Saturday, May 31, 2025

May 31, 1978 - East Village - Journal

Everybody was watching Clover at the party. Her youth. Her beauty. Her reputation. She had told Anthony that an older man pays her rent. The Texan oilman visits twice a month. He pays for sex. Andy Reese of the Serendipity 3 crowd said that she was a prostitute. The ballet dancer tricked out of Cowboys on 53rd Street. I had figured the North Carolinan for just being catty. Her fucking for money doesn't matter to me. I wish someone would pay me for having sex. I guess Alice does, since I pay no money for the rent

Later

Alice's play is soon. She'll be leaving to gtraduate from an Ohio college and then her father will drive her to West Virginia with no plans to come back to New York other than she can't stay in Appalachia and she does have desire to be here, not necessarily with me, but in the East Village.

At Dojos I spoke to Anthony about his upcoming exhibition of our photo roman with Klaus and Cookie in Bridgehampton. He said, "The prints were all mine it's my show. I'm calling it Clover and Nolan."

Sounds good to me. If you sell any photos, do I get a cut?"

"I'll split it with you, although I don't know why"

"Because I came up with a story and casted Clover and Klaus and everybody else in it."

"I got Cookie."

They were lovers and dope fiends, although Anthony was a day to day junkie. It suits his laconic demeanor.

"I'll give you that." I loved Cookie. The Baltimore native was real unlike most poeple on the punk scene, having starred in John Waters films with Divine.

"Okay we'll split it once I pay for the expenses The prints and everything else and we should give 10% each the Clover, Cookie, and Klaus

"Agreed.

This was Anthony's first show and he was planning a beach party. Punks at the Hamptons.

Later

I got paid for only 2 days this week had Ebasco. I'm barely working at the executive dining room. The executives are starting summer holidays early. The Boston School Committee is sending my last unemployment. $100 check should be in the mail.

Why can't I find a job? Thankfully entertainment and drink are basically free. Kyle, Kim's sister works at Yogurt Delight. Kim at CBGBs. Cyrena at Cornelia Street. To DeMastri at McBell's. Like Henry Miller I don't need money. Just friends. Right now I'm on 6th Avenue dodging the rain at Dazzle on Columbus Avenue, watching the young ballerinas with their tight buns and dance tights coming from a dance class. I don't stare at them or follow them. They have enough of that from every man in New York.

At the Cornelia Street Cafe Kyle doesn't invite me to a champagne party to meet Sean Hausman. "You people are always free loading."

The Red Sox in first___

Post Vietnam America has retreated from the world stage under Carter. China tried to invade Vietnam to save Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge. Eritrea and Ethiopia are battling over a desert. Russia and China have exported revolution to Africa, latin America, and Asia. Leftist revolutionaries battle the States of the Free World in Europe. The while word hates the USA and out threats of nuclear war to defeat the workers' paradise.

As for Cuba the USA should normalize relations with the island by offering Havana a major league baseball franchise; the Havana Bananas or Reds. Cincinnati Reds would have to surrender that name for purpose of international peace.

I love food, but have been starving myself. My body is thin. My muscles are taut. I want to eat, but I have no money. More I want sex. Masturbation is not sex. Just release.

Thursday, May 29, 2025

A Long Walk Into Year 66 - 2017

Last year Chef Dave from 169 cooked a Memorial Day BBQ on his roof deck in Bushwick.

I brought a bottle of Chardonnay.

I ate hamburgers, hot dogs, and drank wine, Jagermeister, and tequila.

Someone gave me a magic mushroom.

It had a red cap.

Another handed me a marijuana gummie.

I did them all and left the soiree at 1pm.

It was the first hour of my 66th birthday.

I saw in my 64th birthday at the Little Neck along the Gowanus.

Paige and Steve were with me.

Fried clams and 'gansetts.

They're in Uganda now.

I do miss them, but Africa was 7000 miles from Bushwick.

High.

I caught a bus up Gates Avenue and got off thinking I was close to Clinton Hill.

I discovered my error on the street.

I was nowhere near Clinton Hill.

I shouted for the bus to stop.

It disappeared into the darkness.

Bushwick burned during the 1977 Blackout.

Crack and a 9mm were royalty in the 1980s.

Then the shit stopped and life returned to Bushwick.

But not tonight.

No one was on the streets.

No cars.

No taxis.

I didn't have enough money in my account for an Uber and calculated that my crash pad was an hour's walk away.

I hadn't included getting off on the mushrooms in my thought process and slammed against a chainlink fence. A dog barked from a nearby yard. I wished the pit bull could have walked me home. I was in need of help.

The streetlights were bright.

Too bright.

Only the trees offered protection from their glare and I stumbled along the sidewalk.

Not knowing where was the where I was was.

I listened to Sly and the Family Stone.

Getting ever higher.

A ghost bike haunted a corner.

Someone had died here.

I prayed for their soul and the phantom remained asleep.

I was so jealous.

My feet went left.

My feet went right.

I had lost control again.

The darkness was all powerful this late at night.

Another chainlink fence saved me from collapsing like the World Trade Towers.

My fingers clung to it.

Concrete consciousness was poured into my spine. My legs regained movement and I resumed my trek.

I checked the bus schedule.

They ran once an hour.

I was fucked and only my feet could unfuck me from sleeping on the street.

Even as much as I wanted to crawl into the bushes.

West.

There was too much light.

I sang along to Blue Cheer and tried to dance.

I swirl into a twirling tornado.

My body faceplanted horizontally into a bush sprouting the leaves of summer.

I was getting off again.

Lights shifting colors. Music orbiting celestial.

"Where am I."

I wished I lived here.

I didn't and continued west without any familiar landmark in sight.

Bushes whispered my name.

"Sleep."

"No." I didn't dare look at the time on my cellphone.

It was playing CHELSEA by the Stiffs INC

I pogoed and almost tumbled into the vegetation for the hundredth time.

My arms stretched out like a highwire artist and I regained my balance.

The Great 66.

My birthday and Route 66.

I had hitchhiked the Mother Road in 1972.

At night it was darker than here.

On a nameless street I took off my glasses.

I didn't need them to see shadows reaching for my soul.

I leaned against a fence.

More leaves touched my face.

I thought they were the same from before.

I was wrong.

But right too.

A flower called my name.

A rose.

A fragrance.

I walked again.

West.

The ebony outline of a church tower.

The world bleeding into a blur.

Then again the rose.

More powerful than before and I sang the Jaynettes SALLY DANCES AROUND THE ROSES.

I knew where I was.

Not far from my bed.

Same as the flowers of a Bushwick night.

Resting in peace.

Like the living asleep for my 66th birthday.

I smiled recollecting my 40th in Bangkok.

With cousin Ty Spaulding.

I had made a fool of myself at a comedy club.

Ty said, "Everyone laughed at your escaping the hook."

I was a million laughs back in the last century.

I turned the key in the lock.

The door opened and I was back in 1992.

It was easy to travel time on mushrooms.

46 years from a hop skip and a jump from now.

And then I tripped on a shadow.

I hit the bed like a vampire reaching the grave just before the dawn.

TKO.

Only I was not home.

Just at the 169 and Chef Dave shook his head.

"Old people."

Just like vampires old people hear voices in their sleep and I heard Chef Dave.

I would show him how old I was tomorrow, because then I would be 66 and one day.

I was much younger than that yesterday.

A May Bee - Bleecker Street Balcony with a Vu

Bleecker Street afternoon
The 9th floor balcony
Balmy end of May
My birthday
I banished the noises
The traffic
The voices of pedestrians
On the street
The hum of ACs
But not the breeze
Not the Buzz of a scout bee
Seeking sweetness
We have met before
He bigger than the end of April
A brief landing on the railing
Nothing of interest
And he is off
Leaving only the wind
And moi
Un homme tres vieux.

