Past midnight
January
1975
26 hours from Boston
Wintah far north__
Florida
Palm Beach
Crashing on a Golf course
The 17th green
Lay on a white cotton sheet
Fall asleep
Under the palm trees and a full moon
Far from Wintah___
Before dawn
Water on my face
Not rain
A greens sprinkler
To the west night
To the east the dawn
Around me
Flamingoes
Not plastic
Pink flamingoes
On a golf course
On a hot swampy morning
Far from Wintah__
Rub my eyes
Not a dream
Florida
Water everywhere
The Gulf Stream and the Everglades
Sharks Alligators Flamingos
Golf courses on the coastal dry land
Roads crossing the Sea of Grass
Old US1
North to South
Linking
Fort Kent, Maine to Key West
Now
Palm Beach
Warm. Not Cold. Going to sleep__
Dreaming of Florida
From before the snowbirds
Before the explorers
Before the slavers
Before Dixie Highway
Before A1A
Before 1-95__
Better no one had never come
No French, no Spanish, no English, no Cubans, No Yankees, No Rebs No gringos
Only flamingos, sharks, alligators, deserted beaches and Seminoles
Only Bimini and Pa-hay-Okee, the eternal Sea of Grass__
But not today
Not this fine morning
January 12, 1975
Me
22 years old
I'm in Florida
I gather my things
On the 17th Green
Cuban grounds men beginning the day
A half hour after the dawn
I don't belong here
On the 17th green__
I walk to the interstate
I-95
Stick out my thumb
With luck Miami Beach by noon
Only two or three hours away
An Oldsmobile 88 stops
Tell the driver
“South, I’m going south.”
Earle to Miami
Me too
Glad to be in his car
And away from Wintah
Away we go
WRBD-FM on the radio
Miami Soul
80 mph
Flying down the flat highway
Flat swamp as far as the eye can see
The Everglades
The Sea of Grass__
Make Miami Beach by 10
Get
A room at the Leslie
On Collins Avenue
Room 201
$15/night
Art Deco colors
Across from the Gulf Stream___
In the lobby
A blind piano tuner
Playing ‘ROUND MIDNIGHT’
Hit the beach
Swim far out
No sharks
Only fishing boats out on the Gulf Stream__
That afternoon at the Club Deuce
Gordon Lightfoot's "Sundown" on the juke box
Meet an older woman
Wisha
Almost three times my age
59
Attractive, fit, slim
Wisha a gin tonic
Me too
Only doubles
Wisha
Blonde thin
Not wrinkle on her skin
I breathe the nape of her neck
Yves Saint Laurent's Opium
Her Fountain of Youth
The Deuce's eternal night__
Sun goes down
Woman and man retire to her apartment
On 35th Street
17th floor overlooking Biscayne Bay
Windows open to the breeze
Curtains floating from the window
The scent of the sea same as me
In bed
Wisha cries out ‘deeper deeper.’
Like a XXX Tuesday Weld
Then again and again
Sunset to midnight
And again and again__
At dawn
Wisha offered a 50
I took the half-yard
And walk to the Deuce
Open 24/7__
Feeling lucky
I win at eight ball
Two Busch beers
Go back to the Leslie
Crash on the bed
To the murmur of morning traffic on Collins Avenue
With
A date to meet Wisha at noon __
Wake up
11:15
A late breakfast
Bacon and eggs
At Wolfies
Break the fifty
A quick plunge in the luke warm ocean
Back to Room 201
No shower wearing the scent of the sea__
In the torpid lobby
Listen to the blind man play
Cannonball Adderly's Something Else
His name Old Bill__
At noon
A gleaming white Cadillac convertible
At the curb
Wisha slides to the passenger side
"You drive."___
Out to the Everglades
On US 41
Top down
90 mph
Sun banging down
"Don't You Worry 'bout a Thing" on
Gators howling in the swamp
The empty road
The highest point for miles
No off roads
No where to stop
No Flamingos
Only gators
A white Cadillac convertible and a blonde woman
Wisha my Tuesday Weld__
Wisha don’t even know my name
She says one word
“Here.”
We do it
In the back of the Cadillac
On the shoulder of US 41
Not naked
Jeans half mast
To my knees
Her dress above her waist__
Florida sun so close to the Everglades
"Wisha."
I whisper her name
Alligators roar like drowning dogs
From the Sea of Grass
From the back of the Cadillac
And Wisha screams
I moan
I love Florida
It ain’t cold
It ain't Boston
It ain't wintah
I’m not staying here
In a week
I’ll headed to California
Santa Barbara
To be with Sheri
23
Same as me
But not until Florida and Wisha are through with me
Later rather than sooner
Near naked in a white Cadillac
With the gators roaring from the Sea of Grass
And wintah far to the north__
Monday, November 3, 2025
Florida Drifter 1975 - Journal Poetry
Wednesday, October 1, 2025
MIAMI BEACH BLIND by Peter Nolan Smith
Rain, drizzle, snow, and ice pellets greeted Boston on the first dawn of 1975. Equally foul weather met January’s second morning, but by noon the temperature rose into the 40s and I walked from my Beacon Hill apartment to the Mass Pike in Chinatown.
The on-ramp was the good place to start a trip across America.
The highway headed in every direction, except east into the Atlantic Ocean.
Dropping my bag on a patch of dry pavement, I tucked my newly shorn hair under a watch cap and stuck out my thumb.
The silent majority was in their seventh year of ruling America. They hated the counter-culture and getting rides was easier without long hair reminding the squares of LSD and anti-war demonstrations. In their mind we had been supporting revolution and the Viet Cong. They weren’t 100% wrong.
A hippie in a VW van stopped within two minutes.
Cary was headed to Ohio and I told him, “I’m going to California.”
“How are you crossing the country?”
"I thought about taking I-90 to I-80.” The Interstates provided a straight line from Boston to San Francisco.
“This morning my girlfriend said on the phone that a blizzard was hitting Cleveland. A big one.”
“That’s not good news.” Hitchhiking through snowstorms was life-threatening and I plotted out a more southern route on a map of the USA.
“Guess I’ll head south on I-95.”
“It sounds like a smart move.”
“More like the only move.”
The hippie dropped me at Sturbridge, where I caught a long ride to Washington DC with Earle, a sailor returning to duty in Newport VA. We listened to soul music and discussed race.
“People up here think the South is bad, but Boston is just as racist as Dixie.”
“Recently I taught at South Boston High School.”
“How was that?”
“Mostly quiet. Staties guarded every class, but once the TV cameras showed up it was white versus black.”
“The city’s on the verge of a race war, because of bussing. Stupid idea sending poor blacks to school with poor whites. Courts should have sent them to good schools in the suburbs”
Sean came from the South Shore and said, “Boston’s the Selma of the North. Damned bigots shit in Bill Russell’s bed. The best basketball player in the world and they treat him like that.”
“If I didn’t have family, I’d never go back. Not the same for you, but no one from Roxbury ever said ‘Pak your Cah in Hahvard Yard’. Sorry. Just the way it is.”
“Nothing to apologize about. I had to get out of there before the hate got me too.”
We dropped the subject and spoke of music. Earle was for Marvin Gaye and I was for James Brown.
South of DC Earle said, “I’m turning east. What about you?”
The radio had warned of deep snow in Tennessee.
“I’m continuing south to Florida. I-10 from Jacksonville looks the warmest course across America.
“Good luck with the peckerwoods.”
“You too.”
The next lift went as far as Richmond.
Virginia was the Deep South, but rides came easy on the interstate. Truckers wanted company on the long stretches of highway and salesmen needed someone to keep them awake between cities, however Civil War was not forgotten south of the Potomac and I hid my Boston accent under a broad drawl.
The radio broadcasted reports of a massive storm blanketing the Midwest. South was the one road open and twenty-two hours after leaving Boston I crossed a dark river into Florida.
The palm trees swayed under a moonless sky. I drank a complimentary orange juice at the Welcome Center and stuck my leather jacket in the canvas bag. A tee shirt and jeans was a pleasant change from heavy winter clothing. After finishing the OJ I stood on the highway with my thumb in the air.
A Chevy SS stopped on the shoulder. The big V8 throbbed with power. I jumped in the passenger side.
“Name’s JJ. Where you goin'?” The longhaired redneck wore a Lynard Skynard shirt.
