Suspicious MInds - Elvis

"Caught in a trap. I can't walk out. Because I love you too much, baby." Elvis from SUSPICIOUS MINDS.

I'm 57 years old. My girlfriend Sirinthep Pechdee is 25. She has slept with more men than the number of women with whom I've shared intimacy. My friends accuse me of being naive. I'm only in Thailand several months a year. She is there the rest of the time. A woman as beautiful as Sirinthep has to have other lovers.

She tells me 'no'.

"I take care of your son. How can I have other men?"

My mind answers that question with the speed of a rattlesnake snapping at its prey.

"What is is."

It doesn't matter in the end, because I'm 57 years old. I live across the world. I don't care whatever anyone else says.

Why?

Because I'm a fool and there's no fool like an old fool.

Faithful Forever Par 5

Bill Clinton was President of the United States for eight years. A good part of his second term was devoted to defending his honor. The GOP were incensed that
'Slick Willie' had demeaned the Oval Office by having oral sex performed on him by Monica Lewinsky. They acted as if he had bumholed Jesus on the Great Lawn during Easter instead of getting head from a fat girl. None of them said a single word about GW Bush huffing blow in White House. Day in. Day out.

Sex is bad.

And now Tiger Woods has 'destroyed' his reputation thanks to an unbridled sex appetite. Compromising photos of the world's # 1 golfer are floating around the internet connecting him with cocktail waitresses and porn stars. His libertine lifestyle is threatening his billion-dollar a year endorsement income as well as his marriage.

Indiscretion at his level costs money.

Both before and after sex.

But the worst are the media reporters her harping about Tiger Woods' failing his public. He's the best golfer in the world. If he can't have sex with anyone he wants then who can and the same has to be asked about Bill Clinton. Tiger woods has announced a sabbatical from golf. The PGA can expect a 50% loss in revenue. The white guys in power have to think a little harder about what they want from their stars.

Especially if they're half-Thai.

Being a Thai man is never having to be à-sàt or faithful and the same is true for westerners.

One Billion 2050

Copenhagen is a nice city. Someone once said that Denmark was the perfect country. It scored high in the Happiness Index for 2009. I was there in 1982. The DJ from Bsir's and I were on a road trip. We drank beer in the Tivoli Garden and ate herring along the harbor. I bought Maxie Laing's RUNNING in a bookstore. The girls were blonde. We went with two of them to a disco. I slept with one of them. Her name was Anna. Good memories for a pleasant town and this week hundreds of world leaders, ecologists, and industry experts are congregating in the Danish capitol to discuss plans to combat global warming.

Most of western America is buried under snow. A Canadian is proposing one-child families. The right is still in denial led by their head nay-sayer James Inhofe from Oklahoma. Obama is asking for us to make sacrifices.

Unfortunately it's all too late.

All the talk. All the strategies. All the rescue plans.

We are doomed by the excesses of the 20th Century and nothing we humans do in the decades to come will change our fate.

Nine billion by 2050.

Think more like one billion if we're lucky.

What proof do I have of this?

Absolutely none and I've been wrong before, but I got a feeling that i ain't wrong this time.

Doom.

Has a nice ring to it.

Never Can Say Good-Bye

Sam Royalle and I miss Don Muang Airport. The International Terminal was the scene of so many hellos and good-byes. The new Bangkok Airport doesn't offer a third of the venues for tearful departures and joyous arrivals. Myth has it that many girls timed one boyfriend's farewell to coincide with another's hello. Don Muang was so romantic.

My girlfriend Sirinthep doesn't do airports.

At least not for me and certainly not on my recent voyage.

Her last words were via SMS ie it's over for good.

12/4 No problem. I think I can take care of everything. Good for you. You can take care yourself. You are old already. You choose good for you. I no love you anymore. You are a hurt in my heart. Good-bye my love. Broke heart.

12/5 Just want to say. You have other family. I go work in Germany. Just want to say good-bye.

Work in Germany means in a bar hustling fat krauts. I don't response to any of these emails.

12/5 You play your game. Goodbye. I leave your son with someone. Not easy for me, but I want to take care baby by myself. I not want stupid man. I have passport ready to go. Germany.

I wish her luck.

12/6 I have one heart. I not have heart for someone else. Only you. I not want anyone new in my life. Only work and make money for my babies. Love you big mistake. I want forever love. Why you think I have another man. I never go out. Only take care your son.

I don't respond. Silence kills a woman's overactive mind.

12/6 Sorry for last time you come. I do many things bad. I feel sick inside. Then worry too much about your first wife. I worry about have good sex with you, but hurt too much inside. Think all you think about is sex. I want to steal all your heart forever. But I too much scared. Sorry again..

I ask how long she goes to Germany.

12/6 3 months for work. Wait 3 months and go again. Not sure how many times can go.

I wish her more luck. Can't stop anyone from doing what they want to do.

12/6 I'm really sorry I not good for you. I not think about your feeling. Just think about me. You come long way. I not big girl. Only stupid. I'm so wrong. But I really love you 100%

12/6 All my heart. Go to sleep. Love you.

Go figure.

Somewhere there has to be a scenarist for Thai girls telling their boyfriends the 'truth'.