BACK AND FORTH by Peter Nolan Smith CHAPTER 6 - LUCKY IN LOVE

The dawn sun peeked over the eastern mountains and a stark brightness flared through Sean's eyelids. He crawled from his sleeping bag and rose to his feet. A hissing wind pelleted his face with ancient brine and his body ached from the night's sleep on the hard desert surface.

The New Englander had woken in the Bonneville Salt Flats before. The only difference this time was that today was his twenty-second birthday.

Sean swigged water from his canteen and gathered up his sleeping bag, pounding off the dust. Reaching the Ford Torino he leaned over to the window.

AK and Pam lay inches from each other in the back of the station wagon, but they obviously hadn't touched each other throughout the night. Sean could have let them slept another hour, but his skin itched from the alkaline salts, The truck stop in Wendover had showers. It was only thirty minutes away to the west.

When he opened the driver's door, AK sat up with a jackknife in hand. Seeing Sean the pianist lowered the short blade and sighed, "Oh, it's you."

"Who were you expecting?"

"Some of Charlie Manson's followers roam the western deserts. Where and why no one knows."

"Whatever that mad crew is doing never makes the news."

"And that's a bad sign."

Pam eyes blinked in the glare.

"Enough with the ghost stories. Manson's in prison forever and a day." She surveyed the Salt Flats. "I've never been anyplace so desolate."

"The Salt Flats are uninhabitable for man or beast, but I-80 is just down there."

A half-mile away cars and trucks sped on the mirror mirage of the interstate.

"I've seen this place on TV. The Bonneville Salt Flats, right?"

"Yes."

"And this is the fastest place on Earth."

"Not here, but farther north rocket cars and super-charged motorcycles race a measured mile. The Speed Week is in early August when the salt flats are driest. Gary Gabelich's Blue Flame hit 630 in 1970."

"Didn't you sleep here with Marilyn last year?" AK crawled into the front seat and handed his friend the keys.

"Who's Marilyn?" asked Pam, whose sleep-tousled blonde hair reminded Sean of young Brigitte Bardot in AND GOD CREATED WOMEN.

"She's how we know each other. Last summer Sean was hitchhiking from Berkeley with a friend. The two of them were stuck on Telegraph Avenue for hours with some thirty hippies leaving town. A few had been stuck there for over a day."

"I had to be at school and Nick needed to pick up his BMW in Tulsa, where he had crashed his car at the State Fair. Oklahoma was out of my way and a Ford Maverick pulled over driven by a woman with her daughter. She was on her way to Boulder and had room for one person. I asked Nick if he minded me leaving him."

"And he was alright with that?" Pam sipped water from the canteen.

"Boulder was almost halfway to Boston and I was down to my last twenty dollars. He told me to go and I left with Marilyn."

"That's a friend." Pam regarded Sean with questioning eyes. "And?"

"She was leaving her husband, who had become a transvestite dancer in the Cockettes. They're a psychedelic drag queen dance troupe out of San Francisco."

"And then what happened?"

AK was dying to tell Pam about Sean's making love to Marilyn on the salt flats, while her daughter slept in the crowded car. Pam's roommate had been Sean's girlfriend in 1973 and Sean interrupted to edit the love scene from this tale, "The next day she drove me to Cheyenne, saying that she might come see me in Boston."

"And now comes the weird part," added AK. "Sean and I lived next to each other in Boston. I didn't know him, but one day a Maverick pulls up in front of his house and this woman gets out of her car with her daughter. My girlfriend and I were surprised, since we had gone to college with Marilyn. Only she's coming to see him, instead of us."

"But once she sees you two, she decides to stay at your place."

Marilyn and Sean never made love again.

"We had a bigger place."

"After that you and I became friends."

"Unlucky in love." AK handed the canteen to Pam. "Lucky with friends."

"Marilyn and I weren't lovers."

"Was this before or after Jackie broke up with you?" The blonde wanted the facts straight.

"Jackie ended us earlier. "Sean shrugged the acceptance of his fate and asked, "You know what today is?"

"It's your birthday."

"You remembered?"

"Last year I helped celebrate your 21st in Buffalo. You hitchhiked there."

"Maybe five times over the summer." Pam's roommate was that cute.

"Jackie, you, and me drank tequila sunrises on the American side of Niagara Falls. Later that day we played softball against her ex-boyfriend's team in Delaware Park. You smacked two balls over the railroad tracks. Her boyfriend had been playing centerfield."

"That night Jackie said that she felt sorry for Jerry. It didn't take me long to find out how sorry." Not making love for my birthday had been a bad omen.

"Maybe today you'll have better luck."

"Yes, here in the middle of nowhere. You know I share the same birthday as JFK and Bob Hope. It?s also the day that the Turks stormed Constantinople.? History had been his college minor.

"Happy Birthday to you." Pam sang the entire song. She had a pretty voice and AK backed her lead with a solid baritone.

"And you know what I'm doing for my birthday."

"I can?t wait to hear." Pam shivered in fake anticipation.

"I'm driving this car as fast as it can go."

"I'm not sure the owner meant for you to put his car to the test."

AK was the more cautious than Pam and Sean about speed.

"Jake would love it. He boasted about the Torino's Cam-Jet injection and 428 FE V8 back in Boston. After all this is the Bonneville Speed Flats."

"What the fastest you've driven?" Pam had exhibited a heavy foot on the gas throughout this trip. Her destination was a boyfriend, ours was the beach, although the ocean was more faithful than a man.

"About 110 in my father's Olds 88 on a straightaway." His town's road crew prided themselves in the condition of Route 28 from the parish church to the Blue Hills.

"This car should beat that." AK drove a Pontiac Firebird. "Knock yourself out, but if anything goes wrong, you pay for the damages."

"What could go wrong?" Sean started the special edition V8 engine. "If you want to play it safe, you don?t have to come along for the ride."

"He doesn't, but I do." Pam jumped into the front seat and strapped on the seat belt.

AK's reservations were overruled two to one and he folded up the rear seats, then clinched the seatbelt tight.

"Roll up the windows."

Speed was all about better aerodynamics.

Sean revved the Cobra-Jet engine and stepped on the gas. The tires responded to the acceleration on the salt surface without a shimmy from the steering wheel.

The speedometer in the second dashboard pot climbed to 60 within seven seconds. The needle hit 80 and his grip tightened on the wheel. At 110 the Torino was traveling almost two miles per minute and Sean gritted his teeth, as the speedometer passed 120. The saltpans shivered in the morning light and Sean pinned the needle at 125. The car had more goose in its go, but there was no way of telling how fast was its fastest and Sean lifted his foot off the gas.

"How fast?" AK was a convert to the religion of speed.

"I figure it topped out at 130." The Torino decelerated to a long stop and he lightly tapped on the brake.

"Now it's my turn." Pam was eager for her attempt and the three of them traded places.

125 seemed faster from the back seat and she might have hit a top speed of 135. AK didn't come close to her best, but drove the Torino with a broad smile on his face.

"I didn't think it would be that much fun."

"Some cars are built for speed," Pam said with admiration for the V8?s power. "Like your speed freak driving so fast in that Super Bee."

"His speedometer only went to 125. Same as this car."

"Shame we couldn't go 300,' said AK and he got a laugh out of Pam.

"What's so funny?"

"Just that you've driven the speed limit the entire trip and beat your record. Ten hours from Boston to San Francisco."

"None of us will ever drive 300, but I've always wanted a GTO. My friend Moon had one and bet people $20 that they couldn't grab the bill off the dashboard before he had shifted into fourth. He never lost."

