Chuck Norris Ain't Shit

The other day in the diamond exchange a young woman offered to sell a diamond ring. I examined the goods. The stones were poor quality, but I saw about $500 in it. "Come with me." I sherried her over to my friend. Eddie needed the business and I owed him $200 from a sale in early January. I explained the circumstances to him and walked back to our counter. Stepping inside I turned around to be confronted by Lil' RV, a Bukharian first-generation diamond dealer. "What?" "I should whack you in the face. I get all the shots after you." RV was 5-6 with a swiftly receding hairline. I liked him most days, but coming from Boston I reacted by slapping his wagging finger out of his face. "Listen, you little shit." He had been mouthing off to me, as only the young can when they don't know any better. "That's the second time you've threatened me. You do it one more time and I'll throw you down the stairs. Then I'll drag you up the stairs and throw you down them again. And if you call any of your Bukharian stick pussies to back you up, I fucking break them like dogs, because that's all you are to me." No one in the exchange heard a single word and RV stomped off to smoke a cigarette outside. I could tell me was expecting an apology and I stepped onto the sidewalk. "RV." "My name is Avi." "Not until you show people respect." The previous week one of his thugs had tried to steal a customer from my partner Hlove, who was equally as hotheaded as me. "This is just a job. Stop taking it so serious." I suspected his was on Big Pharma speed. He didn't look like a coke fiend. Later in the day he said loud enough for me to hear, "It's not about how big you are, but how vicious." Hlove saw me tense up. "Don't, he's just a kid." "He's over 15. He ain't no kid." I walked over to his booth. Three of his fat thugs stood at the counter. I pushed them out of the way. "You're right about size. The toughest fighter in the world was Bruce Lee." "Chuck Norris was a better martial artist." RV wasn't in a listening mood. "Maybe, but like me or Hlove he was a brawler. Our best fights were never in a ring and the best fights of all was beating down someone who thought they were tougher than us, as Bruce Lee did to Chuck Norris in WAY OF THE DRAGON." "I don't like Orientals." He knew my wife and kids were Thai. "And you think you're not Asian." I came from Irish-Yankee stock. "There's nothing about you that's white and remember that." "Fuck you." RV thought he was a tough guy and I returned to my booth. "Feeling better?" Hlove had witnessed everything. "Not really." The stairs looked better, but Bruce Lee had let Chuck Norris live and I did the same for RV. At least until the next time. And with a punk like RV there is always a next time.