go bar on Beach Road. A cute girl was dancing naked in front of me. I asked her the same question. She said she could go short time. Went to get her things, and then disappeared with a Japanese man." Convict shrugged and signaled for another whiskey. The first one had gone down fast.
"That's only because she wanted more money." Not many girls would turn down a Jap, who pay more and come like a rabbit on crack. Working girls say only Chinese men cum faster.
"She asked for 2000 baht."
"And you countered with 1500." Bargaining for a girl's body always cuts against the grain. "So this was a financial disagreement. What about #3?"
"I went to the Street behind Tony's. There was a girl at a beer bar. She had nice eyes. I like bar girls better than go-go girls anyway." Several of the drinkers were surreptiously listening to Convict. "I bought her a drink and then after the appropriate amount of chitchat popped the question about coming back to my place to watch some movies."
"Art films." Convict's porno collection was as legendary as his museum of dildos.
"They help set the mood." Convict smiled impishly. "She said she would love to, but she was working as the cashier. Couldn't leave."
"Cashiers rarely go with 'farangs'." I'd hit on many and gotten nowhere.
Convict agreed that he had been fooled into thinking she was into the game. "It was getting late and decided to go back to Soi 8. Maybe the first one would change her mind. She wasn't there. The mama-san said she had a sick aunt. Another girl started talking to me. I popped her the question. She said she would, but had her men or period. I said I didn't care if she was on the rag."
"Rejection #4." Convict's night was like my trawling the bars in Manhattan. A land of No followed by a taxi ride to an empty apartment. "But you didn't give up."
"No, but I had one more try in me."
"Where?"
"I'm not saying."
Nick, a Hotspurs fan, had heard about 80% of conversation and shouted, "The last one was at home. Even his hand wouldn't fuck him."
The bar laughed and so did Convict. There were plenty of nights I didn't want to go home with me after drinking myself into near-oblivion.
"No, I'm not saying who #5 was."
The bar begged for a confession. Convict locked his lips. "I'm not saying."
I was the only one who caught the eye of the girl behind the bar. She was missing a front tooth, but was pretty in a bony way. This bar was on Darryl's way home. She smiled and I knew she might be #5.
"Guess it's over to Soi half-dozen." Convict was headed to Pattaya's notorious short-time bars. "No one gets shot down there."
We wish him luck, but no one accompanied him to Soi 6.
Nick lifted his beer. "Last thing I need is Convictitis. I get enough of that back in London."
"And New York." Within a month I'd be back in Manhattan. I didn't hear any nos until then, because my wife has a headache and it's never a good time to ask for love when she has one of those.
Not if I know what's good for me.
Samak Slanders Bald Men Everywhere
Only about several million men and a few thousand women answer that description, so maybe the Interior Minister can organized a massive sweep of the bald populace along with his proposed war of Drugs, thereby ridding the nation of bald drug dealers for good.
Good non-bald Thais could assist with the hunt for this threat, although concerned citizens would have to be trained to recognize wigs in order to not allow this single miscreant slip away from punishment. PAD or People's Alliance for Democracy supporters are purging their ranks of bald men to safeguard the coalition's consolidation of power.
At least the PM knows it isn't him.
After all he has a full head of hair.
Happy Birthday Buddha
The killing of animals is forbidden during this time.
Thankfully most major supermarkets have already supply of previous slaughtered flesh for consumption, but more troubling for farang tourists and residents is the ban on alcoholic consumption. Being non-Buddhists westerners are exempt from this ruling, however it's more respectful to not be seen staggering around the darkened bars dead drunk, although most people in that state are past caring about local customs.
Bars should be operating as usual, since it's up to the owners whether to remain open for the 3-day period.
Happy Buddha Birthday
Chonburi Governor threatens all-powerful Beach Chair Mafia
Provincial governor are usually very powerful, however the present occupant of that title has run into a stubborn resistance from the locals, who think that this occupation of the beach is a marketable right of possession and frustrated by the lack of support from the Interior Minister, the Chonburi governor has threatened to resign to any post offered to him rather than kowtow to the Pattaya beach mafia, unless they adopt his plan within 30 days.