"They're $4500 new." AK burst his balloon. "And a second-hand one costs $2000."

"Maybe I'll get lucky one day." He had to pay his college loans at the end of the summer.

"You'll be lucky as soon as we stop for breakfast. Bacon and eggs are on me." AK turned on the radio.

A local country station played Ray Stevens' THE STREAK.

The radio received no other signal.

They were on the wrong side of nowhere.

"What's up ahead?"

"Wendover is a town with an Air Force base at the foot of those mountains. It will have someplace to eat and wash up."

Then let's go.' Pam loved to be clean and AK drove off the salt flats onto the Interstate.

The shriek of two jet fighters greeted their arrival to Nevada. US troop levels in Viet-Nam were down from a half-million in 1969 to the present token presence of a few hundred, however the Air Force still provide support to the South Vietnamese Army and Sean imagined the two F-14s striking fear into their prey. They killed anything that moved on the ground.

"What are you thinking?" asked AK.

"About the War."

"It's almost over."

"For America and soon South Vietnam."

The jets were out of sight and Sean said, "Stop here."

AK pulled into the truck stop for gas.

Pam grabbed her towel and strolled over to a detached building next to the gas station. AK parked the car. Once Sean filled up the tank, they headed to the showers.

Two steps inside the entrance was a bank of slot machines. Neither of them expected a miniature casino inside the truck stop and AK asked, "You ever gamble before?"

"My great-grandfather gambled heavily and skipped out on his debts. No one saw him again. My great-grandmother and her two daughters were forced to live with her uncle in Augusta, Maine. No one in my family explained the causes of his misfortune, but my father had once said "Roulette."

"They don't call these machines one-handed bandits for nothing."

AK frowned with disapproval. He was half-Protestant. "Just remember that money in your wallet has to last the summer."

"Okay, four quarters and I'm quits."

Sean slipped a coin into the slot and pulled the arm. The cylinders spun to hit a row of cherries. Quarters cascaded into the payout slot.

The jackpot was a half-tank of premium gas.

"Beginner's luck." He stuck the coins in his pocket and walked into the showers, while AK paid for gas. The shower room had no walls and Sean stripped off his jeans and tee shirt.

"Hey, hippie boy, where are you bound?" A rangy man with long sideburns soaped an enormous erection two showers to the left.

"San Francisco." Sean lowered his eyes to the tiled floor. The only word men are supposed to say to each other in a bathroom was 'huh'.

"I'm going your way." Tattoos sprawled across his rawhide skin. "I could use the company."

"I have a car and a girlfriend." The first was the truth and the second was a pure lie. He swiftly soaped his body.

"Maybe she'd like to watch. Some girls do."

"Not mine."

"Too bad, I figured maybe you and I could have fun in Frisco. It's a wide open city. If you get there, try the Castro. Maybe we'll have some fun." He dawdled rinsing off the suds.

"Yeah." Sean grabbed his clothes and dressed without toweling dry. Exiting from the shower room he warned AK of the bushwhacker.

"He's looking for a friend."

"I survived the last shower room without a problem."

"Don't tell me that I didn't warn you."

Sean entered the diner and sat at the counter. He didn't need a menu and the waitress wrote down his order for eggs over easy, bacon, and toast.

Thirty seconds later AK joined Sean in the dining room.

His face was a bright red.

"He certainly wasn't interested in holding hands."

"No, that's for sure."

Pam appeared in a clean dress and wet hair. Tomorrow they were delivering the Torino in Lodi and she would join her fiancee in Mendocino.

Time was running short for AK.

Breakfast for the three of them came to less than $4, since the truck stop served cheap food to entice travelers to the one-arm bandits. Sean reached into his pocket for change and then got up to walk to the slots.

"Very few people know when to walk away a winner." AK backed away from the machines, as if they were smeared with contagion.

"It's my birthday." He put a quarter into the slot and pulled the arm. Within fifteen minutes Sean accumulated another $5 of quarters. The coins had a nice heavy feel in his pocket.

"Lucky at last, but I'll take your advice for now." Sean pocketed the coins and AK led the way to the door, where they passed the trucker. He was entertaining the buxom cashier, who laughed, as if he had told her a dirty joke. The trucker winked at AK and Sean hurried to the station wagon.

"You guys make a friend? Pam asked at the car.

"Not at all. Let's get out of here."

Nevada resembled the moon. The tortured underbrush was scarred from the waterless weather. Treeless mountains skirted the horizon, as I-80 followed the trail of the Forty-Niners. The first town up the road was Oasis and the four lanes of asphalt shrunk to a two-laner divided by a yellow line, as they rejoined US 6.

Without the road this community had shriveled to its original double-digit population of the late 1800s. They drove past the gas stations, restaurants, and stores without braking for a light. Oasis had none.

Outside town the interstate resumed its trek toward Nevada. Jack Kerouac had traversed this wasteland on a bus following old US 6. He had written very little about this segment of his trip in ON THE ROAD.

Dirt roads vectored off the interstate into the distance.

"Two years ago I passed through here." Sean asked AK, "What do you think is out there?"

"Ranches, mines, and dirt." AK studied the map. "And heat."

The temperature climbed into the 90s and he maxxed the AC to H. AK renewed his efforts to find a radio station, harvesting more static. He lifted his hand over his shoulder.

Pam handed over Joni Mitchell's BLUE.

The opening chords of the title song rolled like a mist off the Pacific into Monterey Bay. After hearing it for the tenth time in five days the three sang backing vocals for Joni. They almost were in tune and the interstate stretched west into the desert.

Approaching Wells Sean slowed to 40 mph on US 6.

Local cops notoriously set speed traps for out-of-state travelers. Sean checked the gas gauge. It read half-empty and he pulled into a gas station to top off the tank in order to reach the California State Line in one go.

AK bought three cold Cokes, as Pam talked with the pump attendant.

The tall teenager was a younger twin to the young cowboy back in Sterling, Colorado with whom she had spent the better part of an hour in a pick-up. Neither AK nor Sean had criticized her detour from being the faithful girlfriend. Pam was on summer vacation until Mendocino

A neon sign blinked CASINO from long one-story log cabin. Two men in jeans exited from Well's casino. They squinted in the sunlight and shook hands, as if they had spent the night successfully challenging the odds.

"I'll be back in a second." Sean got out of the Torino.

"Where you going?" AK knew the answer.

"A year ago I passed through Las Vegas on the way to LA without playing craps or shooting dice."

"A wise move, but don't do anything stupid."

"I won't." Sean had $50 in his wallet. The rest of his money was in his bag. He strode across the sun-bleached pavement of Rte. 6 and pushed on the glass door.

The interior decor paid homage to the town's pioneer past and the casino's ACs provided a cool refuge from the desert heat.

Sean passed a gauntlet of slot machines to where a dozen green-felt tables arced in two semi-circles on the red carpet. Three men sat at the table farthest from the slots. Tall piles of chips were stacked before them. A motherly dealer in a cowboy hat shuffled a deck of cards with the speed of a Japanese cook slicing meat at Benihanas, then flicked the two cards to each man and herself.

"Feel like joining us in some blackjack." Her voice sounded like she might have been the Lone Ranger?s aunt.

"It's a friendly game." A man in the suit pulled out a chair. "Us against the casino and we're murdering her."

"I've never played before." Sean?s mother had only permitted Solitaire, Spades, and Rummy in her house.

"The rules and tactics are simple." The oldest man at the table resembled his Uncle Jack, who had paid for college with his poker winnings from the Korean War. "Figure the down card of the dealer is a ten or face card. If she's showing a six, then she's probably holding a sixteen. The house has to take a card on sixteen. If she breaks 21, then you win."

