Chicken or the Egg

The question 'which came first the chicken or the egg' has befuddled mankind for centuries.

Philosophers such as Aristotle and Plato have pondered this mystery of circular cause and consequence without satisfaction. Darwin had argued that the chicken came first and lately Stephen Hawking has backed the egg. DNA testing on ancient fossils have failed to enlightened modern science and Christianity supports the 'Big Bang' creation miracle of the Old Testament, while Buddhism contends that the wheel of time leads to nowhere and in nowhere the chicken and egg are meaningless.

I am a simple man.

My education was extensive. My de-education even more so, because I have come to realize that anyone knowing all the answers hasn't heard all the questions and I frequently reset the blankness of my mind through a binge of hard drinking.

This morning I awoke from a near-death stupor gifted more by oblivion than enlightenment.

It is Father's Day.

My children are far away in Thailand. They are my reason for living along with beer, my wife Mem, the Boston sports teams, western movies, and pizza, but in truth they were always the most important part of me even before their conception, for a man's semen is the river of life.

Without it women are merely women, so laying in my bed I came to the momentous conclusion that as a man I am the egg and the woman is the chicken, for all a woman does is sit on my egg to hatch the chick.

Of course I would never say that within hearing distance of a woman, because chickens have big ears and notoriously short tempers.

The Sanctity Of Life

On August 24, 2012 Professor Greg Hampikian of Boise State U wrote an article for the New York Times entitled MEN WHO NEEDS THEM, suggesting that the male of the hmna species has 'become less relevant to both reproduction and parenting. Women aren’t just becoming men’s equals. It’s increasingly clear that “mankind” itself is a gross misnomer: an uninterrupted, intimate and essential maternal connection defines our species.'

Scientifically women can reproduce without men and data supports the positivity of this approach to childbearing and good professor writes the following;

"Think about your own history. Your life as an egg actually started in your mother’s developing ovary, before she was born; you were wrapped in your mother’s fetal body as it developed within your grandmother.

After the two of you left Grandma’s womb, you enjoyed the protection of your mother’s prepubescent ovary. Then, sometime between 12 and 50 years after the two of you left your grandmother, you burst forth and were sucked by her fimbriae into the fallopian tube. You glided along the oviduct, surviving happily on the stored nutrients and genetic messages that Mom packed for you.

Then, at some point, your father spent a few minutes close by, but then left. A little while later, you encountered some very odd tiny cells that he had shed. They did not merge with you, or give you any cell membranes or nutrients — just an infinitesimally small packet of DNA, less than one-millionth of your mass.

Over the next nine months, you stole minerals from your mother’s bones and oxygen from her blood, and you received all your nutrition, energy and immune protection from her. By the time you were born your mother had contributed six to eight pounds of your weight. Then as a parting gift, she swathed you in billions of bacteria from her birth canal and groin that continue to protect your skin, digestive system and general health. In contrast, your father’s 3.3 picograms of DNA comes out to less than one pound of male contribution since the beginning of Homo sapiens 107 billion babies ago."

His harsh representation of the traditional birth process suggests that males are a cul-de-sac in the evolutionary path of mankind and that the race under the aegis of a purely female regime will free this world from the evils of our reign.

The professor, who also runs the DNA Innocence Project, ended the article with an anecdote.

"When I explained this to a female colleague and asked her if she thought that there was yet anything irreplaceable about men, she answered, “They’re entertaining.”

Sorry, good people, but we men offer more than than a pony show, for life actually begins with the constant flow of semen, for the sperm is the egg and the ovaries are the chicken in the beauty of life. Men spent a lifetime protecting their balls from harm, but women prefer to refute the origins of life.

Our balls and men, don't let anyone tell you different.