Saturday, February 27, 2016

OLD BILL NEXT TO ME by Peter Nolan Smith


New York's Plaza Hotel had been a world-famous destination for decades, however its 2008 reinvention as a condo-palace and demi-hotel has seriously tarnished the reputation of Grand Lady on 5th Avenue.

While the newly opened Retail Plaza in the basement had been an abject failure and the hotel was run by Israeli realtors with the hospitality of the IDF in Gaza, the Oak Bar continued to attract power brokers, celebrities, and faces from the front covers of the newspapers and magazines. Still the basement wasn't a total lost.

One afternoon Susan Lucci, the soap opera queen, entered our subterranean jewelry store and my young Russian 'work wife' asked the diminutive TV actress, "Does anyone tell you that you look like Susan Lucci?"

"All the time." Her mouth smirked sweetly at the blonde's ignorant innocence.

"Are you Susan Lucci?" Vanessa gasped like she had been tossed out of the Space Shuttle into zero atmosphere.

"Most of the time." Susan Lucci exuded an internal beauty beneath her botoxed skin.

"C-c-congratulations." My work-wife stammered out her best wishes to Lucci for being Lucci.

"Thank you." Susan wheeled a turn on her spike heels without which she would have been less than five feet tall.

We later realted this encounter with the star of ALL MY CHILDREN to the other salespeople trapped in the doomed Plaza Collection.

They laughed at Vanessa's offering 'congratulations'.

"I didn't know what else to say." The blonde had worshipped Susan Lucci from her couch for years.

Several days later David Beckham and his wife Posh visited the hotel. The paparazzi rioted outside the entrance. Fans screamed out his name. The madhouse lasted for hours.

Celebrity has its perks, but power demanded more challenging accommodations and one February evening the Secret Service locked down the hotel for the arrival of Bill Clinton, the former president of the USA, who had a table reserved in the Oak Room.

Agents in black suits roamed the hotel. They surveilled guests and workers with fascist suspicion. Bill had been a popular president, but men in high places retained their enemies after retirement and their zecret service detail.

As I walked through the hotel, the Secret Service ignored me, judging a fifty-five year old diamond salesman to be harmless. They were right. I was no assassin.

I almost visited the Oak Room to gawk at Clinton, but customers kept me busy and at the closing hour I went to washroom at the rear of the Retail Collection. The owner of Leather Spa said that the ex-president had stopped for a shoeshine.

"He tipped Segundo $10."

"He wore handmade loafer from England." Segundo knew his shoes.

"A good tipper." A shine cost $4 at their stand. "Is he still in the Oak Room?"

"Far as I know."

"Maybe I'll stop up there for a drink after work."

I headed into the men's room.

The attendant wasn't on duty.

I hate Mssr. Le PeePee.

I stood at a stall and unzipped my fly.

Two seconds later a taller man stepped close to the adjoining urinal.His shoulder almost touched mine.

Male toilet manners require strangers to neither touch nor talk to another man before the porcelain god, so I dropped my eyes to the floor, only to notice that my neighbor's shoes were highly buffed loafers with tassels.

I lifted my gaze.

The ex-president was peeing next to me without his Secret Service agents.

Some things a man has to do on his own.

The former president smiled at me and I involuntarily peeked into his urinal.

Bill frowned and lowered his broad shoulder to block my view, then shook his member and strode out of the men's room without washing his hands.

Same as 99% of the men at Yankee Stadium or Madison Square Garden.

Being and Old School 1% I rinsed mine under cold water and exited from the men's room expecting to be accosted by his security detail. The only people in the hallway were Segundo and his boss. They pointed upstairs to indicate the direction of Bill's departure. I nodded and returned to my shop.

Vanessa was ready to go.

"What took you so long?"

"I ran into Bill Clinton in the bathroom."

"Hillary's husband?" Women regard the importance of men differently from men.

"I peed next to him."

"And did you look at him?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, look at his schwanze?" Vanessa was a nice girl from Moscow, but she wanted to know. "My husband says all types of men check out him in the bathroom. Did you look at his penis?"

She was my work-wife, not my real wife, so I told her what I would have told anyone.