Looks like he's heading to Yala to check motorcycles for bombs.
See yah.
Superstitions in Thailand
I explained that I would protect her.
"Can not protect against Pee-Bob?" She was almost on the verge of tears in fear of pee-bob, a famous ghost with no flesh and its entrails spilling out of its skeleton while a decapitated skull aimlessly orbits the bones.
In the morning we checked out of the resort and returned to Pattaya, where she felt safe again, but ghosts still influence our lives as do local superstitious customs such as the following;
Don't cut your hair on a Wednesday.
No finger or toenail manicures at night. it's like breaking your ancestors' bones.
If you sweep the house at night, you can't sweep out the dust or else your money will disappear. Same goes for disrupting spider webs at night and certainly don't hide anything t night, because a ghost will steal it. I had this happen, when I arrive home drunk and hid a gold ring. I couldn't find it the next day or ever. Round up the usual ghosts as suspects.
If you sneeze then someone is talking about you and not good either.
A dream about losing teeth is a warning that someone close to you will get into an accident.
Spilling rice is bad luck.
No whistling at night.
Opening an umbrella in your house will make you bald, especially dangerous for bald men.
Candy dropped on the floor belongs to ghosts.
Broken Buddha images are bad luck.
Don't tell a bad dream while you're eating or else it will come true.
Throwing anything on the roof is bad luck since you might have to go up and get it down. Do not throw anything onto the roof of the house. It is bad luck.
Tapping a child on the head might make them a bed-wetter.
Never enter a house through a window.
Don't itch at a funeral or else the scratch will become infected.
Forbid your children from playing with night shadows or else the shadow phee will take them away.
Picking flowers at a temple will send you to hell.
Walking with your head down will shorten your life.
Some of these superstitions are common sense, I asked my Thai friends about the origins of these superstitions and received a blank stare.
"Mai lu." was the only answer I received from an old Thai woman, as if speaking about ghosts was also bad luck. Thankfully there aren't many of them I would have to violate anyway as long as there's nothing about not drinking beer.
Chok dee there isn't a beer ghost as far as I know.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/bet-on-thai.htm
Elephant Magic Trick for Thai Love
Thai elephants are different from Africans.
They are trained to perform certain tasks and are considered good luck.
Even as a fertility blessing for any woman who walks five times under an elephant's belly is sure to give birth within the year, that is if she survives the ritual, because while elephants do have long memories, they aren't the most patient of animals, but it's definitely cheaper than a visit to a fertility clinic.
Read Ben Elton's INCONCEIVABLE.
He never mentions elephants in the couple's search to have a baby.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/index.php?s=elephant
US Supreme Court Okays Porno
Free Speech advocates have long regarded pornography as the front line of 1st Amendment, however the Supreme Court re-affirmed its position on a 2003 law designated to curtail kiddie porn, despite the legislation's vague terms on CGI or Computer Generated Images sex might infringe on the 1st Amendment. I surf the web for porn, but agree with Justice Scalia's opinion.
"Child pornography harms and debases the most defenseless of our citizens."
I feel the same way about slasher films and their violence directed at women, although films depicting the brutal murder of women and senseless violence such as NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN are awarded the Oscar.
Murder versus Sex.
Murder wins every time.
The unconstitutionality claim comes from the 11th Court which offered SNOW WHITE as an example of a book possibly portraying children in a sexual manner. Justice Scalia didn't read the classic that way and neither do I. Only two justices dissented with the majority ruling. Figuring like Justice Potter Stewart in the 1973 decision on pornography, "I know pornography when I see it."
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/snow-in-thailand.htm
Obamastock in Oregon
Why wow wow wow?
Because over 75,000 people had thronged to see the Democratic contender.
Hillary Clinton was not available for comment about the crowd size.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/telling-it-like-it-is.htm
US Cities Getting Old
So de-population of our cities?
Who wants to live in Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, or Providence?
Only the old who don't like change other than the change of the seasons.