"Today's my birthday."

"Then your beginner's luck is doubled by birthday luck. You can't lose."

Sean bought $20 of chips and placed a $2 chip on the table. She dealt him two tens. When dealer came him, Sean held up his hand like Steve McQueen in THE CINCINNATI KID.

"The hippie sticks."

The dealer stayed with a nine and Jack. Sean's 20 beat her 19. A chip came his way and the trio at the table congratulated his luck. They had also won their hands.

The next deals ran in his favor. Sean had a head for numbers as would anyone who had majored in math during his first years in college. Within thirty minutes he was up $100.

Pam and AK watched behind him.

She waggled the keys in her hand. Neither had any interest in a dusty gambling town in the Great Basin.

"We'll be at the car."

"Sorry, it's time to go." Sean cashed in his chips and bid farewell to the three men and dealer.

"Not many people quit when they're ahead," the old man spoke, as if he only left the table when his last dollar was gone.

"Beginner's luck can't last forever." He stashed the dollars into his wallet.

"You're not a beginner anymore." The dealer was angry at his departure. The house hated winners.

"Just a birthday boy and a winner."

Outside the car Sean said, "Funny, but I was feeling like I would never lose."

"All gamblers think that way, until they're busted. Probably your great-grandfather too." AK leaned against the Torino. "The odds are always stacked in the casino's favor."

"And good luck has a funny way of going bad." Pam started the car. "Like that night you came over to drink tequila with Jackie. You left our room and drove over some bushes, then got arrested by the police."

"Okay, okay, I wasn't lucky then. Give me a couple of minutes. I want to call my mother and let her know I'm okay. I won't be long."

Three minutes to Boston cost $1.20. His mother picked up on the first ring. She sang 'Happy Birthday' twice and asked if he was having fun.

"We're in Nevada, almost in California." He refrained from mentioning his winning streak. As a Catholic his mother regarded luck as a gift from God not to be wasted on sin, although Sean recalled a nun telling the class that St. Christopher was also the patron saint of luck and very popular on parish Bingo nights.

"I'll call you from San Francisco. Love you and tell Dad I'm fine. He still angry?"

"No, but he thinks your trip is a senseless fling."

"And you?"

"You're only young once. Enjoy yourself. We miss you."

"And I miss you too."

Sean hung up and rang Jackie's house in Buffalo. Her mother answered the phone, "Hello."

Sean dropped the receiver and returned to sit in the Torino's passenger seat.

"Everything okay?" AK had met his parents. They thought that he was a good friend, but also a bad influence on his future. Long hair was falling out of favor in the mid-70s.

"We can have birthday cake later." AK's parents probably felt the same way about him.

"I like chocolate." AK pulled out of the gas station and the attendant waved to Pam from the pump.

"Me too."

The next town on the map was Elko, which was slightly bigger than Wells judging from the larger print of its name. Halfway through town, Sean said, "Stop here. I want to play a few hands of blackjack."

"You're really tempting fate," AK groaned, but neither of them refused his request to test Lady Luck and thirty minutes later Sean pushed away from the table $220 richer. The weekly salary at a Boston bank was $20 less than that and the blackjack dealers didn't cared about his grades or long hair.

Sean repeated his wins in Winnemucca and Lovelock.

He counted the thickening wad of cash several times in the back seat and told Pam to put on Joni Mitchell, "She's my lucky charm."

"How much do you have now?" AK had avoided from the tables and flirted with the slots. He was down $10.

"Counting the money I left Boston with, almost $1800."

"That's enough for a second-hand GTO."

"One more stop and I'll buy a new one."

Last year Sean had accompanied Marilyn and her daughter east with less than twenty dollars in his pocket,

"That'd be an extravagant birthday present." AK was happy for Sean.

"And who deserves it more than me?"

Shutting his eyes Sean heard the sound of the GTO. They were driving to the Pacific. He was looking forward to being a beach bum with money.

A road sign was marked RENO 150 MILES.

Two hours later the night softened to a velvet blue, as they pulled into the Biggest Little City in the World.

"One more stop."

"We could have been in California without all these stops."

Pam groaned at the wheel.

"I'm on a roll. Thirty minutes is all I need."

AK said, "I don?t think this is a good idea."

"Don't jink me." Sean handed AK his travelers' checks and $1000. They were probably right. No one came out on top, but he had the bug. "No matter what I say, don't give me any money."

"I'll hold it." Pam slipped the cash into her pocketbook. "I don't trust either of you, but Joni Mitchell wishes you luck. One more thing. If you're playing, then play to win."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Sean's fingers twitched to hold cards. This was a whole new him.

Neon rainbows blazed above Reno?s main street. Sean picked the Horseshoe Club as his next victim. He liked its 50s facade. Pam gave the Torino to a casino valet. Sean tipped him a dollar.

"Whatever you do, don't let this man sell the car," she warned the skinny valet.

"I'll try my best." He must have failed more than once.

"A half-hour. Then it's time for the best chocolate cake in the West."

It was his birthday. Reno was at his mercy. Sean marched into the Horseshoe Casino.

Pam and AK detoured to an empty lounge, where Sean?s friend sat at a piano to play Joni Mitchell and Pam smiled at him for the first time on the trip, as Sean approached the blackjack tables like Genghis Khan on a raid.

After fifteen minutes he was up to $900. The balding dealer in the red vest congratulated his play. Sean placed a $100 worth of chips on the table. His two cards were an ace and a ten. The dealer paid out $150. A leggy redheaded waitress in a skimpy mini-dress asked, "Do you want a drink, sir."

"Jack and Coke.

"I'll be right back." She gave him a wink.

He tipped her $5.

"It's my birthday."

"Maybe we can celebrate once I finish work at 11." Her smile gleamed in the eternal neon of the casino.

"That would be great."

"My name's Kim."

"Do you mind, if I call you '21'?"

She gladly accepted his $20.

"And you can be Blackjack."

"Call me what you want."

Sean downed the first drink and pulled off a string of wins. Kim served one drink after the other and kissed him once on the ear.

"Be a winner for me, Blackjack."

"I'll do my best, 21."

Sean lost a few hands and struggled to recoup these setbacks with larger wagers. That strategy failed to curb the luck of the house and AK pulled him away from the table.

"I've only been here a couple of minutes."

"More like two hours."

"Time flies when you"re winning."

"Even more so when you're losing."

"I promise I'll leave soon. I still have to have some birthday cake."

Those were the last words that Sean remembered that evening.

The next morning acid sunlight seared his eye sockets and Sean's head pounded like a drum crashing down a cliff. He sat up to discover that he lay next to a rushing river. Pine trees pierced the clear sky rising above the jagged Sierras and AK was washing his face in the shallows.

"Where's 21?"

"Who's 21?"

"The cocktail waitress from the casino. She called me Blackjack."

"She left at 10. Just after you lost all your money."

"Lost?"

"Yes, 21 suckered you. Got you drunk. She was only after the casino's money."

His hands searched his pockets. There was not one dollar in any of them and his wallet was empty.

"Damn."

"You could say that." AK walked to the Torino.

The car was parked close to the river. Pam?s face told a sad story. Sean didn't need to hear the details just yet and stumbled to the rushing torrent. He washed his face in the icy water and then checked his pockets again with the same result.

Nothing.

Walking to the picnic bench his body ached with each step.

For an instant it felt like someone had rolled him and wondered how many Jack and Cokes he might have downed last night.

Reaching his boots he stuck his hand to the toes.

More nothing.

AK and Pam ate sandwiches and Sean asked, "Did I lose all my money?"

"Like I said before. You were a sucker." AK confirmed the worst.