“California.”
He pointed to the right and stomped on the gas. "Geography wasn't my best subject, but isn't California that way?"
"There's’s ice storms and snow in Iowa and the passes through the Rockies are snow-packed head high, so I'll go south until I'm clear of the storm, then turn west to see this girl. She's studying film at UC Santa Barbara."
“Long way to see a girl.”
"It's not a one night stand. We know each other from college and spent the Christmas holiday together."
"Good?"
"Better than good." I had wanted to be with Diana for years.
"It sounds like you got it bad."
"Bad enough, but I could use a little color before I hit the coast."
“If you mean sun, then the Sunshine State is the right place to pick up a tan.” He stuck in the Allman Brothers in his 8-track.
“Newcomers are easy to spot in Southern California.” They had no color.
“You lay out for five days in Miami Beach and you’ll be browner than George Hamilton and he’s the blackest white man I ever seen.” JJ wasn’t saying anything bad about the star of WHERE THE BOYS ARE, the ultimate Florida beach movie.
“I don’t know if I want to go that far.” The Hollywood playboy was darker than a leather coach.
“LA is like Miami. Only undertakers don’t have a tan.” JJ turned up the MIDNIGHT RIDER on the stereo.
“I called my girl to talk about my coming out west and Diana said it was a good career move for a writer.”
Prescription sunglasses, a haircut, a convertible car, and a movie studio job would complete my metamorphosis from substitute teacher to screenwriter. Fame and fortune were within my grasp.
“Movie stars sure as hell get girls, but most writers are fags like that Truman Capote.” JJ shifted into a higher gear and we rolled at 100. “Where you thinkin' of hittin' the beach?”
“I’ve already been to Fort Lauderdale. I stayed across from the Elbow Room during Easter Break in 1971.”
“George Hamilton had hung out there in WHERE THE BOYS ARE.”
“Yeah, we thought that we would meet Yvette Mimieux.”
“Fat chance of a movie star hangin' around that dump.”
“My friends and I drank beer the entire week. None of us got a tan or kissed a blonde.”
“You should check out Miami Beach. Good town. Cheap hotels. Try the Sea Breeze.” Speed ate up the road paced by Dicky Betts’ blistering guitar on IN MEMORY OF ELIZABETH REED.
Florida was mostly swamp and there wasn’t much to see from the highway at night. Around midnight he pulled off the highway and stopped on an empty road.
“I'm goin’ see my baby too. You have a good trip.” JJ aimed the muscle car into the Everglades.
“You too.” I stepped out of the car.
"Be careful, if you crash out here. Plenty of 'gators and they love Yankees."
The Chevy SS thundered away from the highway.
The exit was about 100 miles short of Miami. Hitchhiking after dark was not a good idea. Crackers turned rattlesnake mean after midnight.
A golf course lay across the highway. I walked to the 17th green and crouched behind a row of bushes. No one could see me from the road and I almost felt safe. I lay down with my bag as a pillow. The Milky Way burst with stars and I counted a hundred galaxies before falling asleep.
At dawn a spray of hidden sprinklers woke me.
Slightly soaked I grabbed my bag and hurried to the rough.
A red sun rose over the grassy fairways.
Near the highway cars and trucks pulled in and out of the parking lot of a Cuban diner. I ate breakfast with farm workers heading to the sugar plantations in the Everglades. The conversations were strictly in Spanish. After eggs, beans, rice, and coffee I stuck out my thumb on Dixie Highway.
A farmer stopped in his pick-up truck.
“I’m going to Little Havana to see my sister.”
“Would you mind stopping in Miami Beach?” I offered him $5.
“No problem. It’s just a little out of my way.”
Two hours later Raoul dropped me on Collins Avenue.
Decrepit beach hotels lined the beach road.
The Sea Breeze looked better than the rest.
There was no pool.
The breezy art-deco lobby embraced a decade of neglect. The ground-floor windows were glazed by sea salt and the 60s furniture was aged from overuse. The management was relying on the flaking pastel blue and chalky white paint job to last into the 1980s. The Sea Breeze was no Holiday Inn.
“I want a room,” I told the crew-cut teenager behind the desk.
“Day, month, or week. We don’t rent by the year,” he spoke slowly like he had to recall every word before he spoke them.
“How much by the week.”
“$100 in advance.”
I chiseled him down to $65 for a week.
“A room with a beach view.”
“That’s ten dollars extra.”
“Five.” I played hardball with the clerk.
“Okay, but guests are five dollars extra, if they stay the night.”
“I’m good with that.”
I surveyed the Sea Breeze’s clientele in the lobby. The desk clerk was the youngest man in the lobby. The white-haired men and women sat in groups of two or three. An elderly man wearing sunglasses plinked out STORMY WEATHER on the piano. The seventy year-old had a light touch with the ivories.
I hummed Etta James’ version on the stuttering elevator up to the 5th floor. Room 514 faced the ocean. The blue-white color scheme matched the view of sea and sky.
The TV was a Zenith black and white. Three channels were available. One was in Spanish. The signal came from Havana. I tested the AC. The old machine wheezed like a TB ward.
I shut it off and slid open the balcony’s glass door. The gulf breeze filled the room. A few sunbathers dotted the beach.
After a tepid shower I descended on the creaking elevator to the lobby. The raw-boned desk clerk said his name was Nick. He looked like a young baseball player from the 50s.
“You have any cold beer?”
“Busch is the # 1 beer in Florida.”
“I’ll have one, if it’s cold.
“Can’t drink it any other way.” Nick handed me a frosty can. “I’ll put it on your tab.”
“Thanks.”
I exited from the lobby.
The late morning light bounced harshly off the tiled patio.
I returned inside the lobby to call Diana from the hotel lobby’s pay phone.
There was no answer from the other side of America.
I told myself that she was at class and walked to the veranda. My flip-flops whisked over the cracked floor. I sat on a distressed rattan chair and drank my beer. A ratty umbrella provided shelter from the sun.
Sweat beaded on my sin.
Yesterday my fingers had been numbed by the cold.
I dozed off to the pianist’s rambling monologue of the blues, bread lines, and riding the rails, punctuated by patches of praise for the smell of the sea in Texas, Florida, and a place called Tulum.
Coughs punctuated his rant often enough to create a rhythm.
A half-hour later the sun shifted beyond the tree and fell on my feet. I slipped out of the chair and I ordered another beer and bought cheap sunglasses from Nick.
The old geezer at the scarred piano one-fingered a familiar tune. I identified the plunking arrangement as Art Tatum’s TIGER RAG. A steady mumble of choice expletives fumbled off the piano player’s lips and the other residents steered clear of the sun-warped piano.
“Who’s the piano man?”
“Old Bill’s been here since before God invented dust. He’s meaner than a snake with a wire up its ass. Do yourself a favor and give the old bastard a miss.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
I shuffled back to the patio with the morning Miami Herald.
Hippies waiting for Zeppelin tickets had rioted in Boston Garden inflicting over $30,000 in damages. I had seen Zep at the 1969 Newport Jazz Festival and thought about asking the vile-tempered pianist to play DAZED AND CONFUSED, except the gaunt septuagenarian’s began toying with a tuning fork and small wrenches.
Horrific slurs were muttered by the old man.
No race was exempt from his scorn. No religion was beneath his contempt. He called the male guests ‘bums’ and the blue-haired ladies ‘whores’. They ignored his epithets, as he riffed through EVERYTIME WE SAY GOODBYE from John Coltrane’s LP MY FAVORITE THINGS.
His vile banter grated on my nerves and I strode into the lobby for a third beer.
“You’re right about Old Bill,” I said to Nick without looking over my shoulder. “He has a serious dose of assholiness.”
“He wasn’t always like that from what I hear,” the desk clerk whispered under his breath. “Ever since his wife died two years ago, he’s been on a roll.”
“Why doesn’t the management kick him out of the hotel?” I didn’t like bullies.
“First he’s blind and second he keeps the piano tuned and lastly the residents like his piano-playing. He even plays requests.”
“Nick, what you and that hippie boy talking about?” Old Bill shouted from the piano.
“How he know I was a hippie?”
“Old Bill has good ears. Right, Bill?”