This phenomena runs deep in Thailand, where young people leave the rice villages for the cities and none of them are saying they're coming back either. I certainly ain't gonna live in Pittsburgh, because I'm a Boston Bruins fan and hate the Steelers too.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/brigitte-bardot-is-old.htm
Ted Kennedy Survives Helicopter Ride
Not single bullet theory for his mother's Olds 88 going off the bridge.
He was drunk. So drunk that he deserted Mary Jo in the car and ended up at a hotel where he woke the next morning with no recollection of the accident. A judge later decided that the young woman's death was attributed to Ted Kennedy's negligence and he was lucky not to serve time for manslaughter. The senator did not run for President in 1972 and National Lampoon later ran a humorous ad for Volkswagen stating that if Ted Kennedy had driven a VW Beetle then he would be president today.
No single bullet theory.
Only ridicule, however there is a divergent thought about this tragic accident and it is that JFK's younger brother was dosed with a psychotic drug by the CIA, thus rendering him incapable of driving. He was supposed to have survived the crash in order to further discredit the liberal cause in America.
I could babble on more, except that this URL covers the story in glorious delusive detail.
http://www.rumormillnews.com/cgi-bin/archive.cgi?noframes;read=10111
So Ted Kennedy still lives with a story hidden in his heart, because like his brother's deaths the people have heard too many lies to ever comprehend the truth.
PS National Lampoon is a CIA mouth piece just like Saturday Night Live.
Yalies and Harvard boys.
For a related article click ont his URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/obamas-assassinatability-factor.htm
Prostitution In Providence
Providence is a ghost town after dark like all American cities.
No one on the streets, except for two old women in mini-skirts.
"You want some action?"
"Action?"
"Yeah." The two ladies spelled out the rest with obscene gestures.
I thanked them for the offer and ran back to the hotel. A Honduran contractor laughed at this story. "It's legal in Rhode island. Prostitution. Not outside on the street, but indoors. $139 for a spa treatment. I never go. Too much money for me."
So prostitution in Rhode Island is legal due to a revised state law decriminalizing selling sex indoors, while other statutes forbid loitering for the purposes of prostitution, which hadn't discourage the two ladies of the night working in the shadows of the City Hall.
Supposedly spas exist in Providence for the relaxation of men seeking female solace, but I suspect that they aren't anywhere as fun as Soi 6.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/whores-or-virgins.htm
Peace in Our Time
"America stands with you in firmly opposing Iran's nuclear weapons ambitions," Bush said. "Permitting the world's leading sponsor of terror to possess the world's deadliest weapon would be an unforgivable betrayal of future generations. For the sake of peace, the world must not allow Iran to have a nuclear weapon."
He did not sing WHAT KIND OF FOOL AM I after this statement.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/cia-rendition-camps-in-thailand.htm
Aussie Sex Slave Madam
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"How much they pay you?"
"1500 baht for short time. 2500 for all night." She ordered another beer on my tab.
"That's sounds okay." I wasn't making any money at this time, thanks to the cyber police.
"No, I thinking about going to Singapore or Australia. One night make maybe 10,000 baht."
10 Gs is most Thais monthly income. "Good money if you can get it."
"Singapore men not have sex with Singapore lady. Lady work too much. Men work too much. Sex maybe 5 minutes. See yah." She was dreaming about easy money, but also had heard of not so happy endings to these trips overseas. "I'm scared they sell me to bad men. The woman boss she wants 100,000 for ticket and visa. Big money."
$3000 for the right to work in a brothel was a problem.
"You give me?"
"Sorry, I don't have it, plus it sounds a little suspicious."
"Suspicious?" Ort didn't know the meaning of the word.
"Gring." And I explained about a Aussie madam or mama-san who had enslaved 5 Thai women in Sydney. They had received tickets and visas in exchange for working off their $20,000 debt.
"How much $20,000?" Ort wasn't liking what she was hearing.
"About 500,000 baht." Or about 500 short-times.
