Saturday, September 6, 2014

Drinking Yourself To Death

Every week the Pattaya Media highlights another farang leaving this mortal coil from suicide. Favorite methods of self-demise tend to be jumping from a condo, poison, or hanging yourself with a plastic bag around your head, but few people ever comment on the most popular technique ie drinking yourself to the grave, since the process takes too long to be considered suicide. Still you do hear friends saying about the decreased, "He drank himself to death."

While drinking yourself to death might not be pretty, it's certainly not as ugly as hitting the pavement from a 7th floor balcony plus you're in good company.

Oliver Reed for one and the church can't ban you from a churchyard burial at which your friends will say, "At leat he went doing what he did best."

So for those desperate souls seeking solace in a final solution.

Get yourself a beer.

Maybe twelve.

A bottle of vodka and one of gin too.

At worst the near-death experience will scare you back from the edge as long as you don't get on a motorcycle during this binge, then you'll have people saying, "What was he thinking trying to dirve in that condition?"

And we can't have people speaking of the dead like that.

Falling in Thailand

Falling from a balcony is a sad tradition for farangs in Thailand. The usual causes are suicide, drunkenness, or shoddy construction. Usually the latter is avoided by blaming the cause of death on the first two to avoid any legal repercussions for the building owners. A spate of falls this week took the lives of four tourists and left two brothers near-death in Koh Samui. The owners of the resort have offered to repair the damaged balcony without any charge to the injured boys' family.

Years ago in London I met a young man at a bar. He walked with the aid of two canes. After several drinks he explained that he had thrown himself off the roof of Harrods into the garden of his girlfriend's house.

"I wanted to show her that she had made a mistake in leaving me." The fall should have killed him, instead it left him crippled for life.

"And did she."

"No, she moved away, but I was determined to complete this task and jumped off Harrods again."

"Obviously without success."

"I hit a tree on the way down. It broke my fall and most of my bones. I think I'm done with jumping for the moment."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"What?"

"I've heard that you pass out before impact." Sort of a safety measure of the consciousness. "Is that true?"

"Not for me. I felt the impact both times. Like getting swatted by King Kong. An upper cut."

He hobbled out of the bar and I never saw him again, but I think about him every time I find myself on a high balcony looking down. Nothing is certain. Not even a drop of twenty stories.

THE FAITHFULNESS OF LIES by Peter Nolan Smith


Several years ago my friend, Sam Royalle, suspected his girlfriend was seeing another man.

"How do you know that?" Farangs don't understand how hard it was for a Thai woman to be with a westerner.

They don't speak the same language. Their tastes in food, movies, music, and humor were complete opposites. No matter how hard a Thai woman worked to be farang she will always be Thai and vice versa.

"She's always late."

"Thais are always late." Thai girlfriends normally were having too much fun doing what they're doing to be with their farang.

"She never answers her phone."

"Bad coverage." I knew all the excuses.

"That's what she said."

Not answering her phone was very suspect. Thais love speaking on the phone. Actually they love the sound of their voices, if only to not have silence, since silence opens the door for ghosts and nothing scares a Thai more than the thought of a ghost or 'phew'.

"And she comes home smelling like she just showered."

"Thais like being clean." I always have suspected that Thai girls shower after sex to erase any evidence of sex, although the Thai police insisted that criminals can't leave fingerprints on another body.

"It could be nothing."

"It wouldn't bother me if he was farang, but I think he's Thai." Sam had more than a hunch. He had seen a Thai man driving his car. She had said it was her cousin. The possibility of this being the truth was about .0001%, because Thai women in a relationship with farangs gravitated to Thai men for the comfort of a shared culture. I regarded the situation more as polygamy than infidelity.

One world Thai.

One world farang.

Can't we live together as one?

I learned the hard way that the answer is no.

Sam's girlfriend confessed to having an affair with a Thai man. Said he was a long-time friend.

"Said it was only three months."

"Maybe."

Sam Royalle threw her out of the house without torturing her to find out if it was three months or six.

"She'll be back when she breaks up with him."

"Okay."

Thai women always have a boyfriend in the background. 100% and this week a German farang hung himself rather than leave his girlfriend alone. Suicide was the only way he could be sure she didn't cheat on him.

What is wrong with these farangs?

Magic love potions?

I was poisoned with one and the only remedy is to have a woman stand over a pot of steaming rice and have her sweat drip into the pot and eat it. The rice tastes a little fishy, but I think it works and certainly would save a lot of people from a death before their time.

For those desperate men ask the cook for Khao nam-lai puying.

The life you save maybe your own.

French Ego Solution


How does a frenchman commit suicide?

