Showing posts with label 1978. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 1978. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 2, 2026

September 2, 1978 - Journal

Alice and I are stuck in the East Village. No one has invited us anywhere. No picnics. No barbeques. Nothing. The telephone has not hung with any invitations. At noon Alice checked it to make sure it was on.

There was a dial tone.

I turn on the fan and the black and white TV in the living room. It's warm, but not hot. I ask Alice, if she wants to go to Coney Island. She shakes her head and sits next to me. I want to ask, if she wants to have sex, but she's still recovering from her bourbon bash two nights ago, spending all yesterday puking. I give her ginger ale.

"I don't like ginger ale."

"No one does, but puke taste better, when it's part ginger ale."

The TV reports no fatalities at the Speedway bombing during the Indianapolis 500, but hundreds of people are crashing across America. Over two hundred deeda already. I have survived two totals. One in a VW at 17 and another in a Boston Checker Cab in 1976. But more than a few sideswipes and fender benders. Driving drunk was my sin and a good reason to move to New York. I haven't touched a wheel since our trip to West Virginia. I was a careless driver in the city, but an ace on the highway, although in June 1974 driving cross-counttry with Andy Korfeld, I fell asleep at the wheel of a For Torino stationwagon in the dead of the night. Iowa. Skating across the meridian strip. I righted the car back onto the Interstate and relingquished the driver position, but I wish I was on the highway somewhere out west. Alone or with Alice with her hard on my lap.

I years before I succumbed to the call of the road and hitchhiked far from where I started. East West, north, rarely south.

Today I'm trapped here and pulled Alice closer. She knows what that means and rubs my cock. I know she hopes fucking will clear her head. I aim to serve and we fuck until she cums twice. I fake mine.

Photo by Peter Bennett.

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Much more to come.

Monday, August 17, 2026

Space And Beyond - Bad Poetry - August 18, 1978 - Journal Entry

And the Aliens thought themselves Gods
Divine beings destined for the stars
Traveling in Hydrogen-fusion spacecraft
On a Holy mission
To spread the Word
To the Heathen Extra-Terrestrials
The first meeting happened long ago
Hunters greeting tri-podites
They taught us life
Now we ready for the Bible-jihad
We are Gods in our minds.
More Shiva than Jesus.
Lucky to be alive__

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Saturday, August 15, 2026

AUGUST 15, 1978 - JOURNAL ENTRY

I spotted Alice in a Greek dinner on 2nd Avenue. I sneaked inside and snatched her pocketbook. Her arm was hooked in the strap and she turned to confront a thief. My dear little hillbilly was more city than I had imagined and she swore, "You asshole."

I rubbed my hand. I had hurt my fingers on my attempted joke and sat at the table.

"I guess I wasn't cut out to be a purse-snatcher."

"It wasn't funny."

"I was just testing."

I hate tesst. You know I do."

"I wasn't testing you. I was testing me to see, if I was any good."

"You sucked, but sit down and have some coffee. It's all that I ccan afford."

THE PENULTIMATE SOCIETY

New York City became a metropolis in the 1880s. The gentile class robbed all the money from the immigrant masses happy to have fled persecution in the Old World. They even imagined themselves free.

Nowadays the rbber barons have destroyed the city and are cashing in their century-old chips.

The neglected parks have detiorated to crime wildernesses, the sidewalks are buried in uncollected trash, dog shit paves the streets, and the burst water mains flood the gutters. Squat new condos rise over the detriorating tenements, which had houses the construction workers of the lastd century. Not a single ship is moored to the waterfront docks on the Hudson, populated at night by rats and queers seeking sex. There is no middle-class in the East Village and the creme de le creme elite's quarters of the Upper East Side are protected by the NYPD who act if they had 'shoot to kill' orders from the mayor.

The Soviet Empire and the Red Chinese restlessly await the collpase of Capitalism like the Huns on the Roman Empires borders adn the Turks before Constantinople, although the Russians have been financely bled dry by the Arms Race trying to figure out how to build $10,000 trench shovels and $40,000 toilet seats for strategic bombers. There are none to be found in the Amry-Navy Surplus stores on 42 Street. The Chicom Army hasn't enough mechanizations to transport their troops farther than the frontier and are still licking their wounds after a border was with Vietnam.

There is no threat of revolution from within. Our wage slaves have been infected with addictive drugs and their bodies poisoned by cheap junk food. The White Race has total control of the police and governemtn and army as well as schools and churches, but lacks any urge for equality.

I reject everything. I have no followers, No believers. Bible-Belt Christians pray for the Second Coming of Christ to achieve spiritual rapture and escape the sins of the 1970s; homosexuality, atheism, hedonism, and race mixing. They are too lazy to protect their values and I told my CBGBs sister Kim about my fears for our freedom.

"They will try and change us back to who we were."

"Most people accept the status quo, because it doesn't chanllnge their way of life; hot dogs, baseball, and White Power. The failure of the struggle is like rolling the perfect bowling ball and only achieving a 7-10 split. Getting a spare is almost impossible."

"What about a Civil War?"

"One Civil War was enough." The north barely remembers the battles, even though the impact of those five year has determined our history for over a hundred years. The South refuses to believe in defeat and worships the dead and fallen of Petersburg and Gettysburg as saints.

After ten years of the Vietnam War our country's unity is very fragile. The Right has battered the Working Man with the anti-communistic rants of Joe McCarthy, the corruption of Nixon, the betrayal of democracy with Watergate, the voter repression, and political assassinations of anyone calling for peace or liberty or the pursuit of happiness. Southerners want to secede and many northerners have been brain-wahed into the same mind-set. A national dissolvement fueld by internal dissent and external threats transform America into a giant stature fallen into the sea. The first thousand feet don't hurt, but like the USS Thresher the pressure will collapse steel or stone.

A time for national resurgence is in order, although without the purge of commies, faggots, drug dealers, and poets. THe purge is mandated for the Rich, who have everything to lose. This call for National Unity appeals to my friends; Ro was an immediate recruit to the crusade, but wants it now. It can't be now, becasue none of us have lost everything and no oen will risse until they realize everything they love is gone.

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Much more to come.

Wednesday, August 12, 2026

AUGUST 13, 1978 - JOURNAL ENTRY - EAST VILLAGE

Last night while we lay naked in bed, Alice requested to bind her hands behind her back. I went to the kitchen and found a ten-foot cord under the tub. Light seeped through the curtain over the airshaft winow. Not much. She lay on her back like a starfish. I forced her onto her belly. She stretched her arms back and I looped the rope around her wrists. I entered her with a steely hardness and we fucked for thirty minutes. Neither of us came and she asked, if she could masturbate.

"Yes, slave."

"But you can't watch."

"You want me to take off the rope?"

"No, I can reach me." Alice had been a gymnast in high school. She could tied her body in knots and always said that if she failed as an actress that she could make it in the carnival as a contortionist.

I believed her and went into the living room, listening as her whimpers became moans.

I sat on the sofa feeling like a Wehrmacht soldier trapped in Stalingrad; no more bullets and nowhere to run, but to death.

This morning I did a wash-dry of the sheets at the local laudromat on 1st Avenue.