"Too much." Ort was lazy about having sex. Anyone working the sex trade is, unless they're a slave, which is what these 5 Thai women were. They were told the number of clients necessary to pay off the debt. 900 men. Their passports and return were seized by the Chinese madam. They were locked in the brothel 24 hours a day, working 12 hour shifts to reduce their debt, while Sundays they could work for themselves. No rest for the wicked.
Ort surveyed the bar with a new eye. "Not so bad here. I see you later."
She got up and went to the fattest farang in the bar.
Just her speed.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/sex-in-the-old-city.htm
Friday, May 16, 2008
The Magic of Thai Silk
Few people understand the process of transforming silkworm cocoons into silk. Cultivators feed hordes of caterpillars on mulberry leaves through four shredding of their skin before they actually begin to weave the valued cocoons in thousands of triangular-shaped figure eights from the liquid silk filling their bodies in a 4-5 days process. Afterwards the cocoons are placed in a vat of boiling water and the Isaan silk farmers love their part of the procedure as they find the broiled pupa especially tasty, saying it tastes like corn.
CIA Rendition Camps in Thailand
The Thai and USA governments have been partners ever since the War in Laos, where over 15,000 Thai soldiers served as para-military support units for anti-communist Hmong fighters. despite that losing effort the USA respects the Thai's effort in the cause of freedom to go so far as to having honored Thailand with its very own rendition camp to hold Islamic fascist terrorist suspects for questioning under the GW Bush rules of human rights.
The exact location of this detention camp has been an unknown to two detainees, who claimed to have been jailed in the Land of Smiles according to the Washington Post, although most experts agree that the probably site was the old Udon Thani airbase from which the USA conducted its bombing campaign against the Pathet Lao and NVA during the Viet-Nam War.
No elephant rides or trips to go-go bars for these boys.
Strictly business as taught at the School of Americas in Newport, Rhode Island, where they get information the old fashioned way. By beating it out of you. Unfortunately for Thailand a former PM adopted these techniques to deal with insurgents in the restive south with the unexpected result of stirring up even more violence.
The CIA supposedly closed these secret camps in 2006 and we know we can ebleive anything they say, because we don't have any other choice.
For more information click on this URL
http://www.atimes.com/atimes/southeast_asia/ja25ae01.html
The war against terrorism TWAT keeps chugging on.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/im-not-into-sm-gw-bush.htm
Bar Girl Scams in Pattaya
For a further list of these scams click on this URL
http://www.scams-in-pattaya.com/
But the flow of betrayal is not all one-way for the other day at the Welkom Inn a young girl came into the bar aglow with success. She was a millionaire. After ordering a round for the bar she explained that a client had given her about 50 million Turkish Lira.
Turkish Lira.
"Those bills are old. Have you tried to cash them?" Fabo asked with a Heiniken in his hand.
"No, but they are very big. Same dollar."
"Actually you didn't do to badly. 1000,000 Old Turkish Lira is about 25 baht. So 25 times 50 is_______"
"I know what it is." the irate girl shut up Fabo's calculation, not wanting to let her friends know her bonanza was the same price as a short-time visit to the Welkom Inn's back rooms. Even worse she would find out that almost no banks will cash these bills. maybe in bangkok, but not pattaya, so they were basically worthless.
Touche for the sick buffalo.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/bar-fines-in-pattaya.htm
Pattaya go go bar review
Mostly I frequent What's Up on Soi 15 and Heaven Above.
For a good review of the bars check out this URL
http://www.pattayagogos.com/nllatest.htm#High_Bar_Fines
From Thai Anxiety
I'm too lazy or drunk to do it.
Most Beautiful Girl in Thailand Part 2
http://www.wayodd.com/thailand-hosts-the-annual-most-beautiful-transsexual-contest/v/7153/
Do I actually think that a ladyboy is more beautiful than a woman?
I'll never tell.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/the-most-beautiful-girl-in-thailand.htm
The Most Beautiful Girl in Thailand
Thai transvestites start taking hormones as early as the age of 12 and some even undergo castration in their mid-teens to prevent further masculination of their bodies. Beauty doesn't come cheap either, but it's the dream of every ladyboy to compete in this contest. Not for the money, but the glory.