“Like bat radar.” Nick lifted his head and looked toward the desk. His opaque eyes were shrunken into the socket. He had a hard stare.
“Hippie Boy, this C sound right to you.”
A crooked index finger poked at a key and I stepped closer to the piano. He smelled unwashed and with good reason. His t-shirt and khaki trousers were stained by old food and stale perspiration. Old Bill was not a man who cared much for his appearance.
“I think so.”
“Think so?”
He scratched his buzz-cut, which was more white than gray.
“I’m trying to adjust the interval between tones to correct the interaction between notes. You ever play an instrument, Hippie Boy?”
“I sang a little with the church choir and played bass in a garage band.”
“Priest bait and hippie fakes. That ain’t fucking music. This is music.”
His spidery fingers crawled across the keyboard to interpret a bluesy version of Dave Brubeck’s BLUE RONDO. Old Bill stopped after ten bars.
“My wife loved that damn song.”
The way he said ‘wife’ indicated that she was dead. The residents at the Sea breeze were experts at outliving their mates.
“Hippie boy, you still there?” Old Bill's eyes were as blank as cue balls, yet glowed, as if a statue had come to life.
“Yeah, I’m still here.” I stepped closer and asked, “How you know I was a hippie?”
“Everyone your age who stays at the Sea Breeze is a hippie. It’s cheap and close to the beach. Plus these days everyone your age is either a hippie or queer. You don’t have a lisp, so you ain’t queer, are you?”
“No.” I had danced with a few men at the 1270 Club in Boston. Kissing them meant nothing. “I like Russ Meyer movies and not gladiator films.”
“Ha, are you sure?”
Old Bill couldn’t have ever seen the buxom beauties in BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS and I asked bluntly, “Why? Are you queer?”
“No, but if I was would you suck my dick?”
“Fuck you.”
He may have been blind, but I didn’t take shit from anyone.
“I like someone who speaks their mind, Hippie Boy. You have any requests?” His hands dropped to the piano.
“What about IN-DA-GADDA-DA-VIDA?” I doubted if the bitter old coot had heard of Iron Butterfly.
Old Bill nodded his head and played the heavy metal classic’s strident opening as a peace offering.
“Surprised you, huh, Hippie Boy.” Old Bill’s near-toothless grin was a tribute to no dental care.
“I listen to everything on the radio. My wife Mary used to say it was my TV.”
“When I was a young boy in Maine, I listened to radio dramas at night. My ears painted moving pictures on my eyelids.”
“Dammit, you’re almost a poet. Sure, you aren’t queer?”
“100%. I listened to all kinds of music too. I liked your rendering of BLUE RONDA.”
“Hippie Boy is a music lover. You from Boston?”
“My accent is a dead giveaway.
“You be careful. That tropical sun burns northern white boys like pigs at a barbecue.”
“Thanks for the advice.” I left him for a swim in the ocean, which was ten degrees warmer than the beach at Harwichport at the height of summer. I bobbed on the waves for a good hour and then returned to the hotel. The sun had had its way with my skin and I crashed in my bed before the sunset.
The next two days passed with my following routine.
Breakfast, beach, lunch, beer, beach, beer, dinner, beer, sleep.
The majority of the Sea Breeze clientele appeared to be harmless seniors with a short term on life. Nick called the Sea Breeze ‘the Stairway to Heaven’. Most residents nodded in passing without saying a word in fear I might be like Old Bill. with reservation.
After a week my scorched skin deepened to a golden brown.
One afternoon I came down to the lobby with two postcards to send Diana. Old Bill was working on the piano. It was never in perfect pitch to his ear.
“My favorite turning fork is an A. It has a 444 frequency in hertz. Orchestras like that pitch.”
He stuck the piano with the tuning fork. Its hum prepared to last forever.
Same as his constant blathering.
I went to phone booth and called Diana.
It was morning in Santa Barbara.
No one answered the call.
As I walked toward the exit, Old Bill asked, “Any luck?’
“With what?”
“That girl you keep calling. Don’t be surprised. I may be blind, but I’m not deaf. You’ve been calling the same number for days. 1-805-962-4747. I can tell the numbers from the spin of the dial and men only call women so many times in a day. 805. That’s California. Long way to go for a girl.”
“You’re the second person to say that.”
“Probably cause he was right too. What she look like?”
“Blonde, thin, blue eyes, nice legs.” I stopped there. Diana was disappearing from my memory.
“She have big boobs?”
"No.”
“Too bad. I like a woman with big breasts. You’d think a guy like me couldn’t get a woman, but I had plenty. I made them laugh and always said they were pretty. Women like that, but I haven’t had a woman in a long time. Not since my Mary died.”
Old Bill fell silent.
The other guests in the lobby lifted their head, as if he might have died, except he was simply wiping away a tear.
“Lots of women in my life. Only one Mary.”
His fingers struck the ivories like Cecil Taylor in a hurricane frenzy. The discordant chords echoed off the faded walls. Guest fled the storm. I fury was short-lived and the coda sank into ripples. I heard the waves on the beach and said, “Sorry for your loss.”
“Why, Hippie Boy? You didn’t kill her. I’m used to hardship. I came from Baltimore. I’ve been blind since birth. My mother taught me to play piano. My father died young in a dock accident. I was an only child. The state had sent me to schools for the blind. My entire childhood had been filled with the abuse from bullies. The punches came from nowhere.
Unseen fists had broken the beak more than once and scars laced his face.
“I was no Helen Keller and I fought the bullies. They would laugh until I hit them. That made them think that I really wasn’t blind, but the blows were easier to take than the whispers. I heard them say everything. They thought they were funny. I hated them, but music saved my soul.”
“I was beat up in 7th Grade.”
“Then you know what I’m talking about. You fight back?”
“They were three of them. Fighting made them meaner.”
“Tough odds.” Old Bill shrugged with one shoulder. “I hate bullies. That’s why I hate most of the old coots here. Most of them are crackers who’d love to lynch niggers or right-wing thugs looking to jail commies.”
“You seem to have a way with people.” The residents of the Sea Breeze were neither racists nor fascists, but his dead eyes saw things his way. “You have any friends?”
“If I wanted a friend, I’d buy a dog. My music is my friend. I was lucky to have learned piano tuning in 20s. My travels around the country were financed by sick pianos. Bad weather and heavy hands take their toll on the keys. New Yorkers treat their pianos with respectful neglect, while Texans beat the shit out of theirs. I made a good living out of finding the perfect fifth sun, sea, and humidity of Miami Beach play havoc with pianos. And all those rich motherfuckers think their spoiled brat will be the next Glenn Gould. Not one of them silver-spoon brats can play a lick.”
That sunset Old Bill and I drank beer and argued about greatest pianist. He favored Thelonius Monk, while I preferred McCoy Tyner’s chordal phasing with John Coltrane to the Phillie pianist. Both were in our top five.
“You wanna know something, Hippie Boy.” Old Bill never asked my name.
“What?”
“Maybe there’s hope for you after all. My wife loved McCoy.” He drained the beer and returned to the piano to play a rudimentary GIANT STEPS.
That evening I wrote a long letter to Diana about Miami Beach, Old Bill, and the sun. The epistle ended with ‘see you soon’. I figured I would leave in another week, because according to the TV weatherman winter was losing its grip on Dixie.
Old Bill hated the hotel food and the next afternoon we walked to Wolfie Cohen’s Deli.
“Why don’t we take the bus?”
”Because you can’t smell the Gulf Stream on the bus. You know someone once told me about a painting called that.” He tapped the sidewalk with his slender walking cane.
“It’s by Winslow Homer showing a black man on a wrecked boat surrounded by sharks.”
“Some things never change.”
Old Bill squinted in the bright sunlight.
“You ever think about wearing sunglasses.”
“What and look like Stevie Wonder?”
Wolfie’s counter staff greeted him with warmth and he whispered, "I never say anything bad to them. I don’t want them spitting in my food.”
One day he pointed out a tidy woman at a window table. Her two friends and she were eating Jell-O.
“That’s Mrs. Meyer Lansky. She comes here everyday with those two old broads.”
The waiter delivered bacon and fried eggs to our table. They were a ‘special’ every hour of the day.
“Meyer Lansky the mob mastermind? He added the 00 to the roulette wheel to increase the edge for the house.”