I can't believe I'm writing something so banal, but most of life is banal and in most cases that is a good thing. Mark Amitin's theater venture fell apart on the road. I have no money, no job, and no future. Rent is due in less than two weeks. TS Eliot wrote that 'April is the cruelest month of all'. The poet had never spent an August in New York. Everyone is going on vacation. Only the dead, dying, and desperate remain in the city

Highways carry metal semi-trailers, 1967 Buicks and 1970s GTOs
Hector hitches Indiana-bound
The army private is AWOL from Fort Dix
The conscript buzz-cut betrays his rank
The grunt's ironed khakis are government issue
His tee-shirt pressed creaseless
"Damn, it's so strange in boot camp,
But it's only another two hundred miles to home
Everyone stops for a soldier in uniform
On the run from the MPs__

In the 1960s and early 1970s army deserters dotted the interstate's shoulders either heading to Canada or into hiding at a hippie commune.

"Ain't no way I'm going back to Vietnam. Let the general fight with the blacks."

Afro-Americans constituted a high percentage of combat troops and casualties through the Long War. My draft number was 91. I avoided service by attending college thanks to a $10,000 grant to avoid shooting at strangers and Viet Cong shooting at me in villages foreign to teenagers on the South Shore. I started as a Math major, failed two subjects, but remained at BC. I saw no jungles or rie paddies. I heard no bullets whizzing past me or thudding into fellow soldiers. I studied THE MYSTERIES OF THE HOLY EUCHARIST. A Boy Scout uniform was the only one I have worn other than an altar boy's cassock and surplice forever faithful to atheism.

Alice lies on the futon, complaining about being nothing. She is in a rush to be an actress and their clock ticks fast. Still being nothing is better than being a bullet-riddled corpses in Vietnam, although the only fighting in Indochina is between the Khmer Rouge and the PAVN (People's Army of Vietnam). I have guilt about not fighting for my country. Not much, but some.

Alice looks out the window of the back bedroom.

"It's raining."

"What else is new?" After a heat wave the city has been deluged by rain for the past eight days. My kitchen faucet also drips endlessly.

Rain - the life-giver of water The Johnstown Flood 1889 The Little Conemaugh River The South Branch dam failure The flood washed away the helpless Like the mighty Mississippi through a valley. Forty days and forty night. No, just one torrential night And the next day Johnstown was gone.

AUGUST 13, 2021 - JOURNAL ENTRY - CLINTON HILL

About fifteen years ago in Pattaya, Thailand I learned that I had somehow transitioned to 'Vanilla' status by a visit to an S&M parlor. Nik, an English friend wanted to pay me back for a favor and suggested we go the THE CASTLE. MY wife was curious about how the club's goings-on and gave me permission for bad boys night out. 'The Castle' sas right across the street from our regular THE BUFFALO BAR. We told the girls there about our intended destination and they joked how we were going to be whipped like 'Kwaii.' or a stupid buffalo. The bouncers yelled we were 'sadique' and Nik asked me at the door, "Are you top or bottom?"

I don't know. I guess top."

"Me too, but I might try some bottom as a test." I wouldn't have expected any else from an Englishman. "Remember this is all on me."

The black-clad mama-san gave us a list. Top and bottom fantasies.

"Yeah, I'll do that and that. What about you?"

"Nothing really strikes my fancy."

Nik and the old lady read through the menu.

"No, no, definitely no."

The dominatrix and slaves enacted rough sex routines. I shook my head in disappointment. "Mai mee faaen-dah-see."

"Good enough for me," said Nik and two slender sadistic witches dragged him into a back room. The lash of a whip. Scream. "More."

After an hour Nik emerged chastened by the experience and said, "Damn, that was something, but I don't think I'll go bottom again. Are you sure you want nothing?"

"Nope, I'm vanilla."

When I was in the hospital I didn't look at any porno online or have a asexual fantasy. My libido had to be damaged along with my body by my years of excessive drinking, but I thankfully don't have any DTs. My roommate at NYU was a black lineman. I had overheard him tell the doctor that he had fallen in the street. Both of us so strong and now invalid. The doctor says I'll get better, but it will be a fight.

And I didn't forty-two years ago.

PS THE CASTLE is still open 24/7. Muang Pattaya, Thailand Hours: Opens at 6PM - Closes at 3AM Phone: +66 91 052 2671

Hand Bondage Foto by Joana Kruse

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Much more to come.

Wednesday, August 5, 2026

JOURNAL ENTRY - AUGUST 5, 1978 - EAST VILLAGE

AUGUST 5, 1979 - EAST VILLAGE

No sign of Hakkim on East 10th Street, but the two young boys, Flacco and Manny, warned, "He ain't done with you. Hakkim a stone cold junkie, but he's stone cold baddd too."

"Fuck him. I fucked him up once. Next time will be worst," I boasted,but walked around the ower East Side looking over my shoulder, especailly in the morning taking Alice to work at the yogurt shop.

Last night Rick Guadacanal, the Heartbreakers' roadie, turned me onto cocaine. We snorted blow in CBGBs toilet. Cocaine is everywhere in New York City and the USA. Last month I dealt a little. It's easy money, if you keep your nose out of stash, a feat for men stronger than me.

Living on East 10th Street means cooking at home instead of eating at Greek diners, although there's nothing like bacon, eggs, and toast at the Kiev after a night of punk music.

This morning I woke up in a hospital. The only time I stayed overnight was at birth.

May 29, 1952.

Sixty-nine years ago.

It's forty-two years upstream from my first days at that apartment at 256 East 10th Street. Alice is living in LA with her husband. I haven't told her that I ave been hospitalize at NYU; my blood count in low after the surgeon stoped the bleeding from my cancerous liver, my blood sugar count was 450, and the doctors have scheduled an ultra-sound for tomorrow.

With all the tubes in me, I can't move around too much. Just to the toilet. I called Guadacanal to keep him the loop. I had visited the punk guitarist in Jersey City during his COVID quarantine. He was now home with his wife in Kansas City. Rick listened to the news and said, "Don't worry, you'll be fine. I got what you probably have ten years ago. No cancer, but my liver was shot. Medicine has advanced since then."

"Yeah, right," I said with the enthusiasm of a hypochondriac. My belief in eternal life had been challenged by the fact that I was wore a shameful 'johnny' with my asss hanging out on my truips to the toilet.

"You'll be out soon enough, but no more drinking."

"No more, unless the doctors tell me to get my affairs in order, then it's back to the 169 to imitate Dylan Thomas body and soul. THe poet had drunk himself to death at the Whitehorse Tavern.

Oh, the glory.I researched on the internet for John Thunders.

Tuesday, August 4, 2026

AUGUST 4, 1978 JOURNAL ENTRY - EAST VILLAGE

The Red Sox break out of their slump adn take two games from the Yankees. Jim Rice looks slow, but they are playing in 95F weather. The weather is no better in the East Village. August air hsa been exhausted by summer. I've only been to the beach once. Riis Park. Naked with the wueers and trannies. In comparison to my beach bum days of 1975 in Miami Beach and on the West Coast; Encinitas-Torrey Pines-Matzatlan-Esquinapa-Puerto Vallarta-Gloucester-Provincetown.

I don't have the money to go anywhere now.

LATER

Alice and I wake to birds singing in the alley and make love on a dusty futon. The two of us shared a bath in the kitchen tub. Alice washes me and I shampooed her hair with the sun streaming through the willows in the alley.

After I go to buy groceries at the bodega and on the way back and the domino players across the street greet me with a wave.