"No." A gentleman never talk about woman's age or the size of a man's penis.

"Oh." She was disappointed. "Were you scared about being gay?"

"With the president of the United States?"

"Ex-president." Women were experts at putting men in their place.

"I don't look at men's penises."

"Liar. All men look at porno. Don't tell me there aren't any penis there?"

"That's different."

"Right." Vanessa huffed and picked up her cell. She spoke in Russian. I heard the name Clinton, then pietska. It meant penis in her language. My co-worker smiled at me. She knew the truth.

I had looked at Bill's crank.

And checking another man's schlong isn't a gay thing.

It's just something you do.

Of course my gay friends think that all men are gay.

Given the right circumstances they are right.

Bathroom, ex-president, New York?

Thankfully Bill's not my type and I'm certainly not his and I know, because he never bothered to look at mine.

update Bill Clinton has been mentioned thousands of tiems in the Epstein Files. No American is guilty until convicted, unless there are photos and the photos don't look innocent. I'm surprised Monica Lewinsky hasn't come out to tell the truth about her First meeting with Clinton in the Oval Office.

Friday, February 26, 2016

Happy 100th Birthday Poo Frank

My father passed away over five years ago.

Today would have been his 95th birthday.

Frank A Smith II was my best friend.

Still is.

He loved my mother and mourned her early passing from this life.

My father loved his kids.

All six of us.

Frank III, Regina, Pam, Patrick, Michael, and me.

He was a native of Maine.

And Watchic Pond

I loved that lake too.

It always felt like home.

After my mother passed in 1996, my father and I traveled the world.

We voyaged by car through France.

He came to stay with me later in Ireland and we found my Nana's house.

We went west to Utah.

North to Quebec.

And Poo Frank voyaged around the world to Thailand to meet my family.

Frank A Smith was a good man and while I don't carry his name, I will follow his path around the world.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

iPhone love

The other night I went to dinner at John's Italian restaurant in the East Village. The establishment has been serving hearty southern dishes since 2008. The menu was a time machine to my youth and I ordered the meatball and spaghetti. My dinner companion had the tomato raviolis. We ordered Chiantis and converse about friends, until she said, "Look over there."

"Where?" It was a Monday night. There were only three tables.

"The young couple sitting against the wall," whispered Susan. We were just friends, but she's thirty years my junior. I'm older than most people these days, so I'm accustomed to age decrepancies .

I turned my head to a young attractive couple.

The man was glued to his iPhone.

He had a beer.

She had nothing to drink.

"He's been on the phone for ten minutes," Susan hunched over to me.

"And he hasn't said anything to her?"

"Not a word."

"And he hasn't ordered her a drink."

"Schmuck."

"He's probably googling how to speak with women on your first date."

"Sad but true."

We returned to our dinner and talk. The waiter came by and I waved him over.

"Ask that girl if she wants something to drink, because the jerk on the iPhone won't."

"I'd love to, but we have a bet to see how how it will be before he gets off the phone. I went for the long shot and said twenty minutes."

"You're looking good," commented Susan.

"Can I offer you a glass of wine on the house?"

"Thanks."

We looked over the dessert menu and at the twenty-first minute the girl got the waiter's attention to order a Sprite.

"Sprite?" I would have order the most expensive wine.

"Yes, she's saying there's no way he getting a second date."

The man reacted to the intrusion and showed the woman his iPhone. He thought something was funny.

"Jerk off," Susan and I said it at the same time, happy with our wine.

It does make a mundane world nicer.

As does John's of 12th Street 302 East 12th Street, NYC 10003 (212) 475-9531

I recommend it highly.

Subvertizements of Apartheid

According to electronicintifada.net activists from London Palestine Action plastered these posters criticizing Israel’s apartheid policies against Palestinians all over London’s underground train network early Sunday morning calling them “subvertisements,” political messages designed to look like sanctioned advertising.

Next week It's Israeli Apartheid Week in the UK.

Israel has spend billions demonizing the Palestinians as terrorists, a non-race, and animals. The UK has sold the Zionist State billions of arms to oppress Gaza and the West Bank. Several Israeli organization demanded for the posters to be taken down before the Monday rush hour. Transport officials said they got most, but not all, so the message went out to some people.

