Empty Roads

The day after Christmas I drove north from New York to Greenwich. Traffic was non-existent. People were staying home. I had to work.

KGB READING January 23, 2017

KGB: Unplugged Yellow

KGB Bar - 85 E 4th St, New York, NY

RICHARD DAILEY is an American writer, artist, and independent filmmaker based in Paris, where he currently hosts a bi-monthly reading and performance series. His poetry, prose, and art criticism have appeared internationally in numerous journals. Unplugged Yellow is his first published novel.

ADRIAN DANNATT is an English writer living in New York City. In 1976 he starred in the children’s show, Just William. He contributes regularly to Flash Art, The Art Newspaper and other publications. Most recently he wrote Jean Claude Abreu for lacanian ink 28. Gossip by Adrian Dannatt can be found in Perfume.

PETER NOLAN SMITH is an underground punk legend, diamond salesman, world traveller and most recently unofficial writer-in-residence to an embassy in Mittel Europa. Much more at www.mangozeen.com.

CATHERINE DESPONT is a writer/artist, editor and educator. She has an MFA in Fiction from Columbia University, and her writing and teaching focus on the role of observation in way we teach, learn and create. As Co-Director of Education at Pioneer Works she founded the annual Summit on Pedagogy, as well as the Alternative Art School Fair, and runs a popular program called the School of Apocalypse. She also oversees PW’s publishing projects including the bookstore, Pioneer Books, and the Groundworks book series.

I will be reading DOWN THE COAST

Here's the opening three paragraphs.

Skyline Drive crested a hill and Sean tramped along the breakdown lane with his thumb stretched out to the traffic. A steep cliff descended to the ocean. Cormorants skimmed over the water. Huge swells fanned into the crescent bay and surfers in black wetsuits skated the face of monstrous waves. He dropped his bag at junction of Route 35 and the PCH, however over two hundred cars passed him without one slowing down.

The stares of female drivers convicted him of rape and hostile male motorists glared at Sean, as if he had betrayed America, while passing high school students shouted, “Get a hair cut, you fucking hippie.”

He answered with the peace sign.

Bonfire Whoosh

Christmas trees are generally purchased a few weeks before the holiday and remain inside until after the New Year. Soon thereafter Christmas trees are discarded before houses stripped of their ornaments. They have served their purpose and their worth is nothing, although I love the scent of pine needles on the streets of New York. Most will be transported to landfills or mulched by the city, however up north people dispose of the trees the old fashioned way.

By fire.

Some towns stacked them into towers.

A special night is chosen for the bonfire event.

Best is when the needles are yellow.

A match is tossed on the pile and the trees go up in flames with a whoosh.

No one should stand close.

The heat will melt any parka.

A fire department truck is another good thing to have on hand, if the fire gets out of control.

But it's burn Christmas tree burn.

Like a giant candle in the wind.

Whoosh."

48,000 For Trump

Trump called buzzfeed.com trash news, but the new president is the champ of trash talking.

And bullshit.

Talking about the crowds at his inauguration, Trump said it “looked honestly like a million and a half people. It went all the way back to the Washington Monument.”

Not to my eyes and I magnified the above photo and used an app from crowdcontrol.com, which calculated the crowd's numbers and came up with 48,000.

Not even close to a quarter-million.

Them again my fingers aren't small."

Bryan LeBouef - Plato's Cave - NYC Main Public Library

I'll be there Monday.

A Thin Crowd For Trump

Watching the inauguration yesterday I was struck by the low volume of the applause and then spotted large gaps in the audience. The National Park Service is banned from estimating crowds due to GOP budget constraints. The Trump people said the crowd numbered around 250,000 supporters or an eighth of the turn-out for Barack Obama.

Bikers for Trump had promised a 500,000-strong 'wall of meat' to protect the new President from harm.

500 showed up in DC.

My estimate for the thin attendance differs from the Trump camp's numbers.

To me the crowd looks like 87,000 give or take a few thousand.

Where were his people?

At home celebrating?

More likely they were at work and couldn't afford to travel from the hinterland.

Nothing comes cheap anymore.

But that didn't stop the Sisters March.