"What about the money I gave Pam?"

"Poof."

"But I told you not to give it to me."

"I never heard anyone beg like that. Not even a junkie in the emergency room." Pam bit into her sandwich.

"So I'm broke?"

"Busted."

"Shit." Sean was 2700 miles from Boston. "At least I didn't sell the car."

"Yes, but you gave it more than one shot."

"Last night I had it all. This morning I have nothing."

"Your birthday cake is in the car." Pam nodded over her shoulder. "It's chocolate with white frosting."

"My favorite." Sean wheeled slowly in a circle.

"What is it?"

"I've been here before."

"You lost all your money before?" Pam didn't hold a high opinion of Sean this morning.

"No, this is the Truckee River. Two years ago my friend and I were hitchhiking to San Francisco. A Riviera stopped for us. Two convicts just out of prison were inside. They were drunk on whiskey and asked me to drive. Steve said it was a bad idea."

"And was it?" Pam really wasn't interested in this story, but she must have figured it was better than listening to his moaning about blowing his vacation cash.

"The drive over the Sierras was a dream, then as we neared San Francisco the least drunk convict insisted on driving and we refused to continue with them. They filled up at the gas station, then stopped and reversed like they had changed their mind, and smashed into the pump, which exploded on contact. They were too drunk to escape from the car. Steve and I pulled them out, while the station attendant extinguished the fire."

"They were lucky you were there." Pam finished her sandwich.

"Luckier than me last night. Where's that cake?"

"In the backseat."

After eating a few slices Sean pulled on his boots.

The sun was hot this high up in the Sierras.

"You ready?" asked AK.

"Yeah, there's nothing keeping me here," Sean said getting to the back of the Torino. "Thanks for the cake."

Crossing over the Sierras into California his two travel companions mercifully refrained from rehashing last evening's debacle, but Sean silently cursing himself for yet another disaster.

Upon reaching Sacramento at noon, AK dropped Pam at the bus station. They escorted the nursing student to the Greyhound counter and she bought a ticket for the next departure to San Francisco. Her boyfriend was waiting at the other end. Both of them were sad to see her go and AK said, ?You could always meet us in San Diego. Here's my friend's number.

"I don't think Harry is into hanging out with beach bums."

"Beach bums?" AK thought of himself as a musician.

"I don't mean anything bad by that, but you are spending your summer hanging out at a beach." Pam had them dead to rights and she picked up her bags. "It was fun and don't worry, I won't tell Jackie anything about Reno."

Pam kissed Sean's cheek.

Her words were a comforting promise not that it made much of a difference, since Jackie was in love with someone else.

"It was real." Pam kissed AK on the lips for a good thirty seconds and ran to her gate. She didn't wave good-bye.

"That was a surprise."

"I only wish it was the beginning of the trip."

"It is in some ways."

The three of them were down to two.

Outside AK sat behind the wheel of the Torino for the last time. He turned the key in the ignition and reached under the front seat.

"Here." He handed Sean a paper bag.

Sean opened it to find his traveler's checks and $900. His next words came from Captain America in EASY RIDER.

"So I didn't blow it?"

"You did your damnest."

"And you let me suffer all this time."

"Because I thought you might go back to the casino." He shifted the column stick into Drive.

"It was the right thing to do." Sean was almost in tears.

"I hope you learned your lesson."

"Two to be exact. First I'm no gambler and secondly drinking and gambling don't mix."

"Hopefully you don?t have to learn it twice."

"I hope so too."

The Torino pulled out of the bus station.

It was May 30, 1974 and Lodi wasn't very far from Sacramento.

That town was the end of the first part of the trip, after which AK and he were heading south.

Sean smiled, because he was lucky in something and Sean was smart enough to not ask what that was after one night in Reno, because luck came in spurts.

Both the good and the bad.

Wednesday, May 28, 2025

Journal Entry - May 29, 1983 - Paris

A journal entry from 1983

My 31st birthday party at Jurgen's house on Rue de la Tour with Bridget, Tony, Tracy, Alfredo, Karine, Diana, Olivier, T, Rufus,David, Philip Brook, everyone absolutely smacked out on Persian brown. Julie Cole was the only straight person. The less about this evening the better.

Tony later said, "Anyone who can survive a birthday like yours deserves to be at the next one."

The next entry is about hanging with Willie DeVille and Countess Gudmilla von Bismarck morning Jurgen, Willie, and I retreated to Willie's room on the Grand Boulevard. Willie shot up in the bathroom not wanting to show the damage to his arms. I had seen them the previous night. Bad. Real bad.

Jurgen nodded out and we spoke about East Village junkies, his feud with the Rolling Stones, the betting odds on Johnny Thunders OD, vomiting on stage, my battles in the night, and his many attempts to stop heroin. We crashed without a care for nothing but more.

Thankfully Jurgen had more.

Jurgen, a German telex criminal, was a good friend with Kalle Swensen. The Black King ruling the biggest brothel in Hamburg. The Eros Center.

I worked for them at BSir's.

Good money until in December SS Tommy presented a bill of 20K Deustchmarks for sleeping with a blonde lingerie American model.

Stephanie.

"I didn't know she was working. She had been Jurgen's girlfriend.

"Everyone in Hamburg is working for someone."

SS Tommy was a murderer and I gave the keys to my orange VW which two weeks before I had driven into the forest with Philippe Kroechey, a Paris DJ screaming we were being chased by zombies.

The car was still in the forest. Prisoner of a tree trunk. I handed over the keys to the VW, promising to settle the rest of the debt in the morning. I went to my apartment in Mittelweg, and called Stephanie.

No answer.

I packed a single bag with books, clothes, a world band radio and taxied to the Hamburg Bahnhof to flee on the midnight train to Paris like an anarchist escaping from the Nazis.

I didn't breathe easy until we crossed the Belgian border at dawn.

A month later I met with Stephanie for a weekend at the Hotel Lutece in Paris. Neither of us mentioned Hamburg.

It was better that way.

Clean sheets, soft skin, a woman's breath on my skin and dreaming this could last forever.

Nothing like rewriting.

Chai-yo

May 29, 1995 - LA - the Milk Bar

1995

Los Angeles

Beverly Hills to be exact.

May 29.

My birthday. No cake. No candles.

My life was not BEVERLY HILLS 90210, but the stars from the popular TV show came every night along with many others. The Milk Bar was something no one had seen in Los Angleles for a long time.

Yesterday Grace Jones performed in LA. Post-concert she stopped by the club in Beverly Hills. Dean Martin had once frequented the prior establishment. I worked as the doorman. Our mutual friend, Scottie, was co-owner.

She greeted each of us with a kiss. We knew her from New York. 1980. The Jefferson and Continental, two notorious after-hours clubs famed for flaunting wickedness till dawn. A fellow denizen of the night. We shared mutual friends. Arthur Weinstein, the Prince of the Night. Scottie told her it was my birthday. He didn't say which one. She didn't ask and gave me a hug, saying, "You put on a little weight. California suits you."

We had drinks at the bar. More than three. JZ, another New Yorker, a friend despite his coming from Wall Street. He came with two wealth management clients. He was in trouble, but only for banking irregularities. I introduced him to Grace. His clients were enthralled by the charcoal black disco queen. She was famous for the wilderness. At night's end JZ suggested that we accompany them to the Beverly Hills Hotel to party. I had nothing else to do and joined the bankers, two blonde starlets, and Grace for a short ride to the famed hotel.

We were seven in a limo. A gassed banker had a bag of blow for twenty. Inside the hotel suite Grace grabbed the stash and we locked ourselves in the bathroom rather than listened to three zooted investors brag about their millions to the coke-glazed starlets in a bad remake of Tony Montana from the last scene of SCARFACE.