The UK Zionist Federation on Monday called for authorities to “apprehend the original culprits.” and the Prime Minister called the ads 'inciteful'.

I am sure he meant to say 'insightful' since inciteful is not a word. According to electronicintifada.net former Israeli foreign minister Tzipi Livni, who in 2009 evaded a UK arrest warrant for war crimes, denied that Israel practices apartheid and said the posters showed that the boycott, divestment and sanctions movement “is against the existence of Israel.”

What they are against is the apartheid treatment of Palestinians; pass cards, arbitrary arrests, infantile incarceration, house bombing, and the theft of land without any recourse to justice.

FREE PALESTINE

The Depassioning of Cellphones

The closer we are, the farther we are with cellphones.

They take us away from the 'now' to the never was of the internet.

And you can't expect anything else, when the 'now' is a prison of the overdosed senses.

Lose your iPhones and be free.

Spring is around the corner. Flowers The warm sun. A long sunset Without a selfie. Because some things are meant to be seen only by your eyes.

Rattlesnake Alert

Last year local wildlife officials were called to the Blue Hills south of Boston in response to 911 call alerting to the presence of a timber rattlesnake in a populated area. Officers captured the serpent and released rattler into the Great Bog. My sister called me with this information and I asked, "Do you remember the winter Frunk saw a rattlesnake in the snow?"

"No." Her blunt refusal wasn't surprising, since she had been six in 1962.

I had been ten.

"Frunk and I were walking home. It must have been close to Christmas since it was dark early." New England was renowned for dreary winters. Nights were long and snow fell in November. "When we got to our house, Frunk whispered for me to look at the driveway. I turned my head and he pointed out a wavering shadow in the snow and said it was a rattlesnake."

"A rattlesnake?" she scoffed with a sigh. "You saw a rattlesnake in the winter. In the snow?"

My sister was a lawyer. She was an expert at grilling witnesses, but I was unafraid of telling the truth or a good story.

"Frunk saw it as a snake. I didn't know what it was, but I wasn't taking any chances and we ran into the house. Mom asked what was the problem and Frunk told her about the snake. She shook her head, until she saw the silhouette in the snow. It was about time for Dad to come home and she called the police. It must have been a slow day, because two patrol cars arrived within minutes. Getting out of their cars they drew their guns. Frunk went outside and showed them what he thought was the snake. The oldest cop pointed a flashlight and the snake became a piece of brown paper stuck in the snow. Everyone had a good laugh about it."

"I still don't remember it."

"No?"

"And I don't remember ever hearing about it until now."

"Oh." I nodded my head, recollecting that Frunk had sworn me to never mentioned the incident and the story died out after a week's ribbing. "Maybe I was just imagining it."

"You and your imagination. Have a good week."

"You too."

Later that evening I called my older brother. He didn't answer the phone and I left a message about the timber rattlesnake. He never returned my call, because some things only happened in the past and this was one of them.

The Snake Seduction of Eve

Quabbin Reservoir was created in the 1930s to serve the Boston area with clean water. Farms and towns were evacuated in the flood plain and the watershed has served as a park for visiting families and hikers, however the Massachusetts Division of fisheries and Wildlife has decided to set up a colony of eight venomous rattlesnakes on an uninhabited island to prevent the venomous timber rattlesnakes from extinction.

Fear-ridden residents of the area are calling the state offices to express their paranoia about rattler infestation.

Much ado about nothing, for while two hundred timber rattlesnakes remain in the wilds of western Massachusetts, there has been no reports of a fatal biting since colonial times, except for a suspected strike on the North Quabbin Trails Association president's collie.

Keltz was bitten on the nose, causing excessive bleeding.

No swelling.

Some people are just scared of snakes.

After all the Snake offered the apple to Eve.

The bible tells us so.

As a devout atheist I say bring back the rattlers.

The sooner the better.

We need a new Eve.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Vanished

Opps.

Disappeared like I had been detained by the CIA.

But I'm back.

Where was ?

I don't know.