Hundreds of thousands of women took to the streets of the world to protest the new government and declare that they weren't giving up. The struggle continues. Bravo, sisters. E pluribus unum.

Goodbye Good, Hello The Donald

Barack Obama has been president for the last eight years. Today he walked out of the White House to resume his life as an ordinary citizen of the USA and hours later the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court swore in Donald Trump as the 45th President of the United States. The new leader of the Free World spoke to his supporters from the steps of the US Capitol Building and promised to 'make America great again'.

I just can't wait to how the Donald does the Oval Office.

Trump In Bed

President-elect Trump had a tough week. The news media were invited to his first press interview in six months. He spoke to them from Trump Tower. He deflected questions about his tax returns and divestiture of his global fortune, as the MSM sought answers about Trump's worrying connection to Russia.

His combative attacks on CNN and Buzzfeed harnessed his bristling disdain for the media by arguing that a storyline about the escapades with Russian callgirls in 2012 was fake news.

Golden showers and a small penis, yet the religious right still believe that Trump is a righteous man.

Go figure.

ps. A 22-year sex worker named Ivana Kamensky, claims she was one of the prostitutes who had sexual intercourse with Donald Trump in Moscow in 2011, adding that the American President had the smallest penis she had ever seen.

The size of a grape.

"Grounding Vision: Wacław Szpakowski" and "Cuban Socialist Posters from the 1970s"

Exhibition: Grounding Vision: Wacław Szpakowski with works by Guy de Cointet, Hanne Darboven, Trisha Donnelly, Sam Lewitt, Hilary Lloyd, Florian Pumhösl, and R. H. Quaytman

curated by Masha Chlenova and Anya Komar

Dates: January 13 – February 19, 2017 Opening reception: Wednesday, January 18, 6 – 8PM Location: 88 Eldridge Street

Opening reception Wednesday, January 18

Big Weather on Agiocochook

This week California was pounded by a winter storm generated from distant ocean currents off the coast of Hawaii. Rain fell in torrents and ten feet of snow capped the High Sierras. At one point a meteorological observatory recorded Force 5 hurricane winds over 160 MPH.

Treacherous weather to be sure, however on April 12, 1932 the Mount Washington Observatory's anemometer registered a wind gust of 231 miles per hour.

A world record faster than Bentley's new Continental Speed.

The 62 year-old record was supposedly broken by a tropical cyclone striking Barrow Island off the coast of Western Australia.

As a New Englander I honor Agiocochook or The Place of the Concealed One.

And 1934.

To read more about that day, please go to the following URL

https://www.mountwashington.org/about-us/history/world-record-wind.aspx

Lucky $1 Bet IN UK

On my 21st Birthday I gambled my way across Nevada with my good friend Andy Kornfeld. I won in several smaller casinos and hit Reno up about $500, which was a small fortune in 1973. Andy struggled to convince me to quit while I was ahead, instead a mini-skirted blonde waitress offered free drinks. I had more than enough to induce a BKO or Booze KO. I woke the next morning by the Truckee River. Broke.

Since then I have shunned gambling in any form, however I wished I had been lucky enough to pick eight races like the Brit in this old AP story. I could use the money.

 LONDON - A lucky gambler has made 1 million pounds, or about $1.97 million, from a 50 pence ($1) bet, British bookmaker William Hill said Saturday.

The man, who William Hill has not identified, correctly guessed the outcome of eight horse races Friday, beating odds of two-million-to-one.

He walked into a William Hill branch in the north England town of Thirsk and placed wagers on eight horses in eight different contests in a so-called “accumulator bet,” the company said.

His first win came when a horse called “Isn’t That Lucky” won the 2:55 p.m. race at the Sandown track, southwest of London. By the time “A Dream Come True” crossed the finish line at the Wolverhampton racecourse in central England later that evening, the man had won 1 million pounds.

William Hill spokesman Graham Sharpe says the man was oblivious to his win when he came to a different William Hill branch Saturday to place more 50 pence bets. Sharpe said the man had not won any of Saturday’s wagers, losing 2.50 pounds.  