He holds a gun six inches over his head and kills his superiority complex.

To Live and Die in Thailand


Here's a list of death in Thailand spanning 2005-2008 complied by the US State Dept.

THAILAND
Date of Death Place of Death Cause of Death
11-Jul-05 BANG LAMUNG Suicide
24-Jul-05 UBON RATCHATHANI Veh. Accident-Motorcycle
8-Aug-05 CHIANG MAI Drug-related
23-Sep-05 LOPBURI Veh. Accident-Auto
23-Sep-05 LOPBURI Veh. Accident-Auto
3-Oct-05 CHIANG MAI Drug-Related
4-Oct-05 SRIRACHA, Veh. Accident-Motorcycle
19-Oct-05 TRANG Veh. Accident-Other
17-Nov-05 NONG KHAI Homicide
27-Dec-05 MIN BURI Veh. Accident-Auto
1-Jan-06 CHIANG RAI Other Accident
2-Jan-06 PAHYA THAI Suicide
9-Jan-06 DIN DAENG Other Accident
17-Jan-06 NONG PRUE Suicide
18-Jan-06 NONGKHAI Homicide
23-Apr-06 BANGKOK Homicide
17-May-06 BANGKOK Suicide
28-May-06 CHIANG MAI Veh. Accident-Motorcycle
30-May-06 CHONBURI Drug-Related
11-Jun-06 BANG LAMUNG Veh. Accident-Motorcycle
24-Jun-06 PHUKET, Drowning
2-Jul-06 SRIDONCHAI Homicide
20-Jul-06 PHASALI Veh. Accident-Motorcycle
2-Aug-06 BANG KOR Suicide
4-Aug-06 MAK KENG Suicide
2-Sep-06 Bleft Suicide
9-Sep-06 MAE RIM ROAD Veh. Accident-other
15-Sep-06 HAT YAI Terrorist Action
29-Sep-06 CHAING MAI Homicide
2-Nov-06 UDON THANI Other Accident- fall
5-Nov-06 THIALAND Suicide
16-Nov-06 PATTAYA Other Accident - fall
25-Nov-06 HAYACHI HILL Veh. Accident-Motorcycle
9-Jan-07 SARABURI Suicide
8-Feb-07 RATCHABURI Veh. Accident-Train
30-Mar-07 CHIANG RAI Veh. Accident-Auto
28-Apr-07 CHONBURI Veh. Accident-Motorcycle
1-May-07 BANG NA Veh. Accident-Pedestrian
9-Jul-07 MAESAI Veh. Accid-Auto
19-Jul-07 RATCHABURI Homicide
4-Aug-07 MUANG Veh. Accid-Auto
11-Sep-07 SANGKHLA BURI Homicide
16-Sep-07 PHUKET Air Accident
16-Sep-07 PHUKET Air Accident
16-Sep-07 PHUKET Air Accident
16-Sep-07 PHUKET Air Accident
16-Sep-07 PHUKET Air Accident
16-Sep-07 PHUKET Air Accident
30-Sep-07 SATHON Suicide
30-Sep-07 SATHON Suicide
2-Oct-07 BANG LAMUNG Suicide
10-Oct-07 RATCHATHEWI Suicide
10-Oct-07 WATTANA Suicide
29-Oct-07 NAKHON PATHOM Suicide
21-Nov-07 KM1 SATTAHIP Veh. Accid-Auto
24-Nov-07 LAMUNG Other Accident
3-Dec-07 BANGKOK Veh. Accid-Auto
14-Jan-08 BANGKOK Suicide
26-Feb-08 PARACHUABKEREKAN Other Accident
22-Mar-08 CHIANG MAI Execution
8-Apr-08 PHUKET Suicide
18-Apr-08 PHITSANULOK Veh. Accid-Bus
18-Apr-08 PATTAYA Veh. Accid-Motorcy.
19-May-08 PHUKET Suicide
15-Jun-08 BANGKOK Homicide