Which is a good thing.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Valentine Day's 10 Commandments of Love in Thailand

Back in 2007 anyone thinking that Valentine's Day in Thailand was a purely commercial holiday for selling roses without a bouquet and red lingerie for your mia noi, the Culture Ministry's declaration of 10 Commandments of Love must have come as a surprise, especially since you can't find a complete list of the 10 dos or don'ts. Which won't stop the coppers from enforcing these CIA-inspired Taliban rules.

So far my list is three.

#1 - Love with patience, so as not to become a young parent.

#2 - Love only one person.

#4 - Avoid the risk of sexually transmitted diseases.

I'll guess the other 7.

# 3. Love the other person as you love yourself, but no masturbation.

#5. Respect the wishes of the other person, unless the request is too weird.

#6. Get home at a good hour. Sleep is better than sex. Remember no touching yourself. 

#7. School should come before sex, especially if it's with teachers.

#8. Do not take rides from strange men or even men you know who aren't strange.

 #9. Girls, don't shine your shoes, because you know what boys are after.

#10. Boys, don't means don't, even when it doesn't mean don't.

Sounds good, until hearing that the Bangkok Police were ordered out of the barracks to foil any under-age couple from committing the sin of kissing, which the boys in brown consider tam nong klong tam - mai kao taa or inappropriate behavior.

That year of No the police patrolled after school 'danger zones' such as public parks, shopping malls and restaurants and evening risk like nightclubs, bars and love motels.

"If we find teenagers below 18 engaged in inappropriate behavior like kissing, we will give them warnings and report to their parents so they can pick them up." A police moral authority stated before adding "Alcohol is definitely a catalyst for this kind of behavior, so we will keep an eye on underage drinking."

Seemingly the police feel that sexual interactions are heightening due to the excess western influences instead of the more prosaic boy meets girl.

So following Valentine's Day leads to kissing and then sex and the collapse of the traditional Thai values of sober modesty.

Better by your example you should lead the young into the future, especially since St. Valentine's Day celebrates a bastardization of a Roman holiday, when the pagans beseeched Lupercus to banish the wolves from the city on February 15. On the Eve of the festival the names of young girls would be picked by the boys in hope they would become lovers for the year.

Sounds familiar?

Strangely can't imagine the Catholic Church ever getting involved in the art of love except to tell people what not to do, as with the Bangkok police. But then the rites of the festival of Lupercas were hard for the Church to accept.

This abridged excerpt comes from http://www.secweb.org/index.aspx?action=viewAsset&id=260

Teenagers and young adult males would meet at a cave below the Palentine to sacrifice goats or dogs. The skins of the animals cut into wet strips called Februa (from which we derive the name February for the month) and males would take these strips into the heart of the city and use them to randomly beat people (particularly women).

On the second day of the festival, each man would draw the name of one of the women who had been hit with the Februa, and she would be coupled with him until the next festival. (This was a voluntary coupling; the woman was under no legal or social obligation to stay with the man.) It was basically just an excuse to sleep with someone for a year without commitment or obligation. ________________________________________________

The collapse of morality or young people having a good time?

The Church knows best and banished St. Valentine to pseudo-saintdom with St. Christophe and St. Patrick feeling they could no longer condone a role in the propagation of a pagan love festival.

Personally I saw no under-aged kids kissing in Pattaya that year.

But if I had I wouldn't have snitched them out.

Boy meet girl

Romeo and Juliette

Is that so bad?

Sexy Thai Valentines

Red red red.

More red.

Ready for red.

Red Lady Karn

More red Lady Karn

Ever red.

Thai red.

And just a redhead.

Ladyboys all red.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Pryor Love

Bernie Wins NH

Senator McGovern won one state and the District of Columbia in 1972.

Massachusetts.

A journalist asked a Bostonian why the North Dakotan had carried the Bay State against the Richard Nixon tsunami and the townie said, "As a Bostonian we know a crook, when we see one."

And we know what is right too.

Go Bernie Go.

Happy Monkey Year 2016

Monkeys are tricky.

Move fast.

