My Team Sucks

I never played organized football. My backyard was the playing field for my most important games. Rules were optional. There was no padding. Conditions were cold New Englandesque. My cousin Russell came closest to being a star. As a freshman he ran back a punt for a touchdown against my Alma mater Boston College. After that feat he recognized that he would never make it in the NFL.

"That run was a once in a lifetime thing. Everyone is too big."

Russell and I now experience out-of-the-body football ecstasy through the NFL.

Sundays.

Beer and football.

None of us speak of Afghanistan.

The Patriots were good to me through the 00s.

And other years as well.

Go Steve Grogan.

"I hear people say that I was one of the toughest quarterbacks to ever play. But I wish they would say I was pretty good, too." —Steve Grogan

They sucked today, then again the sun doesn't get to shine on the same dog's ass every day of the year.

I sat at Frank's with Tim throughout the entire debacle. He's Jets fan. Tim poured extra drinks on the owner. I was the only patron. My last drink was Jamesons. It really does taste of Ireland and that taste takes away the bitter sup of defeat.

Wait until next year.

We Aren't Alone

It's good to know that the fellow Anglo-Saxons from the Antipodes are fuck-ups too when it comes to trains.

'THIS TRAIN IS FUCKED'.

Waltz Mathilda Alright.

No Red Lights - No Worries

California has a budget deficit of billions. The federal government has no intention of bailing out the failing economy of the nation's largest state, so Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has been seeking alternative methods to save and make money. Earlier in the week he proposed cutting the prison population along with privatizing the penal institutions. State workers have unpaid day's off and certain offices are closed for extended periods of time. This cost-cutting tactics might save money, but the only way to get money is to make it, so the 'ex-Terminator' has suggested the installation of speed cameras on red lights.

$225 for those driving faster than the speed limit and $325 for those going more than 15 mph over the legal speed.

The car culture of California is understandably upset by this measure aimed at adding nearly a half-billion dollars to the state coffers.

Revenue piracy is what it is, although I tend to drive the speed limit in congested areas. During this spring's tour of the Midwest with Peter Bach I obeyed every traffic edict by avoiding the interstates. 100 mph was my average speed on the roads of Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, and Iowa. Back roads and old state highways. Not a single cop or a red light for 2000 miles.

And I maintained my unblemished driving record.

If Arnold really wanted to close the debt gap, he should legalize marijuana 100% and tax the sales.

Problem solved in one year.

Meep Meep.

Coyote Crazy

Wiley the Coyote survived countless seemingly fatal disasters during his cartoon career. None of his plans to capture the Roadrunner ended in success, despite the aid of the Acme Corporation. Wild dogs in Thailand are much less lucky and this past summer I hit one outside of Chai-nat.

Thump.

I thought it dead and kept on driving.

My ex-wife later said that my leaving was a good idea.

"Stopping would have only led to trouble."

I rode by the spot the next day and examined the pavement. Not a trace of blood or guts. Maybe the dog had been lucky, although not as lucky as a wild coyote in the western desert of the USA.

This story comes from Allison of Palm Beach.

Daniel and Tevyn East were driving at night along Interstate 80 near the Nevada-Utah border when they noticed a pack of coyotes near the roadside on October 12. One of the animals ran in front of the car, the impact sounded fatal so the siblings thought there no point in stopping.

'Right off the bat, we knew it was bad,' Daniel explained. 'We thought the story was over.'

After the incident around 1am, they continued their 600 mile drive to North San Juan - even stopping for fuel at least twice. Upon reaching their destination at 9am they examined what damage their car may have sustained during the collision.

'[Daniel] saw fur and the body inside the grill,' Tevyn East said. 'I was trying to keep some distance. Our assumption was it was part of the coyote - it didn't register it was the whole animal.'

Daniel East got a broom to pry the remains out of the bumper and got the shock of his life.

'The coyote flinched,' Tevyn East said. 'It was a huge surprise - he got a little freaked out.'

Wildlife officers freed the coyote from the car.

