Singapore Ready to Green Light Kidney Trade

Written July 22, 2012

While I was up in Boston, my sister found a medical survey at a hospital needed guinea pigs for a sleep-deprivation study. The doctor in charge considered me a good candidate and request that I submit to a physical at Beth Israel. The results confirmed my health was stellar, except for heightened kidney readings.

"You should have it checked out with your doctor." The Beth Israel physician suggest and I never heard from them again.

I visited my doctor in Staten Island and we went out to lunch at a harborside bar. After hearing about my kidney readings, he asked several questions. "Are you experiencing any lethargy, weakness, shortness of breath, or generalized swelling?"

"No."

The bartender came up to take our order. Neil signaled him to come back in a minute.

"How's your heart?"

"68 resting. 75 after a three-minute stress test."

Neil asked several more health related questions abour my drinking and eating habits. Being a hypochondriac each answer seemed like the wrong one and at the end of his interrogations, I asked, "Am I going to die?"

"Everyone is going to die, but your reading was probably from your drinking habits. I wouldn't worry about them other than to chill out on binge drinking." Neil indicated we were quaffing Stella Artois drafts. "Remember moderate your excess."

"Thanks." His counsel eased my mind, so when I read in the newspaper that Singapore was easing restrictions of the sale of kidneys, I contemplated selling one and phoned Neil about the commercialization of my body parts.

"It's not a good idea." His voice sounded serious.

"But you said I was healthy." I figured I could get at least $10,000 for my right kidney.

"When I said you wouldn't die, I meant as long as you had both kidneys. Not one."

"But I could live with only one?" I could use the money.

"Yes, but you couldn't drink. Your choice."

"Yes, but you couldn't drink."

"Oh." That stipulation settled the debate. My body shall remain whole, unless the USA has need of my kidney for a Space Shuttle tile. Just because I'm an outlaw doesn't mean that I'm unpatriotic, but until then I'll drink with moderation. I don't have the funds to do it any other way.