Move with bananas, otherwise you'll be pelted with monkey shit and that shit stinks.

image by tristam de quatremere

Dan Hicks RIP

Dan Hicks passed from this earth the other day.

in 1967 the songwriter/guitarist/vocalist formed Dan Hicks and the Hot Licks with David LaFlamme later of It's A Beautiful Day, two female back-up singers and another guitarist to steady the bassline. Sherry Snow and Christine Gancher doubled on percussion. I loved this band and especially their great classic SCARED MYSELF.

Dan Hicks bailed on the fame and fortune trip in 1973 saying according to wikipedia, "I didn't want to be a bandleader anymore. It was a load and a load I didn't want. I'm basically a loner... I like singing and stuff, but I didn't necessarily want to be a bandleader. The thing had turned into a collective sort of thing – democracy, vote on this, do that. I conceived the thing. They wouldn't be there if it wasn't for me. My role as leader started diminishing, but it was my fault because I let it happen; I cared less as the thing went on."

I'm a big fan of apathy.

And even a bigger fan of Dan Hicks

To listen to SCARED MYSELF, please go to the following URL;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0h6FBbw8jY

ps the girls in the band were hot.

We could say that back then.

And for good reasons.

Because it was the truth.

Riot At The Ritz 1981

In May 1981 PIL, the front band for ex-Sex Pistol Johnny Rotten was approached by the Ritz in the East Village to fill in for Bow Wow Wow. The band wasn't into doing the gig but according to Ed Caraballo, the band's cameraman said to the band, "Wait,they have all this fabulous video equipment there and we could do this really cool performance art thing.' He said 'yeah?' So we went down to check it out."

After seeing the stage the band decided to play behind a screen just to piss off the audience.

The night was bad.

Rain.

A sell-out Bow Wow Wow crowd.

PIL tormented the audience by not letting anyone into the Ritz until the arrival of Johnny Lydon.

The bouncers were my friends. I resold the tickets for SRO shows. Tonight was a one of those nights. We all stood to make several hundred dollars, so they let me in before anyone else, saying, "Make us green."

I don't remember the first band, but after their set I descended to the door and grabbed a stack of tickets from the bouncers. Everyone was in a good mood. Money has that way with us back in the 1980s.

The tickets went fast and I handed the bouncers their share.

50/50 in my favor.

The dance floor was packed and I went to the sound booth.

The audience was shouting, "PIL, PIL, PIL."

I was standing next to Jerry Brandt, the owner, and asked, "What's with the screen?"

"Johnny Lydon wanted it."

"For what?"

The crowd was pissed at the long wait in the rain and the even longer delay in the Ritz. It was almost 1am. The audience was getting nasty, They wanted a show and wanted it thirty minutes ago.

Some woman came out and yelled on a mike, "HI, I'M LISA YAPP! I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT PUBLIC IMAGE LIMITED!"

Beer bottles flew at the stage and I turned to Jerry and said, "Watch this."

"What?"

"A riot. But don't worry, you're with me." I had a reputation back then and $500 in my pocket. Half of it should have gone to the club, but that half was better in my pocket.

The music was trash.

But good trash, however the audience wanted to see the band.

It wasn't happening.

More beer bottles hit the screen.

Then Johnny berated his fans, "Sil-ly fuck-ing aud-ience, sil-ly fuck-ing aud-i-ence..."

"Fuck."Jerry on the phone to security.

It's too late.

PIL sucks and they don't care if they suck.

This is art.

And Johnny's loving the danger.

It's 1981.

I told Jerry, "I'll see you later."

"Fuck you too."

He wasn't happy with any of it.

I wouldn't have been happy either if I was him, but I wasn't and had $500 in my pocket, which was a lot in 1981 and still is today.

PIL PIL PIL

To see the riot online, please go to the following Url

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ru6TuywY-0

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Naga Fire Over The Mekong

The legend of the Naga snake predated history, but was spread from India in the great epic Mahabharata.

While the great serpent has been portrayed as an evil poisonous creature temples, Naga statues adorn temples throughout Asia and every October during Buddhist Lent thousands of Thais and tourists flock to view the glowing gas balls or bung fai paya nak float over the Mekong River from the mythical Naga creature.

No one can explained the phenomena of the glowing gas balls other than to describe them as phosphine gas released from the marshes along the Mekong or free-floating plasma balls.

