In April of 2009 Johnny Zombie from Palm Beach sent me to Russia to speak with his customers about their non-payment for merchandise. My friends in New York thought that these Russki 'businessmen' would kill me, but I had a band member from Aquarium for my companion. Everyone loved that band.
Seve dropped at the airport and I gave him $100 for his efforts.
"Hope to see you soon."
The cellist was good people.
After passing through immigration I approached the security check and was surprised to see a large machine for screening my body.
HOMO SCAN
Russia was notoriously homophobic and I had many gay friends. Some of them had to rub off on me, however I passed the examination without a hitch.
A customs officer later said that HOMO SCAN detected bombs.
I had none of those.
Only a slight lisp whenever I had a few drinks. It goes nicely with my stutter and Boston accent.
And the beer at the Petersburg Aeroport was dirt cheap.
"One more beer, pleasssse."
I could lisp all I wanted.
I had passed the HOMO SCAN.
In the eyes of Russia I was straight.