Grace and I spoke about our friends from New York in the toilet.

Sex, drugs, and rock and roll

In Hollywood was only the drugs.

The two bankers banged on the door. JZ knew better. I opened it and told them to fuck off.

"Unless you want to deal with Grace."

They had all seen Grace in CONAN THE DESTROYER. She had been scary and not movie scary. The two bankers backed off. I slammed the door and then jammed my heel to prevent any entrance.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you."

Grace and I spent a few more minutes in the bathroom, then rejoined the party. Everyone was happy to be reunited with the cocaine. Not so much us, although the starlets conspiratorial winked at Grace. We were all on the same team. At dawn we shared a taxi home. Her to the Marmont Hotel.

A Happy Birthday wish and a kiss on the cheek.

Next me to a small bungalow I shared with Scottie over the Hills in North Hollywood. The driver had driven me there before. The sun rose a harsh desert morning. Both of us had sunglasses. Back in North Hollywood in bed I shivered to sleep until noon.

That was May 30, 1995.

Grace seemed to be my age.

44. It was my birthday. May 29.

Maybe my math is bad. About Grace's age.

Everyone lies about their age and weight after thirty.

Stars save the queen of Disco.

Fierce indeed.

Tuesday, May 27, 2025

THE STAFF OF SCHMOSES

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me. - Moses

MANGOZEEN BOOKS 2023

In July of 1996 my cousin flew from LA to dance at ShowWorld in Times Square. The boyish brunette’s loyal following packed the legendary porno parlor to worship Sherri’s stage acrobatics. Pleasing her audience required more than stripping off her clothes.

The XXX actress augmented her salary by selling used underwear and autographing posters. Gloves cost $10. The filmy lingerie were $20 for the tops and $30 from the bottoms. Full nudity was never less than $50. By week’s end my cousin had cleared almost $8000, but the small fortune came at a cost.

“I wish I could dance in bare feet,” Sherri complained in the shabby dressing room shared with the girls working the $1 peep shows. “These stilettos feel like two spikes are driven through my feet.”

“They make your legs look great.” I had attended two shows and each time had been amazed by Sherri’s grace on four-inch heels.

“So I’m stuck with the heels.”

“Just for one more night.”

“Are you coming for the finale?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Or ShowWorld.” Sherri kissed with wet lips. Her skin smelled of exhaustion. In her late thirties the actress had never looked prettier. Her hand reached into her bra and came up with a damp twenty. “Go get yourself something to drink in a bar. I expect you back here on time.”

Sherri was a well-know dominatrix and ads played on the late-night sex shows promoting S & M. I bowed my head in submission even though sexually I was top to her bottom.

“Yes, mistress.”

I killed two hours at the old fight bar Bobby’s Corner drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and arrived at ShowWorld at 11:30. Her faithful fans had packed The Triple Threat Theater to the rafters and Sherri performed a new dance routine. Fans stuffed $5 bills in her lingerie for a grope. After the finale the audience stood as a mob clapped and shouting her name. Sherri was a star returned for a black leather encore to Iggy’s I WANNA BE YOUR DOG. I escorted her through the melee of men’s hands into the dressing room.

“Fucking hell, my body feels like a sponge with a million fingerprints on the flesh.” Sherri swiftly packed away her costumes and changed into tee-shirt and jeans, then hurried through a crush of fans hoping to get lucky with their favorite actress. Outside ShowWorld she blew kisses and we jumped into a taxi. Normally Sherri partied at after a show.

“You don’t mind, if we call it a night.” She yanked off her heels and pulled on sneakers, sighing with relief, and gave She gave the driver my address on East 10th Street. “I have a few days off before my shows in Philly. We’ve been invited to Fire Island. You want to go??” “Of course.” The diamond exchange was closed for the July 4th Holiday and I hadn’t been to the barrier island for since AIDS. The weatherman had predicted temperatures in the high 90s for the next three days.

“Where we staying?”

“We’re guests of Rachelle Fly.” Sherri rolled down the cab window. People on the sidewalks walked like melting ice statues, but even after the decades in LA Sherri still loved the smell of New York in the summer. She inhaled deeply and said, “That brings me back to my youth. New York has a smell you can’t smell, unless you haven’t been here for a long time. You know Rachelle.”

“I’ve seen her show.” The overweight stripper was Cable TV’s famed XXX spokesperson. Sherri’s ads offered telephone sex to sadistic fantasies. “Your promos are on all the time.”

“That’s not what she says.” Sherri turned with an angry glare.

“At least a couple of times a night.”

“Rachelle said that she doesn’t owe me any residuals. Her husband does the books and ten years ago Shelley went to prison for fraud.”

“So this is a business trip?”

“Always good to have a little muscle on those, but this will be pleasure too.” Sherri loved the sea and sun. “Her husband’s a schmuck, but also connected to the Mafia. Porno and sleaze are good earners for the Mob. I’ll deal with them in my own way. You’re just insurance. Against Shelley, not anyone else.”

“Good. My fighting days are over.” I had retired from working nightclubs the previous year.

“So we have an early night and get going in the morning.”

“Sounds like a plan and tomorrow’s going to be a hot one.”

“Tonight is hot enough.”

Back at my third-floor apartment Sherri undressed and ran a bath. I kissed her goodnight and went to the door.

“Are you going to sleep with me?” She turned the big fan onto top power.

“No, it’s too hot, but I will take a bath with you.”

After a brief intimacy with Sherri I got out of the tub and went to the living room and lay on the sofa.

“Are you sure you won’t sleep with me.”

“I’ll sleep on the couch. See you in the morning.”

There was another reason and she knew it.

Rachel.

I lay on the sofa with a small fan blowing hot air over my body. Sherri went in the bedroom and snored like a drunken seal and I stuck wads of wet paper in my ears. They blocked out most of the noise, although at 3am I heard a neighbor shout to get the truck out of gear.

“Fuck off,” I yelled over Sherri’s snorting and went back to sleep. I woke with the dawn and showered off the night’s sweat. My cousin came out of the bedroom and stood by the tub with a towel wrapped around her still lithe body. “Move over. I feel like an overcooked pizza.”

“Just a second.” I ducked under the lukewarm water and dreamed of swimming in the Atlantic.

“You ever think about getting AC?” Sherri dropped the towel. Her skin sheened with perspiration.

“You’re from LA. You can’t live there without AC, but it never gets as hot here as the Valley.” Heat waves in New York lasted a few days, instead of months in North Hollywood. I backed against the rear of the tub.

“A tight fit. Have you been gaining weight?” Sherri settled into the tub with her back to me.

“Mostly beer. It will melt off by the end of the summer.”

“A constant battle. You want to soap my back.”

“With pleasure.” I reached for the spray nozzle and Sherri murmured, “I love Splish-Splash.”

She came quickly gripping the nozzle. We cut short our bath and caught a taxi on 1st Avenue to Penn Station and boarded an barely ACed train to Long Island. For once Sherri traveled light with a small bag over her shoulder.

“Fire Island promotes nude bathing.”

Two men eyed Sherri. They had probably seen the Rachelle Fly S&M promos. There wasn’t much else to watch past midnight.

After deboarding the ancient train at Sayville a shuttle bus transferred us to the ferry. The cruise across the tranquil bay lasted a half-hour. A thin line of green skimmed the horizon. It was our destination.

“Fire Island doesn’t belong to New York or America.” Sherri stood at the prow.

“This boat trip casts a magic spell.”

“Leaving the rest of the world behind.”

“I hope that’s still true.”