“If he does it another 400,000 times we’ll have it all back,” Sharpe said.

William Hill, one of the biggest players in Britain’s gambling industry, operates more than 2,000 betting shops across the country.

They losst big time and that's a good thing for the small man in this world.

AVOIDANCE OF BAD LUCK

The 2003 movie THE COOLER tells the story of an indebted Las vegas dealer whose only skill was the ability to cool a gambler's winning streak. Anytime I've been lucky at the tables, the house has pulled the losing dealer for a replacement dealer. The house always wins, but gamblers are a suspicious lot and here are some well-known superstitions.

Never sit at seat #10 at a poker table.

Always wear red underwear when gambling.

Singing can be either good luck or bad luck while you gamble.

Don’t count your money during a poker session.

Stay away from sex the night before you play. (Not the most popular superstition).

Never let dogs near a gambling table. (Apparently they’re bad luck and no good at poker).

Never accept being paid with a $50 bill. They’re called “Frogs” and are said to be unlucky.

Never touch someone’s shoulder while he is gambling.

Don’t enter a casino through its main entrance; it’s cursed by bad luck.

Switch on all the lights at home before leaving to gamble.

And never drink.

That's a fact not a superstition and I learned it the hard way in Reno May 1974.

Big Penis Good Luck

My childhood house in Maine shows up on GoogleEarth. It's the fifth house from the bluffs overlooking Portland Harbor. To be truthful I'm never sure if it's the right one, since most homes in the suburbs look the same. Same houses, same lives, same desires, however several years ago an 18 year-old Briton on the verge of a long trip to Brazil decided to differentiate his family's manse in Hungerford by painting a neolithic penis on the roof.

Time - 30 minutes.

The length 60 feet.

No one noticed his effort until a helicopter spotted the gigantic fertility symbol from aloft. The father thought the report was a joke, until his son owned up to the painting, who said he'll clean it off the roof after his return from South America.

His mother has given birth to 4 boys and said, "We don't want any more children, so the idea of sleeping under a giant fertility symbol is rather worrying."

The son was later disappointed to discover that GoogleEarth never filmed his house, so it remains unseen from outer space.

So no fear from the attack of the cock-hungry space monster.

At least not this year.

Bangkok Card Scam

"There's a sucker born every minute." PT Barnum - circus flimflammer.

One reason for the current economic debacle is the natural propensity of people wanting something for nothing i.e. greed. The middle-class of America were dissatisfied with their lot in life and sought to live like millionaires on credit and leveraged mortgages. Most got their just desserts, which was a good soaking.

Som num nah means 'serves you right' in Thai, but some people never learn that if something sound too good to be true than it has to be too good to be true as revealed by this entry from this 2007 Thai blog from www.teakdoor.com

Read the following and weep or laugh.

I just shook my head.

http://teakdoor.com/the-teakdoor-lounge/47659-flim-flam-team.html

One morning while walking toward Pantip plaza a well dressed Thai fellow sitting in the shade on Petchaburi rd. compliments my hat and wonders were I'm from from.

It's too early for Pantip to be open(not quite 10) so I sit next to him on the long marble sill of this building and chat a little. It's pretty hot out and offers to buy a coke in a nearby air conditioned restaurant. I tell him I'm from Alaska and he proceeds to tell me how his sister is going to Anchorage for a visit and would like for me to meet her. I agree since I had time to kill and figured it would be nice to meet another Thai family. So we hop in a cab and go to a house in a nice middle class Thai neighborhood off Ratchada. There I meet an uncle and an aunt. Some food appears on the table and we have something to eat.

I get to talking with the uncle and he's a card dealer at a Poipet casino. He starts telling about some kind of variation to the blackjack game and say's he'd let me win once sometime. I'm immediately a little suspicious about anything to do with gambling and weird deals having played Las Vegas quite a bit. But I'm willing to listen.

We're still waiting for the sister to arrive and he offers to show me how his blackjack game works. He's a pretty slick card shark with a slick oily Elvis hairstyle. Next thing he's talking about some high-roller from Singapore who's on him way over and he wants the brother to play a few hands to win some money off him.

