Homo Scan

In April of 2009 Johnny Zombie from Palm Beach sent me to Russia to speak with his customers about their non-payment for merchandise. My friends in New York thought that these Russki 'businessmen' would kill me, but I had a band member from Aquarium for my companion. Everyone loved that band.

Seve dropped at the airport and I gave him $100 for his efforts.

"Hope to see you soon."

The cellist was good people.

After passing through immigration I approached the security check and was surprised to see a large machine for screening my body.

HOMO SCAN

Russia was notoriously homophobic and I had many gay friends. Some of them had to rub off on me, however I passed the examination without a hitch.

A customs officer later said that HOMO SCAN detected bombs.

I had none of those.

Only a slight lisp whenever I had a few drinks. It goes nicely with my stutter and Boston accent.

And the beer at the Petersburg Aeroport was dirt cheap.

"One more beer, pleasssse."

I could lisp all I wanted.

I had passed the HOMO SCAN.

In the eyes of Russia I was straight.

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS Aquarium

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxU2xmjaRqE During my trip to 2009 trip to Russia I was lucky enough to Seve Gakkel, the celloist of the famous Soviet era band Aquarium. The band dated back to 1972, when Boris Grebenshchikov and Anatoly Gunitsky joined forces with several musicians to play art at Leningrad restaurant. The KGB hated rock, but somehow the band flourished in the Brezhnev era and to this date are highly regarded as a voice of freedom for the masses in the USSR. I don't understand a single word, but love their music. I'm an old folkie. To hear Aquarium please go to the following URL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCNJp1X0N5Q