We stepped off the ferry at The Pines. Vacationers on Harbor Walk greeted their guests. Water taxies transported passengers to Cherry Grove. There was no sign of Rachelle on the dock.

“I know the way to her house.” We strolled through the cluster of cottages to Ocean Walk. A deer raised its head from the shrubbery and bolted into a thicket on beach pines.

“Fire Island looks the same, but 20,000 years ago a mile-high glacier towered over the ocean. Long Island and the Cape were formed by the melt off of broken mountains.”

“That must have been cold, but it isn’t cold today.”

“I can’t ever remember Fire Island as cold, then again I never came out here in the winter.

Back in the 70s The Pines had been the summer resort for a decadent gay lifestyle; anonymous sex at the Meat Rack, short-time stands in the hotels, and orgies at the beach houses. Our nightclub had reciprocity with a hotel and disco. Free drinks and beds smelling of poppers.

“The Pines is still Sodom by the Sea.”

“What about on a Sunday morning?”

“Well, the wicked know no time-out, but it is quiet.”

There was a reason. A sad one. Sherri and I had lost scores of friends to the devastating AIDS epidemic. The names of the departed haunted in my mind, especially since one of the gone had been my youngest brother.

We topped the dune, the deep green Atlantic spread from east to west. Waves thundered on the shore. A few people lay on beach blankets protected from the blazing sun by umbrellas. I was glad to have my Celtics hat.

“The beach is empty.”

“Same as the West Village. Dying homosexuals sold their beloved beach shacks to friends, family, and strangers.”

“Different people now,” Sherri said, as we stepped aside for a straight couple pushing a baby carriage onto Nautilus Walk.

“Not the same.”

“None of us are the same now, but you and me. We’re here. Together forever.” Sherri reached for my hand. We approached a high wooden wall behind which rose a two-story bungalow. It was the second to the last on Ocean Walk.

“Still alive.”

“Just one thing. Rachelle’s husband is very jealous of men. If she sleeps with one, he’ll leave her.”

“But she’s a porno actress?” Promiscuity was a virtue in the trade.

“That was back then and now she’s married to him, so she can only have affairs with women, because he likes to watch. If he caught her with a man, then she’d be out on the street. Everything she has belongs to him.”

“No worries. She not my type. Not then. Not now. Not like you.”

“Just play nice then.”

“I’ll be a good boy.”

We entered the pool area and Sherri called out, “Anyone home?”

“Only us naked people.”

Rachelle descended the stairs. The stark naked forty year-old descended down the sun-warped stairs from the top floor . She was easily thirty pounds over her prime and flabs of flesh overlapped her extended belly. Two small overweight Pugs scurried from the ground floor onto nto the deck.

“Excuse my state of undress, but I never wear anything on the island.” Rachelle bear-hugged my cousin. Sherri introduced us. RAchelle smile was more sneer.

“I might go naked myself.” I nodded to our hostess. She made me feel thin.

“When on Fire Island, do as the Fire Islanders do, but be careful of the sun. It’s brutal this time of year.” Rachelle's skin had tanned the color of a worn football.

“Sherri, I’m so glad you could come out.”

“The city is hell, but I had a good run at ShowWorld.” Sharon dropped her bag on the deck and stripped off her tee-shirt and shorts.

“What do you think?” The brunette provocatively posed for Rachelle. Every muscle stood for inspection. A stomach as flat as a pancake and breasts to match. I loved her body.

“Those hours in the gym,” sighed the older woman, as she caressed Sherri and then eyed me suspiciously. “So this is your cousin?”

“Yeah, on her father’s side.” Sherri and I have been calling ourselves family for years to save time explaining how we met playing pinball at an East Village after-hour bar. Even we got tired of our old stories, mostly because we were giving up trying to outrun our pasts.

“I can’t see family resemblance.” Robin squinted to examine my face. Depending on the light my face resembled either an Irish cop or Yankee sailor.

“That’s because Sherri was adopted into the family.” Telling a lie is passable if some of it was the truth.

“But we’re almost twins.” Sherri moved beside me.

“Almost identical, right?” Sheri had been adopted out of Italy. We looked nothing alike. “100%.”

Rachelle wasn’t buying our reply, but she said, “Come on inside.”

We stopped inside the cottage. The gleaming mirrors on the white walls paid homage to decadent 70s gay narcissism. The dogs yapped at my heels.

“Lovely place,” complimented Sherri.

“I bought the house from a man who found it too sad.” Rachelle led us through the living room. “There were too many ghosts.”

“But not for you.”

“I can live with them, if they can live with me. Same as my puppies.” She snapped her fingers and the dogs sat in utter thrall of their mistress.

“They’re my little babies. Come on. I’ll show you your rooms.”

We climbed the stairs and Rachelle said, “If you’re kissing cousins, you can share one bed.”

“Two bedrooms will be fine.” Sleep was impossible with Sherri’s epic snoring three inches from my ears.

“Then make yourselves at home,” Rachelle said to Sherri, opening the door to a large room with a beach view.

Mine was a converted closet without windows, but as the guest of a guest I had no complaints. It was good to be out of the East Village.

“How’s the beach?”

“Same as ever.”

“Some things never change.”

I stripped off my clothes and accompanied the two women to the edge of the ocean. I wasn’t ready for a plunge into the cold Atlantic and joined them on folding chairs under umbrellas. A naked man with a beaded necklaces, a long beard and an even longer penis waved to Rachelle with a gnarled wooden staff.

“That’s Moishe. He lives in a lean-to in the pine grove and scours the tide lines for treasure. In the winter he takes care of the houses, but stays in the hut. A true man of nature. Some people says that he hasn’t been to the mainland for years.”

“Nice crank for an old guy,” commented Sherri.

“I’ve never seen one bigger.”

Flaccid his cock hung down to his knees.

“I probably can’t get it erect without passing out from loss of blood.”

“Oh, he gets stiff alright.” Rachelle caressed Sherri’s arm and turned her back on me.

They discussed business. I didn’t need to hear this conversation and I swam in the ocean. Every minute in the cold Atlantic surf dropped my body temperature. I should have been paying more attention to the sun, but I loved the waves. Emerging from the sea I picked up my towel. Sherri and Rachelle had retreated to the beach house.

Moishe was returning from his beach-combing expedition. I nodded to him. He pointed his erect staff at my ass and said, “Ouch.”

“Too much sun?”

He grunted yes and I hurried off the beach.

At the entrance to the deck I showered off the sand. Sherri and Rachelle were in the pool with a video camera recording their conversation. I toweled dry in the shade.

“Oh, my,” laughed Sherri.

“What?”

“Your ass is lobster red.”

“Moishe said the same thing.”

“He spoke? He never speaks.” Rachelle seemed upset by my interaction with Moishe,

“Not so much spoke a grumbled a few syllable.”

My bum hurt to the touch.

“Did you shower before coming into the house?” Rachelle demanded harshly.

“Yes, with soap too.”

“Just checking.” The ex-stripper succeeded in conveying her disdain and she continued her ungraciousness throughout the day.

The sand on the floor came from me, not her dogs. When I nearly shattered my kneecap on a low glass table sitting down for dinner, she screamed at my clumsiness.

“Sorry.”

“Be more careful.”

She served me a small potion of salad, as if I should be on a diet. During dinner I recounted them how Fire Island had been formed by the Ice Age glaciers. Sherri had heard the story before. Rachelle Rachelle sat at the table with her arms folded across her flapjack breasts and her bulbous belly gracelessly hanging over her crotch.

Her eyes simmered with disdain. I was her public enemy # 1. That evening Sherri and I whispered in her bedroom. The beach bungalow’s thin walls were not conducive to privacy.

“Rachelle’s not very nice.”

