Secret Weapon

The Surrender Army

Back in the ever-distant last century the West confronted the Evil Empire of the USSR.

Nuclear missiles were aimed at capitol cities, tanks were poised on the border, and armies ready armed for invasion.

It was the time of the $4000 Pentagon Hammer and the $20,000 Air Force toilet.

I proposed another secret weapon.

The Surrender Army.

100,000 gay leather men armed with tambourines, poppers, and KY to attack East Germany not with dreams of victory, but a determined fantasy for surrender.

“Oh Ivan you brute.”

The Russians wouldn’t know what hit them until the DJ spun MACHO MAN by the Village People.

Needless to say no one in the Joint Chief’s returned my calls.

America's Most Wanted

For ten years Osama Bin Laden dominated the FBI's most wanted list. His death has created a gap in the fugitive hierarchy and the G-men are voting for a new # 1 as well as who from # 11 downward graduates into the Top Ten.

The remaining nine of the Top Ten are;

EDUARDO RAVELO - Murderous Mexican cocaine bandito

ROBERT WILLIAM FISHER - Arizona killer of his wife and kids.

ALEXIS FLORES - Phillie child kidnapper/murderer

SEMION MOGILEVICH - Russian Ponzi artist

JASON DEREK BROWN - Armed robber/murderer

GLEN STEWART GODWIN - Californian prison escapee

JOE LUIS SAENZ - LA gangbaner assassin

JAMES J. BULGER - Southie gangster on the run

VICTOR MANUEL GERENA - Puerto Rican nationalist responsible for single0-handed Brinks robbery of $5 million in 1983. His whereabouts are unknown.

My vote for # 1 most wanted in GW Bush.

Native grown war criminal.

Wanted for crimes against humanity.

Unfortunately GW Bush is not a fugitive, despite his post-presidential invisibility.

And neither is Dick Cheney.

Drat.

Then again the FBI aren't after my alter ego.

So hanks the stars for that small favor from the cosmos.

We both love our freedom.

A Nice Man

Reaction in the Muslim world to the assassination of Osama Bin Laden has ranged from outrage to relief. Supporters in the hundreds stormed onto the streets in London, waving placards predicting Islam will dominate the world. As a beer-drinker I begged to differ from their forecast of global Sharia law. Beermas will rule the Earth.

Especially in England.

Pakistan's former foreign minister demanded the resignation of Benazir Bhutto's widower from the presidency, claiming the US SEALs attack betrayed the country's sovereignty without commenting on the Al-Quada leader's living only a few hundred meters from the nation's top military academy. Billions of dollars spent on their army and the ISI protected OBL from harm. The vast secret empire of CIA fared little better and the satellite array of the NSA failed to find the 'supposed' mastermind of 9/11, even though Bin Laden had been living in the compound for over 6 years.

His neighbors said that he was a nice man.

"He watched CSI-Miami."

"He never made a lot of noise."

"He liked dogs."

Abbottabad residents were unanimous in their opinion of this most infamous citizen.

Gone but not forgotten and now the compound is a tourist destination.

$3 per head.

Cheap at any price.

A Change in the Weather

The hot season is swelling in the Middle East. The temperature for today is in the 70s. By Wednesday the thermometer will hit the 90s. A long hot summer is predicted for the Fertile Crescent and the heat influences people in very strange ways. This week in Cairo over 2 million people gathered in Tahrir Square to sing Free Palestine.

This mass demonstration reflects the change in the hearts and minds of Arabs. A year ago these Egyptians would have been shot in the street by Mubarak's internal forces. The USA paid the strong man billions to support his northern neighbor. Mubarak is gone and radical fundamentalism has lost its aura of invincibility. Hope springs eternal for the oppressed.

Israel's propaganda machine reported the momentous occasion as millions shouting "To Jerusalem we go, for us to be the Martyrs of the Millions."

I can't understand Arabic, but I've learned to not trust the press on either side of the coin.

maybe they should have been singing GIVE PEACE A CHANCE

To see 2 million people calling for freedom, please go to the following URL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8Y0u3sa9EE&feature=youtu.be

THE END OF YOUTH by Peter Nolan Smith

Subletting your apartment is tricky in New York. The supers are snitches for the landlords, so subleasees have to live with utter discretion in your flat. Swedes are the best, since they are respectful of property unlike Americans.

In the early 80s I moved to Paris. Actuel Magazine offered me a job at their nightclub. $150/night and an ocean away from the Internal Affairs unit investigating the police pay-offs at the Jefferson, an after-hours hot spot on 14th Street. I told the publisher 'oui' and I sublet my apartment on East 10th Street during my stay in Paris to a Swedish male nurse.