Puying Mo-Ho

I've spent decades in the Orient. Any mention of these years to women in the USA usually resulted in their dsidainful regard. In their minds my Asian wives are subserviant sex slaves, because their racial prejudice mistake femininity for submisssion. They couldn't be more wrong, even if the most wrong a man can be to a woman is when he's 100% right.

Thai, Chinese, American, French, Russian, African, or Eskimo.

All women are the same.

Especially with regard to William Congreave's 18th Century phrase 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'.

These words work in every language.

My Thai sweetheart Sirinthep Pechdee si a good example. We spent two lovely weeks together. She's a beautiful as a flower. At 25 less than half my age. Everything always seems to be perfect until it isn't perfect.

Last week she found a bank transfer to my previous wife. Love and happiness burnt to cinders.

"I don't love you any more. I have no feeling for you. I never want to see you again."

I moved all my vaulables to safety. Thai girls are experts of throwing your possessions out of windows or into pools. Sam Royalle recently lost his computer, cellphones, flatscreen TV, and stereo to his teelat's temper. Other men have to flee knives, guns or irate in-laws. My love warned she was calling the police.

"Oh, call the police and tell them that I give you enough money each month to run an anti-drug operation in Buriram. I'd love to hear what they say. Better yet, going to jail would be a pleasure. If only to be away from you."

Not really, because ain't nothing good about being in jail.

It's like women.

Jails are bad in all language.

Women are only evil.

Chance Enounters of a Presidential Kind

Presidents run in high circles. World leaders, government officials, senators, financiers. I don't expect the C-in-C to call my cell phone or email me. It'd be nice but it's not going to happen. Most Americans will never meet their President. The layers of security are supposedly impenetrable. The Secret Service's job is to prevent any unauthorized encounters, but the screen around Barack Obama failed at a state dinner last week. Two party-crashers gained access to the White House and once inside poised with the President and several VIP. The woman intruder got close enough to Joe Biden to play with his nipple.

This breech of security would have never occurred under GW Bush.

The White House was under a lock-down. Staff understood the nation was at war. The President was safe.

Bill Clinton never had his safety compromised during his two terms.

Unwillingly.

George Bush Senior was not so lucky in 1990.

# 43 was visiting New York for a find-raising dinner at a 6th Avenue hotel. Police had blocked off the area from protesters. My friend Phillip Brooks was waiting at the bar. I explained my rendezvous to the police commander at the barrier and he allowed me to pass through to the hotel. Security within the hotel was tight. Phillip was at the bar. We watched the action for several drinks and then decided to go over to Times Square.

It was still sinful.

The front was packed with guests so I suggested we exit through the parking garage. The first line of police ignored us. We were in suits. The second phalanx was more alert, but we stepped through the revolving doors just as the presidential limousine pulled up to the curb. Secret Service surveyed the entrance. George Bush emerged from the back. He was in a tux. I had never been this close to a presidential and called out softly.

"Mr. President."

Everyone's head turned my way.

"My sister-in-law says hello." She worked for the CIA.

"Oh, really." He knew her name. She had been his secretary while he served as director. George Bush came over and shook our hands and then proceeded into the hotel. A Secret Service man asked who we we were.

"Just private citizens that's all."

He had a soft warm hand.

Tis the Season

My boss Manny hails from Brownsville. The part of Brooklyn was tough in the 30s. That toughness breeds its own language. Manny is a master of that vernacular. For years he greeted Christmas shoppers to his diamond store with the phrase 'there is no season for giving'. His son Richie Boy tried on many occasions to explain that he was basically saying that at no time should anyone ever give gifts.

"That's not what I said." Manny didn't have an ear for his own spoken word. 30 years on the Bowery and 20 years on 47th Street tend to deaf your hearing. Too much talk about diamonds, gold, and rust. "I'm saying that you can give a gift whenever you want."

"We know that's what you're trying to say, but it comes out the wrong way." Richie's command of the queen's language wasn't much better, however his father's phrase rung wrong. I was too well-educated to suggest any improvement on Manny's speech.

"Wrong way. You understood what I was trying to say, so what's the problem?" Manny was at the age when being wrong wasn't an option unless you wanted to admit decades of mistakes and admission of one would lead to an avalanche of realizations. It was better to think yourself forever right.

Soon 'no season for giving' became our holiday motto.

Of course Manny like a corked wine ages with surprise and this afternoon my boss was showing a young man a diamond ring. The customer actually wanted earrings. He was too young to want to get married. Manny's hearing is gone so he only hears whatever he wants. The young man was trying to tell Manny he wanted earrings, when Manny came up with another gem.

"This is Christmas, a time for giving, not a time for jerking off."

Richie Boy and I exchanged a disbelieving glance. His father couldn't have said what we heard. It was holiday time. The busiest time of the year, although this season no one was buying, yet Manny didn't care. he was insulting the morning's only customer and he wasn't stopping either.

"I don't that the time to waste on someone who would rather jerk off than buy his girlfriend a present."

"All I want is earrings." The young man had never expected this abuse from an 80 year-old man.

"I already showed you rings, now stop wasting my time." Manny threw out the young man and went back to his desk. He looked at us and asked, "What?"

"Nothing." Richie Boy and I said nothing. We knew better than to ask any questions during the season of 'jerking off'.