Either way no one has seen the Naga, but the Thais are respectful of the great cobra who protected Buddha as am I having seen the Great Marshfield Sea Monster.

Stranger things exist on this earth.

And some of them are human.

Like Lady Karn.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Elephant Magic Trick for Thai Love

Elephants have long memories.

Mostly because they have long lives.

I have met 100 year-old elephants in Thailand.

Not in Africa since poachers killed the pachyderms for their tusks. You would have thought somewhere along the line these ivory hunters would have invested in an elephant dentist, although I doubt elephants are very tractable for tusk extractions.

Thai elephants are different from Africans.

They are trained to perform certain tasks and are considered good luck.

Even as a fertility blessing.

Any woman passing five times under an elephant's belly is destined to give birth within the year, that is if she survives the ritual, because while elephants do have long memories, they aren't the most patient of animals, but it's definitely cheaper than a visit to a fertility clinic.

$2 Pussy - Richard Pryor

The best.

To see Richard Pryor Live At West Hollywood, please go to this URL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRO9NEwlLOM

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

BACK AND FORTH a novel about hitching across the USA in 1974 Chapter TOO LATE FOR THE HAIGHT

The bus from Sacramento crossed the bay in light traffic. Most people in the Bay Area had off Memorial Day. The uniformed driver veered off the bridge and entered the TransBay Terminal. Once he parked in the depot, I got off the bus to grab my bag from the underneath storage compartment and entered the station.

Holiday passengers formed queues for destinations north, south, and east. Most were military personnel on leave or college students heading home for the summer. After three days of driving through the desert and seeing only white faces, I was slightly shocked by racial mix in the bus station. Black soldiers ran to their gates, Mexicans eyed the hall for immigration officers, Indians slept on the benches, and Chinamen greeted families coming off the buses. A single Japanese farmer held a bonsai tree in his hands.

I was back in America's melting pot.

Alone.

My friend AK had left south on I-5 this morning.

I would meet him next week next week in Encinitas. A bus for Santa Cruz was leaving on the hour. The fare was less than $3. The bus was an easier exit out of the city than hitchhiking, but my friends and I had spent the last six days driving across country and I needed a walk to clear my head. Before hitting the street I stopped at a phone booth to call Boston. The friend staying at my apartment in Bug Village answered my call. Everything was fine in my absence. I didn’t say anything to Steve about my gambling debacle and hung up the handset.

Leaving the terminal I stepped out onto Beale Street. Buses and trolleys traversed the peninsula to the ocean. I was in no hurry to be anywhere fast and walked west for a few blocks. The temperature in San Francisco was much cooler than the Central Valley. I set down my canvas travel bag and sleeping bag on a wooden bench before pulling on a light leather jacket.

“Man, you looking for a place to crash?”

I stood erect and turned to a scraggly longhair in dirty denim jeans and a soiled paisley jacket. He scratched at a sore on his neck, indicating his dug of choice as meth.

“No, I’m good.” I slung my bag over my left shoulder with a winch.

My muscles and joints ached from last night’s tussle with the security guards tossing me out of a Reno casino.

“Everyone is good.” The junkie picked at a rotten tooth.

“I’m just passing through the city.” I didn’t want any trouble and walked away at a faster pace than normal.

“Our place is clean and you can have your own bed. No bedbugs too. You give what you can afford. My name’s Omo. Stands for On My Own. We’re a cool commune. Lots of chicks too. You into chicks?” Omo panted like a stray dog seeking a handout.

“Leave me alone.” I glared the promise of a punch. “Suit yourself, but you don’t know what you’ll be missing. Girls, drugs, rock and roll.” Omo stuck his hands into the shredded jacket and shambled to the station muttering curses.

“Fucking junkies.” I sneered at his back.

Seven years ago almost a hundred thousand young people had flocked to San Francisco. The Summer of Love had played out its vein of psychedelic gold in three months, yet the Death of the Hippie hadn’t prevented countless young boys and girls from hitting the road each year to reincarnate that paradise and these wide-eyed faithful were easy marks for the vultures haunting the bus station. I crossed the street with the slender spire of the TransAmerica Building rising to the North and veered off Mission at Haight.