The Singapore guy shows up with the sister and very quickly a bit wad of US cash is on the table and the brother and sister are sitting on either side of me. Now I never expressed interest in playing and had gone along with the gag so far just to be polite. But it was starting to look like I was the one being played there. Then a hand comes where the Singapore guy raises the bet and "brother" needed an additional 1000 baht to cover it. They look to me to help like I was part of it.

I'm a little boxed in with "brother" and "sister" to either side. So I make the mistake of pulling out 1000 baht to "help". There's over $1000.00 USD in the pot and I suddenly see where all this was going. The cigarette smoke from the uncle was already making me nauseous.

I claim to be sick and get up and go outside for some air. The sister comes out to talk with me. The "sister" story didn't compute she was too young to be vacationing in Alaska. Then the brother comes out and starts talking about how his mother was sick and needed blood. He asks me what blood type I was! WTF! The scene was becoming too bizarre. I decide to bolt then and there. He accompanies me in a taxi to the nearly MRT makes apologies for his "uncle" and want's to meet later. I tell him I was going be very busy for the next few days.

THE END

At least he didn't get fooled by a ka-toey, but as HL Mencken said, "No one ever got poor by overestimating the gullibility of the American Public."

So I suspect this writer will get taken again.

Som num nah indeed.

Boycott 1/20

The transition of presidency from Obama to Trump will be complete upon the swearing-in rite of the inauguration. The ceremony will be attend by hundreds of thousands of Trump supporters and millions of TV viewers. Calls for a boycott have resounded on the internet. I have no TV, but will avoid any viewing of this travesty of American politics. Our new nightmare.

Unnative Son

Barack Obama was attacked by birthers claiming the President had been born in Africa or Indonesia. Even after he provided his birth documents from the state of Hawaii, the GOP accused Obama of forging his papers. This campaign of defamation never ceased with President-elect Trump leading the charge, however recent reports from the Sub-continent have spread rumors of Trump's birth to Nazi exiles in Pakistan and his adoption by a KKK sympathizer from New York.

The likeness of the young boy is uncanny.

Another alien at the helm.

A third generation Nazi at the helm of America.

Hitler's greatest triumph.

Colder Than Warm

President-Elect Trump is a first disbeliever of Global Climate Change and this weekend most of America is in a deep chill. Florida is the only state without any snow or ice. North Dakota is experiencing double-digit subzero temperatures. Yesterday I walked to my store with my nephew. Snow swirled along Lafayette Avenue in Fort Greene. I went out once today. At least there was no wind.

No idea where Trump is today.

His website https://www.donaldjtrump.com/schedule says 'check back later'.

My bet is that he is in Florida, telling his friends.

"No Global Warming in America. It's cold. Not warm. And even someone who isn't a scientist can tell you that cold is not warm."

The idiot has spoken.

The Downside of Heaven

A holy man from Bali died from old age. He arrived at the Pearly Gates to be greeted by St. Peter.

“Welcome to Heaven.” St. Peter led the Balinese holy man inside the holy rest home of eternity.

“I thought heaven was only for Christians.”

“No, no, heaven is for everyone. Over there are the Balinese. To the right the French. Back there the Muslims. Up front the Christians. Over there the Irish.” St. Peter pointed out every segment of heaven, then as they walked through a forest of euphoria, St. Peter whispered. “And over there are the Fundamentalists.”

“Why are you whispering?”

“Because they think they’re the only ones up here.”

Read Stanley Elkins THE LIVING END.

In that novel the protagonist is sentenced to Hell for thinking Heaven looks like a Hollywood set from the 1930s.

Now that's cold, even for god.

Solar Flap

The sun has circled the center of the Milky Way about twenty-five times. Each orbit takes about 250 million years at a speed of 250 kilometers per second. The Earth and its companion planets are dragged through the cosmos without protest, although the sun absorbs the blunt of this peregrination through Space and this week a plasma cloud was flayed from the solar surface.

Probably enough energy to power the American SUV fleet through eternity or scorch our celestial home to a charred cinder.

We survived the event and continue our voyage into the heavens.

Where we stop no one knows.

Not even the Baptists.