“That’s the one.” Old Bill’s fork picked apart the eggs. His eating habits were a sight that sored eyes.
“She doesn’t look too well-off.” The tiny woman could have been a tenant at the Sea Breeze.
“Lansky supposedly left no money when he died.” Old Bill stuck a dripping yolk in his mouth and swallowed without chewing. “Her son from her first marriage was shotgunned to death outside his restaurant in Bay Harbor. An old debt being paid. So much for Lansky’s luck. The murdering bastard. I tuned his piano once. Tried to welsh me on the bill.”
He waved to the old woman on the way out.
She waved back like they were old friends.
“Let’s get a drink.”
The Ace of Spades was our bar. Old Bill drank Canadian whiskey and I downed Busch Beer. The rough and ready bar had a good jukebox, cheap drinks, and a clientele consisting of tragic drag queens, junkies, long-distance truckers, small-time dealers, sailors waiting a ship, runaway girls from the North, off-duty strippers, low-level scam artists, plus slummers from the U of Miami. Everyone was welcome at the Deuce.
“This place smells like New York to me. Sour beer, whiskey sweat, cheap perfume, and cigarettes.
Back in the 50s I used to go up to Harlem and tune whorehouse pianos.” He inhaled the air, as if to pick out a faint trace of that memory on the breeze. “Lilacs and a woman’s glow after a trick.”
A saccharine version of MISTY played on the jukebox.
“Jackie Gleason. People loved his music. He composed and arranged the theme for his TV show, even though he couldn’t read music.”
“I watched THE HONEYMOONERS with my parents.” His hilarious interpretation of a luckless Brooklyn bus driver won the big man fame and fortune. “How sweet it is.”
“He was more than funny. You know he did his show down here?”
“THE JACKIE GLEASON SHOW.”
“It was broadcast live direct from Miami Beach. I wish that I could have worked there, but Jackie worked with union guys. I had drinks with him once. The big man was really into UFOs. He thought they were going to kidnap him into Space. Fat chance of them fitting the Great One in a flying saucer.”
“I loved him in the movie SOLDIER IN THE RAIN.” Jackie Gleason had played a conniving sergeant opposite Steve McQueen. “The ending made me cry.”
“You were never in the military, Hippie boy, were you?” The words were almost an accusation.
“No.” I tensed up in preparation for an attack.
“Chill out, Hippie Boy. I wasn’t in the army either, but I did get called up for induction. The damned draft board thought I was faking my blindness. After a check-up they wrote up that I had perfect 0/0 vision and flat feet too. Never knew that. Good thing I have a long nose. I can smell everything around me like a bloodhound tracking a runaway slave.”
Old Bill raised his head and howled off-key. He was no singer.
I ordered us another round.
The rough and ready bar had a warped pool table. Two rednecks were finishing an eight-ball game. I watched the winning cracker’s winning shot.
“They any good?”
“Nothing special.”
“How about you and me taking them on?”
“Are you serious?”
“Serious as death.” He listened to the click of the balls and then handed me $5.
“What’s this?”
“Our bet. Can you play?”
“Yes.” I had spent two teenage summers hanging out at a pool hall in Boston’s Combat Zone and said, “I can take them.”
“We can.”
Old Bill walked over to the pool table. He knew his way around the Deuce. The grits smiled and the winner asked, “What you want, old man?”
“My friend and I are challenging you to game. Hippie Boy, show him the money.”
I didn’t like the way the skinny Reb had called Old Bill ‘old man’ and slapped the fiver on the rail.
“You break.”
“Look at that, Bob Bob. A blind man and the hippie trying to hustle us like we were rubes from Ocala.”
Several people gathered by the table.
Everyone at the Deuce liked a free show.
“I’ve seen the old man before, JJ. He’s a blind as a bat in sunlight. I don’t know about the faggot Hippie Boy.”
“It’s $5. You chickenshits in or you out?”
“We’re in, old man.”
The Miami humidity had warped the remaining sticks and Old Bill asked, “You mind if I use my walking stick.”
“You could use a beer bottle for all the good it will do ya. Like you said. Our break.”
The skinny grit sank two solids on the break and deftly dropped two more in rapid succession. The two friends laughed in expectation of victory and Bob Bob asked, “What about upping the stake to $10?”
“What’s the table look like?” whispered Old Bill.
“He has one more open shot and then our balls block theirs.”
Old Bill laid out another $5.
“But only if the odds are 2 to 1.”
“You got it.” JJ put up $20 and then sank the obvious shot, but missed a difficult bumper shot leaving me with an open table.
I sank four balls and left the cue behind the eight ball. Bob Bob had no play. The two rednecks conferred and the big man unexpectedly airbombed the cue on the six. It fell in the side pocket. His next shot came nowhere near that brilliance. It was Old Bill’s turn and he asked, “Where’s the cue ball? And where am I shooting?”
I explained the positions to Old Bill and he touched the green felt before the cue ball, then called out, “Eight ball ball in the corner.”
Old Bill’s cane tapped the cue ball, which sank the black ball. The bar applauded his shot. I laughed with joy. Old Bill bowed to the crowd.
We strolled home with the dawn stretching across the Gulf Stream in bands of blue.
“A good night, Hippie Boy,” said Old Bill before the Sea Breeze.
“And even better a good sleep ahead of us.”
I started for the phone booth and Old Bill grabbed my arm.
“It’s 5am in California. Your girl is asleep, plus there’s nothing you can do to a girl 3000 miles away.”
“I’ve never been lucky in love.”
“You’re lucky in ways you don’t see. Everyone loves you at the Sea Breeze.”
“They do?’
“No one has died since you came here, so stop worrying about that girl. She’ll be there. She’s going to college and schools don’t end till Spring.”
We rode the elevator up to our floors and I fell asleep to dreams of Diana. I had to get out of Miami soon.
That weekend we watched the Super Bowl at the Deuce Bar. Both of us bet on Pittsburgh. The Steelers covered the spread by 13. We celebrated our win with a long night of drinking rum and cokes.
The bartender threw us out at dawn after an obscene toast to the MVP Franco Harris.
Walking back to the Sea Breeze Old Bill turned his head to the northern sky. A white contrail pummeled through the clear morning sky.
“That’s a rocket was lifting from Cape Kennedy going where no one man has been before.” Old Bill grabbed my arm, as he stumbled off the curb. “Damn, drunk doesn’t combo good with blind. Better watch where I’m going.”
Old Bill’s geographic memory prevented most accidents, but the next afternoon he entered the hotel with blood streaming from a cut on his head.
“I went out for a job in Coconut Grove. The bastard customer left me on the wrong side of the road and I walked into a damned coconut tree. I felt like Helen Keeler after her parents moved the furniture. I’m lucky a coconut didn’t fall on my head.”
He wiped away the blood with his tee shirt.
“You know all pianists spread their notes over three or four octaves. McCoy Tyner tried to stretch the sound. It’s all a question of string scaling.”
“Sorry, Old Bill, that’s Greek to me.”
“To most people too. I feel like the last of my kind, but that means I always have a job. You know the song HOUSTON.”
“Going back to Houston.” I sang the line from Dean Martin’s hit.
“You can’t sing for shit either, but that’s the tune. I have an old girlfriend east of there. A town called Bumfuck, Texas. She wants me to come tune her piano. She’ll pay gas and food. You want to drive me there?”
“In what?”
“A Delta 88,” he said with pride.
“You have a car?” My father drove the same vehicle. It weighed a ton.
“I bet no one asks Stevie Wonder if he has a car, Hippie Boy. You fuckin’ saying I’m not normal?” These were the harshest words Old Bill had ever spoken to me and I asked, “Why you have to be so mean all the time?”
“Me mean? No, it’s not me. The world is mean and I been taught that lesson every day of my life. And you know who’s been good to me. My wife, Mary, and her people. That’s all, so if I want to be mean than I got a good reason.”
I tried to apologize, but he pushed me away.
“If you don’t want to drive to Houston with me, just say so.”
“No, I’ll drive you.”
Diana’s skin was smooth as the morning breeze off the Gulf Stream and Houston was almost halfway to the coast.
“Don’t bullshit me, Hippie boy.” We stood in front of the Sea Breeze.
“No bullshit.” I had Diana’s address. She would be surprised to see me. The look on her face would tell whether the surprise was good or bad.