Well, also for the money.
I think it's almost a million baht this year.
Hell, if I was pretty I'd give it a try.
"I feel pretty. Oh so Pretty. Oh so pretty and witty and gay."
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/anchors-ahoy-for-ka-toeys.htm
Shooting At the Moon - Book Review
Laos in the 1960s was a bucolic sideshow to Vietnam with the various factions locked in a determined stalemate. The Pathet Lao and the Lao Royalist Force Armee Royale or 'fast army running' as the units were known to the CIA insiders, had no intentions of fighting each other. Their leaders were related by royal blood and combat consisted of shuffling strategic positions according the the weather, until Washington decided to arm the Hmong tribespeople to stiffen the resolve of the lowland anti-communist troops.
The entire operation was run by Bill Lair who picked Vang Po to lead his tribesmen against the enemy. The Hmong were a superstious people who fire guns during lunar eclipses to sacere the celestial frog from swallowing the moon, but they could effectively harass the Pathet Lao. Unfortunately they never had the numbers to destroy those forces, especailly once they were reinforced by North Vietnamese regulars protecting the threatened Ho Chi Minh Trail. Mr Lair promised the Hmong a refuge to the west should all hell break loose and SHOOTING AT THE MOON records the unfolding tragedy, as CIA higher-ups raise the ante in Laos with deadly results, most culpably station chief Theodore Shackeley and CIA Director William Colby. As one agent said, "It doesn't matter how horrible you are, as long as you take care of your people."
And no one took care of Laos, which was bombed more ehavily than germany in WWII,
Mr. Warner purports that this war was a success as long as it was small, a theory of soft force Pentagon planners should research for their present quagmires in Afghanistan and Iraq, but those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it and usually more than once
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/sideshow-book.htm
Landslide Victory for New Pattaya Mayor
Where is everyone else?
Ten years ago Pattaya's population was roughly 90,000. Wikpedia lists the 2007 number of registered Thai residents as 100,000, although it is widely suspected that another 200,000 to 400,000 inhabitants crowd the coastal city. They don't really count, being Thais listed in other provinces or even less important long-time western visitors.
Basically 3 of the 4 people you see in Pattaya don't exist to the city officials, which is why municipal authorities claim there is enough water for the populace and ignore the traffic congestion.
The people simply aren't there.
The Worst of the Worst - SLORC
They first denied humanitarian groups access to the stricken areas and now have been accused of stealing emergency supplies from the United Nations. Aid workers are being turned away at the airport and the military said they are the only people capable of handlign the relief efforts to the nearly 1.5 million people affected by the massive flooding.
Horse paddy.
This resistance to the outside world's charity is simply another weapon to suppress their captive population and earns SLORC #1 worst government in the world.
For #2 Robert Mugabe has to win the silver.
The field for the bronze is wide open.
Israel's 60th Anniversary
60 years ago.
It almost seems like yesterday to everyone.
Except the Palestinians.
Thai Lease Laws up for Review
These new zones will first be initiated on Bangkok's Sathon Road and then reportedly spread out to include the resort areas desperate for new residents in those thousands of empty housing estates in Phuket and Pattaya. China already has a 50 year lease and Singapore offers 99 years. This new proposal doesn't please everyone, for some Thais feel the land will be speculated out of the range of most Thais other than those speculating of rising property prices, so that Thailand will be bought by farangs.
Most Thais already think that foreigners own 74% of the nation.
Not my father-in-law.
Den knows his land is 100% his, although he would sell out in a heartbeat for the right price.
As for the 49% foreign quota for condominiums, the government will be checking to see in all condos are actually condos and not villas.
Overall this sounds like good news, but the process will take three sittings of Parliament, so don't hold your breath.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/pattaya-beach-scam.htm
Burma Junta Slam Dunks Elections
Like they really care?
