Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Thai Dating Rules and No Nos

Several years ago I read the weekend Bangkok Post's GURU, which featured an article from Yanisa of LOVE RULES about GIRLS YOU SHOULD NOT DATE.

For the most part she was right on the money about not dating your friend’s ex, your best friend’s sister, your ex-girlfriend’s sister or best friend, a work associate, your ex-girlfriend, a high-maintenance hi-so princess, a career-committed power exec, and lastly a go-go girl.

Right on the money if you were living anywhere but Pattaya, since go-go girls are the most career-committed power execs in the Last Babylon and they are always someone’s best friend’s ex, your ex-’s best friend or sister. At least none of them at hi-so princesses, although their haute society exclusion doesn’t mean they aren’t high maintenance.

“One of the reason for the slippage of foreign currency against the baht is the amount of money farangs spend on their girlfriends.” Jamie observed from the What’s Up A Go-Go sofa and then misquoted Oscar Wilde’s observation about fox-hunting. “Especially since most of these girls end up as girlfiends and who can blame their soaking these idiots. It’s the case of the unfuckable chasing the fuckable like a lesbian go-go dancer.”

When I mentioned the Bangkok Post article, he laughed, “Even worse is dating your best friend’s girlfriend or wife while they are still active, but if you do make sure it’s at a love hotel such as the Full Moon where discretion is their 1st Commandment. Of course dating a biker’s girlfriend is equally dangerous. Their sense of humor is worse than communists. No laughs or forgiveness. Same goes for Steroid juice monkey weight-lifters, who only believe in a one-way when it comes to THOU SHALT NOT ADULTERIZE.”

“But is it really adultery if you do it with an unmarried girlfriend?”

“Not to the Church, but muscle heads only go to the gym. No church.” Jamie waved for a tattooed go-go girl to sit on his lap. “I’m taking the advice of your friend, Pisan. No mia, no mia noi, only geeks.”

“What about Ort?” I had seen him with his old ex- the week before.

“There are exceptions to every rule, even the speed of light.”

“What can go faster than the speed of light?”

“Your girlfriend looking for small change through your pockets.” The go-go girl settled onto his lap like they had been a couple for a century.

“Yeah, that’s the hands quicker than the eye.” Magic.

“Another no-no is farang girls. Last time I was in New York I went with an ex-. In the morning she claimed I had fucked her like a go-go girl and hadn’t cleaned the dishes from the last night.” Jamie cuddled closer to the go-go girl as if to wipe this memory from his brain. “In fact there are no rules. Until you make a mistake and then you can only say, “I’ll never do that again.”

“Until the next time.”

“There’s always a next time in this town.” He ordered shots of tequila to toast that exception so aptly commemorated by Frank Sinatra’s MY WAY.

“Regrets I have a few, but then again too few to mention.”

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