“Then pack your bag. We’re going now.”
“Now?” It was almost midday.
“Check-out’s at noon and I want to be in East Bumfuck, Texas tomorrow.” Old Bill hurried into the lobby.
“I’ll see you down here in ten minutes.”
I showed up in five minutes and dialed Diana from the telephone booth. She answered after two rings, sounding like she had been expecting someone else.
“Where are you?”
“Miami Beach.”
“Still?”
“I’m driving Old Bill to Texas.”
She laughed and said, “Sounds like it’d make a good film. I’ll see you in a few days.”
I handed in my key. Nick said that he was sorry to see me go.
“Everyone else too. You know no one’s died since you came.”
“Old Bill told me the same thing.”
“Where you going?”
“I’m driving Old Bill to Houston.”
“Whatever you do, don’t let him drive.” The clerk bit his lower lip. “That old man is dangerous. To himself is no problem, but don’t let him kill you.”
“Stop talking about me like I’m not here. I’m blind, not deaf.” Old Bill entered the lobby with a leather satchel in his hand, wearing a black suit shiny with age and a rumpled white shirt. The dust had been wiped off his shoes.
“You look good.”
“A man should make a good impression on the road. Nick, I’ll be gone a week and I’ll see you suckers when I see you.”
No one in the lobby wished him ‘good luck’.
They were happy to see his back, if only for seven days.
Old Bill’s car was in the rear parking lot and I pulled the cover off the big Detroit boat. He walked over to the passenger side and opened the door.
“Mary liked driving fast.”
“I don’t drive fast. I hate speeding tickets.”
“My wife never got a speeding ticket.” He stopped speaking, as if he were checking his memory, then said, “C’mon, get in. We don’t have all day. You hippie boys think the world one big Woodstock. Naked girls and LSD.”
“And would that be such a bad thing?”
“It would be for the clothing factories in the South and tobacco growers.”
We left Miami on US 27 and hit Lake Okeechobee at 2. Old Bill didn’t like the Interstate. The semi-trailers’ engines hurt his ears.
Small towns interrupted the endless swamp.
Clewiston, Venus, Lake Placid, Sebring, Lady Lake.
He gave directions, as if the bumps in the road were Braille. We stopped every four hours for gas and a walk. I drank coffee and ate donuts to save money.
Back on the road Old Bill fiddled with the radio. Florida radio played mostly country or Latin and black stations were ghettoed on the end of the dial.
“Can’t stand that peckerwood shit and I’ve heard enough spic music in Miami to last me a week in Texas.”
“But you’re okay with soul.”
“My wife loved that darkie R&B.”
Old Bill drank whiskey from a silver flask.
“None for you, you’re driving.”
An hour after sunset we passed through Ocala. The cowboy town looked mean and I drove the speed limit. Florida was a big state at 55.
I joined the Interstate after Lake City.
Old Bill drunkenly bitched about the trucks.
“Not many other options.” I wasn’t keen on driving through the backroads of the Panhandle. “This is cracker territory.”
“I know, but those trucks sound like giant frogs fartin’.” He stuffed wads of wet paper in his ears and fell asleep until we reached Mobile around four in the morning. He lifted his nose to the open window.
“There’s a good crab shack before the bridge. The second one. We’ll eat there. My wife liked it.” Old Bill’s choice was on the money.
The crabs were big and juicy.
He tucked a napkin into his collar and spread a handkerchief on his lap.
“Only have one damned suit.”
The other late-night diners watched him crack the crabs and stuff the succulent meat in his mouth.
Shells and crab scattered all over his side of the table. I averted my eyes from the horror of his enjoyment. At the end of the meal Old Bill wiped his mouth with the napkin.
“I get anything on my suit?” He stared down with an inquisitive sniff.
“Nothing.” It was a miracle.
“I’m a lucky man.”
We returned to the Olds.
“How so?” I felt good too.
“My belly’s full of crab.”
“Me too.” A warm wind blew off the Gulf and the road was open to LA.
“My wife drove me everywhere. You might have noticed that I’m not an easy man, but she brought out the best in me. We must have stopped at this crab shack ten or fifteen times. Tonight it was almost like she was there with me. She didn’t speak much and neither did you. That’s why I dressed up for this trip. She hated me looking sloppy. You speak with that girl of yours?”
“Right before I left.”
“That’s good. Look at me. Old, mean, and alone. No one cares a shit for me.”
“But you had Mary.
“Yes, I had her.” Old Bill scratched his nostrils, as if he were honing his sense of smell to keen his whereabouts.
“All women are supposed to outlive their man, but not Mary. I put her in the early grave with my craziness.”
Old Bill took out a handkerchief and blew his nose.
“Sorry, any time I get near New Orleans I get a little misty, I met Mary there. I was playing piano in a bar. Never knew its name. One night a perfume caught my nose and I told myself there goes a lady. It was Mary. She liked my playing. We dated and I stopped seeing other women. We had thirty-three years together. And not once did I sniff at another woman. Are you still there, Hippie Boy?”
“Right behind the wheel.” I suppressed a yawn.
“Don’t pay for an old man to think too much about the past. The old sentiments sneak up on you like the Japs at Pearl Harbor. You’re not feeling tired, are you?”
“Just a little.”
“Soon you’ll be resting one eye and then the other. Good way to find yourself in the trees. Pull off the highway round Bay St. Louis. Unless of course you want me to drive. The road gets mighty straight around here.”
“No, we’ll call it a night. “
Pass Christian was our stop for the night. We parked by the beach and opened the windows to the gentle night air. A frail moon illuminated the gulf.
Old Bill handed over the flask of whiskey.
“You earned it. Sleep good.” Old Bill dropped his seat into a deep recline and he was snoring several seconds later. I listened to the mosquitoes hunting my blood. I don’t remember falling asleep.
A rap on the car trunk woke us at dawn. A police officer stood next to the Delta 88. His hand was on his holster. The gun was a .45.
“You boys run out of gas.”
“Just steam, officer.” Old Bill righted his seat and pulled off his Ray-Bans. “My young friend here drove all the way from Miami yesterday. He had to get some sleep or else drive into the beautiful scenery.”
“Something wrong with getting a hotel?” The trooper stood at the driver door.
“Just trying to save money,” Old Bill spoke like he had been reared in this parish. “We have ID. Have money too. This is my car.”
“What’s a blind man doing with a car?”
“This belonged to my old lady. She’s dead two years now. This young fellow offered to drive me to Houston.” “He’s got hair long enough to be a lady. You ain’t queer, are you, boy?”
“Officer, Hippie Boy ain’t no queer and I ain’t no bum. You want to see our registration?”
“No, just get moving. Don’t need your type in our town.
“Have a good day.”
“It’ll be good once you’re gone.”
The officer returned to a souped-up Chevy cruiser and 180ed in the opposite direction.
“I don’t like eating crow, but that’s all the cops serve around these parts.” Old Bill spit out the window. “Let’s do like he said and get moving.”
We crossed the bridge between the old towns of Pass Christian and Port St. Louis. A sandy beach to the left was lined with trees and antebellum mansions lay to the right.
“Avoid New Orleans.” Old Bill ordered at the turning. “Don’t much like the Pearl City anymore. It reminds me too much of Mary.”
We skirted the lake and entered Baton Rouge around 9, where we had donuts and coffee for breakfast.
I called Diana from a gas station.
The phone rang ten times.
No answer.
The day grew hot, as we drove through Lafayette, Iowa, and Lake Charles. I turned on the AC. Old Bill liked the cold.
Old Bill had me pull into a gas station in Beaumont.
We were in Texas.
Cowboys didn’t like hippies and they thought Old Bill was weird.
Old Bill heard their mutterings.
“Damn goat-ropers.” He fumbled for coins from his pocket and gave me a slip of paper. “Dial this number for me.”
The area code was same as the pay phone. The call cost 90 cents. I put in the money. A woman answered on the other end. I handed him the phone.
Old Bill spoke for three minutes and then hung up.
Walking back to the car he said, “Not far now. Maybe ten miles. We get off the highway next exit. I ever show you a picture of my Mary?”
“No.”
Once inside the Olds he fished out a tattered photo from his wallet. The thin woman was pretty with jet-black skin. Living in the South as a mixed couple must have been hard on both of them.