Hakkim sits on a stoep farther down the street, sporting a bloody head bandage. George has a black eye and a swollen cheek. Their eyes follow me, but neither man tries to attack me. I enter the apartment. Alice has cleaned everything for the tenth time.

"Do you want to wake up at 9 tomorrow morning and take me to school?" she asks, touching my hand.

"I don't know." Her acting classes are on the Upper West Side. The other side of the world from the East Village. Some of the streets were as bad as these, but Alice was worried about Hakkim.

"You don't have to be so mean."

"I know, but you get up at 6 to be someplace at 9."

"I don't expect that from you."

"Then I'll be your bodyguard." I came from the South Shore. We fought everyone no matter what the odds. "And I'll do it in the winter, when the city is dark."

"My hero."

I looked at the collapsible steel guard gates.

She only wanted one thing.

To be safe.

We put up the gates on the fire escape window and painted the walls. After one coat I thought we were done. Alice held up another can.

Ivory white.

I've have had lovers before, but never lived with any women than my mother and sisters. This was just about sex and one month ago Harriet the thin nurse from Boston said, "Fuck me anytime you want."

We lasted a month then Alice came back to town.

After leading the American League East most of the summer the Red Sox have collapsed into a slump and surrendered First Place to the Tampa Bay Rays. I hate every team from the Gulf Coast city. The Rays win too much.

I watch nothing on the TV. I look at my journal a little. Mostly I surf the internet for my condition.

This morning the surgeons sealed my stomach lesions. The anesthesiologist gassed me with propofol. I said, "Tell me go and I'll see if I can count backward from ten."

"Okay. 1-2-3 go."

My consciousness disappeared along with reality and I woke in a blinding whiteness. I have been an atheist since age 8, but I am a true devotee to nothingness and that coma was nirvana. was it.

As for sex.

I've been faithful to Mem.

I know she loves me.

Monday, August 3, 2026

Journal Entry August 3, 1978 - East Village

Last night I dreamed of a submerged Soviet nuclear missile sub silently gliding towards Norway and NATO has any defense against such a threat. The siloes open and H-Bombs torpedoed to the surface. MAD. Atomic winter. The end of Mankind.

I woke in a sweat on the futon of our East 10th Street apartment. It was day. Alice lies within arm's reach. She murmurs with an educated hillbilly accent and spreads her legs.

"Now would be nice."

And I obeyed her sleepy command.

AUGUST 3, 2021 - NYU HOSPITAL - MANHATTAN

On May 29, 1952 my mother gave birth to her second son.

I was named after her father.

The next day we left for home.

I hadn't spent a night in the hospital since my birth.

Yesterday the attending doctor told me, "We have to operate on the lesions in your stomach to stop the bleeding."

The nurses are readying me for the trip down to the operating room.

I remember this dream and making love to Alice.

I never cummed in her. She was frightened of birth.

Even coitus interruptus can be nice.

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Much more to come.

Tuesday, July 21, 2026

AUGUST 20, 1978 - JOURNAL ENTRY - EAST VILLAGE

Alice is down in Chinatown, plotting the dramatic take-over of the East Village with Tom Scully and his scrawny girlfriend. I don't like the way Susan looks at Alice and she doesn't like the way Alice loves me. To her I'm a thug. The coke deal is back on and I'm waiting on Guadalcanal's call and he's waiting on his dealer's call. His dealer is a friend on Johnny Thunders. A junkie and like the Velvet Underground sang, "I'm just waiting for my man."

A common plaint in the East Village.

Once Guadalcanal calls I was planning on cooling off at the St. Mark's Cinema, but the temperance has fallen into the high 70s and I don't like the double-bill of two Robert Alda films; MASH and FOUR SEASONS.

My older brother Frank and his bride are down in New York for a wedding. Patty is shocked by the squalor of East Village. I've become blind to the burnt-out buildings,, the junkies, the bums, lack of trees, and the obvious atmosphere of moral depravations. Frank feels the same way as his wife having only lived in the suburbs.

"What are you going to do if Mom and Dad come to visit?" ask Frank inside my tenement apartment.

My father regularly travels to Basking Ridge NJ to meet with Bell Telephone engineers as an executive to New England Telephone.

"I'll save them from worry by meeting them in a better neighborhood."

"New York has them?" asked Patty, shutting the car window to avoid any contact with the urban blight of the Lower East Side.

Not many, but a few with good restaurants too."

Frank parked the car.

"Are we going inside?" Patty was scared.

"Yes, how bad could it be?"

"You'll see."

We climb three flights to 3E. The Lower East Side was a slum. This apartment was a wreck. Alice kept it clean, but not clean enough for suburbanites.

"Mom wouldn't like it here," interjected Frank.

"I know Nana used to say better a dump on a good street than a palace on a bad one." My Irish grandmother had only lived in Ireland as a child and Jamaica Plains. This apartment was no palace.

"Mom probably wouldn't like my living with Alice."

"I lived in sin with Patty."

"It wasn't sin."

I restrained from saying that Frank and Patty had been seeing each other when she was still married to someone in Washington.

"You have any protection?" Frank had a .38 at home.

I reached under the table.

""Just this." I held up a stiletto.

"You need something more than that."

I didn't mention Hakkim the Junkie. He was more dangerous than anyone on the South Shore.

"Alice wants a .25. She's from West Virginia. She grew up with guns."

"Always good to have something that can make a hole in someone. I don't really need my .38. You want it?"

"Want what?" Alice entered the apartment in her waitress drag. She had met Frank and Patty up in Boston. My brother had joked how she didn't shave under her arms or her legs. I hadn't like that comment and never mentioned it to Alice.

"A gun," answered Frank.

He has a .38. I told him it was too big."

"I could handle a .38 just fine." Alice sat next to me. She smelled of yogurt from the yogurt shop.

"Most weapons are used against someone you know. What if you shot Peter in a squabble?"

Just because I'm from West Virginia doesn't mean that we go around killing lovers. Heck, your home town Pittsburg is tougher than any Appalachian hollow." Alice was proud of her mountains and people there.

"Alice doesn't have much of a temper."

"Well, if you want it, it's yours. Just come up and get it."

"Okay."

We ended that subject, but the main reason I didn't want a gun was that I might actually use it and in the East Village I would run out of bullets before reaching the end of the hit list. Better I had an AK-47 and a pile of banana clips. A machine gun might make a difference on the Lower East Side. It certainly would take care of Hakkim.

AUGUST 20, 2021 - BROOKLYN

I still speak with Alice in LA, although I have bothered to tell her about my cancer. If fact I haven't told that many people to avoid my condition being the only topic on the menu. I just left NYU Hospital after a Co-vids Test prior to next week's procedure. It's a long walk to the Lex Avenue and I decided to travel over to Brooklyn via the East River Ferry under gray skies. I spoke with a Hassidic father of many. Like me all that mattered in life were his children and the Torah. I don't tell him about my plans to write the TORAH II. It's on the back burner. After getting off the ferry I sat under the Brooklyn Bridge. My body has run out of energy. I haven't had a drink in three weeks. Dakota told me if takes about two month to shake the withdrawal symptoms. Thankfully I don't have DTs or sweats or any desire to drink. Not yet and hopefully never.

Thanks for your support. In order to avoid ads, please donate to blogger.com.mangozeen through Venmo. Any amount will help us. I do have a large family. My Venmo account is @Peter.Smith.18

Much more to come.