Here's the list for 2012

12-20-2012 Rawai, Mueang Phuket, Thailand Vehicle Accident - Motorcycle 12-16-2012 A. Muang, Kamphaeng Phet, Thailand Vehicle Accident - Auto 12-08-2012 Prachathipat, Thanyaburi, Thailand Drug-Related 11-26-2012 Bangkok, Thailand Vehicle Accident - Motorcycle 11-23-2012 Koh Samui, Surat Thani, Thailand Vehicle Accident - Motorcycle 11-19-2012 A. Wichianburi, Phetchabun, Thailand Vehicle Accident - Motorcycle 11-14-2012 A. Muang, Chiang Mai, Thailand Vehicle Accident - Motorcycle 09-10-2012 Prawet, Bangkok, Thailand Suicide 09-10-2012 Mueang Kanchanaburi, Kanchanaburi, Thailand Vehicle Accident - Motorcycle 09-03-2012 Kathu, Phuket, Thailand Suicide 08-13-2012 Chiang Mai, Thailand Other Accident 07-30-2012 Mueang, Udon Thani, Thailand Suicide 07-20-2012 Kathu, Phuket, Thailand Vehicle Accident - Motorcycle 06-24-2012 A. Hangdong , Chiang Mai, Thailand Other Accident 06-12-2012 Kathu, Phuket, Thailand Drowning 06-09-2012 Muang, Sakon Nakorn, Thailand Other Accident 05-30-2012 A. Hang Dong, Chiang Mai, Thailand Homicide 05-24-2012 Khlong Toei, Bangkok, Thailand Other Accident 04-21-2012 Hua Hin, Prachuap Khirikhan, Thailand Vehicle Accident - Motorcycle 04-20-2012 Koh Samui, Surat Thani, Thailand Drowning 04-15-2012 Muang, Nong Khai, Thailand Vehicle Accident - Auto 04-15-2012 Muang, Nong Khai, Thailand Vehicle Accident - Auto 04-10-2012 Chang Phuak, Chiang Mai, Thailand Other Accident 04-01-2012 Bang Lamung, Chonburi, Thailand Suicide 03-21-2012 Chiang Rai, Chiang Rai, Thailand Suicide

Motorcycles win out over suicide.

Which is another form of suicide on some roads in the Land of Smiles.

For the world-wide listing go to this URL

http://travel.state.gov/law/family_issues/death/death_594.html

Be careful and be prepared.

Golden Gate Suicide Net Update

The Golden Gate Bridge has been a magnet for suicide since its construction with over 2000 fatal leaps having been record since its opening in 1937.

Every two weeks someone jumps from the legendary span.

Only one person, a woman has jumped twice. She was successful on her second attempt.

There has been no safety net under the bridge, as the operators considered such a measure would detract from the aesthetic beauty of the bridge and possibly threaten its structural integrity, however in 2008 the San Francisco City Council voted 14-1 to install such a device from end to end in hopes of losing the dubious title of 'most popular place to commit suicide in the world'.

The four other options other than doing nothing were considered too intrusive.

Despite the vote safety net has yet to be installed due to financial considerations and the current economic distress has brought a significant increase in attempts.

According to Wikipedia the deck is approximately 245 feet (75 m) above the water. After a fall of approximately four seconds, jumpers hit the water at around 75 mph or approximately 120 km/h. Most jumpers die from impact trauma on contact with the water. The few who survive the initial impact generally drown or die of hypothermia in the cold water.

I've jumped from bridges for fun. Nothing over 40 feet. I'd never jump from the Golden Gate Bridge, although I have contemplated suicide occasionally without ever having a real plan as to the method. Guess I'm lucky that way.

Back when I was in high school my friend's mother attempted suicide off the Tobin Bridge in Boston three times.

Always on a Friday.

Always in the rain.

Always at the end of the day.

Traffic backed up on the feeder roads for miles, as the police tried to dissuade the woman from taking a fatal plunge. Finally her husband would show up to add his pleas to the rescue and my friend's mother would take one look at him and jump off the walkway.

The first time she survived the leap and her family put the poor woman into a mental hospital. After many months she would be released under a doctor's supervision. We would see her in the yard. She seemed normal and then one rainy Friday afternoon she went intown to the Tobin Bridge.

Same spot as before.

Traffic was snarled in all directions.

The police begged her to come down and once her husband appeared, she once more stepped off the bridge as soon as she saw her husband.

She survived a second time, although her stay in the hospital was much longer because of injuries and screwing her head on straight. Months went by before she was released from state care. She seemed normal as before, until another rainy Friday afternoon. Once more she waited for her husband before jumping.

This time she was successful, because she struck a police boat instead of the water.

As far as I know the woman never left a note.

I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge last Friday. It was a beautiful day. I let the wind wash my soul. All I could do afterward was smile and this is my non-suicide note from that bridge.

I lived for another day and that day is a long way from tomorrow.

Out Of It

Last week my head wasn't straight.

Without work my money went to zero and this destitution acted as an effective deterrent against writing.

Writer's block.

I feared for my life, but have come out the other side.

Because whatever doesn't kill you will make you wish you were dead sometimes.

The courage of an anti-suicide is to fight off the obvious choice and continue living.

We only have one life.