“Good-looking woman.”
“That she was.” He put away the photo after a kiss.
When we left the highway, Old Bill sniffed and said, “Stop here.”
“Here?” A straight two-laner ran north through bare fallow fields.
“Yeah, I know the way from here. I want to drive.” He pushed me hard.
“You sure that’s a good idea?” Nick had warned me against just this.
“This is my damn car. If I want to drive it, then I’ll drive it. You don’t think that I know what I’m doing? Get the fuck out of my car, Hippie Boy. I’m not joking.” His fists were tight balls of old bone and flesh. He raised one in anger.
“This is fucked.” I opened my door and started for the passenger side.
“Why? I don’t need to see. I have an ear for the road. Where I’m going, I’m going alone and I don’t need a seeing-eye hippie.”
“Have it your way.” I grabbed my bag.
“Hey, Hippie Boy?”
“What?”
“What’s your name?”
I told him.
“Hippie Boy suits you better.” Old Bill turned on the radio. Booker T was playing GREEN ONIONS.
“You know what I said about California being a long way away to be with a woman?”
“Yes.”
“It’s less of a long way now.”
“You’re right about that, Bill.”
“Good luck with that hippie girl.”
“Thanks.”
“And don’t worrying about me getting killed. If that happened the worst thing would be my ending up as a rabbit in Texas and you know what they do all day?”
“Yes, I do.”
“See ya, Hippie Boy.” Old Bill drove down that long road and the Delta 88 wavered from side to side without falling into the bordering drainage ditches. He was not driving fast, but within several minutes the Delta 88 was a little black dot.
I turned to the highway.
An hour passed with southern slowness.
Finally a semi-trailer stopped for me. The bearded driver was bound for Austin, Texas. The capitol of cowboy rock was home for Commander Cody and Asleep At The Wheel.
“What were you doing out there?” He shifted the big rig into gear.
“A friend dropped me off.” There was no car on the road.
“The middle of nowhere.” He squinted at the flat East Texas landscape.
“He was going to see an old girlfriend and a piano.”
“A musician?”
“Of types.”
“What about you?”
“I’m going to the West Coast.”
“Anyplace not cold sounds good to me this time of the year.”
The big truck picked up speed and I started humming IN-DA-GADDA-VIDA.
Old Bill’s version was a song I couldn’t get out of my head.
Just like a tuning fork sounding a perfect fifth.
It was a hum destined to last forever.
Sunday, February 4, 2018
MIAMI VICE
I never bothered to see MIAMI VICE. The movie.
Guns, girls, and crime. Tubbs and Crockett.
I had been to that Miami Beach; Wolfie's Deli, Little Havana, the Ace of Spades Bar, cocaine, cheap hotels, and fast boats. My friend found a kilo of blow on the beach and gave it to the local drug dealer rather than the cops. Miami PD was stressed on steroids and zoot. Columbian cowboys weren't as twitchy. The city was fun as long as you could stand adrenalin rushes.
It's gone now. Trendy. The height of uncool.
My local bootleg DVD dealer came into the bar two nights ago and offered, "MIAMI VICE. 100% ching."
New movies usually took a month to get a good copy.
"No, I don't want it."
"I saw it at the movies." My friend Nick volunteered.
"I don't need to see it. In fact I can tell you all about it without seeing it." Feature remakes of TV shows were formula plotlines tied together by senseless scenes of violence and FX.
"200 baht says you're wrong." Nick liked betting. 200 baht would cover the tickets for him and his girl. 200 for me was a phone card for my wife. I was confident and said, "It's a black/white guy thing. The white guy has long hair. The black guy razored to the skull. Both have face hair."
"You've seen the trailer."
"No, just the ad."
"The good guys always hit their target."
"Bad guys never shot straight in the movies." Nick was after specifics.
"The good guys have to infiltrate a drug gang led by a acne-scarred gaucho."
"Half-right. The leader is a girl. Beautiful too."
"White guy always gets the chick."
"There's a car chase that turns into a bat chase where no one gets caught."
"Not really."
"They say that they're losing the war on drugs." I didn't have a clue about the plot.
"Not a chance."
"Or that they should legalize blow."
"Give me the 200."
I had lost the bet, but knew also that MIAMI VICE was going to be given a a miss, especially since I had SCARFACE at home and nothing says Miami in the 80s like Tony Montana and yeh-ho.
Heaven or Hell
Two old men are living in Miami Beach. Their hotel is undergoing renovations. The entire neighborhood has been transformed by young people. Izzy and Moishe sit on the terrace of the Breezemore Hotel and watch the parade of revelers. They are feeling their age and Izzy says, "You know Moishe, we've had a good life, but I've been wondering about what's next?"
"What's next is we die. One of us first the other second." Moishe was more pragmatic than his friend. He had been an accountant. Number added up to a total sum. No more. No less.
"What about Sheol?" Izzy had been a lawyer. He still believe in good and evil. His wife Miriam had been good. Her mother was evil incarnate.
"A bleak afterlife, feh?" Moishe was too pragmatic to be pessimistic.
"What about Olam Ha-Ba?"
"The world to come where we are rewarded for our good deeds. Feh. And Gan Eden is a fairy tale."
"But what if there really is a heaven and hell?"
"I don't know." Moishe had no questions, but there was always doubt, especially at the age of 87. "Listen, I tell you what, if one of us ides and there is a heaven or hell, the one who dies should come back to tell the one staying whether there is a heaven or hell. Is it a deal?"
"For you, anything." The two friends went back to 1st grade in Brownsville.
Neither man thinks anything about the oath until Moishe dies two weeks later.
"At least he went in his sleep." Izzy tells the children who are transporting the body back up north. No one gets buried in Florida. The ground is tref.
A week goes by, then another. A month and then more.
A year to the day of Moishe's passing, the curtains of Izzy's windows billow inward without a breeze. The temperature was in the 80s, but the room is freezing. Moishe can see his breath and asks, "Izzy, is that you?"
"Of course it's me, who else were you expecting?" The voice sounds like it's coming from across the universe.
"Only you, so tell me, are you in heaven or hell?" Moishe is eager to hear the answer, since then he can tell Izzy that he was wrong about heaven and hell.
"Neither."
"Neither?" Moishe hadn't expected this response. "So what do you do all the time?"
"I eat, I fuck, I eat, I fuck, I eat, I fuck, and then I go to sleep."
"Well, aren't you in heaven?"
"No, I'm a rabbit in Montana."
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
The Great One - Jackie Gleason
If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it.
Jackie Gleason
Friday, June 12, 2015
Heaven or Hell In Miami Beach

Two old men are living in Miami Beach. Their hotel is undergoing renovations. The entire neighborhood has been transformed by young people. Izzy and Moishe sit on the terrace of the Breezemore Hotel and watch the parade of revelers. They are feeling their age and Izzy says, "You know Moishe, we've had a good life, but I've been wondering about what's next?"
"What's next is we die. One of us first the other second." Moishe was more pragmatic than his friend. He had been an accountant. Number added up to a total sum. No more. No less.
"What about Sheol?" Izzy had been a lawyer. He still believe in good and evil. His wife Miriam had been good. Her mother was evil incarnate.
"A bleak afterlife, feh?" Moishe was too pragmatic to be pessimistic.
"What about Olam Ha-Ba?"
"The world to come where we are rewarded for our good deeds. Feh. And Gan Eden is a fairy tale."
"But what if there really is a heaven and hell?"
"I don't know." Moishe had no questions, but there was always doubt, especially at the age of 87. "Listen, I tell you what, if one of us ides and there is a heaven or hell, the one who dies should come back to tell the one staying whether there is a heaven or hell. Is it a deal?"
"For you, anything." The two friends went back to 1st Grade in Brownsville NY.
Neither man thinks anything about the oath until Moishe dies two weeks later.
"At least he went in his sleep." Izzy tells the children who are transporting the body back up north. No one gets buried in Florida. The ground is tref.
A week goes by, then another. A month and then more.
A year to the day of Moishe's passing, the curtains of Izzy's windows billow inward without a breeze. The temperature was in the 80s, but the room is freezing. Moishe can see his breath and asks, "Izzy, is that you?"
"Of course it's me, who else were you expecting?" The voice sounds like it's coming from across the universe.
