Sunday, January 3, 2010

Shit My Dad Said


Some 29 year-old is living with his old man.

73 if not more.

His son is recording his father's salty sayings on fucking facebook.

It deserves a better forum.

Old man - "If at first you don't succeed, quit. Because you probably suck."

"Universe is 14 Billion years old. Seems silly to celebrate one year. Be like having a fucking parade every time I take a piss."

"I just want silence. Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more."

"Son, people will always try and fuck you. Don't waste your life planning for a fucking, just be alert when your pants are down."

Happy 2010


The debate is raging in corporate headquarters around the USA whether to call 2010 'twenty-ten' or '2 thousand ten'. The former is shorter and the latter more accurate. personally I like 'two-O-ten' or 'two-K-ten'. I'll give them a try in the upcoming weeks. Anything to be different.

Gilbert Stafford RIP


The nightlife was a good living in the late-70s and 80s. My income was twice what it is now. Mostly of it cash from tips. A few doorman worked the big places. The job tended to burn us out. My last gig was the Milk Bar in Beverly Hills. The year was 1995. Only one of my confreres continued to man the velvet ropes.

Gilbert Stafford.

Miami was his kingdom.

The Crobar.

3500 guests a night.

He dressed like a king in exile.

Sadly he succumbed to illness this last weekend to join our many friends in that small corner of heaven hidden from the bible-thumpers. I know Arthur Weinstein will be happy to see him and all the boys from the West Side. He was a big team player.

RIP

Yahoo for Blackwater



Blackwater USA received a late Xmas gift when a federal judge threw out all charges against five employees involved in a deadly shooting incident resulting in the deaths of 16 Iraqi civilians. The company now known as XE Services remains on the Iraqi blacklist of US contractors, however the Pentagon still employs their services for bodyguard details and support crews for 'black' CIA operations such as drone assassinations and rendition kidnappings.

Several friends who had served in Iraq as private bodyguards said that Blackwater mercenaries were the most trigger-happy gunmen in the world. They get $1100/day. Much more than a US soldier. Better arms and cars. First class all the way.

"They like to shoot it up and it don't matter what." An Australian mercenary said on Soi 6. He was back from his 4th tour. His behavior was wild. Heavy drinking and fighting. "You have no idea what I've seen."

His VDOs were disturbing to the bargirls. They cried until he turned off his camera.

"I've done some bad things, but Blackwater is even worse."

This was all hearsay.

No one knows the truth.

And no one is saying, which is why I believe him.

New Year's Resolutions 2010


Every January 1st millions of Americans vowed to better their lives and the world around them by making resolutions. The Top Ten resolutions rarely differ from year to year, since few people realized their resolutions. I made no resolutions this year. Not one. At my age I've failed enough times to accept my rut with aplomb, but here are the perennial Top Ten;

1. Spend More Time with Family & Friends
2. Exercise more
3. Lose weight
4. Stop Smoking
5. Enjoy Life
6. Quit Drinking
7. Get Out of Debt
8. Learn Something New
9. Help Others
10. Get Organized

After reading this list I figure I'm not so bad off.

There's some of them I do without the help of a resolution.

Hell, I must have quit drinking a hundred times in 2009 alone and I got out of debt by cutting up my credit cards in 2008. Two weeks of the Swine Flu knocked off 15 pounds and I don't really smoke cigarettes, except when I've stopped stopped drinking at a bar.

I do feel good about life, especially when I'm with my kids.

Somehow I got to get over to Thailand more often.

The end of January is the next trip.

So don't worry too much about resolutions.

Most of them are unattainable, otherwise you wouldn't have to make them. Besides the world is going to end in 2012 so life for today.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

New Year's Eve 2009


My options for New Year's Eve were three; stay home and watch Dick Clark dribble on his tux, go over to Frank's Lounge, or head up north to bring in 2010 with Andrew Camp and his wife and daughter, a gay couple, and myself. All involved drink and drugs. Being alone on New Year's Eve is dangerous. Drinking with strangers at a Brooklyn Bar could be considered fool-hardy, so I packed my bag and caught the 5.17 Metro-North train to Wassaic. I snorted a few lines in the bathroom to sharpen my anti-terrorist antennae. The few passengers heading north seemed harmless. No beards or turbans. The nearest traveler was reading Kurt Vonnegut's WELCOME TO THE MONKEY HOUSE. He was no threat.

Andrew was waiting at the station. We drove in a snowy darkness to his house. His wife and daughter were happy to see us. Andrew cooked dinner for us and his gay friends. Some of us did drugs. We drank and laughed at old stories. 2010 was a full moon night. The clouds shrouded the orbiting satellite in ghost drag. We went to bed at 3.

I called my wives in Thailand. One I wished a good year and the other I told that I love her.

The way you start off the new year determines how you will spend the rest of the year and I started mine by telling the truths, although only because I'm too lazy to lie.

My Generation


CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 50's and 60s.

First we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints and they used real nappies on us.....god forbid!

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, no brakes and the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

Even though all the shops closed way before 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!....bloody amazing that!!!

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy fruit tingles and some crackers to blow up frogs with. We ate white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when Mum had supper ready. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and played in creek beds with matchbox cars. We did not have Play Stations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms.......... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside found them and played with them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents .

Only girls had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross buns at Easter time.......No really! We were given BB guns and sling shots for our 10th birthdays, We drank milk laced with Strontium 90 from cows that had eaten grass covered in nuclear fallout from the Nevada Bomb Tests. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them! Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet! Baseball had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Our teachers used to belt us with big sticks and leather straps and bullies always ruled the playground at school. We learned to cope though and we were all fine.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! Our parents got married before they had children and didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora', 'Apple', or '4real'.

We were the generation of the Who's MY GENERATION and still are and to all you young snots. Piss off!