Monday, July 20, 2026

July 20, 1978 - Provincetown - Journal Entry

Provincetown is packed with cruising homos and hippies retired from the world. P-Town is the end of the world. Thankfully beyond the end of US6 and a ferry ride away from Boston. Ann suffers from motion sickness after a morning session of sit-ups and yoga. I feel for her, but we are free; fresh sea air, a morning fuck, some money in our pockets, New York and its problems hundreds of miles away. I almost feel like getting a job on Commercial Street. We both love of tge town is so fey. I used to come here in the early 70s with my friends from the 1270 disco and have orgies in cheap hotel rooms. We were so free. Some queer restaurants must need a butch dishwasher. Ann could work in a sea taffy shop. Certainly a better holiday than the stifling heat of West Virginia, the smog canyons of New York, and the overbearing familiarity of Boston. We head out to Race Point, where Ann rants a wicked version of Pattie Smith's GLORIA. She is so very very funny and cute.

Did Jesus have a younger brother?

Or was he the Only Holy Child. Mark 6:3 of the New Testament refers to his brother James. Nothing of anotger Immaculate Conception. I tell Alice my theory that Christ was thr red-headed bastard of the Celtic legionaire. No mention of this soldier in the Bible, but when Ann and I had sex the first time, she cried out, "Oh God."

Blasphemy is considered a deadly sin by the Catholic Church, but at death I fear not the lightning of a Myth. I shall not ask for the Last Rites. I shall not shake with fear for the loss of my immortal soul. I shall be dead.

Jimmy Jesus lived past his thirties
The sole son of Mary Magdalene
His father had survived the Crucifixion
To seek refuge in the Himalayas
Where he had spent in youth.


Kashmiris said, "You look like your father."
Jesus, Mary and Joseph had fled there
After the disgrace in the Temple___
Kashmir
A holy child
The son of Yuz Asaf
Wandering Jews begged for forgiveness from the only son of the Holy One.
But Jimmy was gifted with visions.
A stutter
A stammer
A lisp
No one could understand him
Not god-struck
Just a little gob-struck__

Mary took him every day
To his father's grave.
Screaming, "Why Jesus? Why Jimmy? He has no sins."
The Heavens remained silent to all.
Except Mary Magdalene heard a voice.
"I told you not to call me here."
Jimmy Jesus calls out, "Jesus, Da-da."
A bolt of lightning struck him.
Dead for want of a father's love.

Minor Blasphemy.


Still at the beach. The water cold as ice. Windblown sand whispers against our naked bodies. Creepy men saunter along the strand. White bodies hidden by white shirts, black shorts, high white sox, loafers, binoculars hanging from the neck. More unneeded feet on these secluded beaches, crushing the fragile ecology, although the Park Service allow dune buggies to furrow across the sand. I stand up naked. My swimming suit dry. I would so like Alice to suck my dick now.

Dunes everywhere I look. Angles of sand topped by sea grass and more voyeurs. Damn them, but then so what. They have their own pervy lives to live. Honest citizens hiding their wicked ways fifty weeks a year to being themselves for a two-week vacation in P-Town. Next Saturday they will return home to be replaced by others of them. The beach calming the homo-erotic cravings they can't feel at home.

I saw Jeff Berger, one of my old lover's at a bar. A go-go boy cutie fighting off early old age. Alice and I made love twice tonight. She asked, "What was it like fucking a man?"

"Different from you."

"How?"

"Savage versus vicious."

I show her how,and then what it was to be fucked in the ass. Not queer. A sexual adventurer.

Damn, my wisdom tooth is fucked.

Foto by Monroe Wheeler, Provincetown, 1947

Thursday, July 16, 2026

July 16, 1978 - Providence - Journal Entry

Centuries are divided into decades. Ten Year stretches. This 20th Century began with European global domination, except for Tibet, Thailand, Ethiopia, and the Ottoman Empire. The flags of Russia, England, France, Germany, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Spain, Portugal, Italy and the Vatican flew over conquered peoples, but the status quo was slipping from the grasp of monarchs. The 1905 Russian Revolution signaled the end to the Romanov Dynasty. Te Slavs fought for their freedom from the Turks and Austrians. The Irish seethed under British rule. This has been the American Century, but Vietnam taught us that we ain't all that.

On a train to Boston with Alice.

Amtrak is the third worst way to travel. The bus and hitching are #2 and #1. The Greyhound bus seats are designed for corpses and the dead never complain, only smell. Hitching is almost impossible with the cops harassing travelers and drivers are fearful of murderous hippies.

Providence.

Amtrak stop.

A black boy, Maurice, fakes retching. His older brother plays possum and starts snoring. Their older sister tells him to be quiet. He remains in the snoring state. Alice wants off the train. The hillbilly hasn't had her period. She is motion sick and needs fresh air.

Another forty minutes and the train will arrive at Back Bay. These past two months I have spent little time in New York. Weeks spread across the East Coast. This is Alice's third trip north. I too will be glad to get off the train.

Ann says, "I think my breasts are getting larger."

I check them. "They are the same size as always."

"I wish I had bigger."

"Not me, I like them small."

"Because then you think you're fucking a boy."

"Maybe."

My sexual urges have shut down for homos. I get my most satisfaction from females. Actually gay men were only a substitute for women. Some some reason picking up females was difficult for me. Now I am ease. At least whenever Alice is not around, but I don't need to be promiscuous in my life. Last night I dream of Alice assaulted by my past girlfriends turned fiends and I fucked them all in the dream. Faceless women licking my balls and asshole, as I fuck Alice.

The dream is a product of last night's too many beers at CBGBs.

I even forgot that I need to fuck.

Foto Old Union Station - Providence

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Friday, July 3, 2026

July 3, 1978 Journal Charleston West Virginia

I arrived in Charleston late last night via a direct flight from La Guardia.. I experienced apprehension coming down the gangway. Do I love Alice? I think so. I have said the word to Alice on innumberable occassions. We have never lived togethr, only shared a crappy bed in my SRO hotel room. Should I have called it quits after she graduatred from college and returned home.

No, I do love her, even if I don't know what love is. Her exile from New York was demanded by her divorced parents. She had no idea what she wanted to do or live. Neither do I, but I love living in the Village. It has become my home.

I entered the terminal. I had no photo of Alice. In the weeks since her departure I lost memory of how she looked, although I recalled a cat scratch scar on her cheeks. Inside I see her. Dirty blonde hair, a warm smile, cute in her white cotton thigh-high shift. Very much like Patricia Neal in HUD. Yes, I am in love. We kissed and embrace with tenderness. Seemingly we have missed each other.

"I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too." I'm actually aglow in her presence and traced the cat scratch scar with my finger.

Alice pointed at my leather bag. It hasd been my father's during WWII.

"Is that all there is?"

"I travel light." I had learned fhat gift from Alan Lage, an Iowan hippie vagabond who espoused that all we needed in life could be fit into a single bag. He also possessed a guitar.

Alice hooked my arm and we left the terminal as a couple. So far this reunion so good. We walked to the car. A Cadillac. A lawyer's car.A pickup was more authentic in Appalachia.

