GOUT

My earliest exposure to gout came from movies showing Henry VIII hobbling about the set with his foot swathed in bandages. The disease came from rich foods. Only the very wealthy or obese were supposedly prone to such an ailment, although in recent years friends have limped into restaurants or parties to explain, “I have gout.”

Healthy folks would laugh at the sufferer’s prediction.

After all you are what you eat and everyone thinks that there’s no way they’ll ever get gout.

Me too.

The first symptom of gout is a sore toe.

Two weeks ago my toe was more sore.

Gout is caused by a rich diet of red wine, meats, and peas.

I eat a lot of frozen peas and drink wine too.

Being a hypochondriac I feared that swelling pain might spread.

I went to the Internet and scoured the online medical journals.

Bad news.

Avoid alcohol.

Good news.

Eat asparagus, spinach, and broccoli.

I like those.

My friend Sam Royalle called from Thailand and asked, “Why don’t you go to the doctor?”

I only visit the doctor for my annual check-up. Doctor Nick is my friend from History 101 at Boston College. He is a GP in Staten Island. It's a long way from Brooklyn.

“I don’t have gout.” The pain was minor.

“And if it doesn’t go away?” Sam liked hospitals. He was living in Thailand. A visit to a doctor in the USA costs over $200, unless it’s to Doctor Nick. He does it for free.

“Then I’ll go to the hospital.” Until then it’s broccoli sandwiches once a day with a glass of white wine.

Red is supposed to be the killer.

Of course I'll stick to that diet only in my head, because in the morning was toe was fine. Probably just a sore muscle. That happens to guys my age.