Monday, November 10, 2008

Wintertime in Pattaya


An intense high pressure system has stalled over Thailand inflicting seasonally cooler weather on the entire country. Pattaya hit 22 (73 Farenheit) and Chiang Mai 12. My wife called from Chai-nat saying it was freezing. I’m wearing a sweater, but I still see UK tourists walking around with bare-chests. I called my friend Nick to ask his opinion.

“I didn’t turn on my AC, but it isn’t cold. You’ve been out here too long if you think this is cold.”

Maybe he’s right. Living in the tropics does tend to thin your blood. I took a bike ride by the beach and Russian vacationers were swimming in the wind-chopped sea, while tour boats were loading Chinese holiday-makers for a trip to Koh Lann, the nearest island to Pattaya.

Two old ladies from the Ukraine were slathering themselves with skin-frying oils. As they lay on the sun palette, I realized that Darwin was completely wrong. Mankind did not descend from apes.

Well, maybe some of us, but the rest of humanity genetic make-up evolved from either ET tampering or orgiastic miscegenation between the species of the animal kingdom.

Dogs and snakes (Jim Carey).

Horses and giraffes (John Holmes).

You get the picture.

In the case of the stocky Ukrainian matrons their first ancestor was a walrus and the skinny old dudes lounging in the g-strings reminded me on monitor lizards basking on a rock.

Evolution from more than one source, because you know Adam wasn’t celibate before Eve.

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