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/the-worst-of-the-worst-slorc.htm
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
High Water Mark Pattaya
Songkran marks the official start of the low season and this year promises to be a lean one. Gas prices and tight credit are impacting the West. Perennial visitors to Pattaya are cutting back on both the length of their stays and the number of trips they take this year. Bar girls are starving for sum tam.
Where are our farangs?
Money has disappeared into gas tanks and the age of cheap fun seems to have come to an end. This economic downswing might accomplish sanitizing Pattaya. No farangs. No sex bars. Cheaper rents. Mom and Dad entertainment for the Asian masses.
Pattaya.
The new Disneyworld only this time for kids.
Farewell Babylon by the Sea.
How fondly I shall remember thee.
For a related articles click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/come-all-ye-faithful-to-babylon-ie-pattaya.htm
Fat Guys in Prison
I've spent an hour in Pattaya jail awaiting trial for a civil suit. I ordered khao-gai for the jailers. As much as I wanted. From what I heard from those unfortunates incarcerated for longer periods than 60 minutes, the diet in Thai prisons is very lean. Rice and more rice but never enough, which would not be good for those obese prisoners in the USA who are complaining that they are being starved by their jailers.
One plump accused murderer has even gone as far as to sued the State of Arkansas for cruel and unusual punishment, since his weight dropped over 50 kilos during his 8-month wait for trial, despite the jail providing more than 3000 calories a day to inmates.
"After a meal my stomach starts growling an hour later. I'm hungry. The only reason I lost weight is that I'm being starved to death."
Hearing the inmates plight several hundred overweight people have applied for the draconian diet plan to lose tons of unwanted weight. The prison authorities say they haven't figured out a price structure for the treatment. expect a crime wave from the obese.
"You can never be too thin." - Babe Paley
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/evolution-of-man.htm
Thai Navy Seals
While most troops practice amphibious tactics at the main base, smaller groups of high-trained troops congregate on the idyllic archipelego stretching south into the Gulf of Siam for the intensive training regime of the Thai Navy Seals, whose home base of Koh SamaeSan is located across the channel from the isolated fishing port of Ban Samaesarn.
Sensing a need for a similar strategy during the Cold War, Thailand found the Thai Navy Seals in 1953 to provide Thailand with a fast-reaction unit to defend national sovereignty as well as provide the Royal Thai Fleet with naval warfare support such as underwater demolition and coastal reconnaiscence. The US Navy Seals supervised the training of these first units and to this day retain a working relationship with their Thai counterparts scouting, and quick-response missions destined to counter the threat of terrorists.
While boaters are allowed to anchor off-shore from these islands for fishing and diving, actually landing on the beaches is prohibited by the Thai Navy, although with the recent opening of the Coral Islands Museum in Ban Samaesarn tourists are guided on special tours arranged by the Thai Navy Seals. I’ve been lucky enough to accompany these guardians of the sea for the filming of an episode of the highly-popular Thai TV show THE NAVIGATOR starring Tik Jasadaporn. We dove in gin-clear waters for two hours and had lunch on the veranda of the Thai Navy Seals barracks on an island paradise.
While many of the Seals come from inland provinces far from the sea, most are happy to have discovered a love for the sea and each man is proud to follow the tradition of King Taksin, who liberate Ayutthaya through an innovative use of smaller water-borne guerilla fighters to weaken his enemy's lines of supply and every year an undisclosed number of candidates are subjected to a rigorous regime of special naval warfare designed to test the limits of each sailors' physical and mental limits.
Those successful graduates join several elite platoons stationed along the long sea coast of Thailand, where they are further instructed by the special forces of the Australian, German, and the USA special forces, however in recent years the role of the Thai Navy Seal has evolved from a strictly military option into a marine force dedicated to protecting the sea itself.
Sailors are taught about the oceans, the sustainability of fishing stocks, and pollution in accordance with the Thai Navy's greater awareness of the world in which we live. Each Seal is an expert in preservative diving thanks to courses at the Chulaborn Research institute and cooperate with local authorities to help save marine life by clearing garbage from Pattaya Bay or setting up tether floats for diving boats in the Andaman Sea. On Koh Samaesarn the soldiers gather up thousands of plastic bottles from the beaches to help supplement their income and pass on their knowledge to the fishermen trawling the sea to promote the health of the seas.