“Yo, man, it’s me, Omo,” the junkie from the bus station shouted from the grassy slope of Buena Vista Park. A very thin teenage girl in a filmy dress held his hand, as the two skipped down to the sidewalk and across the street, as if they were the last hippies on Earth. Close-up they were close to dead.

“Yo, man, this is Jaz. Remember I told you about the girls at the commune. Jaz is the best of them all."

“You have nice eyes,” the girl mumbled with a graveyard whisper. I had a stutter and said with stumbling over a syllable, “Like I said before, I’m good.”

“I could make things better.” The pale-skinned redhead’s stick arms sported shooting tracks. Dead flowers wreathed her sad blonde hair. My youngest sister was her age.

No older than 15.

A runaway and her glazed eyes narrated her life on the streets.

“I’m sure you can.” I looked over my shoulder to a greasy-haired Latino on the opposite side of the street.

“Yo, man, where you going? We live around the corner. Let’s go up there and chill.” Omo pulled out a joint.

“Not today.” The joint was probably dosed with heroin.

“Man, why you so uncool? Come with us and we can all get it on.” She yanked on my arm with the strength of a blood-weak vampire. “I’ll do anything.”

“She really means anything.” Omo lifted her dress to the waist. The teenager wasn’t wearing any underwear and the gap between her bony legs was wider than a hand. “Anything is Jaz’s specialty.”

“I have places to go.” I shrugged off her weak grasp.

“$20 will buy you an hour of heaven.” Pickings were slim this Memorial Day Weekend and Omo wasn’t giving up so easy on he only mark in sight. “$30 buys you paradise for a night.”

“So you’re her pimp?”

“Pimp is an uncool word.” Omo stood in my way. “I’m more her coach, mentor, guru. What about it? You can do a lot of ‘anything’ in an hour.”

“No.” I had reached the end of my patience and pushed him hard.


“Sorry, to bug you, man. I didn’t realize you were queer.” Omo gave me the finger. He was a sore loser.

“Fuck you too,” I muttered under my breath.

At the corner I looked over my back. Jaz and Omo were gone.

So was the Latino.

I checked the street sign. This was Haight-Ashbury, but not the Haight of 1967.

The Fillmore West had been shut for two years. Quicksilver, Moby Grape, and the Jefferson Airplane had abandoned this city for the country. Empty houses bore the charred scars of arson and the hard-faced gangs lounged on the stoops of boarded-up apartment buildings.

A few rundown head shops lurked along the famed strip, however the hippies had given way to openly gay men in plaid shirt, tight jeans, and work boots.
These men had brothers in New York and Boston. They stared at my crotch and commented about my ‘rack’. Judging for the shortness of their hair, several might have been stationed on Treasure Island with the Pacific Fleet.

I continued west to Golden Gate Park and strolled across Kezar Stadium’s empty parking lot. Chains locked the gates. The start of the 1974 football season was a baseball season away from the end of May and Mexican families charred meat on barbecues with a dozen baseball games in progress on well-trodden playing fields opposite the stadium. A couple of hippies tossed Frisbees on the edge of the lawn.

Marijuana smoke drifted on a cool breeze. Longhairs and beaners liked the weed. I smelled the sea.

The ocean was at the other end of the park.

Not faraway.

Collarless dogs ran in packs through the wild undergrowth surrounding Stow Lake. A fist-sized rock lay in the dirt. I bent over, as if to tie my shoe. The rock was smooth in my hand.

Someone shouted for me to stop. Omo and Jaz hurried across the withered grass to block my path and the scarred Latino scurried out of the bushes to cut off my retreat.

The young girl pushed Omo forward.

“Hey man, you should have gone with Jaz.” Omo spoke, as if every word was important. “Are you queer?”

“I wasn’t in the mood.” I slipped my bags off my shoulder.

“Fucking Jaz would have made life easy for everyone.” Omo whipped out a knife. He waved the blade. I stood my ground. Omo was no Zorro, but the three-on-one odds shifted when another man exited from the bushes.

“Surprise, surprise.”