Sven moonlighted as a bouncer at Danceteria. Everyone like him and he liked black chicks. I had no trouble with Sven. He paid the rent on time and helped the super with the plumbing. When I informed him that I was coming back to New York in 1986, he moved out three days before my return. The place was cleaner than I left it. Nothing was missing. Not one of my books or records or clothing. Even the old lady next door, Mrs. Adorno, said good for Sven.

“He good man. He like chocolate ladies.” The old witch was in love with the young Swede. She was only 4-10 with chronic pains from a spinal injury. “He help me with my back. I miss him already.”

“What about me?” I had been gone six years.

“Not miss you long time.” The bruja waved a hex sign. “You old man.”

“Old man.” I was 34.

“I old. I know old. You old.” Senora Adorno slammed shut the door.

I had never thought of myself as old and I asked my friends about this. They were mostly my age and we suffered from the Peter pan syndrome. We never wanted to grow up. In my heart I was 25. In my head I was 15. I was going to be young forever, despite the old bruja’s curse.

My college friends were employed as lawyers, realtors, bankers, and doctors.

Real jobs weren’t me.

Arthur Weinstein got me a spot at the door of the Milk Bar. The club on lower 7th Avenue was decorated like the Malchek Bar in CLOCKWORK ORANGE. Scottie Taylor the owner hid in an egg chair. His manager ran the bar and hired the help. She had good taste in funny people and in late-September we had a new bargirl. Shane came from the UK. Her ambition was to be a pop singer. She had dreads and a cute body. I never hit on her and she asked if I had anything against black girls.

“You’re more high yellah than black.” More Chinese than African too.

“So why don’t you take me home?” Shane was forward and I couldn’t think of a single reason for not taking up her offer. I was single. She was over 18. We rode on my Yamaha 650 to East 10th Street. As I parked my motorcycle on the sidewalk Shane looked up at the building.

“What?”

“I’ve been here before.” The declaration wasn’t based on déjà vu.

“Let me guess.” There was only one explanation. “With Sven.”

“Yes.” She followed me upstairs without any danger of her disappearing my Orpheus’ dead wife. I had a joint and she liked smoking weed. All Rasta girls do. Once inside the apartment she picked up an LP. The Mothers of Invention’s FREAK OUT. I put the record on the stereo.

Hearing HELP I’M A ROCK Shane laughed.

“I was here more than once. I would look at the records and wonder who lived here.”

“Who did you think it was?” My apartment was cool. All wood like a rural shack. Bathtub in the kitchen and water closet in the back. It was a museum to the past.

“Seeing these LPs I thought it was some old hippie.”

“Old hippie.” I had long hair in the 60s. Mrs. Adorno was right. I was old. It was the first time anyone said that about me. I couldn’t bring myself to make love with Shane. No newly old man could even to resurrect his youth in a young woman’s flesh. I didn’t have such a problem later in life, because old can get very old without the young.

SLEEP - Ill Wind (1968)

My favorite webradio station is www.techwebsound.com

The playlist on Technicolor Web of Sound on is mostly obscure hippie rock rangning from obscure to one-hit wonders to classic acid trips. Here is the most recent sound from the station

# Blue Cheer - Feathers From Your Tree
# Tony Hazzard - Fade Away Maureen
# The Misty Wizards - It's Love
# The Candlelight - That's What I Want
# The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby
# Episode Six - I Can See Through You
# Orange Bicycle - Trip On An Orange Bicycle
# Pink Floyd - Vegetable Man
# Acid Talk - LSD Warning
# Traffic - Many A Mile To Freedom
# The Move - Hey Grandma
# Love - Seven & Seven Is
# 8th Wonders (Of The World) - Must Have Your Love
# Jefferson Airplane - Two Heads
# Cosmic Brotherhood - Yentra II
# The Blues Project - Flute Thing
# Whistler, Chaucer, Detroit And Greenhill - Day Of Childhood
# Ars Nova - Fields Of People
# Ill Wind - Sleep

The problem is that they sometimes cue up The Beatles.

And as much as I love John Lennon and Ringo, I hate the post-1965 Beatles.

My landlord/friend AP says I have a problem.

Not at all.

The Beatles suck.

Ill wind stood the test of time for me, because I'll always be a hippie along with many other things. They were from Boston and played the Tea Party. 1967. A long time ago.

Seems like yesterday to me.

To hear SLEEP by Ill Wind, please go to the following URL