The Closet of Closeness - 2015

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

To Speedo Or To G-String - 2015

Yesterday my old-time drinking buddy Dave left for the South of France. The Dreamliner carried him from JFK to Casablanca to Nice, where he was met by his friends living in a villa above the Cote d'Azur. His plane had been delayed after the TSA found organic hair spray in an old wrinklie woman's purse and he called from the airport to kvetch about Homeland Security.

"I agreed, but imagine if they had found your Riviera Speedo."

"I don't have a Speedo." Dave had a good body for a fifty year-old man.

"No Speedo?" I wished I could wear one, except these days my body is better suited to a chador for the beach. "Brave man, you're going for the g-string."

During the Grand Vacannes every European man regardless of his figure goes to the beach in the skimpiest bathing suit possible, but Dave was an American. Even more so a New Yorker.

"No g-string."

"No g-string?" Dave managed the wardrobe for a very popular network TV show. A cop show. Cops dont wear g- strings even undercover.

"Are you going au natural?"

"No, you idiot. I'm wearing trunks the same as everyone."

"Same as everyone?"

Dave was gay.

"We're not the same as everyone."

"We?"

"You know gays, queers et al."

"You're not gay and don't start thinking about coming out. The last thing this world needs is another Bruce Jenner."

"Her name is Caitlin."

"Well, I'm sure he doesn't wear a Speedo anymore. Gotta go. The old lady has been cleared for the flight."

"Bon Voyage." I loved the South of France and shouted to a click, "Bring me back espadrilles."

I laid back in bed and googled 'ladyboy' porn. I might not be 'gay', but I ain't straight neither.

Happy Gay Pride Day.

ps Dave brought back espadrilles. Years went by before I got them. I wore them today on Ditch Plains. No Speedo.