The longhaired drifter had shaved since our passing him on a Nebraska highway, but Bill’s knuckles were bloody and his right cheek was swollen from a recent punch.

“Bill, right?”

“That’s it, but I apologize for not remembering your name.”

“Apology accepted.” My hand tightened on the rock in my pocket.

“That’s really white of you, but I didn’t expect to run into you again, hippie scumbag and you probably didn’t either.”

“Weren’t you joining a carnival?” My bag was too heavy to attempt running for it.

“Carnival boss was an asshole, so I came west to see California, figuring we might meet up again.”

“It was a long shot.” Same as four-on-one ran in their favor.

“I like long shots, queer boy.” Bill edged forward to my left.

“You know him?” Jaz asked from behind Omo.

“This hippie fag’s boyfriend tossed me out of a car the other side of the country.” Bill pointed to the torn leather. “They fucked up my jacket, didn’t you?”

“Not me, but my friend.”

“The Jew boy?"

“He rolled you down the hill like a bowling ball.”

“Fuck you.”

The scarred Latino circled to my right.

I kept him in the corner of my eye. Bill was the real danger.

“Give us the bag and your money.” Omo held the knife with a shaking hand.

“Okay.” I held out my bag to Bill.

“Good boy.” Bill reached out with his left hand.

His friends were pleased with my easy surrender.

“The best.”

My fist swung in a wide loop to open-palm Bill’s skull with the rock and didn’t pull my punch. The impact exacted a bone-crunching crack and the stringy-haired southerner collapsed onto the path with the gracelessness of a puppet losing his strings. 
Omo lunged with the knife and I socked him with the rock. He collapsed on top of Bill. I picked up the stiletto and turned to the scarred Latino.

“Are we done?” The rock had served its purpose and I dropped the stone the ground.

“Yeah, man, we’re cool.” The Latino backed several feet.

“Then have a nice day.” I kicked Omo in the ribs twice. His groans were not for show.

Bill bled from the head.

I booted him in the back.

I was from Boston and when someone was down, we liked them to stayed down.

“See you.”

I walked away from my attackers and looked over my shoulder several times until reaching South Drive. Cars sped along the park road. I was safe again.

“Hey, you.”

Jaz ran up to me.

“Can I go with you?” She was out of breath.

“I’m going nowhere special.”

“I know where that is,” she said like nowhere had more than one location.

“Where you from?” I didn’t expect her to tell the truth.

“Kansas, same as Dorothy.”

Few adults realized how THE WIZARD OF OZ was a runaway movie.

“If I gave you the bus fare, would you go back home?” She was trouble and I had no desire to find out how much trouble.

“Mister, these streets are safer than my home.” She bit her chapped lip. “If I come with you, I’ll do anything.”

“Jaz, I’m traveling alone.” I pulled $20 out of my pocket. She didn’t deserve the money, but today was the day after my birthday.

“Here, this might get you straight.”

“A little.” She snatched the bill like a banana-hungry monkey in a cage. “Another ten and we can go into the bushes.”

“Thanks, but I really have to be going.” I noticed that her smile was missing a tooth, but I could see the girl who she had been, but only just. “You take care of yourself.”

“I’m tougher than I look.”

“I’m sure you are.” I was on my summer vacation and the teenage runaway wasn’t the type of girl to rescue in a single day. "But you're too young."

"I'm older than most."

"But not older enough for me.

“Fuck you, mister.” No one liked rejection.

“Thanks to you too.”

Jaz vanished into the bushes and I crossed the Great Highway to stand on a sloping strand of sand. No one swam at this beach. The water was iceberg cold. I tossed the knife into a wave. The riptide sucked the weapon into the deep.

I walked back to the Great Highway.

Cars head north and south. I stuck out my thumb.. The road was straight and the shoulder was wide enough for a driver to pull over without being rear-ended by another vehicle.

A Tempest convertible stopped within two minutes. The Marine on holiday was on his way to Daly City.

I jumped in the car. The marine stepped on the gas. The wind swept through my hair. For a few second leaving San Francisco sadly felt like an escape, until I realized that while the hippie might have been dead, but the road lived on forever.