"Only you, so tell me, are you in heaven or hell?" Moishe is eager to hear the answer, since then he can tell Izzy that he was wrong about heaven and hell.
"Neither."
"Neither?" Moishe hadn't expected this response. "So what do you do all the time?"
"I eat, I fuck, I eat, I fuck, I eat, I fuck, and then I go to sleep."
"Well, aren't you in heaven?"
"No, I'm a rabbit in Montana."
Sunday, July 6, 2014
THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN MAINE by Peter Nolan Smith on Kindle
In the winter of 1991 a British friend and I drove north from a snowless New York to find winter. Our trip took us through New England to the end of US 1 at Fort Kent, Maine. The river was frozen solid and the snow was chest deep. I wanted to forge on to Canada, but my friend had overstayed his visa. Disappointed by this setback we spent the night in Fort Kent, where we discovered that the prettiest girls in Maine are not all female.
It was a long way from New York.
And ever farther than from Miami Beach.
THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN MAINE is a photo-roman of that trip north.
Photos by Peter Nolan Smith
To purchase THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN MAINE by Peter Nolan Smith on Kindle for $1.99, please go to the following URL
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LCC0L40
THANK YOU
Thursday, January 10, 2013
NORTHERN MAINE by Peter Nolan Smith
Bing Crosby couldn’t have sung WHITE CHRISTMAS on December 25, 1991.
The New York sidewalks were bare of snow, sleet, slush, and ice. They stayed that way through the first month of 1992 and the population of the Northeast celebrated the end of winter.
Scientists had been warning about global warming the publication of a SCIENCE article in 1975. This ‘inadvertent climate modification’ was gobbledygook to the normal man terrified by the threat of a 'nuclear winter' after an atomic bomb exchange between the USA and USSR. American oil producers pooh-poohed the National Academy of Science warnings of carbon increases in 1979 and it wasn’t until 1988 that ‘Global Warming’ was mentioned before Congress. Our representatives shelved the warning of the impending climate shifts changes the eagerness of a football fan changing the channel from PBS to the SuperBowl.
At the end of January the New York Giants beat the Buffalo Bills 20-19 in Tampa and every trendy Manhattan fled the city for a weekend in Miami Beach. I rejected the exodus to the newly discovered art-deco district east of US 1. Too many people who regarded themselves VIPs were crowding on Ocean Avenue for my tastes.
I came from New England and wanted to see snow.
My friend Philippe ran a nightclub in the Meat Packing District. The long-haired Englishman was equally put off my the fashion elite’s transformation of old Miami.
"I liked it better when no one knew it."
"So what about doing the exact opposite of everyone and head north until we find snow." I showed him a map of New England and pointed to Moosehead Lake in Maine. "Winter is always winter up there."
"How we get there?"
"I have a car in Boston. We drive up the coast to Bar Harbor and then swing inland hoping for the best." I had phoned for the weather up north. The temperature was below freezing in Portland.
"Count me in. The Eurotrash can have Miami Beach. We're going for the snow."
Two days later an Amtrak train transported us from Penn Station to Boston. My father met us at the 128 station and drove us to my family home in the Blue Hills south of the city.
The grass behind our house was a withered yellow. My mother was cooking beef stew in the kitchen. I looked at the thermometer outside the window. The dial was stuck on 45 F.
"Did you get any snow yet?"
"Not once." She smiled at me. "You boys hungry?"
"For your stew? Always." Her recipe came from my Irish grandmother. It was a good winter meal, even if the season was more like autumn.
"Smells delightful, m'am." Phillipe had good manners.
"Let me show you our ride."
My car was in the garage. The gray 1982 Cutlass had good heat and a working stereo. The passenger window was paralyzed by faulty wiring, but the V8 was tuned for a long road trip.
"I only use it on weekends in the summer." I told Philippe and we entered the den where my father was watching TV. He liked road trips and I asked, “You want to come with us?”
“I know what winter looks like in Maine.” The seventy year-old Maine native had spent two of the long seasons in Jackman for the phone company. “The trees crack from the cold. They sound like cannons. Why can’t you be normal and go to Florida?”
“I want to see Lake Manicouagan.” A five-kilometer meteor had struck the Laurentian Shield to create a ringed impact crater.
“The roads that far north will be closed for the season.”
“It has been a warm winter.”
“Nothing is warm north of the St. John’s River.” The four-hundred mile stream served as the border between the USA and Canada.
“And that’s why were going there. To see winter.”
My mother understood my reasons. She loved to see the world. We ate her stew for dinner and drank wine on the sun porch. My father and she went to sleep and I showed Philippe his room. "Have a good night's sleep. We have a long ride ahead of us tomorrow."
I went to my old bedroom and lay on my bed to read Kenneth Roberts ARUNDEL, a forgotten novel about the invasion of Canada. My eyes shut before I reached page 25.
In the morning my mother made us breakfast. The sky was clear and the temperature had risen to 48.
"You won't see snow until after Bangor." My father put down the newspaper. He subscripted to the Boston Globe. A blizzard had buried Northern Europe. Scores were dead.
"We're not stopping there." I wanted waist deep snow.
"A waste of time, but have a good time." He walked Philippe and I into the garage. We loaded the car with our bags and I hugged my mother.
“Be my eyes.” She kissed my cheek and pressed $40 in my hand. “Buy yourself a nice lobster.”
“Drive safe.” My father was firm believer in defensive driving.
“I’ll keep the car between the lines.” I hadn’t had an accident since 1974.
Getting out of Boston took the better part of an hour. We took 95 as far as Portsmouth, then exited onto Route 1.
Philippe and I listened to NEVERMIND skirting the coast. Nirvana was as good on US 1 as it had been on the highway. Wells Beach, Old Orchard, and Portland were devoid of snow. In Falmouth I pulled off the Route 1 to see my old house.
“When I was a kid, my older brother and I jumped from the roof into the snow drifts.”
“You would break your legs doing that today.” The grass was as yellow as that in our backyard south of Boston.
“My grandfather used to say there were two seasons in Maine; the season of good sledding and the season of bad sledding.” I got back in the car. “He never said nothing about the season of no sledding.”
A half-hour later we stopped at LL Bean where Philippe bought real winter clothing good for -20 Fahrenheit.
“Better to be prepared.” He looked like the Pillsbury Doughboy in his new down jacket. The temperature in Freeport was 40. Sweat poured from his face in the parking lot and he stashed the jacket in the back seat before we continued along on the old two-laner through Bath, Wicassett, and Rockland. Each town held a story from my childhood.
I told Philippe each one.
We arrived in Camden at dusk. The motel cost $40 for two. The picturesque seaside resort was asleep for the winter. The temperature was below freezing and hoar frost rimmed the rocky harbor.
We ate at a restaurant overlooking the falls. The heavyweight bartender in her late-twenties weighed in excess over 300 pounds. She wore a flannel shirt and overalls. The fashion sense for the other women in the bar varied between shabby and manly.
“Is this the norm for women up here?” Philippe lifted his head from the plate of broiled halibut. The waitress promised that it was fresh. In Maine fresh meant an hour off the boat.
“"This isn't up. This is Downeast, but any woman in Maine is twice the man either of us will be.”
A man at the bar was eyeing Philippe in a funny way. The Englishman was near-sighted same as me, but refused to wear glasses. I didn’t mention the attention of the stranger.
The next day we drove farther down the coast. The temperature hovered over freezing. Patches of snow hid in the woods along US 1. We reached Bar Harbor mid-afternoon. After finding a cheap motel Philippe and I headed over the Shell Beach. The polar air was crisp as a potato chip. Small waves rippled through the tidal ice.
"This was the first time that I had been cold this year." Philippe was happy in his down jacket.
"It will get colder soon enough."
That evening we ate lobsters in Bar Harbor. Philippe and I were the only two diners. No one was drinking at the bar.
The fat woman serving beer looked like she had been spawned by salmon. The bleached blonde waitress at the restaurant in Bar Harbor was missing two front teeth. The skinny thirty year-old had a big nose. I was attracted to her and pushed my short hair into shape.
Philippe had stopped my flirtation by ordering the bill.
“I liked her.” Skinny was better than big in my book.
“You were only leading her on.” The bony Brit was into petite Asian women. New York had plenty of those.