April 17 celebrates the anniversary of the Thai Navy Seals. Both the nation and the Thai Navy salute this unit for their unceasing devotion to the sea, especially at their marine facilities at Ban Samaesarn.
To reach Ban Samesarn head south from Sukhumbit on Route 3126 past the U-tapao Airfield and turn left at the signs for Ban Samaesarn. The road will lead pass the shore into town where you drive right to the museum entrance.
Entrance 100 baht for Thai Nationals and 200 baht for Westerners.
Boat tours can be arranged at the pier under the town’s temple.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/pattaya-beach-report-ban-samae-san.htm
Thai Woman have Lousy Sex
I was very proud of myself, until hearing the same line during several subsequent encounters.
Either it was the truth or a lie and I was man enough to admit that perhaps these women might have been faking their ardor, especially in light of a recent survey stating that 70% of Thai women don't experience an orgasm during sex. Nothing. No feeling. Lousy sex while 79% of Thai men say they have good sex without caring about their partner's needs. I believe that because western females also complain about the lack of vigor from their companions, then again one has to realize that for the early part of a man's life we are forbidden by women to touch their breasts or any other erogenous zones, so that by the time women actually want foreplay we've been preconditioned to think it's taboo.
This theory comes from Nick Hornsby's HIGH FIDELITY, but I have heard many Thai women swear that they never had an orgasm with their Thai boyfriend.
"He too quick. Only care for him."
Also Thai women have a problem with feeling free, since good girls wouldn't enjoy sex.
Only dok thongs or sluts.
Not so, because while you can eat love, it sure fills the heart when two come together as one.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/ever-so-lonely.htm
DC Madam Stages Early Departure
Sadly this woman died for a crime where they are no victims other than those persecuted to the full extent of the law.
We all pay for it.
The guy on a date. The teenage at the movies. Eliot Spitzer's $4500.
Guilty as charged.
Me too.
But to hang yourself in her mother's backyard shed.
Something ain't right about that.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/famous-for-never-short-by-peter-nolan-smith.htm
Japanese Porn Champ
Instead his 780,000 visits in 9 months earned the 57 year-old a monthly salary reduction of $190 from his employer, the local council, who discovered the worker's furious foray into the cyberworld of sex after the system was infected with a virus. The Kinokawa government should have been using Macs instead of PCs, since most viruses target Windows programs.
Obviously his productivity must have suffered during this binge, then again he was a bureaucrat and how hard can it be pushing around paper in a paperless world?
At his peak the man was accessing 20 sites a minute.
Probably for a personal research project.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/dick-cheneys-sex-vision-googles.htm
Bet on Thai
Thais love to gamble whether betting on football games, boxing matches, the lottery or playing cards. The nation loves Man United for its winning ability to beat the point spread and rail against Man City's failure to repeat their crosstown rival's propensity for victory. Chok dii or good luck is considered as valuable as a good education and Thais go to extraordinary lengths to assure their fortune, such as mystical tattoos and spiritual penis amulets. Many gamblers ask monks to divine numbers for the underground lottery or huay dtai din through an astute regard for how many times a dog wags its tail to the number of eggs a chicken lays. Anything to keep chok raii or bad luck at bay.
It's estimated that 70% of the adult population gamble. mostly playing pok deng, a simple card game where two cards are dealt and then a third to see who gets closest to nine. Gambling is illegal in Thailand and the police routinely raid villages to arrest small time card sharks. Sometimes with only several hundred baht in the pot. Maybe a little more slides sideways for tea money or sin bon.
Many farangs have witnessed their good girlfriend suddenly becoming more devoted to cards than a Carmelite nun to Jesus and the first signs of this are vanishing possessions. Money from your wallet. The TV and the traditional, "Someone stole my motorcycle."