LATER

The interstate descended from the airport into the State Capitol. It was late and few cars wee on the road and even less people in the city itself. After the last four years in New York. Charleston seemed so small. Then again so does my hometown, Boston. We crossed the Kanawha River to her suburb South Charleston. The river was lit by the chemical factories providing an alrernative employment to the city other than the coal mines. Both deadly.

"How has it been here?" We have only spoken a few times on payphone calls during her absence from the city. My SRO room has no phone.

"Not much gong on in Charleston. All of my friends have left. Even the ones in college. My parents want me to stay, but I can't stay here. I want to live in New York and I want to be with you," she added almost as an afterthought.

"Same in my hometown. Nothing there." Milton south of Boston had three traffic lights.

The car radio played a country-rock station. WKAZ. Dolly Parton's JOLENE. CBGBs had the 45 on the jukebox. I was in the South. Alice and I sang along to the hit tune. We entered her neighborhood only lit by streetlights. All the houses. It was the same in my hometown. The only sign of life. the blue glow of TV.

"My brother Bobby is asleep already. My father is waiting for us." Alice drove the Cadillac into the driveway of a split-level ranchhouse. Alice parked the car and we stood on the lawn. A ladder leaned against the front. A tarp covered the plants. The shingles were smooth, but flakes of paint were peeling from the house.

This was a big job, but doable, if Alice helped as my assistant.

Her father came out of the house. Bob was tall. We shook hands.

"What do you think?"

"Doable, but we need more drop clothes. I'll start tomorrow, weather permitting."

"Then come inside. I'll make some dinner and you came get washed up in the besement. I got a fold-out couch down there."

Alice and I looked at each other. Separate rooms came as no surprise. She snuck in around midnight.

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Monday, June 29, 2026

JUNE 30, 1978 JOURNAL ENTRY

THe first half of 1978 ends today. It's 10:30 and I'm ready for the new half-year. Tomorrow morning I depart my departure to Charleston, West Virginia, where I will paint Alice's father's house. As a teenager I painted two houses in my neighborhood in the Blue Hills. Ten years ago. My parents' and a neighor's split-level. All the houses on my street with split-level. My older brother and I were a team. The job took us two weeks. My hand hasn't touched a brush since. So many of my friends here are artists. I asked Ro for advice.

"Put down a drop cloth. Start at the top and paint with up and down strokes. Wear a hat and long sleeve shirt to protect yourself from splatter. And don't do it by yourself."

Alice says she will help.

A ticket on Piedmont is waiting for me at JFK. I have $70 in my wallet. Her father will pay me $500 for the job. At present I'm lucky to earn $100 a week. I hope to finish in two weeks. Alice says it is not a big house. Her father is a lawyer. It has to be as big as my parent's house, but it is not a split-level. At least it isn't a hillbilly shack up some hollow with moonshine running down the creek. Chareleston is the Capitol of the Mountaineer State. I know nothing about it, but I suspect her home is in the suburbs up a creek.

This afternoon I asked Ro what I should buy for a gift.

"Perfume. Opium by Yves St. Laurent. It's a natural scene with mandarin, jasmine, patchouli, and vanilla. Very sensual."

We made love at my place and then I went up to Bloomingdale's. Matthew worked in the perfume department. He wants me badly enough to give it to me. I trade a kiss for the perfume.

Alice doesn't wear any. She is a hippie. She smells good without any I sniff the perfume. Patchouli. She will like that hint. She's a hippie. I open the box and spray on a little. The attar warms on my skin. It reminds me of smoking opium and I wish I had some.

I pack a bag. Jeans, tee-shirts, and an old seersucker jacket. Alice says it's hot in the mountains. I'll bring a bathing suit. Maybe I'll swim in a moonshine creek. I haven't flown since Chuck and Jackie's Philadelphia wedding in 1975. I was in the wedding party. They moved to Cinncinati. It's not far from West Virgina. Maybe I can find their phone number by dialing infomation at 555-1212.

The New York Post featured a report about a Miami voodoo priest who creates Baron Samedi dolls of victims by gathering his victims' nail clippings and hair with water and a little rum and then puts them into a Waring blender after which the finished product is poured into a small doll. Supposedly the victim wakes thinking he is a doll.

La Guardia-Charleston flight departs at 1:30. I'll get there two hours before take-off. An hour flight to DC. A three-hour layover. Then an hour to Charleston. 7-8 hours with the subway the first stage of the trip. A distance of 500 miles. Ten hours by car. Longer by hitchhiking. West Virginia is the original hillbilly country. They hated hippies. They must hate punks even more. I'll soon find out.

Later

The musicians at CBGBs only talk about music, drugs, or other musicians. My world has fallen into a world of drum, guitars, and bass. Their only goal in life. Hit the Top 10. Even Teenage Jesus and the Jerks. Hard-driving noise band with Lydia Lunch singing. My fav song EVERYTHING. It is so radically un Top 10 with James Chance on sax, but in their eyes I see the collective dream of opening for the Rolling Stones. All the girls on the scene think Richard Hell is cute. No one thinks that of Teenage Jesus. They sound like they're covering Lour Reed's Metal Music Machine, whihc is almost unlistenable. Cecil Taylor loves them.

OPIUM
Black tar
On tin foil
Stuck into a pipe
A match
Fire
Smoke furls in the air
Suck
Suck
Suck
My mind stalls
Into a dream
Of nothing
A land of Nod
So sweet nothing
So nothing at all
In a sleep smooth as glass

Teenage Jesus and the Jerks

I woke up dreaming

Sunday, June 28, 2026

June 29 1997 Fire Island Journal

The waves from Africa 
Break on the Pines beach
The sea froth surging up the sand
With a lisping hiss
The final reach of the Atlantic
Swirling around my ankles
To retreat from
'Neath my feet___
Three seconds later
Another wave ripples around my feet
My soles sinking into the sand deep
My balance threatened 
By the tug
Of the sea___
Overhead a Westbound 747
Crew of nineteen
300 plus passengers
From Europe on the approach 
To JFK
I am invisible ___
This autumn I will be westbound 
Aboard a jetliner to Heathrow 
To Paris
To the South of France
And then Ireland
But I am here now
Fire Island
Haunted by the ghosts
Of boys of summer
Their names
Countless as the sand disappearing 
'Neath my toes___
I close my eyes
I see them all
The boys of the Sexual Revolution
Soldiers
I open my eyes
I see none__
I fight to remember 
All
The boys of summer
On this beach
Within reach
1978
Before
Before 
Before__
I see us all with my eyes open
Naked 
Young
Tanned
Laughing 
Naked
Alive___
Not  
Old Polaroids  Not in my hand
Of my mind
Oh the nakedness
Now
Today
I strip naked
No longer young
Alive
Naked___
Dive into the cold sea
This moment 
Like all those gone
And those to come
All of us
Together 
Never to flee
Our nakedness then
Or my nakedness now__
The smell of poppers in the air
Ah, the Pines__ Thanks for your support. In order to avoid ads, please donate to blogger.com.mangozeen through Venmo. Any amount will help us. I do have a large family. Even $1 will help. My Venmo account is @Peter.Smith.18

Saturday, June 20, 2026

July 20th 1978 - Provincetown - Journal Entry

 

In Provincetown with Alice. Commercial Street is packed with fey homos and hippies retreated to this end of the road refuge. Both can be who they acre without pretending to be what the rest of America wants them to be. I look for any old friends from the 1270 in front to the afternoon Meat Rack. I recognize none of the face, but hustlers' etes scream, “Lose the fag hag.”

Alice yogas on the beach like she was Isadora Duncan. A bull dyke shoots fotos. Alice obliges her. It’s a lovely pas de deux. Alice loves the attention. I wander off to the Atlantic Bar. More gay men. I know one. I recall fucking him on Newbury Street. An apartment with brown decor. Gary buys me a beer. We talked who knows who. He comes from Boston. He knows my good friend Donny Ward from the 1270. We both love the black dancer extraordinaire. We huff poppers at the bar. He strokes my cock. It gets hard. I touch his. A huge cock. P-town is hot. Gary says, "Lose the girl. I want to fuck your ass and you piss in my mouth."

He is hard as steel. Me too. I reject his offers of sin. For some reason I don’t queer any more. Sexually.

Alice has finished her session. A bull dyke scowls at me. She’s not Alice’s type. She likes them femme.

We go back to our hotel room. She throws up in the shower. A sensitive stomach. I stand on the deck naked. The Atlantic air medicine. Alice has recovered from the nausea. We fuck. I feel great. Away from New York. Away from the sullen summer of West Virginia. The pollution of Manhattan, and the imprisoning familiarity of Boston. Our problems two hundred miles away. We both have money in our pockets from my painting her father’s house, even in thought I got paint on some of the bushes. Alice is in a good mood. She’s singing a parody of Patti Smith’s HORSES with Race Point in view. So very funny.

I love the dead end on the Cape.

Later a naked gay man with a small penis approached us and said I looked like Jesus’ brother.

“No bearded.” He eyes my crotch.

I laugh and he drifted away to the dunes with a backward glance, as if he expected me to follow. Alice shrugs like she doesn’t care. I stayed with her.

Suddenly think of whether Jesus had a younger brother or a son with Mary Magdalene. She was no whore, although the nuns taught she was.

I wondered if Jesus had a brother or son. Blasphemy. A mortal sin for the Church. Worthy of eternal damnation, unless I ask for a pArdon from Hell. Atheists don’t fear an afterlife.

Friday, June 5, 2026

Rain on East 77 Street - June 5 1978

Midnight
June 5 1978
East 77 Street
Outside
Rain
Thunder
Inside the foyer
My finger
On the buzzer
No reply____
Last winter
Lisa left
To be a model
In Europe
No letters
Since April___
Her face
Never on French Vogue
Nor Italian Vogue
Nor inside any fashion magazine.
Gone___
Inside the hallway
My finger on the buzzer
A last time___
Past midnight
She not here
The last words
In the last letter
Love
Lisa___
Where did the love go?
All I see are ghosts
Of her
All I have
Ghosts and the rain__
I walk away
Into midnight
Into the rain
With
Only one destination
Away from here
To someplace else
And out of the rain

Sunday, May 31, 2026

May 31, 1978 - East Village - Journal

Everybody was watching Clover at the party. Her youth. Her beauty. Her reputation. She had told Anthony that an older man pays her rent. The Texan oilman visits twice a month. He pays for sex. Andy Reese of the Serendipity 3 crowd said that she was a prostitute. The ballet dancer tricked out of Cowboys on 53rd Street. I had figured the North Carolinan for just being catty. Her fucking for money doesn't matter to me. I wish someone would pay me for having sex. I guess Alice does, since I pay no money for the rent

Later

Alice's play is soon. She'll be leaving to gtraduate from an Ohio college and then her father will drive her to West Virginia with no plans to come back to New York other than she can't stay in Appalachia and she does have desire to be here, not necessarily with me, but in the East Village.

At Dojos I spoke to Anthony about his upcoming exhibition of our photo roman with Klaus and Cookie in Bridgehampton. He said, "The prints were all mine it's my show. I'm calling it Clover and Nolan."

Sounds good to me. If you sell any photos, do I get a cut?"

"I'll split it with you, although I don't know why"

"Because I came up with a story and casted Clover and Klaus and everybody else in it."

"I got Cookie."

They were lovers and dope fiends, although Anthony was a day to day junkie. It suits his laconic demeanor.

"I'll give you that." I loved Cookie. The Baltimore native was real unlike most poeple on the punk scene, having starred in John Waters films with Divine.

"Okay we'll split it once I pay for the expenses The prints and everything else and we should give 10% each the Clover, Cookie, and Klaus

"Agreed.

This was Anthony's first show and he was planning a beach party. Punks at the Hamptons.

Later

I got paid for only 2 days this week had Ebasco. I'm barely working at the executive dining room. The executives are starting summer holidays early. The Boston School Committee is sending my last unemployment. $100 check should be in the mail.

Why can't I find a job? Thankfully entertainment and drink are basically free. Kyle, Kim's sister works at Yogurt Delight. Kim at CBGBs. Cyrena at Cornelia Street. To DeMastri at McBell's. Like Henry Miller I don't need money. Just friends. Right now I'm on 6th Avenue dodging the rain at Dazzle on Columbus Avenue, watching the young ballerinas with their tight buns and dance tights coming from a dance class. I don't stare at them or follow them. They have enough of that from every man in New York.

At the Cornelia Street Cafe Kyle doesn't invite me to a champagne party to meet Sean Hausman. "You people are always free loading."

The Red Sox in first___

Post Vietnam America has retreated from the world stage under Carter. China tried to invade Vietnam to save Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge. Eritrea and Ethiopia are battling over a desert. Russia and China have exported revolution to Africa, latin America, and Asia. Leftist revolutionaries battle the States of the Free World in Europe. The while word hates the USA and out threats of nuclear war to defeat the workers' paradise.

As for Cuba the USA should normalize relations with the island by offering Havana a major league baseball franchise; the Havana Bananas or Reds. Cincinnati Reds would have to surrender that name for purpose of international peace.

I love food, but have been starving myself. My body is thin. My muscles are taut. I want to eat, but I have no money. More I want sex. Masturbation is not sex. Just release.

Thursday, May 14, 2026

May 14, 1978 - East Village - Journal

Actors are all full of shit.

Expecting attention for an unending of neuroses. Pretending to be someone they are not. Unless they're funny they bore me. Artists are much better. I prefer workers like Patrick the cook and Kim's friend Amos.

Amos's a Southerner always quiet. I didn't know why Kim explained he was dyslexic. "He never finished high school. He can't read and he can't read it write "

Back in Boston I taught at a Special Ed school. The kids were very challenged. Most couldn't read. Most couldn't write. Some couldn't speak. I sang to them. Write. As a child I had trouble speaking. Stutters stammers mumbles lisps eating my words. My schoolmates were not kind. I wanted to kill them all. I wanted to join the Marines and come back to my hometown as a killer. Amos must feel the same way and that's why he's in New York. Because people like us belong here.

Home must have been torture for Amos to stay in school.

He's a good man and he likes me, because I dislike Marky from the Ghosts. But I no longer dislike Marky. He once tore up a picture of mine. It reminded me being bullied. I didn't hit him. Wanted to, but didn't, since my father used to say, "You have to compromise."

I never saw why, but maybe one day I might.

Four fat lesbians

I like the idea of Subway suicide Laying on the tracks The steel wheels running over me Not stopping Not screeching The A train 40 miles an hour heading to Times Square

At that Kim's apartment Amos Cyrena, Kim and I drink party shots. It's afternoon. Sean leans against the plastic wall. He falls through it. No fun. we leave for a dracula film.