Guess that they had a lot of practice from saving Wiley Coyote's life after the cartoon character's various failures to capture his prey. Unless each reappearing Wiley the Coyote was a resurrected clone like Alice in RESIDENT EVIL.

So many lives to give.

Warmth of Winter

My friends are reacting to the prolonged cold snap by discounting the research of thousands of scientists with the simplistic query. "Where's global warming now?"

My attempts to explain the ever-increasing swings in weather extremes are in vain.

"But it's cold and the planet is supposedly to be getting warm."

"There's 6 billion people on Earth. We watch TV, drive cars, and eat potato chips." The prediction of 9 billion inhabitants by 2050 is a frightening vision for my children. They'll be in their 40s. I'll be almost a hundred. "That many people can't be good."

"Without growth there can't be wealth." Richie Boy at work is a free-market capitalist. We sell diamonds. Our sales depend on the rich. I'd be a hypocrite to not appreciate their largess.

"Wealth isn't the final arbiter of happiness."

"Money might not be able to buy happiness, but it certainly can rent it." Richie Boy was tanned from a week's vacation on St. Barths. He said the prices there were exorbitant. My income bracket aren't allowed access to that isle of the rich and famous.

"Global warming might not be fact, but this many people will lead to nothing but chaos."

"I don't see any chaos anywhere."

In truth the world seemed fairly orderly. Terrorism was ordinary. Economic collapse was a common occurrence. Devastation day to day. It was cold outside. Below zero Fahrenheit. I had a cashmere coat and scarf. It was sunny outside. We were doomed, but it was a beautiful day. I can only hope that i can say the same during the end of the end.

Bali Ho

The Summer of Love refers to a memorable three month in 1967. The feeling of that season in San Francisco enveloped the youth of America. Woodstock epitomized the Age of Aquarius only to be assassinated by the infamous Rolling Stones at Altamount. Hippies fled the cities. Long hairs traveled the globe to recapture the spirit of the 60s.

Indonesia might have been a dictatorship, however Bali was a paradisaical destination at the end of the Kabul-Kathmandu-Kuta circuit for these pioneer backpackers. The community of transients spread up the coast to form a semi-permanent colony. The beach was beautiful at Seminyak. Lodgings were cheap. Ganga was illegal, but the police were busy drinking beer. Time was measured by the sunrises and sunsets.

My friend Nona lived there then. Her house was bamboo. Her boyfriend was German. Their income came from a silver jewelry business in Sri Lanka selling to Europe. Her sojourn in Bali lasted into the 90s. We re-united at the Strand. I was up in Ubud. My house was a shack in the middle of the rice paddies overlooking the stream in which the villagers bathed in the evening.

Bali was ten years away from the Kuta Bombing.

Surf, arts, and the tropics.

I hope somewhere that Bali still exists.

Cutting Up Your Credit Cards

This year the US government lent hundreds of billions of dollars to shore up the failing financial institutions and the banks have rewarded the largess of the American taxpayers by hiking interest rates and dropping credit balance. Most of their customers have accepted these changes with fatal resignation, however a California lawyer has refused to pay off his debt until Bank of America lowers his interest rate for the usury amount of 27%. This idea almost sounds radical, except this rebel needs to take the process to the next level of cutting up his credit cards and telling the banks that his debt needs to be adjusted to an amount prior to inflation by the bank's hyper-interest.

I experienced a similar situation. The banks hiked my rate to 29% because I had withdrawn cash on my credit cards after losing my ATM card in Asia. My attempts to speak to anyone in charge were stonewalled by the credit department. Faced with these unreasonable monthly payments my only course of action was to take scissors to my credit cards and mail the shards back to the appropriate companies.

My credit rating must be mud, but I'm not thinking of buying a house that I can't afford on my income. The creditors call occasionally for payment and I ask them if someone can re-adjust my debt. They tell me no and I say, "Then we have nothing to speak about."

Click.

I just think of my non-payment as a Xmas bonus from my bank.

Thank you very much indeed.