Men have many expressions for an erect penis; tentpole, wood, are so hard you can hang a bucket of nails off it are a few. Hardness has been always a matter of pride as well as how many times you can achieve an erection. Shame comes from the opposite result. No wood, Softitis, and the cashew are derisive terms bantered about in the company of men. None are brave enough to admit suffering from ED or erectile dysfunction, but the clients number in the millions judging from Pfizer’s Viagra profits.
“I’m a man.” The Yardbirds.
Virile, hard, and hard for a long time. A schoolboy cock on a fifty year-old man and the harder the better. Superman hard? Kryptonite-proof Superman? No one knew the frontiers and the Journal of Sexual Medicine surveyed thousands of men to gain a consensus about the degrees of penile hardness.
The Erection Hardness Score (EHS).Patients were asked to rate their hardness on a scale from 1-4. Women were also included in this survey to give an objective eye.
The results are as follows.
1. Penis is larger but not hard (severe ED)
A classic pre-mature erection or softie or no wood.
2. Penis is hard, but not hard enough for penetration (moderate ED).
A so-so.
Most men will resort to oral sex in the vain hope they will hit critical arousal mass. It’s not a bad tactic, since ED can come from mental stress.
Like do I really want to have sex with my wife?
Loss of hardness.
If I fake an orgasm, will she believe me?
Back to the cashew state.
Viagra was invented for men with incompatible partners.
Especially their eyes say they don’t want have anything to do with your Johnson.
“It might be broken.” Most men think after too much of that look.
3. Penis is hard enough for penetration but not completely hard (mild ED).
This isn’t a problem as long as you get some help from your partner.
“Can I have some help?”
And we know what help means, for while the State of Georgia might regard sodomy ie fellatio a sin, Bill Clinton rightfully placed a BJ outside the boundaries of sex so that it is now more like a handshake between good friends.
Remember the word ‘help’, ladies.
It takes two to tango.
4. Penis is completely hard and fully rigid (no ED).
Hard beautiful wood.
This rating system was destined to help women and men discuss the ED problems and also to have men understand that an erection is a good indicator of the body’s health as ED may be a warning sign of a wide range of diseases such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, hyperlipidemia and hypertension.
I usually wake with an erection.
Women hate sex in the morning if you wake them up, but if they rise before you and find the erection then they might give you the green light, but not always since a French girlfriend considered a morning erection an indication that you had been dreaming about another woman.
“Or you want to piss.”
Now you can see why men lose wood.
Of course I have no problem with Mem. Even her voice acts as Viagra.
