Thursday, March 10, 2016

Party Rules for Youth

My friend's son is having a graduation party this weekend. Somehow I got invited via Facebook. I RSVPed 'yes' then checked the guests. Everyone is under 20. I'm three times that age, so I'm in the process of disinviting myself. Swine Flu Fever is a good excuse. Check out this rules of partying list.

Official Party Code Of Law: read it, know it,follow it...

1.) Sleeper law: If one has a history/ habit of drinking to the point of violent vomiting and/or losing consciousness, he or she should not expect anyone to care for them. The most they will receive is a glass of water and a space for themselves in the bathroom, where they will be laid on their stomach with no one to watch them. If they get vomit on their clothes, that's their problem. You don't need to drink to death. This law does not apply to people who have never drank to the point that they vomit and/or lose consciousness; only to the shameless, selfless veterans. Parties are meant for good times, not babysitting

2. Vulture law: Thou shalt not be a cockblock or a vulture. Do not interfere with any hookups occurring around you, unless the cops are coming and all occupants of the house must scram. Further more, if two people are hooking up, do not sit around watching and waiting for your chance to steal one of the members of the hookup so you can get some ass. No macking on anyone's girlfriends/boyfriends.

3. Teen Movie law: Drama is annoying. If a rival of yours, or a person you just don't like, is at the same party as you, you may not do anything to embarrass the person or ruin their night. No fighting either. As long as you party together, you are required to be friends. If you can't handle it, scram.

4. Clean up your mess

5. Do not damage, steal, or violate the property of the owner of the house/apartment or of any guests at the party. If you do, and refuse to take responsibility for what you've done, you will pay in blood and money (no matter what gender you are).

6. The host may not charge more than twenty American dollars. Fifteen is really the preferred maximum.

7. No rape. No forced hooking up or sexual activity. Generally, no non-consensual interaction.

8. No sex in the host's bedroom, or any other bedroom in the house, without the acknowledgement and approval of the host. If you choose to have sex or do anything else of that sort in the bathroom, make it quick, and don't force anyone to hold in their waste for more than 5 minutes.

9. No peer pressure.

10. All guests must pay the fee the host imposes.

11. The only places where urinating is permitted are the bathroom, the street, and the lawn. No peeing is allowed in pools, on the house (if the party takes place at a house and not an apartment), or on items within the house/ on the host's property (I.E. Television sets).

12. If the host does not want a specific guest to be present at the party, the said guest and the said guest's entourage must respect the will of the host. If the said guest really really wants to be at the party, then he/she must make a special announcement praising and promoting the host. The said guest may also be required to perform sexual favors for the host; however this is rape in 49 states (all excluding Texas) and totally dick in general.

12.5: In general, respect the host. He who holds the party holds the power.

13: One may not hook up with more than three people in one party. This is mainly to reduce the risk of getting the herpes, or other diseases.

14: If asked to do so, keep it on the DL. The word "it", in this law, refers to both word of the party, and anything that happens at the party.

15: Don't drink and drive--- This is the easiest part of the permit test, so for you to not understand this concept in practice shows that you are fucking retarded and deserve to die in the car crash.

16: When writing/drawing on someone who is passed out, at least one marking must say "small penis" with an arrow pointing to the victim's genitalia. If the victim is female, one must write "very wide", pointing to the victim's vag.

17: Do not put drugs into an unsuspecting person's drinks or on any other item that they may consume. Also do not trick anyone into taking any kind of drugs (i.e. No giving speed to someone requesting Advil)

18.One must request permission from someone they are videotaping if the person being videotaped is doing something potentially embarrassing or damaging to their reputation (i.e. having anonymous sex/gangbanging, or ranting in German about killing Jews)

19: From the moment you enter the party to the moment you leave, you are an atheist/deist. God has no place in parties (or politics, but that's a completely different facebook group)

20. If an ugly guest (party 1) is hooking up with someone who can do much better (party 2), other guests must respect the 2nd law and the ugly guest's success in getting some. No guest may make any attempt to bring party 2 to the realization that he/she made a mistake. We must recognize the fact that party 1 may get less ass in his/ her life than party 2. Party 2 will have many chances in his/her life to make up for hooking up with party 1

21. No person or persons may hog any liquor for themselves without paying an extra fee. This will be called the "Blockbuster Clause", in that it is much like renting films from block buster. When you rent a movie, you pay a small fee, but when you decide you want to keep the movie forever, you pay extra. It's kind of the same thing.

22. This rule is simple.

No being emo. If you are caught moping then you will be asked to cheer up or get out. don't try and get attention by being a wuss, and don't ruin the awesome aura of the party.

23. Similar to 22. Don't be an attention whore to the point that you are extremely irritating. Shouting and be obnoxious is crazy annoying and totally not sexy.

24: The law to please Jared: Do not expose any part of your body that you are legally required to conceal in public places. This law is made void in cases in which an orgy is called for, parties held on nudist colonies, parties that are "birthday suit" themed, the person revealing his/her self is in a private location on the party grounds (whether alone or with the lucky guy/girl exposed to the person's junk), or parties in which pornographers are present (since pornographers have good taste regarding who should be naked)

25. If someone at a party does something embarrassing or pitiful that is caught on tape by someone within his circle of friends, all the members of the circle of friends are permitted to make fun of that person for no more than 9 days so that person learns never to do said stupid thing again. If the person's embarrassing move is really that big a deal/ something that can be changed/ something worth changing or fixing, then the person with the videotape and the videotaped person's friends may not make fun of said videotaped person.

26. Farting/ expelling of any stench considered gross by the general population of the party is not allowed on a dance floor or any other location in the party vicinities where there is a high concentration of people.

27: This is an amendment to the first law: 20 dollar puking fee!!!

28: No bringing relationship-related drama to a party. This includes drama relating to both former and current relationships. No arguing between boyfriends and girlfriends, and no embarrassing of or fighting with ex boyfriends or girlfriends. take it outside where no one else has to be part of it

29: Slutty dancing is permitted and encouraged, however, be aware that if any of the guys you are dancing with (whether simultaneously or at separate times) get hard-ons from dancing with you, you may be obligated to relieve them in ways Jesus would not approve of (simultaneously or separately).

30: Coors light is not allowed unless the part consists mostly of bulimic girls who need something to help them vomit.

[if there is any problems ; fighting of some sort between SOMEONE & others, you will be kicked out, or most likely the bitch that started it]

Kids will always be kids.

No comments: