Better Than The Louvre

Helmut Newton - Genuis

THE TEN TOP THINGS TO DO IN PARIS

Set fire to a historical cathedral.

Get entombed in the catacombs

Die of boredom waiting in line for the Louvre.

Pay a wanker in a beret to paint an unflattering caricature of you.

Surrender to an invading force without shot being fired.

Protest the rigours of a thirty -hour work wee.

Enjoy local delicacies like snails, frog legs and horse meat.

Get caught jerking off to The Thinker at the Rodin mudeum.

Put a padlock on the Pont des Arts with your initials and those of your soon to be ex-wife.

Crash your Mercedes in a tunnel

Hermaphrodite

Back in the early 80s no one went to the Louvre museum. The museum was completely empty. My friend Tony from Alabama and I would tour the galleries of the Louvre with models telling them not to look at the paintings. "Let the paintings look at you. You are more beautiful." We ended our promenade at the Mona Lisa, but forced them to look at the statue of the Hermaphrodite. The girls loved us for thinking them 'beautiful', belle' or 'schon'. It was the truth.