The First Words

The University of Reading in England has determined that two dozen words have survived the fifteen millennium since the end of the recent Ice Age such as "You, hear me! Give this fire to that old man. Pull the black worm off the bark and give it to the mother. And no spitting in the ashes!" Conventional linguists suggest that Man spoke in grunts during the Ice Age, however revolutionists argue that Man always had a language albeit with Euro-Asian roots. Father evolved from pere in French pater in Latin and pitar in Sanskrit, but none of these scientists are willing to admit that language 15,000 years ago existed on the tongues of those who survived the Big Cold. Beer and whiskey are the same around the world. Because we have always been drinkers. Happy Beermas, comrades of past. We are not animals.

WOMEN'S ENGLISH / MEN'S ENGLISH

From 2011, but as useful now as it was then

Women beware

WOMEN'S ENGLISH / MEN'S ENGLISH Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

We need = I want

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need to talk = You're in trouble

Sure, go ahead = You better not

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron

You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

I'm hungry = I'm hungry

I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy

I'm tired = I'm tired

Nice dress = Nice cleavage

I love you = Let's have sex right now

I'm bored = I'd like to have sex with you

May I have this dance = I'd like to have sex with you

Can I call you some time = I'd like to have sex with you

Do you want to see a movie = I'd like to have sex with you

Can I take you out to dinner = I'd like to have sex with you

Those shoes don't go with your dress = I'm gay

This lesson in political incorrectness comes from the ever-popular Nick Tottenham ex of Pattaya.

Thanks wanker.