“And she me.” I hadn’t expected it to go anywhere further than holding hands.
“She’s uglier than sin.” Philippe had eaten every morsel of lobster. His shirt was unstained by butter or stray meat. Mine was spotted with morsels which hadn’t made it into my mouth.
“Nothing wrong with ugly.” I had drunk enough to make me good-looking in the bathroom mirror.
“You’d regret it in the morning.” He was scared of having to share the room with rutting Mainiacs. As I paid the bill, the bartender asked Philippe, “You want some fun.”
“He’s with me.” I thumbed at Philippe.
“Then have a good time.” The fat bartender winked, as if she wanted to watch us
“Aren’t there any attractive females in this state?” Philippe asked under his breath.
“Not many.” I was pissed at him for having ruined my chances with the skinny girl. She was talking to the chef. He looked, as if he thought he was going to get lucky tonight.
“I’ll regret nothing.” I started for the kitchen. “You’re a buzzkill.”
Philippe dragged me out of the restaurant before I could do something stupid. A million stars traversed the clear sky. My breath was the only cloud in the air. The temperature had to be in the 20s. My fingers felt the cold and the car had a hard time starting. It was a good sign. We were getting north.
The next day we traversed the barren potato fields of Aroostock County. The snow deepened past Dover Junction. The grey skies didn’t renege on their promise of snow. Thick flakes clotted the air. The highway was plated by the tire-trampled residue of a recent blizzard. The temperature was hovering around 10F.
Old US 1 ended at its northern terminus of Fort Kent. Key West was 2377 miles to the south. Snow drifted chest-deep against the houses. Philippe tested his new jacket.
“It works.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything else from LL Bean.” I was wearing layers. Heavy boots were a must. We had reached winter and night was falling fast this far north.
We got a room at the motel nearest the ice-clogged river. The grinding floes filled the frozen air with horrid crunches.
“Tomorrow we’ll drive to the St. Lawrence and catch a ferry to the other side.” Icebreakers opened the seaway for ships throughout the winter. “We can reach Manicouagan Lake in two days. If the road’s open, I can make Newfoundland. It’s no Miami Beach.”
“I can’t go to Canada.” Philippe held his hands over the motel’s radiator. The interior surface of the windows were glazed by ice. A naked man wouldn’t last thirty minutes outside.
“Why not?” He was English and I thought he might have a prejudice against French Canadians.
“I have a visa problem.” He avoided eye contact.
“What kind?” French Canadian women were attractive. Their Gallic beauty came from not eating potato chips. Winter would only get more winter farther north.
“My visa is out of date.” He was embarrassed by this admission.
“How long?” Mexicans were called ‘wetbacks’. Up this far north illegals were known as ‘snowbacks’. They were mostly Canadian.
“Two years.”
“Damn.” We were 673 miles from Manhattan. I had a car and money in my pocket. I had dreamed on standing on the shores of Manicouagan Lake for years. I grabbed Philippe by his arm.
“Put on your coat.”
“It’s cold.” He protested without conviction.
“This is northern Maine. Of course it’s cold.” I forced Philippe to get into the bulky parka that he had bought at LL Bean. We walked down US 1 to a snow-covered steel truss bridge. The wind off the frozen river was twenty degrees south of zero and Philippe’s long hair whipped across his face.
‘That’s Quebec.” I pointed to the black bank across the St. John’s River.
“I know.” He refused to look at the other side.
“They have good food in Canada.” The French had colonized the region over four hundred years ago. I appealed to his weakness for good food. We had eaten lobster the previous evening. Fort Kent’s cuisine consisted of doughty pizza and greasy burgers. “There’s a great French restaurant in Clair. The Resto 120.”
The restaurant had been recommended by the motel manager. Her last name was Quelette. Fine cuisine was a specialty of the lost tribe of France. She wore her weight well.
“Tourtires, soupe aux pois, et pommes persillade. Cheese. Wine. Good bread.”
“Really?” Philippe was a hearty eater for a thin man.
“And French girls are cute.” They ate ‘frites’ not potato chips.
At Old Orchard Beach the sexiest girl in the summer were from Quebec City. They looked like either Brigitte Bardot or Francoise Hardy. Philippe was almost sold by my sales pitch, but he had a girlfriend back in New York.
“I can’t risk it.” They were in love.
“What’s the risk?” No one was guarding the bridge. “On the way back you can hide in the trunk. It’s heated.”
If the technique worked for millions of wetbacks, it couldn’t be too much trouble to run a snowback operation at a sleepy border crossing.
“No way.” Philippe shook his head. His nose was red from the cold wind.
“It’s either that or burgers.”
“Sorry.” He walked away from my grasp.
“Sorry?” I trailed him thinking about dragging him across the desolate bridge.
“You can come back in the summer.”
“I have no idea where I will be in the summer.” Kidnapping was out of the question.
“Me neither, but it won’t be a deportation cell. Burgers and fries tonight It’s on me.” Philippe stormed over to the nearest bar. Neon signs FOOD and LABATT BEER flashed in its window. I stared across the icy river with disappointment. This was as far north as I would get this year.
“Fucking Brits.” I joined Philippe in the Moose Inn. It had a pool table, jukebox, and wooden bar with draft beer.
He didn’t take off his hat. Everyone in the bar was wearing theirs. I couldn’t tell the difference between the men and women and threw my watch cap on the bar.
“Fuck the Resto 120.” There were no pommes persillade on the Moose Inn’s menu.
“What?” Philippe asked to appease my anger.
“Shut the fuck up.” I was in a bad mood. I ordered a beer. The Labatt went down in less than thirty seconds. The second took two minutes. The third lasted almost a quarter of an hour.
We ordered burgers and fries. My fifth beer washed down the hockey puck of a paddy and the sixth took care of the sodden fries. At least I was warm.
The bar filled with loggers, snowmobile sledders, and the state road crew.
A storm was due in two days, so everyone was getting in their drunk tonight. I bought drinks for the road crew. Philippe played DJ on the Jukebox. The crowd danced to LOUIE LOUIE. My battery was on E. A thickly bearded drunk tapped my shoulder.
“What?”
“You mind if I dance with your date?” The man had a cross-eyed squint. One lens of his glasses was cracked. For a second looking at him was like seeing my personalized ‘Portrait of Dorian Grey’. We were both forty.
“My date?” I was confused for a few seconds, until he glanced over his shoulder at Philippe.
Long hair hid his face.
“You’re saying that you want to dance with my date?”
“She’s better looking than any of the other girls in this town.” He lit a cigarette with a match. It flared over his thumb. The townie didn’t register any pain and said with a dull vice, “Girls around here weigh as much as moose in a peatbog. I like them skinny. You mind?”
“Be my guest.” The Englander’s illegality in America had halted my exploration of the North and I smiled as I said, “Just a dance.”
“You got it.” The townie staggered off to Philippe.
His mouth mouthed ‘you wanna dance’. I put down my beer before I spit it out laughing. The Brit came back to the bar and picked up his beer.
“Some guy just asked me for a dance.” Philippe was outraged by the offer.
“And you said no?”
“Of course I said no.” He was horrified by the thought that I presumed that he might say ‘yes’.
“Just so you know, he had the politeness to ask me if it was okay.”
“And what you say?”
“I said okay. Let’s face it, you have to be the prettiest girl in northern Maine by a long shot.” I figured that we were even.
“Thanks.”
“Did he offer to buy you a drink?” We were running low on money.
“Yes.” Philippe had said the magic word.
“So get to it, Thelma.” I went over to the jukebox and dropped two quarters to play KC and the Sunshine Band and Nirvana. They were good dancing songs.
Philippe gave me the finger.
I returned the favor, for I was ready to party along the St. Johns. The meteor lake was for another day or year. I ordered tequila. The logger gave me a joint and everyone joked about him asking Philippe to dance.
“I’m not gay.”
“Only blind.” I tossed down the tequila.
Philippe danced with a fat woman.
He laughed with the drunk about being mistaken for a woman.
No one asked me to dance.
I wasn't their type, then again I wasn’t the prettiest girl in Northern Maine.
The dead of winter was 2200 from Miami Beach was a good place to be a man and I didn't see anything wrong with humming WHITE CHRISTMAS.
Even if I was off-key.