Despite this rampant madness the present Thai government is considering the legalization of casinos in Chiang Mai, Phuket, and Pattaya to compete with the Cambodian gaming halls along the border crossings most notably in Poipet. Politicians figure if anyone deserves to bilk the Thai people, then it's the Thais.
Thai Rak Thai indeed.
My uncle had casinos in the south of France and said no one ever won in the long run.
I discovered that on a disastrous trip to Perlata outside of Barcelona. Lost everything.
All you have to do is see the shoes of the gamblers tramping from Cambodia to know that the house always wins.
For a related article click on this URL
http://www.mangozeen.com/thailand-scores-2-in-corruption.htm
Samak's Loose Cannon
Most politicians shared this sentiment and none more obvious than Thailand's Prime Minister Samak who asked a female reporter, "Did you have sinful sex last night?"
She didn't lower herself with a retort, probably since most Bangkok professionals, male and female, have sacrificed their romantic life for careers and also she might have been stumped as to what constituted sinful sex or pet sam-pan ga-lee the last word referring to Shiva's wicked wife, Kali.
The prime minister confessed that he was a straight talker, but didn't see anything wrong with using sexual connotations in his criticisms of reporters or his use of crude language such as Tham (Low), Heng Suay (Suck) or Laeo (Bad).
"I call it as I see it." This attitude has earned the respect of the lower classes who hold the media in contempt.
And with good reason.
Anyone who has been told too many lies can never believe the truth.
Thai Prison Time
Bail.
But nothing says you're fucked more than getting send to prison and for a good blog of this subject go to the following URL
http://www.thaiprisonlife.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=74&Itemid=99
This is as close as any of us want to go.
No beds, no forks, no freedom and close living quarters.
Certainly not another day in paradise.
For a related article click on this URL
Wife Tell Samak Hoop-Barg
Some reporters suggested that it wasn’t his wife but pu-yai or big people who suggested that the fiery PM shut his hole, but he said, “Nope, just that dumb bitch, my wife.”
Speeding on the Bangkok Motorway
I have a Toyota Altis 1.8. The poor man’s BMW, although my Thai relative refer to the car as a souped-up taxi cab. Normally I drive from Pattaya to Chai-Nat detouring onto Route 7 to avoid the predatory cops on the elevated motorway, although sometimes when the traffic is light I zoom through Bangkok to cut 50 Kms off the trip. Once I was stopped by the police at the tollbooth. I had done nothing wrong, but the officer said something was amiss with my license plate. He tried to negotiate for a 1000 baht fine. I told him I had 100 baht. My wife had the rest. He waved me on with disgust.
Farang kee-neo.
The Nation reported that the motorway police have enlisted a new weapon into their repertoire.
The radar gun, so anyoen going over the 120 KPH speed limit will be subjected to a fine, since the actual speed limit on the Motorway is 80 KPH.
Years ago I drove to Berlin through East Germany. The speed limit was 90. Any faster and the DDR cops stopped with with machine guns drawn to extort the $100 fine. This announcement by the Thai cops mean they will be turning back the clock to the time of Emil Honecker, the DDR dictator.
“Do not fear, we will not be going after anyone traveling faster than 120,” the leading police officer assured the public. “We are only after habitual speeders.”
Habitual means everyone.
In 2007 over 29,000 speeding violations were prosecuted to the fullest penalty of 500 baht. More than 5000 were women and the police said nearly 61,000 violators were caught by radar, meaning you have a 50/50 chance of not having the fine by blowing past the cops if you can outrun them. The fastest radared by 227 KPH, which is well below the European record set by a BMW 7 series at 325 KPH on the French Autoroute outside Strasbourg. The fastest I’ve driven on the Bangkok motorway is 170 KPH and I once drove a VW GTI Golf at 240 on the Belgian highway. I thought the speedometer was broken.
Not to worry too much about this new crackdown. The police are targeting cars twice a day, twice a week or four times a week at rush hours and never on Saturdays and Sundays when they’re recovering from hangovers financed from their unreported traffic stops plus the police are supposedly going to post signs saying ’speed traps ahead’ in Thai and English.
Doesn’t get any better than that.