Bobbing For Apples

My son Fenway loves to throw cellphones into the toilet. I don't understand this fixation and I keep my phone out of his reach. His mother isn't so lucky, since Mam needs the phone by her side. Last summer Fenway dropped an iPhone in the toilet. I admonished him and he sulked the rest of the day, as if I didn't understand the method to his four year-old madness. "Tor-la-sap sia." I told him in Thai. It's his native tonuge. "Torlasap mai dai wai-nam." "You're right. The phone can't swim." My father would have tanned my butt, but I can't be mad at my children and that's part of my madness. I went down to Tuk-Com where the service people at Apple comfirmed my fears. "Phone sia. 100%." Thanks, Fenway. I put the phone in my bag and brought it back to New York. The Apple reps told me the same thing as their compatriots in Sri Racha. This week Apple announced that they will pay out $53 million to settle with disgruntled iPhone and iPod owners turned down for replacements of 'water damaged' devices. Upon hearing this news I called Apple. "Sir, this settlement has to do with faulty 'liquid contact indicators'." According to the Mail hundreds of thousands of customers who brought their malfunctioning devices to Apple, only to be told they were no longer covered by warranties because a little sticker inside had turned a shade of pink or red. No matter the problem, the company refused to replace any device with a pink or red sticker and must now pay what amounts to about $200 per claimant in the suit. "Oh." Fenway's predilection to give phones a bath wasn't covered by the legal judgment. But it was worth a try.

VISA - MC Triumph

Famed US bank robber Willie Sutton was a stand-up criminal throughout his forty year career. His take from over a hundred heist armed with either a pistol or Thompson machine gun amounted to over $2,000,000. Slick Willie never had to fire a shot in these escapades unlike the infamous Bonnie and Clyde or Machine Gun Kelley. His frequent prison stays were ameliorated by his gentlemanly behavior as much as his connection to the Italian Mafia to whom he offered a cut of his take. A criminal's criminal Willie Sutton is famous for having said, "Why did I rob banks? Because I enjoyed it. I loved it. I was more alive when I was inside a bank, robbing it, than at any other time in my life. I enjoyed everything about it so much that one or two weeks later I'd be out looking for the next job. But to me the money was the chips, that's all. Go where the money is...and go there often." Executives at VISA and MasterCard along with major banks reversed the adage of 'go where the money is' for the money was not in the vaults, but the pockets of the consumer and for decades every purchase from the credit card cost the merchant and ultimately the buyer a swipe fee amounting to 2.5-4% without allowing the merchant the right to charge the card user for this vig. Merchants in Thailand have long added on 3% for credit card payment. I once tried to augment a diamond sale by 3%. The customer, who was a lawyer, threatened to sue me, if i tried to add the VISA fee. Manny my boss has long called VISA, MC, and AMEX the biggest crooks in the world and larger retailers have fought the credit cards for the right to add the fee to purchases. This week VISA and MasterCharge settled this conspiracy to rig charges lawsuit for approximately $6 billion. While merchants claimed a victory with lower fees on the horizon, but Wall Street reacted to the news by investing more heavily into the credit card companies who had feared a much more punitive settlement against them. Robbing the consumer is much easier than robbing a bank, unless you are a corporation. They are people too according to the US Supreme Court, but corporations will never be cool as Willie Sutton, who after his pardon appeared in a credit card ad, saying, "They call it the 'face card.' Now when I say I'm Willie Sutton, people believe me." Corporations cool as Willie Sutton. Never.