Thursday, April 30, 2026

May 1, 1978 - Journal Entry

None of us at CBGBs were hippies, but some of us liked ice hockey.

Last night the New York Islanders were knocked out of the Stanley playoffs by the Toronto Maple Leafs. Tomorrow the semi-finals of the Stanley Cup begin with the Bruins versus the Flyers and the fucking Habs against the Maple Leafs.

And I'm a Red Sox fan.

The Bosox are in second place.

Enough for the sporting news.

LATER

This morning Alice lays against my body in symbiotic symmetry. I don't dare move to break the link of flesh to flesh. We are one and I want no one else.

Monogamy?

Is that what my friend Andy found in Theresse?

When Alice woke, I hid my feelings, but had to say, "I don't want you to leave."

It sounds soapy, but my alienation has cast me far from humanity. Alice comforts my madnesses, although it's impossible to dispel them for more than a few hours. Alice looks at me and says, "I don't have to leave yet. It's Daylight Savings Time. We still have an hour."

"So winter is over?"

"Yes, and the days will get longer."

"Shit." I liked long night as much as I hated long days.

"Shit, yes, but I'm a zombie too."

"But you have aspirations for a better life."

"And so do you." Her hand touched my chest and waited for me to say something, but words stuck in my throat and she said, "Everyone is capable of greatness."

"Even me?"

"Yes, even you."

And by saying that Alice joined my mother, Sister Mary Osmond, my 5th Grade teacher, who awarded me honors, and my high school German instructor, Bruder Karl, who fairly failed me, "Schmidt, you have not prepared for your lesson und du sprechst Deustche wie ein aschloch."

Asshole.

Bruder Karl chain-smoked in class. His Bavarian-accented voice sounded like a train dragged across rocks, but I heard the kindness in his words, despite my classic under-achievement in Hoch Schule.

Others saw my worth.

Chris Jansen, an MIT genius, had hired me to work at a chemical plant in Salem. The fat woman had wanted to sleep with me. Her husband had given the green light.

But I preferred to risk it all with Therese's sixteen year-old sister, Hilde. The kids I taught at South Boston High School loved me. I hated the racism of the Selma of the North.

Diana Graham saw something in me.

I think they are all blind.

I used all of them to subsist without working.

Survival.

But not as an enemy. I only want to do good one day, even if that day is like Andy says, "You'll make it after you're dead, like Van Gogh."

More a curse than a blessing.

How I lead my life doesn't permit any retreat.

Anti-star.

Failure is easier to achieve than fame, but Alice said, "You should become a movie star."

"How?"

"By being you. Your friend Willem will be one. Is he better looking than you?"

"Maybe."

"Don't you want to be famous?"

"No, I don't want life sucked from me to become a big person on a silver screen."

"I had a dream about you on the Johnny Carson Show, but he was washed up."

"Johnny washed up?" I love the Tonight Show host. He represented the true vein of America.

"It happens to everyone."

"I don't want fame. I want immortality."

"Everyone dies."

"Not me."

LATER

Alice left for work. I went to the movies.

At the St. Mark's Theater I watched a movie about Caryl Chessman, the accused Red Light Bandit of LA. He sat on Old Sparky in 1960. I was eight, but I realized that his life had come to a point of departure governed by certainty of death.

And death always scares an immortal.

LATER

Most young people say that they are not concerned with age.

I know different.

Death is more welcome to anyone seeking eternal life over the aging of our flesh, especially as the life distances from our birth ever closer to death. I am frightened by new people. I can feel life slipping from them. Second by second. Grain of sand by sand. I avoid them. I avoid their death. I avoid their loss of youth. I never think of mine.

Art has no power over the speed of light tearing apart our flesh like vultures of time.

A couple of night I asked a Rockefeller heir at CBGBs, "Where does power lie?"

"Power is money."

His family controlled coal mines, oil fields, banks, countries, but they are merely exploiters of power. Marx wrote that an economy was based on the balance between labor and capital. Now the rich only think about money, whose value is not real, but implied by the belief in money. It means nothing to nature other than Man rapes the world to get wealth. Pockets are not part of the human body, unless we count them as an extra asshole to store our riches.

Shit.

A place to live.

Food.

Education.

Matter

Shit does not, unless it's to grow food, although dogs sometimes eat shit by mistake and sometimes, because shit tastes better than nothing. Money is slavery, chaining everyone to surrender.

I know nothing.

We humans have not abandoned prejudice, hatred, greed, or any of the Deadly Sins, despite America's forefathers writing in the Declaration of Independence, "All men are created equal..."

Cultures, classes, castes, languages, religions separate our destiny to go to the stars.

LATER


South of Mazatlan
A traveler stands on a highway.
He stands on the hot asphalt.
His bag at his feet.
Parched by the sun-burnt Sonoran desert with Mexico

A drug soothing his Gringo soul
But he wants more

Culiacan heroin

If he was a child he would be lost, but the road only goes north or south.
Mazatlan was north.
San Blas was south.
Black glass cars speed by
Buses roll by.
Faces stare out the windows.
In the desert only fools stand in the sun

The sun rose higher.
Still winter in El Norte.
Here hot.
Where he is is where he is.
Two college girls from Arizona stop.
A Ford Torino.
Going to San Blas for the surf.
The AC cold.
Being out of the sun felt better
San Blas only three hours away and America more distant with every passing every second.

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Much more to come.

Wednesday, February 18, 2026

THE RULES OF KLAUS photos by Anthony Scibelli / Story by Peter Nolan Smith

In 1978 Anthony Scibelli and I created a foto-roman of his photos and my story

The story was one of my detective poems and the cast featured the Eighth Wonder of the world, Klaus Nomi, Jon Waters Starlette, Cookie Mueller, Club 57 Impresario Andy Reese, A texas runaway, Clover Nolan, and me along with several other people whose names are locked in the past.

Scibelli's eternal black-and-white photos appeared at MoMA's CLUB 57 show 2017-2018.

MoMA's photo experts had digitally improved each image, which are classic reminders of a time when New York belonged to us and not them. We all know who them are.

18"X14" prints are available as are larger and smaller versions

To purchase the 18"X14" prints, please go to this URL

https://www.ebay.com/itm/THE-RULES-OF-KLAUS-featuring-fotos-of-Klaus-Nomi-and-Cookie-Mueller/164117217701

Thank You

Peter Nolan Smith

Friday, February 6, 2026

Meeting Sharon 1978 - The Nursery

The first time I ever saw Sharon she was not physically in the movie theater, but up on silver screen of a Times Square theater fellating the pizza boy’s cock, while doggie styling the man acting as her husband. Neither of the men were particularly attractive, probably so the audience might identify with them, however Sharon was a young brunette with a lithe acrobat’s body. Her ass was perfectly curved and her belly pouting with the right amount of fat. Her breasts were small. Almost like a boy. Once the action started, she became an animal unleashed on mankind. 

It was obvious neither man on the screen had any idea what to do with her and the director was also at a loss with this vixen, so she released the pizza boy’s cock and looked over her shoulder at the camera, a pink tongue snaked out to lick at cock-bruised lips, then her hand reached back to pull apart her asscheeks to provide the cameraman a better shot at the stiff penis rooting her vagina. She moaned, “Oh, yeah, fuck me, baby!” then dropped her head down onto the pizza boy’s cock, until the head lodged in her gullet. 