“She doesn’t like men.”

“I’ll stay out of her way.”

“Not a bad idea.”

The next morning I looked in the fridge for food. There was none. Rachelle had hidden it somewhere.

Swearing under my breath I left the house and laid out my towel underneath the shades of the pines without taking off my clothes. The beach was empty. I remembered how once it had been crowded with laughing gay men and broke into tears.

Men. Gays. My friends. All gone.

I didn’t want to think about it and read my book. RUNNING by Maxie Laing.

When Moishe passed, he shook his head.

I defended myself by saying, “Clothing is optional. So is nakedness. Asshole.”

After ten minutes the novel about an Irish tinker fell from my hands. I dropped into a slumber. I dreamed of my younger brother. We were in a rundown cottage. Our last time he had been on his deathbed. In the dream he looked well. Young. The Dead were always at their best in my dreams. He hugged me and said, “Everything will all right.”

Michael opened the door and ran onto the beach to join friends. Some of them were his. Some were mine. They all looked happy. A cough ended the vision.

“You shouldn’t be out here.” Sherri glowed with a LA golden tan.

“The pines should be protecting me.”

“The sun reflects off the sand.” She scooped up a handful. “The remains of your glacier. You have breakfast?”

“How? Rachelle hid the food.”

“The bitch.”

“I can’t go back to the house.” “

I know. When’s her husband coming?”

“Not until the weekend.”

“So ‘she’ can’t write a check until he comes?” I refrained from using Rachelle’s name.

“I’m getting my money one way or the other.”

Sherri picked up a branch.

“Let’s built us a hut. “It will be my home away from chez Rachelle.”

We erected a shelter from driftwood and torn sails. We laid down our towels. Naked. We were nature and acted with nature, the waves, and the wind. The sea breeze lulled us to sleep. Sherri didn’t snore. It was a pleasure to lie with a naked woman.

As the sun descended over the dunes, Moishe roamed the high tide mark. Seeing Sherri his penis grew into an obscene erection accompanied by a satyr’s leer. He walked up to us and said to my cousin, “I like your films.”

“Where you see them?”

“Shelley showed them to me to turn me on.” He grasped his penis, as if he were at bat in Yankee Stadium

Sherri thanked the hermit, who licked his lips before wandering down the beach.

“Did you see that?” Sherri exclaimed with horror.

“Not easy to miss?” A medieval warhorse would have been jealous of his manhood.

“He shouldn’t be called Moishe, but Schmoses of the Greying Bush,” Sherri renamed the tramp.

“Carrying the Staff of Schmoses.” I raised my forearm.

“How about a drink at the Blue Whale?” Sherri liked a good bar.

“Vodka and Curacao liquor.” The drink gave everyone ‘blue tongue’. “Why not?”

The bartender recognized Sharon from her films. She was famous everywhere.

“Before I came out, I pretended I was you.”

Sherri autographed a napkin and the bartender comped us drinks. “We’ll see you at the Monster tonight?” “Count on it.” My cousin’s feet had recovered from the ShowWorld gig. “The man has a name. It’s Moishe.” That evening we joked about Schmoses at the dinner table. Rachelle saw no humor in our humor. “The man has a name. It’s Moishe.”

“I gave him a new one.” Sherri wasn’t taking any crap from the fat woman. She owed her money and raised her glass.

“It fits his unearthly shank of flesh. Here’s to the Staff of Schmoses.”

Rachelle deserted the table for her bedroom. Sherri and I drank another bottle of wine. We swam in the pool. We fucked in the shallow end. There was no light from Rachelle’s bedroom.

“She must be dreaming of Schmoses.”

“And his Staff.”

We laughed quietly and Sherri said, “The Monster.”

Well past midnight we returned to the beach house and went to our separate rooms.

“You sure?” asked Sherri at her door.

“We’re cousins.”

“Not really.”

“I’m tempted, but my skin is too tender.”

Sherri slid into the bedroom with a seductress’ grace.

“It wasn’t in the pool and I promise I won’t be rough with you.”

And she wasn’t, although I made her leave later.

“My snoring?”

“Like a truck stuck on ice.”

“Sorry.”

I rose before the dawn and threw on a long -sleeved white shirt and shorts.

It was low tide and the ocean was calm. I beachcombed the tideline for jetsam. Schmoses appeared in the distance and I abandoned the shells and whelps. The first dibs on the beach debris belonged to him. We nodded to each other in passing, but we cursed each other under our breath.

I opted for a peaceful breakfast and walked over to the beach landing to have bacon and eggs at the Blue Whale. As I neared the beach shack Rachelle emerged from her house and shouted, “Moishe.”

The aging loner appeared from the pines. The TV hostess walked over to him and the two vanished into the pines. For a long time. I sat in the shade of the beach hut. Sherri came out of the house.

“Bitch.”

“No money?”

“She said she never showed the ads.”

“Lying cunt.”

“I told her my friends saw them.”

“Friends meaning me?”

“Yes.”

“Well, guess I should pack my bags.”

“Have you seen the bitch?”

“Yes, she went into the woods with Schmoses.”

“Like to have sex?”

“Looked that way to me. Schmoses was in full bloom.”

“Got her.”

“How?”

“The magic of video.”

Sherri grabbed my hand and ran into the house. She didn’t bother to brush the sand off her feet. My cousin emerged with a small video camera and said, “Follow me.”

We tracked Rachelle and Schmoses’ footprints to a piney grove. The two coupled on a rug inside Schmoses’ lean-to. The arcane structure seemed to predate the last Ice Age. The breeze whispered through the boughs carrying the slapping of flesh and Sherri whispered, “It sounded like a hog mating with a walrus.”

She ducked behind a bush and filmed them in coitus.

After a few minutes cousin nudged me and whispered, “I think I have enough.”

“Me too.”

Back at the house I drank a bottle of Rachelle’s best wine to obliterate the image of Schmoses and Rachelle’s in coitus. An hour later Rachelle arrived out of breath and the two fought about money. My cousin held up the video camera.

“I got it all on film.”

“All what?” asked Rachelle, but she knew what.

“You and Schmoses. Your old man doesn’t mind you going with girls, but I know how he feels about you going with men. Your choice. Pay me or pay the price.”

“That’s blackmail.” Rachelle took out a checkbook.

“I like to think of it more as an early trick or treat. Plus I’ll take cash.”

“Here.” Rachelle reached into her purse and came up with a wad of c-notes.

“And here’s your video.”

She glared at me.

“I want you out of here.”

“Our pleasure, fatso.”

Sherri packed fast and we left the house. Schmoses stood at the edge of the pines. He waved good-bye with his long prong.

My cousin blew him a kiss.

“I love my fans.” “And they love you.”

We caught the last boat to the mainland. The ferry ride was a relief from the hot dunes. “Did you really give her the video of Rachelle and Schmoses?” “Yes, but there's nothing on it.” Sherri pulled out a real tape and smiled with feline pleasure.

"Never be honest with a thief."

It had been a good trip to Fire Island. Gay men still ran the beach. And that was a good thing. Back in the city we ate steaks at Old Homestead on Rachelle. Sherri left the next day for Philly.

At the Chinatown bus she gave me $500.

“For your troubles.”

“There were no troubles.”

“What about the Staff of Schmoses?”

“It was big.”

“And it could get bigger.”

Sherri was a good cousin and we remained friend through the years. I never saw Rachelle again, but I recounted the Schmoses story to people from time to time. His cock had been really long and his schlong grows longer with each telling of the tale, but he was nothing. Not in comparison to the power of Sherri. She was a goddess.

Even if she snored.

THE END Sherrie is out in Santa Cruz. Wildness runs in our family Everywhere in the world.