It wasn’t a deep throat, but I had my zipper down and cock in hand mimicking each thrust of the man from behind. Every man in the theater came together, as the pizza boy spattered the brunette’s face with a load of cum and her ‘husband’ blew his wad over her flawless ass.   

After leaving the theater I searched the porno shops for any photos of this slut, but found none. I asked the clerk overlooking the aisle, if he had any glossy mags with her and he sadly shook his head. “I know exactly who you’re talking about. I got nothing. That’s her first film, but trust me we ain’t seen the last of her yet.”  

Since the porno industry was centered in LA, I figured she was never coming to New York. A wraith in my fantasies and dreams.

Three weeks later I was playing the SLASH pinball machine at the Nursery, an after-hour club in the East Village. My fingers twitched over the buttons and my hip banged the machine, so the ball defied gravity beyond any of Newton’s laws. The score fast approached ‘best ever’, then someone bumped into the side and tilted the machine. I turned to the right, ready to swear, then my mouth went numb upon seeing the brunette in the shag-cut from the movie. 

Her lingerie barely hid any skin and she appeared to have just fucked her way through the entire bar. Stiletto heels gave her another three inches of height and she regarded at me imperiously, as she asked, “What are you looking at?”

“You t-t-tilted the machine,” I stammered, but before I could tell her how much I enjoyed her film, she snapped her fingers loud enough to be heard over the Ramones and two gnarly bikers grabbed me by the arms. In less than three seconds I found myself out on the sidewalk, exiled from Eve. 

Several thieves lurked in the shadows, ready to pounce on any hapless drunk. I scrambled to my feet to show that I was not worth the trouble. Skanky whores lined Third Avenue and junkies popped into the fleabag hotels for a quick shot. The arctic wind sent a shiver through my body. I only wore a thin leather jacket, a tee shirt, and torn jeans. I didn’t care, because I was

She only took a minute to come out alone. A tight-high rabbit fur coat covered her near-naked body. A gust of chilled wind blew the bangs off her face. Herr eyes coldly examine me before she stepped forward, opening her coat and pressing her fatless body to me. Her teeth nipped at my ear, before she asked breathlessly, “Well, where we going?”

“If it was warmer, I’d fuck you right here in the street.” I looked across the street to the Victor Hotel. It was a flophouse, but close. She smiled lewdly, then commented, “How romantic!”

“You have a problem with it?” I asked, fingering her ingrown nipples to erection.The style with which her hand rubbed my crotch told me neither of us should confuse this moment with love. We exchnaged no words crossing the avenue or climbing the hotel’s creaking stairs to room 33. The 40-watt bulb hanging from the ceiling was enough to light the room, as she shrugged off the coat. 

Standing with her legs spread and arms akimbo she let me admire her body for several seconds before dropping to her knees. Her hands expertly undid my zipper and withdrew my iron-hard cock. With one hand gripping my balls the actress’ mouth slithered onto my shaft like a snake swallowing its prey, proving the scene in the film had not depended on special effects. Her tongue flickered under my cock’s throbbing vein, while her hands wantonly rubbed that nether area behind my balls. Normally I would have shot right then, but she fell back onto the floor, then crawled onto the soiled bed. 

 I fingered her ingrown nipples to erection.

“Get naked!” the brunette commanded, then swiftly undid her bra and slipped out of her panties. Her thighs spread and she reached down to her vagina with both hands, so the fingertips peeled back her labia to reveal a wet slick cunt. 

My jacket hit the floor first, then I threw my tee shirt in the corner. My pants only came down to my knees, as I shuffled across the dusty floor to the bed. Kneeling between her legs, my tongue torpedoed into her warm wetness, as my hands wrestled off my boots and jeans. 

“Suck on my asshole!” She pleaded, as her middle fingers desperately scratched at her thickening clit. The tip of my tongue ricocheted off the sides of her inner ass before striking at her wrinkled asshole. Each time I pressed the flat of my tongue to the coppery pucker, the muscle flexed in jerks. Her panting became more frenzied, as my tongue probed through her sphincter like a harpoon.

Thinking she needed something more inside, I enlisted my thumb for his anal expedition, only to have her knock my hand away.  I couldn’t argue and lapped at her now clean asshole, until she shivered uncontrollably and her free hand seized my hair to pull my face forward. He fingers were a blur on her clit, as she called out, “Oh, yeah, fuck! FUCK! FUCCCCCK!!!”

Her spine arched and labia throbbed, as she came with a vengeance. I half-expected her to spend some time graining her breath, yet she rolled onto her stomach and begged, “Fuck me with your cock! Fuck me like a mercenary!”

Both her hands gripped her ass apart, so there was no mistaking where she wanted my cock. I stabbed forward and buried my cock, till the head rammed against her cervix. I had never felt so big and she told me the same, cooing, “Oh, baby, it’s so big. Split me in half with that log. It hurts so good!”

I fucked her like a barbarian fucking a nun who had been praying for Jesus’ violation all her life. Her pussy juice dripped from her cunt and formed a creamy froth around my shaft, as the walls of her steaming hole clamped on my member like we were two dogs in heat. The room stunk of her come and I bucked into her hole, as she screamed, “Fuck me harder!”

The guest in the next room banged on the wall, as I rammed in and out, until a geyser of sperm boiled out of my balls and erupted from my cock into her cunt. She moaned slavishly, as I milked the last shutters of pleasure from my orgasm. 

When I rolled onto my side, my heart pounding, my skin sheeted with sweat, and my lungs sucked of any air, she slithered down the bed to slurp up every trace of our mutual slime on my cock and balls. Finished she licked her lips, then stuck a finger into her slit. Bringing the tip to my lips, I sucked the ooze from her digit. She kissed me with cum-stained lips and said, “You’re sweet. My name’s Sharon.”

“I know. I saw your film ABDUCTION OF JOY.” I groaned, as her fingers stroked my penis back to hardness.   

"How was I."

“You were great.” I squirmed, as she pinched my nipple. I returned the favor to her once-again inverted nipple, and she squealed, “I bet you say that to all the girls in fuck films.”

“Yeah, all the time.” I wished it was true, but she was the only woman I had ever met who fucked on film. We fucked two more times before I crashed out between her thighs. When I woke, Sharon was dressed and at the door. I asked, “Where you going?”

She posed like a tart, sticking out her ass before throwing on her coat. 

“You need any money for a taxi?” I sleepily reached for my jeans, which seemed farther from the bed than I remembered.

“No, I’m good. We’ll see you around.” Sharon blew me a kiss and the door slammed shut before I could ask for her telephone number. I lay back in bed, then picked up my Levis. Going through the pockets I discovered why she hadn’t needed taxi fare. Sharon had ripped me off for every dollar and penny. Pulling on my jeans and boots, I swore madly, then ran out into the street, but the only person in sight was an old wino crumpled on the corner of East 19th Street. 

Across the street the dregs of the evening stumbled out of the after-hours club. I supposed I could have gone inside to see, if Sharon was there, but confronting her in a drug-maddened den of iniquity might prove a little more than dangerous to my health. She had fucked me and fucked me good, so I called it a night and walked home, thinking that she had gotten what she deserved. Next time it would be vice versa and next time wasn’t a long time coming.